Or a story about why Monolith shouldn’t have made F.E.A.R.2 and what does rapper Husky have to do with it.
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"I remember how it all began..."
Back in 2005, I, like most teenagers of that time, became interested in magazines about computer games. If, as a rule, it was “Gaming Addiction” and “Land of Games,” then I represented a minority, having become a fan of “PC games.” I don’t know what attracted me to it, maybe it was a cool logo, maybe the kiosk only had this magazine and “Mom, buy it!” it worked and it started rolling.
The same cover with Alma. The second part did not receive its own cover.
Since then, I have not missed almost a single issue until the magazine closed in 2012. However, with 2006, not everything is so simple. It so happened that instead of one of the new issues, I ended up with the August 2005 issue, where Alma from the first F.E.A.R. was on the cover. And the funniest moment was that the first issue of “PC Games” that I got was the December 2005 issue, where there was a review of this game. How she hooked me then. The shooter received a 9.0 from the magazine, the soundtrack generally received a 10.0, and just the screenshots made my blood run cold.
I didn’t take up the game right away, after a couple of years, maybe the computer wasn’t strong enough (the system requirements for that time were great), maybe I was afraid because I was young. However, after playing it for some time, it was shelved, as far as I remember, halfway through. Add-ons were released from Vivendi Games authored by TimeGate, one of which received a good rating in the magazine, the other a weak one. But Monolith, the developers of the original said - NOT CANON, and together with Warner Bros. took away the franchise rights from Vivendi. In 2009, a “real” sequel was released under their authorship, christened as a result of a survey, Project Origin. It didn’t receive my attention at the time of its release. Moreover, the first part was still not completed. However, I greedily devoured the laudatory review in the issue and realized that when I finished the first part, I would definitely finish the sequel. After all, according to the description, everything is better, higher, faster, stronger, and so on and so forth.
Years passed, and only in 2018 I again staged the first F.E.A.R. on computer. Having completed it enthusiastically, I non-stop rushed to Steam to look for Project Origin, but got discouraged. Having read on Wikipedia about the tricks of the New Disk with the lack of access to the digital version of the game, I purchased it on GoG (at the same time I learned that the price there was better than on Steam) and went to play. Having managed to drop it once, I managed to finish it. Dropping it for the first time, I decided for myself that this was not the game that Monolith should have released. Having completed the game in its entirety, the thought only became more firmly established.
There will be spoilers for games from 12 years ago and 9 years ago, so read at your own risk.
Corridor joker
In the red corner of the ring we have the nameless Point Man from the first F.E.A.R. and a game about a dead girl and her two sons. I come in trumps, revealing all my cards, although in general this may not be clear right away.
Released in 2005, F.E.A.R., as it is called on Wikipedia, did not shine with excellent level design. Gray corridors, gray factory slums, gray basements and the like, the meaning is approximately clear. But at the same time, the game was fantastically captivating with its atmosphere. In these corridors, an insane play of light and shadow was realized, the player’s flashlight was constantly running low, and his opponents were the smartest bots in the history of first-person shooters. Moreover, only one person was responsible for the behavior of the opponents - Jeff Orkin. Moreover, the genius, as it turned out, was in simplicity - he simply made the bots think for themselves and solve problems depending on the player. It’s also funny that they ran to the end of the level, acting on the same principle as the bots, thereby stealing resources for a demanding game in itself.
The fact that the bots are talking to each other makes it clear to the player that their coordination is intentional. Of course, this is just an illusion and the decision on what to say is made after their further actions are determined by artificial intelligence.
Jeff Orkin
AI developer for the original F.E.A.R.
Continuing about the atmosphere, it is worth noting that in the first part it is difficult for you to feel completely safe. Alma's short appearances make you always feel her somewhere in the corner of your eye, that she will be around the next corner. Or Paxton Vettel will do something weird and disappear again as if he never existed.
Whole family to gather.
Additional information was provided in the form of messages on answering machines. The player had to go into a dark room with a red light on the phone and wait until information about a particular fact that led to the events of the game was played. Once there was a moment with a phone just ringing to nowhere, impossible to find, and it was frightening and got on my nerves. F.E.A.R. - definitely not a game for claustrophobes.
Silence, blood dripping from the ceiling, a phone ringing somewhere nearby...
What about Point Man? This is a comrade who has lived his entire life with telepathic abilities, albeit not as strong as his brother’s, but nonetheless. He became a representative of a special rapid response squad (to simplify the abbreviation from the name), where he was able to give full play to his abilities. However, Slo-mo is a double-edged sword. Although you gain an advantage over your enemies and can shoot them with nails or shot in a short time, the image becomes very blurry, and even more so in battles with mechs or ghostly ninjas. Therefore, sometimes it comes to you even when you deftly maneuver your opponents in slow motion. Despite his cool abilities, Point Man is not omnipotent and an army of clones, powerful mechs, and ghostly ninjas forced him to overcome himself and difficulties; he couldn’t be a superhero. Many will remember how they saved before each fight, because it could be the last or to try out his new tactics in the future. The variety that was given for such a confined space was truly amazing.
Our brave protagonist.
It would seem that everything was appropriate in this shooter - plot drama, powerful shootouts, eerie atmosphere. Weaknesses in the form of level design and bugs could be counted on one hand.
It would seem that Monolith will come with Project Origin and make this formula absolutely absolute, given how the possibilities have grown in the three years between games.
It would seem that…
Means war…
In the blue corner of the ring we have the gallant representative of the Delta Squad - Michael Beckett. Superhero, bad motherf***er and just handsome. And a little bit about the grown-up Alma and the consequences of the first part. Well, just a little.
Comrade Beckett.
It must be said that it was technical progress and market trends that ruined the F.E.A.R.2 that turned out in the end. It’s difficult to say whether somewhere in the studio’s archives there is the first ideal version, the conditional Oblivion Lost from Monolith (well, you understand, right?), which they liked and would have liked the fans, but the evil Warners said - no, we need war, redo it.
The second part itself does not know who it wants to be, and it flirts with its possibilities. Then she Modern Warfare, when you are fighting hordes of not very smart bots (if you change the difficulty level, the bots simply take away more health, but do not become more coordinated), then it is Battlefield 2142, when you climb into a huge mech and shoot everyone left and right, and only in Last but not least is F.E.A.R. Maybe because the detachment itself is not even in the local database?
By the way, about the database. Here the Monoliths decided to switch from audio format to reading. Scattered throughout the levels are heaps of disks, folders, and files that contain grains of lore that fill the game. The funny thing is that you read them not on the go, but on pause. They say, now I’ll check out what kind of Paxton Vettel he is, and let the whole world wait.
Here, we are not very smoothly approaching Michael Beckett himself. A participant in the Harbinger project (which I spent the entire game trying to read as HarbRinger, horror), who studied at Harlan Wade's school, but approached the events of the game without superpowers. We get them in the first 30 minutes of playthrough and, boy oh boy, how does this guy adapt to them. By the end of the game, the Slo-mo strip generally takes up almost half the circumference around the sight. Opponents are very successfully highlighted as soon as you activate it, and there are no weaknesses This one doesn't have it. It doesn’t play out in any way that Beckett received his abilities just today, just now, he can already do everything, he’s VERY READY. Beckett runs through the levels, oblivious to everything. Even if you don't include Slo-mo, he still turns out to be the "strongest baby." It is immediately clear that in Delta the level of training is much more patriotic than in F.E.A.R.
The main level of the game is undoubtedly the Harlan Wade school. Narrow corridors with short forays out, creepy visions in Beckett’s head, everything is very cool. But on other levels you don't feel the perfect combination of it all. Again, this is either war or horror; together it seems that it should not and cannot work. And in general, when the game starts with a scorched earth and, it seems, the ghost of Alma appears in front of you, and you run forward as if nothing had happened, because it doesn’t tickle your nerves in any way - this is a very strange thing.
At the school level, Alma appears most often.
Shooting enemies has certainly become more fun. The way they deliciously fly apart into jibbies is nothing short of pleasing to the eye. The fights with ghost ninjas are generally excellent, appear much more impressive, and die more fun. Everything is smooth, at 60 fps and even by today's standards it looks as decent as possible. Beckett even has hairy arms. Maybe she stops scaring because she is basically lighter? Not so much because of the lack of corridors, but because even when these corridors exist, they are well lit and, due to the color scheme, do not cause trembling?
- Some of us do not know how to recognize our feelings, so we mistakenly think that we do not experience them.
- Paying attention to your feelings makes it easier to understand others and makes our lives brighter.
“And what do you think I should feel?” - with this question my 37-year-old friend Lina completed the story about how she quarreled with her husband when he accused her of stupidity and laziness. I thought about it (the word “should” does not fit well with feelings) and carefully asked: “What do you feel?” It was my friend's turn to think. After a pause, she said in surprise: “It seems like nothing. Does this happen to you?”
Of course it happens! But not when my husband and I quarrel. I know exactly what I feel at such moments: resentment and anger. And sometimes there is also fear, because I imagine that we will not be able to make peace, and then we will have to part, and this thought scares me. But I remember well that when I worked on television and my boss shouted at me loudly, I absolutely did not feel anything. Just zero emotions. I was even proud of it. Although it is still difficult to call this feeling pleasant.
“No emotions at all? It doesn't happen like that! – argues family psychologist Elena Ulitova. – Emotions are the body’s reaction to changes in the environment. It affects both bodily sensations, self-image, and understanding of the situation.” An angry husband or boss is a fairly significant change in the environment; it cannot go unnoticed. Then why don't emotions arise? “We lose contact with our feelings, and therefore it seems to us that there are no feelings,” explains the psychologist.
We lose contact with our feelings, and therefore it seems to us that there are no feelings
So we just don't feel anything? “Not like that,” Elena Ulitova corrects me again. – We feel something and can understand it by observing the reactions of our body. Has your breathing become faster? Is your forehead covered in sweat? Are there tears in your eyes? Are your hands clenched into fists or are your legs numb? Your body screams: “Threat!” But you do not let this signal pass into consciousness, where it could be correlated with past experience and named in words. Therefore, subjectively, you experience this complex state when the reactions that have arisen encounter a barrier on the way to their awareness, like the absence of feelings.” Why is this happening?
Too much luxury
It is probably more difficult for a person who is attentive to his feelings to step over “I don’t want”? “It is obvious that feelings should not be the only basis for making decisions,” says existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. “But in tough times, when parents don’t have time to listen to feelings, children receive a hidden message: “This is a dangerous topic, it can ruin our lives.”
One of the reasons for insensitivity is lack of training. Understanding your feelings is a skill that may not develop.
“For this, a child needs the support of his parents,” points out Svetlana Krivtsova, “but if he receives a signal from them that his feelings are not important, do not solve anything, are not taken into account, then he stops feeling, that is, he ceases to be aware of his feelings.”
Of course, adults do this not maliciously: “This is a feature of our history: for entire periods, society was guided by the principle “I don’t care about fat, I wish I could live.” In a situation where you have to survive, feelings turn out to be a luxury. If we feel, we may be ineffective and not do what we need to do.”
Boys are often prohibited from everything that is associated with weakness: sadness, resentment, fatigue, fear
Lack of time and parental strength leads to the fact that we inherit this strange insensitivity. “Other models cannot be learned,” the psychotherapist regrets. “As soon as we begin to relax a little, crisis, default, and ultimately fear again force us to group and broadcast the “do what you have to” model as the only correct one.”
Even a simple question: “Do you want some pie?” Some people feel empty: “I don’t know.” This is why it is so important for parents to ask questions (“Does this taste good?”) and honestly describe what is happening to the child (“You have a fever,” “I think you are afraid,” “You might like this”) and to others. (“Daddy is angry”)
Dictionary oddities
Parents lay the foundation vocabulary, which over time will allow children to describe and understand their experiences. Later, children will compare their experiences with the stories of other people, with what they see in films and read in books... In the dictionary we inherited there are also forbidden words that are better not to use. This is how family programming occurs: some experiences are approved, others are not.
“Each family has its own programs,” continues Elena Ulitova, “they may vary depending on the gender of the child. Boys are often prohibited from everything that is associated with weakness: sadness, resentment, fatigue, tenderness, pity, fear. But anger and joy are resolved, especially the joy of victory. For girls, it’s often the other way around—resentment is allowed, anger is forbidden.”
In addition to the prohibitions, there are also instructions: girls are ordered to be patient. And, accordingly, they forbid complaining and talking about their pain. “My grandmother loved to repeat: “God endured and commanded us,” recalls 50-year-old Olga. “And my mother proudly told me that during childbirth she “didn’t make a sound.” When I gave birth to my first son, I tried not to scream, but I couldn’t, and I was ashamed that I didn’t meet the “set bar.”
Call by their proper names
Similar to a way of thinking, each of us has our own “feeling way” associated with a belief system. “I have the right to some feelings, but not to others, or I have the right only under certain conditions,” explains Elena Ulitova. – For example, you can be angry with a child if he is to blame. And if I believe that he is not to blame, my anger may be repressed or change direction.” It can be directed at yourself: “I bad mother! All mothers are like mothers, but I cannot calm my own child.
Anger can be covered up by resentment - everyone has normal children, but I got this one, screaming and screaming. “The creator of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, believed that feelings of resentment do not exist at all,” reminds Elena Ulitova. – This is a “racket” feeling; We need it to use it to force others to do what we want. I’m offended, which means you should feel guilty and somehow make amends.”
If you constantly suppress one feeling, then others weaken, shades are lost, emotional life becomes monotonous
We are capable of not only replacing some feelings with others, but also shifting the spectrum of experiences on a plus-minus scale. “One day I suddenly realized that I didn’t feel joy,” admits 22-year-old Denis, “the snow fell, and I thought: “It’s going to be limp, it’s going to be slushy.” The day began to grow longer, I thought: “How long will I have to wait before it becomes noticeable!”
Our “image of feelings” indeed often gravitates towards joy or sadness. “The reasons may be different, including a lack of vitamins or hormones,” says Elena Ulitova, “but often this condition arises as a result of upbringing. Then, after understanding the situation, the next step is to give yourself permission to feel.”
The point is not to have more “good” feelings. The ability to experience sadness is just as important as the ability to rejoice. It's about about expanding the range of experiences. Then we won’t have to come up with “pseudonyms”, and we will be able to call our feelings by their proper names.
Feelings and time
This tip will help you sort out your feelings. When assigned to “its” time, the feeling helps solve the problem. Otherwise it masks another feeling.
Sadness speaks of the need to say goodbye to something, to grieve about something, to forget, or, conversely, to turn it into a memory.
Fear calls on us to provide protection against possible danger.
Anger - a signal that my boundaries have been violated and they need to be defended right now.
Resentment in this case it does not help.
Joy outside of time: you can rejoice about what was, what is now or will happen in the future. It helps us enjoy life at all times.
Too strong feelings
It would be wrong to think that the ability to “turn off” feelings always arises as a mistake, a defect. Sometimes she helps us. At the moment of mortal danger, many experience numbness, up to the illusion that “I am not here” or “everything is not happening to me.” Some “feel nothing” immediately after a loss, left alone after a breakup or death of a loved one.
“What is forbidden here is not the feeling as such, but the intensity of this feeling,” explains Elena Ulitova. “A strong experience causes strong arousal, which in turn turns on protective inhibition.” This is how the mechanisms of the unconscious work: what is intolerable is repressed. Over time, the situation will become less acute and the feeling will begin to manifest itself.
The mechanism for disconnecting from emotions is intended for emergency situations, it is not designed for long-term use
We may be afraid that some strong feeling will overwhelm us if we let it out and we will not be able to cope with it. “I once broke a chair in a rage and now I am sure that I can cause real harm to the person with whom I get angry. Therefore, I try to be restrained and not give vent to anger,” admits 32-year-old Andrei.
“I have a rule: don’t fall in love,” says 42-year-old Maria. – Once I fell madly in love with a man, and he, of course, broke my heart. That’s why I avoid attachments and am happy.” Maybe it’s not bad if we give up feelings that are intolerable to us?
Why feel
The mechanism for disconnecting from emotions is intended for emergency situations; it is not designed for long-term use. If we constantly suppress one feeling, then others weaken, shades are lost, and emotional life becomes monotonous. “Emotions indicate that we are alive,” says Svetlana Krivtsova. – Without them, it is difficult to make choices, understand the feelings of other people, and therefore difficult to communicate. And the experience of emotional emptiness itself is painful.” Therefore, it is better to restore contact with “lost” feelings as soon as possible.
So the question, “What should I feel?” better than a simple “I don’t feel anything.” And, surprisingly, there is an answer to it - “sadness, fear, anger or joy.” Psychologists argue about how many “basic feelings” we have. Some people include in this list, for example, self-esteem, which is considered innate. But everyone agrees about the four mentioned: these are feelings inherent in us by nature.
So I will invite Lina to correlate her state with one of the basic feelings. Something tells me that she will choose neither sadness nor joy. As in my story with my boss: now I can admit to myself that I felt anger at the same time as strong fear, which prevented anger from manifesting.
Chorus:
I
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face.
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face.
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face.
(stupid bullet!)
[Verse 1]:
Jam and sun on the visor.
There's a poem in the backpack own language(stupid bullet!)
On a random bus I lie into a voice recorder.
I'm always out of focus, I'm always in the background.
Focused like a suicidal man.
I wander around the city, dreaming of copulation (bullet fool!)
There are senseless whores of both sexes around, and
From the debris of clouds - God is like a warhead!
Chorus:
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
[Verse 2]:
Lonely bipeds, a hundred-armed horde.
People smell like soup, like an old woman's mand... wh-wha-wha?
Queues in line to see a skin doctor.
I don't feel anything, I don't want anymore.
I don't want a hookup, I want Jericho.
On a bullet-fool riding a hungry heretic.
In substandard conditions, roll along the avenues like a wheel.
A lonely young man with a bullet hole in his face.
Chorus:
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
[Verse 3]:
Close the gate, cockatoo!
My rap is prayers, only with a razor in my mouth.
I am a miscarriage of the Russian underside.
In the capital, like a grain of rice in the belly of a Vietnamese woman (stupid bullet!)
Jesus Christ ordered baragoz.
And I raise a toast to the class holocaust (shoo-choo!)
The brothers swallow their giggles.
Daddy's kids, collect your guts!
Chorus:
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be rich.
I want to be a machine gun that shoots people in the face (stupid bullet!)
Additional Information
I didn't know when this would happen. But he was sure of it. I didn't want to, but I had to. For your safety. For your own sake. I didn't want to sleep anymore. I got dressed and went downstairs. My gaze fell on the photograph. Hogwarts. . Sirius and Marlene, James and Lily, Remus and Sofia. Me. Seven smiling people looked at me from the photo. Disgust. -Yes, I'm ready to betray. “Loudly, too loudly, as if trying to convince myself,” I said. Although, betraying is not the right word, rather exchanging for your life. These people became strangers to me. It is done. I'm almost safe now. Almost. It was cold and dark in the forest. Unbearably dark. Today is the day I must accept the mark. James, Sirius and Remus think my aunt is sick, and I'm kneeling in the middle of a cold forest. It's funny. I don't feel anything anymore. Prom I remember her often. I often think about what would have happened if she were alive. I probably couldn't betray her. I used to love her. Very. More than anyone. The Potters and Black are standing near the coffin, I should come over too. How strange it is to look at a deathly pale man, who just yesterday was full of life, and making plans for the future. How strange it is to know that he died because of you. Everyone thinks I'm depressed. But that's not true. . Prom. Back then we didn’t know what the future held for us. We knew no grief, no fear, no betrayal. Little Harry flies on the broom given to him by Sirius. It's a pity that he has to die. But I must live. Must. October has arrived. Cold and rainy. It was as if he foreshadowed something bad and terrible. The hope that had begun to emerge faded away with the speed of a flying patronus. I was angry. Angry with myself. On the marauders. To Voldemort. Angry at everyone. Harry Potter. He is now at Malfoy Manor. Right below me. It's good that I don't feel anything. Fine. People like me rarely live to old age. Very rarely. I simply cannot survive another war. Because this time there will only be one winning side. And these will not be eaters. I know. Feel. I don't want to grovel in front of people anymore. I became a rat. Tail. Finally. From the very evening when he framed Black. Now he's dead. There are even fewer looters. Me and Remus. There are only two left. I wonder how long? I don't feel anything anymore. chokes me. A gift from the Dark Lord for my devotion. That's right, I betrayed him. I must die. I'm pathetic. Is it really going to end like this? Someone is muttering something next to me.
