Each of us sometimes has to deal with human rudeness and listen to offensive words and expressions addressed to us. Some people have a tense atmosphere at home, while others are very unlucky at work, where a scandalous atmosphere prevails, ready at any moment to explode in a stream of abuse and insults. So how to respond to rudeness and rudeness?
Why do you need to respond to rudeness and not remain silent?
Psychologists have found that every aggressive act from the outside gives rise to auto-aggression in a normal person, which over time results in a depressed mood, decreased performance, low self-esteem, etc. This reaction of the body does not bring anything good with it, and, therefore, you need to learn how to effectively protect yourself from manifestations of foreign aggression and the correct reaction to it.
Reasons for rude behavior
One of the most common reasons for rude attacks on a person is his underdevelopment. Such people are much more likely to become victims of rudeness than strong and self-confident individuals. Boors and rude people have a fairly well-developed instinct and will never get involved with someone who can give them a worthy answer.
If in front of them is a person from a different category, then why not amuse yourself and say something rude to him. Most often, the following types of people are among the offended:
- highly cultured and brought up in old traditions;
- having low self-esteem;
- trying to avoid conflict situations;
- with a high sense of guilt;
- fearful of hurting and offending other people.
In this situation, the reaction to rudeness may be different, but first you should work on your own so as not to be a constant victim of poorly behaved citizens. Finding inner strength will forever get rid of outside aggression, because strong man cannot be subject to attack.
This is one of the first desires that arises after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:
- witty;
- happens among family or friends;
- defuses the situation rather than aggravates the conflict.
In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, responding to an insult with an insult is not the best way out. This way you stoop to the level of your boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.
2. Make a joke
The difference between a witty insult and a humorous response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if there is one) takes your side.
In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and disguise the sarcasm.
Example 1: A colleague says you prepared an ugly presentation.
Answer: “Perhaps you are right. Next time I won’t ask my five-year-old son for help.”
Example 2: A stranger calls you names.
Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. There will be something to think about over lunch.”
3. Accept
In some cases, it is actually worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.
It would be a good idea to think about people's motives and find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your less than angelic behavior.
4. Respond to intent, not words.
Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret obvious: designate it.
For example, in response to rude words, say, “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.”
So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other, find out the reason for his negative attitude.
5. Stay calm
If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies uncertainty, dissatisfaction with one’s own life and a desire to simply take it out on you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.
If necessary, continue to pursue your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in the person, without paying attention to his words.
6. Ignore
Often the best answer is no answer. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to. Well, “offline” you can always ignore the insult or leave. You have every right to do this.
An example from ancient Roman history... One day, in a public bath, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: “I don’t remember the blow.”
This phrase can be interpreted as follows: “You are so insignificant that I not only do not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself.”
7. Use the law
You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offences, but libel is already within the scope of criminal law. If you are insulted by your boss, you can contact the HR department.
The main thing is to remember: no one has the right to infringe on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must answer people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.
And why? Why did you take this insult personally? Do you feel guilty? Haven’t you learned how to respond to such psychological attacks?
Knowing the enemy by sight makes it easier to fight. Is it necessary? Or it’s worth developing a certain tactic of responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to insult you, ask yourself the question - WHY?
Why is he doing this? Does he want to humiliate you in order to elevate himself? Then his action evokes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself.
Or he wants to touch your nerves in order to piss you off. For what? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, wants to drain his irritation somewhere.
Always think - why? And only after you understand the root cause and choose a model of your behavior. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami. This means that such a reaction is the result of his own choice.
Leo Tolstoy also said: “It's all about thoughts. Thought is the beginning of everything. And thoughts can be controlled. And therefore the main task of improvement is to work on thoughts.”
The main groups of fans of insults:
- Losers. Their only way to assert themselves is to belittle the other person.
- These are people who get pleasure and are “energized” by quarrels, scandals, including insults to other people. They feel good when others feel bad.
- Aggressors: people who see everyone as an enemy. To protect themselves, they attack other people first.
- Ill-mannered people for whom the norm is to communicate in the language of insults.
If you immediately begin to react mindlessly after being insulted, your offender will celebrate his victory. FOR WHAT?
Why give him such an opportunity! How do we react to insults? A fool is a fool himself. Is this a familiar picture?
When you see this from the outside, you understand that both are these very stupid people. One, due to lack of upbringing and restraint, allowed himself to do this, and the second, tuning into its destructive wave, accepted the terms of this “game”. Both are worthy of compassion.
Sometimes we receive insults so unexpectedly that we don’t even have time to react positively. Offensive words hurt, they penetrate into the very heart like sharp needles. We don’t know what to say in the first minute, but “after the fight” we come up with a plan for revenge.
Now stop and look at the situation from the outside. Stupid and funny. Wit on the stairs. What are we spending our precious life on! The person has long forgotten about his attack, and you carefully and scrupulously cultivate the seeds of revenge in YOUR soul. And they very systematically destroy you from the inside. FOR WHAT?
If, nevertheless, you understand that it is you who are the master of your thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and imagine the whole situation from space. Are you crying now? Are you offended? What would it look like on a cosmic scale? Insignificant and not worth your nerves. It even becomes funny - such a trifle causes so much worry.
Have you calmed down? Now go to the window and carefully, even in the smallest detail, examine some object outside the window. You switched your attention, took a deep breath and... you felt better.
At first it will not be easy to get rid of destructive thoughts, and resentment will remind itself from time to time.
STOP! Stop the flow of sad thoughts. Drink delicious tea with lemon and honey. Listen to good music.. Watch a comedy. Play with your pets. Switch to a positive wave.
If the offender is a stranger, then you should not be provoked, indulge in mutual accusations and showdowns. The wisest step is to ignore.
It's harder to do this when your boss or co-worker insults you. In this case, it is better to avoid the conflict. If this is your boss and you are still forced to communicate with him, then you will have to develop certain tactics of behavior.
Psychologists recommend first of all to understand what exactly in your work caused such a reaction, to isolate constructive criticism, where exactly you did not complete your work or made a mistake.
The next step is to protect your psyche from verbal “attack.”
There is such a trick. It's called "aquarium". When the boss starts shouting and insulting half a turn, imagine him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but no words can be heard. Such a protective shell greatly helps to abstract oneself. Words, like balls, bounce off without reaching their target.
In general, as far as the boss is concerned, one must act carefully. In this case, before responding to an insult, you need to imagine that in front of you is a small, capricious child. And your task is to calm him down, pat him on the head, caress him and feed him semolina porridge. By placing yourself in such a situation, you will easily endure attacks, meeting them calmly and with a smile. This will also affect the emotional state of the boss.
If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then you remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is like bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing sound on the floor.
If silence doesn't work, you can respond with a little barb.
“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.”
John Ruskin
It’s a good technique, but it requires a certain amount of training and endurance—to respond politely to malicious insults. Or, as a last resort, say calmly: “How ill-mannered and rude you are.”
Sometimes it acts like a tub cold water at the offender. In any case, you get a pause and can retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.
The worst way to react, in my opinion, is to shout back some nonsense. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve tension. Especially if you took it two octaves higher.
Helps much better method of releasing negative emotions into the water. Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How helpful it is! Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter! Give yourself a high five and try to draw sound conclusions from this situation.
The man showed his true colors. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him for who he is, or end your relationship there. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to fall into the role of a victim.
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We have all heard insults directed at us and, out of surprise, we did not know how to react to them correctly. They started to be rude or cry out of resentment. Below, the psychologist gives some tips on how to intelligently respond to an insult to an offender. Gives examples of phrases that will help you get out of an unpleasant situation gracefully.
First, let's talk about several types of correct reactions to insult.
Calm
PS. We remember that an insult is a negative, deliberate statement of an assessment of a person, which humiliates his honor and dignity. It can be applied orally, in writing and even by gesture. In this case, the target of attacks does not necessarily have to be present in person.
IN Russian Federation This is punishable in accordance with Art. 5.61 Code of Administrative Offences.
If you learn how to deal with bullying and insults, you will find it easier to handle such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and insults, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if necessary.
Steps
Assess the situation
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Make a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding your bully can minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you experience. While this may not always be possible, come up with ways to reduce the amount of time you have to spend with the bully, or avoid contact with him altogether.
- If you are harassed on your way home from school, work with your parents to develop a safe route to avoid bullying or insults.
- If you are being teased or abused online, consider deleting the offender from your social networks or reduce the amount of time spent in certain applications.
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Determine whether bullying is against the law. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution of the Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment from a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of Article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must report it immediately.
- If you are in school, you have the right to learn in a safe, distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you feel unsafe, or it is interfering with your learning (for example, by discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parents or teacher.
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Learn to be a more decisive person . Being assertive will help you deal with bullying. To be decisive, it is important to be able to say “no” to people, as well as express your needs clearly and clearly.
- Tell me what specifically worries you. For example: “You often tease me about my hair, calling me a poodle or a lamb.”
- Express your feelings about bullying. For example, you could say, “It makes me angry when you say these things because I personally think my hair looks amazing.”
- Tell me what you would like. For example: “I want you to stop making fun of my hairstyle. If you do this again, I’ll leave.”
Realize that it's not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism and a desire to control the situation. By bullying others, they feel stronger. Realizing that the reason lies with the offender, and not with you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.
Understand what motivates your abuser. If you make the effort to understand why a particular person insults or teases you, you will have the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are simply jealous of what you have done or achieved.
Not always in life a person meets only those people with whom he feels comfortable and pleasant to communicate. There are also frequent situations in which one has to deal with outright rudeness, rudeness and humiliation. Anyone who is loyal to such methods of interaction with others will not fail to respond to such actions in kind. However, this usually does not lead to the desired result - as a rule, the situation only gets worse. Those same people who were raised well, and they do not accept any manifestations of what they consider “bad behavior”, having encountered it in practice, sometimes do not know how to adequately respond to it so as not to lose their human dignity and at the same time not “ fall" to the level of a brute.
Psychologists recommend that in order to maintain composure in situations of open conflict, train your own emotions. Usually, in a situation where a person is openly insulted, he shows retaliatory aggression or shows confusion and depression. None of these momentary feelings will help him get out of the situation while saving face. Moreover, in this case the offender will triumph, because he has achieved his goal - he has knocked him out of the rut. To prevent this from happening, and for the “offender” to see only a confident and calm person in front of him, the possible situation should be “rehearsed.” When imagining the moment of conflict, you need to imagine your “counterpart” in a pitiful form: a nasty toad, a vainly yapping Pug, etc.
In addition, let your imagination paint something like this: the evil words of the interlocutor do not reach the person’s ears, as if the first one is somewhere at the bottom of a deep abyss. To make this easier, it wouldn’t hurt to clearly outline your own psychological boundaries for yourself. In other words, to establish those limits of personal space that no stranger has the right to cross under any circumstances. This also applies to the emotional sphere. A person should decide how much he allows “strangers” to invade his feelings, causing them confusion. It is important to understand: how to react to a particular situation is the choice of the person himself, not others.
Any specialist, when asked: “How to behave when you are insulted,” will say that competent verbal rebuff is very necessary. Of course, it is unacceptable to stoop to insults - you should learn to reason with another without such baseness. If a person knows that at the most inopportune moment his eloquence suddenly leaves him, he should think about preparing in advance several biting remarks suitable for any situation. You also need to come up with a couple of phrases that can be used when the offender steps on the most “sore calluses”. This is not so difficult to do, since everyone knows for what weaknesses or vice versa - strengths he most often “falls” during conflicts.
Improvisation is also allowed - in fact, it is very desirable. Such a phrase should be short enough (the stronger its “blow” will be) and respond directly to some word in the opponent’s offensive statement or to his remark as a whole. Here is a clear example from life. Once, one very worthy young lady on public transport encountered undisguised rudeness on the part of Mr. “Drunk.” Not a rare occurrence, isn't it? Having politely asked him not to let go of his hands (which he was already beginning to do) and not to breathe his fumes on her, she was sent on. . . three letters known throughout the Russian-speaking world. Her answer was short: they say that she is there more often than her offender is sober. It was as if the wind had blown the hops out of his head. The drunkard was amazed and seemed speechless for the rest of the journey.
However, it is always easier with strangers, since they, as a rule, do not mean anything in a person’s life, but pass through it in short episodes. However, very often people ask themselves the question: “How to behave if you are insulted by loved ones who are dear to you, or by those with whom you have to constantly deal and must be taken into account?” In such cases, eloquent silence can be not just gold, but a real diamond . As one of the great thinkers said, when passions boil, truth evaporates like boiling water. It follows from this that arguing with someone at the time of conflict is useless, especially trying to prove something to him or responding to his insults with any arguments. It is much better to leave, citing being busy, and offer to chat later.
If there is a need to talk with the “offender”, but he is clearly not in a constructive mood, a sense of humor will help to lower the “degree” of the tension and move everything into a more peaceful direction. For example, in response to being called a “fool”, answer that, they say, this is how you were unlucky in life, and your loved ones are now “in trouble” because of this. Everything should be expressed in a calm tone and with a friendly smile. Continuing in the same spirit, a person will easily take away his opponent’s weapon - insults. Perhaps after something like this he will “cool down”: his negative emotions will be deprived of nourishment. You should always remember that “getting personal” occurs when other arguments have already ended. Thus, the “enemy” shows his diplomatic powerlessness. So, all that remains is to feel sorry for him.
