Varnasrama-dharma. Perfect social order. Reflections Khakimov Alexander Gennadievich

What worries a person?

One of the reasons for concern is external environment because it is changeable in nature. Imagine that you don't like the circumstances. Then you will naturally wait for them to change. Or, on the contrary, the circumstances around are such that one could only dream of. Then you won’t want to part with them, and there will be a fear of changing circumstances.

Another example: you love someone. This also brings anxiety, even more and even deeper, from morning to evening. And if you hate someone, then again the big problem is in the mind. If you don't know the person well, you worry again. The crowded crowd is full of anxiety. It’s even scarier to find yourself on a deserted street in the evening.

So life is based on worries, which are not really the essence of life. The essence of life is movement and new discoveries. Movements of the soul upward and constant discoveries along the vertical are needed when a person makes efforts to acquire spiritual experience, since movements and discoveries on the material level occur only horizontally, and therefore increase anxiety. Such anxieties do not decorate our lives, but rather darken them, because they force us to live in a struggle with our horizontal neighbors. In other words, worries force us to live the way we live now.

The main worries come to us not from outside, but from within. The source of internal disturbances is the mind, which, oddly enough, is constantly looking for them. The fact is that the human mind is most saddened by being in a state of boredom; it comes to it from a state of peace. Boredom becomes real suffering, much more than what worries and anxieties bring. Therefore, life in anxiety seems more fulfilling. However...

This text is an introductory fragment.

The spirit of man The spirit in man constitutes the highest side of his nature, where “consciousness and free intelligence are located, with the administration of the fear of God, conscience and dissatisfaction with anything created.” This is “that force or that side of inner life that is turned to God,

§ 124. The need for Divine help for the restoration of a person if this is possible on the part of man. 1) Man committed three great evils, failing to stand in the primeval covenant with God: a) he infinitely offended his infinitely good one with sin, but also

Don't let it bother you whether they love you or not. Only you yourself love! You love everyone! - The Elder advised. - But at the same time, carefully keep the prayer inside yourself. Happy is the monk who has learned to love everyone in secret. He does not demand love from others, he is not interested in being loved

22. Continuation of the redemptive restoration of fallen man. The participation of the entire Holy Trinity in our salvation. The procedure for arousing good feelings in the person being saved from the Spirit of God. Participation in this matter of the person himself. Zeal for salvation as the first condition for achieving

Moral nature of man. Primitive perfection of the world and man According to the optimistic view, the world and man are in a normal state; they are essentially pure and good. Evil is a random spot, a shadow, easily eliminated by the forces and means of the person himself, his

4:17-6:9 The Call to Forsake the Life of the “Old Man” and Live According to the Laws of the New Man Revealed in Jesus This theme echoes the calls in Col. 3:5 - 4:2. In Col. Paul gives a description of the Christian life, mainly contrasting “the things that are above” with the transitory and vain things,

3. You are worried about the call to sacrifice The second commandment hits at the very root of materialism. This problem is so serious that I want to present you with a third guideline by which you can understand whether money and the things purchased with it are preventing you from having life-saving

10. What exists has already been given a name, and it is known that it is a man, and that he cannot argue with someone who is stronger than him. 11. There are many things that increase vanity: what is better for a person? 12. For who knows what is good for a person in life, all the days of vanity his life,

11. It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth defiles a person. (Mark 7:15 with a slight difference in expressions). When the Pharisees accused the disciples of eating with unwashed hands, the Savior says that no food defiles a person. But if

19. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemy - 20. these defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile a person. (Mark 7:23). Christ did not abolish the law of Moses and did not say that every kind of food or

Chapter 6. Remote interaction of a living person with the spirit of a physically deceased person. Spiritual beings include: a spiritual human being, a spiritual Angelic being and a spiritual Divine being (see the author’s book “UNIVERSITY”). Currently

5. I will require your blood, in which is your life, I will require it from every beast, I will also require the soul of a man from the hand of a man, from the hand of his brother, “I will also require your blood, in which is your life... from every beast. .." These words provide excellent confirmation of what we have just given

10. They said to him: No, our lord; Your servants have come to buy food; 11. we are all children of one person; we are honest people; Your servants were not spies. 12. He said to them, “No, you have come to see the nakedness of the land.” 13. They said: We, your servants, are twelve brothers; we are sons

Chapter 1558: Words of the Most High: “And therefore We have decreed for the children of Israel: if anyone kills a person not for (killing) a person and not for spreading evil on earth, (it will be equivalent to) as if he had killed all people, but the one who revives him is as if he revived everyone

Conversation 45. About the fact that not some kind of art, not the wealth of this world, but the coming of Christ alone can heal a person. In this same conversation, the very great affinity of man with God is shown. 1. He who has chosen a solitary life must respect strangers and strangers to himself.

— How does Stone Sour’s latest album “Hydrograd” differ from previous ones?

“I think on this record we managed to address a real rock and roll story. We deliberately flirted with the past, but not too seriously. We were able to create a kind of fusion of metal riffs with classical fifths, and I think this idea worked. We explored many different directions and this helped us create an album that was unique to the band.

— The deluxe edition contains a cover of the Soundgarden song “Outshined”, this is not your first tribute (the frontman of the group committed suicide in May 2017 - note by Gazeta.Ru). You also paid tribute to Linkin Park's Chester Bennington, who committed suicide last summer. In this regard, the question is: can music have a therapeutic effect on a person? After all, Chris and Chester, being great artists, ultimately failed to cope with their problems.

- I can speak for myself. Music helps me. With her help I dealt with depression. Music helps ease inner pain, and sometimes that's enough. Sometimes all you need is to take a short break, and it’s at these moments that music saves you. Many people struggle with depression through therapy, medications, and even drugs. But I believe that music in this case helps many people almost better. We have already lost many musicians who were never able to overcome depression, but I am convinced that music has helped many, and that is why it has not left us yet more people.

— On the official website of Stone Sour you can now see Russian words and even a portrait of Lenin. And you also have a tattoo with own name in Russian! Is this some kind of special attitude towards Russia - or do you like Soviet aesthetics?

— The reason why I have a tattoo in Russian is very simple: I really like the way the Cyrillic alphabet looks. I remember the first time I got a Russian visa about 12 years ago, and I liked the look of it so much that I then went to a tattoo parlor and asked the artist to stamp my name on the visa (“Corey Todd Taylor” - note by Gazeta.Ru).

As for our website, which is now designed in the style of the latest album, it contains Russian motifs. It's even in its name. And I wanted the design of the site to somehow reflect this.

— Slipknot released a new single on Halloween, “All Out Life,” and it sounds like the band’s early records like the Iowa album. Why did you decide to return to your roots?

- This was not a conscious decision. We didn't all sit down together and decide in which direction to move forward. We just followed our musical mood, and it turned out to be very heavy and gloomy. At that moment I myself felt the need to write something that would literally hit the listener right in the face with its aggression. And I can say that there will be a lot of this on the new Slipknot album. When I heard the recorded material, I immediately thought that this was exactly what I needed right now. It’s just that the circumstances during the recording of the album were such that, on a subconscious level, all band members needed a heavy sound.

--Tell us about the new Slipknot masks. What do they symbolize?

— I can’t speak for the other participants, but for me masks have always carried two meanings: they are a reflection of our music and personal rebirth. Wearing a mask makes me appear in front of the audience as a completely different person. We all change throughout our lives: we grow, mature, and reconsider our views. I'm different on every album. I change and evolve with the music. On the upcoming album my mask will be very dark. If I manage to correctly convey the mood of our new music, this will be the most severe and [fucking] mask of all time.

— Even “worse” than in 2005?

- Yes, even “worse”! Every time I come up with a new mask, there is a certain mood behind it. This time, I hope everything will be very, very good.

— What do you think about modern popular music? Now rap has risen to incredible heights, and many believe that hip-hop has already taken the place of rock music. What do you think about it?

- This interesting topic. And I have two views on this issue. On the one hand, a genre is a genre. Rock is still rock, and rap is still rap. On the other hand, nowhere is it said that these genres cannot influence each other. I'm obviously influenced by a lot of different directions. This is rap, punk, metal and even country. And I am very proud of this, because I try to use my entire background in my creativity.

However, to be pedantic, all these names are just conventions. Both rock musicians and hip-hop artists can easily be called pop stars because they are popular, and technically this would be true. However, over many years, people have developed a certain coordinate system in their heads, and a rock star can hardly be called a pop musician, and the performers themselves working in the pop genre will also not be entirely happy. These conventions help us understand what to expect from a particular artist.

All these names are already formed in our heads, and when Kanye West proposes to be nominated in the rock category, it is insulting because it seems that it is easy for him to write a good rock song. This also works in reverse direction, when rock musicians express confidence that they can write good hip-hop. I believe that any genre should be respected. And this is why many rockers or punks get so angry when one of the hip-hop stars begins to identify themselves as rock music.

My problem with Kanye calling himself the biggest rock star is that it sounds too egotistical.

He says such words about himself when he is alive and continues to make new music! Let's wait 30 years first and see if he does the same things they did at their age. You called yourself the greatest rock star you were alive! This is offensive.

— Is there any modern rapper whom you could call a rock musician?

— In my opinion, Tek Nine is a musician who simply blows everyone away on stage. He is my favorite hip-hop artist today.

— What other rappers do you listen to?

— On my playlist there are a lot of those whose music I grew up with - NWA, Ice Cube, . Of the relatively younger ones - . His last album ["Kamikaze"] is very good. There is some kind of anger and sincerity in it. I really liked his disses on all these young caramel and sweet rap stars.

— You came to Moscow for the first time more than ten years ago. Were you able to see the city then? And what did you like most about our capital?

— I managed to walk around Moscow a little. But, for obvious reasons, I devoted very little time to this. However, I was able to see many places in the city. In general, there are a lot of beauties in Russia, and not only in Moscow. St. Petersburg is simply magnificent. I love to travel, especially to visit different historical places. And I am very lucky that I became a musician, because I have the opportunity to visit so many countries and cities that many people can only dream of.

The Russian leg of the Stone Sour tour will open on November 13 in Rostov-on-Don and end with concerts in St. Petersburg on November 15 and Moscow on November 16.

March 8, 2010 was a holiday for most of our citizens. However, for the Balkars (Turkic-speaking people inhabiting Kabardino-Balkaria) this day had (and will have) a different meaning. On this day the Balkar public organizations celebrated the 66th anniversary of Stalin's deportation.

Today's discussions about the Russian Caucasus tend to be limited to the eastern part of this troubled region. The focus of attention primarily falls on Ingushetia, Chechnya and Dagestan. There are serious reasons for such information imbalance. Most reports of terrorist attacks, sabotage, attacks on military personnel, police officers, civilians, and human rights violations come from the three republics eastern Caucasus. Meanwhile, the problems of the western part of the North Caucasus region, although they are mostly in a latent form, are no less important.

The former head of the Islamic Center of Kabardino-Balkaria, who went through a complex evolution from a moderate figure in the Islamic revival (who sought to establish a dialogue with official structures, that is, with the secular republican government and the Spiritual Administration of Muslims) to the creator of the Salafi jamaat and “mujahid”, was suspected by law enforcement agencies of organizing the attack on Nalchik in October 2005. Thus, the latest “liquidation” of “one of the ideologists of Wahhabism” (as Mukozhev is named in information feeds that reproduce the language of the Russian special services) forces us to turn again to the analysis of the real challenges and threats facing the Russian Federation in the North Caucasus.

On March 8, 1944, during a two-hour operation, more than 37 thousand representatives of the Balkar people were deported. Of the total number of people subjected to deportation, children accounted for 52%, women - 30%, and disabled people of the Great Patriotic War- 18%. And although in 1957 the Balkars were given the opportunity to return to their homeland, this problem still remains the political dead that grabs the living.

This year, at the rally on March 8, held in Nalchik, the Council of Elders of the Balkar People (SSBN) and the organization “Balkaria” set the tone. During the mass action, several problem points related to both history and the current situation of the Balkars were considered. From the point of view of the organizers of the rally, the territorial rehabilitation of the Balkar people has not yet been completed. At the same time, the republican authorities were subjected to special criticism for innovations in the field of local self-government. The conversation first of all turned to the transfer of pasture lands to the status of inter-settlement territories (territories located outside the boundaries of settlements, directly included in the municipal district). Activists of the Balkar movement demanded that these lands be transferred to the disposal of rural settlements in order not to create obstacles to traditional economic activity Balkars, livestock.

The resolution of the March rally contained both local proposals (such as holding a meeting with the Presidential Plenipotentiary Envoy in the North Caucasus District (NCFD) Alexander Khloponin to explain the accumulated problems) and more large-scale ones (the introduction of real local self-government, which could stop the practice of introducing inter-settlement territories ). In this regard, the question arises of how serious a problem the Balkar issue is for Kabardino-Balkaria in particular and for the whole North Caucasus generally.

During the post-Soviet period, the Balkar problem in Kabardino-Balkaria (KBR) has been raised not for the first time. During all this time, organizations and leaders have changed, claiming to be representatives of the will of the Balkar ethnic group. Radicals moved into the category of moderate figures, and yesterday's government officials switched to positions of harsh criticism of republican officials. In 1991-1992, the republic was even on the verge of division along ethnic lines (into Kabarda and Balkaria). At the same time, the main political slogan of the Balkar movement was voiced, which is still relevant today. We are talking about completing the territorial rehabilitation of the Balkars. The origins of this problem, like many other North Caucasian pain points, must be sought in Stalin’s deportations and the territorial and administrative upheavals that accompanied them. After the tragic events of March 1944, the regional “division” within the territory of the current Kabardino-Balkarian Republic was changed, and after the repatriation of the Balkars, it did not exactly reproduce the previous administrative boundaries.

In 1996, activists of the Balkar movement proclaimed the creation of a separate republic within the Russian Federation and elected the State Council of Balkaria headed by former general Sufyan Beppaev. Beppaev subsequently publicly repented of his actions, and was then in demand by the republican authorities as chairman of the commission for the rehabilitation of victims of political repression. From that moment until the fall of 2005, the Balkar issue, it would seem, was introduced into a certain framework. However, the change of republican power after the death of the first president of the Kabardino-Balkarian Republic, Valery Kokov, and the activation of the Islamist radical underground (the most obvious example of this is the events in Nalchik in October 2005) again brought to light a problem that seemed, if not solved, then at least stopped. The Congress was held in May 2006 new organization, which claims to express the interests of the entire Balkar people. It became the Council of Elders of the Balkar people, mentioned at the beginning of the article. The leaders of this structure criticized Sufyan Beppaev for agreeing with the republican authorities and passivity.

Recent days have been overshadowed by tragic events in the North Caucasus. This time, excesses (explosions, militant attacks) occurred almost simultaneously in three republics of the eastern part of the Caucasus region (Chechnya, Ingushetia and Dagestan). In this regard, there is a great temptation to bring these phenomena and events under one standard. They say the North Caucasus has woken up again. It's like he was sleeping before! As if there were no military clashes between security forces and militants in the mountainous part of Chechnya after the abolition of the CTO regime! It’s as if in Dagestan or Ingushetia, as if by magic, various excesses stopped! A stable Caucasus simply became an image demanded by the authorities.

The thesis about the incompleteness of rehabilitation was voiced again, as in the early to mid-1990s. From that time on, SSBN became the main troublemaker in the Kabardino-Balkarian Republic. Petitions to federal authorities, rallies, and resolutions began to be initiated by SSBN leaders with kaleidoscopic speed. In addition to petitions and appeals, the SSBN initiated numerous mass actions. In the context of the problem of unfinished rehabilitation, SSBN activists focused on such acute problems for the republic as the land issue (a generally acute problem for the entire North Caucasus), as well as local government reforms (which in the North Caucasus region in general and in the Kabardino-Balkarian Republic in particular are taking place without proper consideration local specifics).

Note that the active position of the SSBN on the land issue or local self-government pushed the republican authorities to develop conciliation procedures. And although the leaders of the Council of Elders themselves are not enthusiastic about the work of the conciliation commissions, one cannot help but see their influence, since active public discussion of the problems of inter-settlement territories or a dispute over pastures forced the authorities to pay attention to pressing problems and make certain adjustments. Let us note that the SSBN (even if there is a selfish motivation for its leaders) reveals facts of corruption in the regional authorities. Council leaders criticize ethnocratic motives in the actions of the authorities, and also draw attention to the situation of Russians in the republic. This is important, even if there is a self-serving motivation among the Council elite. The last consideration in this series (in order, not in importance). SSBN is trying to appeal to the Russian federal authorities as an arbitrator and defender. He appeals not to the Council of Europe (or PACE), but to the presidential administration, the Constitutional Court of the Russian Federation, and the presidential plenipotentiary, motivating his actions with Russian law. In this regard, it is not possible to talk about a new separatist threat.

Meanwhile, the activities of the SSBN should not create a benign picture. Firstly, because the Council actually privatized the right to speak on behalf of the entire Balkar people. But an ethnic group cannot be considered a legal entity. In addition, in addition to the SSBN, there are other public organizations of Balkars in the republic, which also have the right to speak on behalf of this ethnic group. Secondly, the SSBN is trying to distance itself from various types of conciliation commissions.

Democracy (about which the leaders of the SSBN talk a lot and often) is, first of all, a procedure for complex coordination of interests, negotiations and dialogue. It is difficult to hear the arguments of opponents in a monologue. Thirdly, the facts of discrimination against Balkars in the republic are extremely overestimated by the activists of the Council. There is no doubt that the republican government is making certain “Kabardian distortions”. But this does not mean the complete exclusion of Balkars from socio-political processes in the republic. Balkars are even present in the Federal Assembly of the Russian Federation (academician Mikhail Zalikhanov). In any case, constant emphasis on the “fifth point” may not lead to a search for compromise, but to ethnic isolation, which is unlikely to meet the interests of all residents of the Kabardino-Balkarian Republic, regardless of their ethnicity.

" A very important topic, VERY! Because it’s really difficult to communicate with some people - you talk for half an hour, and then you have to recover for half a day. They suck energy - and do it very effectively. The 7 techniques described below really work. The main thing is to remember them and observe them. And don't let yourself be offended ;)

The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most. ~ Peaceful Warrior (This is a book. And a film based on the book. Interesting)

Have you ever had to deal with negative people? If yes, then you know that it can be terribly difficult.

I remember a former colleague of mine who was just like that. During our conversations, she endlessly complained about her colleagues, about work and about life. At the same time, she spoke very cynically about people in general, constantly doubting their intentions. It was no pleasure to talk to her. At all.

After our first conversation, I felt completely exhausted. Although we only talked for 20-30 minutes, I had neither the mood nor the strength to do anything else. It felt like someone had sucked the life out of me, and it took about three hours for the effect to wear off.

When we talked later, the same thing happened. She was so pessimistic that her negative energy seemed to rub off on me after the conversation, and even left a bad taste in my mouth. And you know, this really bothered me. I would gladly refuse to communicate with her if I could.

Then one day I decided that I needed to develop an action plan on how to deal with negative people. After all, she is not the only such person I will meet in my life. I thought, “For every negative person I meet now, there will be thousands of people I may meet one day. If I learn to cope with her, I can cope with everyone else.”

With this in mind, I brainstormed the best way to deal with negative people.

Eventually, I figured out a few key techniques to do this effectively. They can be very helpful in establishing good relationships with such people. And although I deal with positive people more often now, these steps come to the rescue when I sometimes encounter negative people.

If you have such a negative person in your life right now, you don't have to suffer from them. You are not alone in your problem - I have encountered negative people often and have learned to cope with them. Let them try to bring you down - you can choose how to react and what to do.

So, 7 techniques that will help you deal with negative people.

Technique 1. Don’t let yourself be drawn into negativity

One thing I've noticed is that negative people tend to focus on the bad things and ignore the good things. They exaggerate the problems they face, making their situation seem much worse than it really is.

The first time you interact with a negative person, listen carefully and offer help if necessary. Provide support - let him (she) know that he is not alone. However, make a note somewhere. If a person continues to complain about the same problem even after several discussions, this is a sign that he needs to free himself.

First, try changing the subject. If he/she goes into a negative tailspin, allow him/her to continue, but don't get caught up in the negativity. Give simple answers like “Yes, I see,” or “Yeah.” When he or she responds positively, respond affirmatively and enthusiastically. If you do this often enough, he or she will soon understand what is going on and become more positive in their interactions.

Trick #2: Use Groups

Dealing with a negative person can be very tiring. When I had a conversation with my negative colleague, I would be completely exhausted for several hours, although the conversation itself lasted only 20-30 minutes. This happened because I took on all her negativity.

To solve this problem, have someone else with you when you talk to a negative person. In fact, the more people the better. Then the negative energy will be shared between you and other people, and you will not have to bear its burden alone.

An added benefit of having someone else around is that other people help bring out different sides of your personality. When others are around, they can help bring out the other, positive side of a negative person. I've experienced this before and it helped me see a "negative" personality in a more positive light.

Technique #3: Objectify comments

Negative people can be quite critical at times. They periodically make comments that can really hurt, especially when directed at you.

For example, I had a friend who was very tactless. She liked to make various disparaging and critical comments. At first I was worried about her words, wondering why she was so critical every time she spoke. I also thought maybe there was something wrong with me—maybe I wasn’t good enough. However, when I observed how she interacted with our mutual friends, I realized that she behaved the same way with them. Her comments were not personal attacks - they were her normal behavior.

Realize that a negative person usually doesn't want to hurt you—he or she is simply trapped in their own negativity. Learn to deal with negative comments. Objectify them. Instead of taking his/her words personally, consider them as another point of view. Sift through the chaff and see if you can benefit or learn something from what is said.

Trick #4: Switch to more pleasant topics

Some negative people get turned on by certain topics. For example, one friend turns into a “victim of circumstances” whenever work comes up. No matter what I say, he will continue to complain about his job, which is terrible, and will not be able to stop.

If a person is deeply rooted in his negativity, in his problems, the solution may be to change the topic. Get started new topic to set the mood. Simple things - a movie, daily events, mutual friends, hobbies, happy news - can make a conversation much easier. Support him in areas about which the person feels positive emotions.

Trick #5: Choose Who You Spend Your Time With Carefully

As Jim Rohn put it, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” This quote means that who you spend time with has a huge impact on the kind of person you become.

I think this is very true. Think about the time you spend with negative people - do you feel good or bad afterwards? It's the same with positive people. – How do you feel after spending time with them?

Whenever I spend time with negative people, I feel heavy and have a bad aftertaste. When I meet positive people, I feel a surge of optimism and energy. This effect remains after communication. By spending more time with negative people, you gradually become negative too. It may be temporary at first, but over time the effect will begin to take root in you.

If you feel that certain people negative people in your life, realize how much time you spend with them. I recommend limiting the duration - it may help. For example, if they want to hang out with you but you don't like their company, learn to say no. If it's a meeting or phone call, set a limit on how long it will last. Stick to the topic of discussion and don't let it last longer than a certain amount of time.

Hack #6: Identify areas where you can make positive changes.

Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity and warmth. Often they behave in such a way as to create a barrier that will protect them from the world.

One of the best ways help them - bring positivity into their lives. Think about what is bothering the person right now and think about how you can help him/her. This doesn't have to be anything too complicated, and you definitely shouldn't do it if you don't want to. The key is to be sincere in your desire to help, and show him/her a different perspective on life.

Some time ago, I had a friend who didn't like her job. She didn't like the environment and the corporate culture. There was a vacancy at my (now former) workplace, so I offered her the opportunity. She finally got the job and has been doing it for 3 years now and doing it great.

Today she leads a much happier, active and optimistic life. She's definitely more positive than she was a few years ago. While I wouldn't bet on her being completely happy with her career just yet, I do feel satisfied that I helped a little at the right time. Besides, there is always something you can do to help someone else - look around and help in any way you can. A small action on your part can lead to big changes in your relationship.

Technique No. 7. Stop communicating with them

If all else fails, limit contact with these people or even completely remove them from your life.

Instead of spending your time with negative people, focus on positive people. In the past, I spent a lot of time with negative people, trying to help them. This took a lot of my energy and was often completely useless. I reconsidered my methods. Now I prefer to work with positive friends and business partners. It turned out to be both more pleasant and useful.

Remember that you are building your life and it is up to you to decide what you want it to be. If negative people make you feel bad, work on it using the 7 steps outlined. By taking the right steps, you can make a significant difference in your relationship.

Why are support hotlines needed and how do they help people?

Thanks to the #faceofdepression flash mob and public discussion of mental disorders and psychological problems It became obvious that many people need professional psychological help at different times in their lives - but not everyone can afford it.

Some people don’t have money for a paid specialist, others are ashamed or afraid to go to the doctor. For such situations, there are helplines, crisis centers and support services where you can talk it out or ask for advice. Usually their employees remain behind the scenes: for those who contacted them, it is just a voice. Especially for Meduza, three specialists from psychological support services - including for children and HIV-positive people - told how their work works and what worries Russians most now.

Dina Valeeva - psychologist, coordinator of the first emergency telephone in St. Petersburg psychological assistance

Our emergency psychological helpline is social project Institute of Psychotherapy and Counseling "Harmony", the service has existed since 1989. It's free, anonymous, confidential and 24/7: we don't identify the number or ask for a name if the person doesn't want to give it. The consultant also has the right not to introduce himself or use a pseudonym - this is also due to our safety.

Many people believe that you only need to call a helpline when something terrible has happened to you. In general, these phones exist so that people can share their experiences on less serious occasions. Calls in connection with emergency situations (for example, suicide or violence) - 1-3%. They don't happen every day. Most often people call us due to a crisis. Dismissal from work, divorce, separation - any event that can cause difficult feelings. They called us when there was an explosion in the metro in St. Petersburg in April. There was a lot of information both on the Internet and on TV - and, probably, at home or at work it seemed inappropriate for people to say that this information flow was traumatic.

Other topics for calls are health, love and family relationships. Less often - problems at work. There are calls about violence, addiction (including gambling), self-realization, and, of course, there are calls from clients with special needs. People with certain psychological characteristics or with a psychiatric diagnosis, they constantly call us: often for them this is the only way to communicate with the outside world. They don't need advice or instructions - they just want to tell you that they went to the store or read a poem. We give them the opportunity to share something, but there are time limits: the line cannot be constantly busy so that a person in a crisis also has the opportunity to get through.

I don’t have prepared answers for different situations, be it unhappy love or problems with parents. I try to tune in to one wavelength, even taking into account the pace of speech. If a person called the phone, it means he wants empathy, participation, support. And in conversation there is always an emphasis on feelings. I try to monitor the state of the interlocutor at the beginning and at the end. Did the tension (or despair, or sadness, or pain) go away because someone shared this feeling with him?

There are situations when the consultant has the right to hang up. For example, if a rapist calls and begins to savor the details of what he did. We don’t talk to drunk people: we explain that we are ready to provide support, but first the interlocutor needs to sober up. If the consultant realizes that he is being used for sexual purposes, he also stops the conversation.

I'm not a fan of written advice, although it exists. When you write, you have to formulate it, and it turns out that this is about the area of thinking, not feelings. Live communication with a live person is more effective. I hear the voice, breathing, and track other points that may be important to me. In addition, if the interlocutor is in a state of acute grief, such hopelessness that there is no strength to even move, or, conversely, anger or rage - how then to type? Emoticons cannot convey all the emotions we experience. And yes, calling a stranger is an effort. But who said that psychological help should be easy? Internal changes often involve some effort.

St. Petersburg weather is the talk of the town, and we also happen to discuss it. It happens that a person not originally from St. Petersburg, who moved here to live, calls and says that at first he was very inspired by monuments of art and architecture, but gradually the dullness began to crush him. We rarely have sun. Then we begin to jointly look for a resource - each person has his own recipe for how to support himself when it seems that everything is bad.

There are bright calls during which I understand that my work is very important both for me and for the person. And this is not always something extreme. For example, one day a child called and asked to be escorted over the phone to his apartment while he was taking the elevator. My parents are at work, and I was ashamed to say that I couldn’t go into the entrance because it was scary. It was very significant for me.

Kirill Barsky - head of programs at the Steps AIDS charity foundation

According to official data, more than 800 thousand people with HIV infection live in Russia today. However, the all-Russian free state hotline for the prevention and treatment of HIV/AIDS, which operated from 2006 to 2013, is no longer operational. There is no funding for it. But there are numbers you can call and get information, help and support, for example, the number of our foundation, founded by HIV-positive people. We have a social information center where self-help groups are held and counseling, testing, and medical and social support services are provided. “Peer consultants” – that is, people with positive HIV status – answer the phone. Sometimes we receive up to 50 calls a day, especially if something happened: medicine was not delivered to pharmacies on time or a high-profile incident was reported in the media.

The most common reason for calls is difficulties in accepting a diagnosis. "What do I need to do next? Will I live? We tell you what HIV infection is and try to explain that no, all is not lost. The catchphrase: “We upset you, you will live, there is treatment.” Most often, callers don’t even know this. It is especially difficult for a person with HIV status in small towns with a population of ten thousand people, because the offices of infectious disease doctors at hospitals, Dermatology and Venereal Diseases clinics, and clinics are in plain sight. People are afraid to go there and decide to move. But even Muscovites do not immediately seek help and remain in prostration for a long time, because in our country there is no high-quality pre- and post-test counseling about HIV. At best, they find “peer consultants” or HIV-positive people. In the worst case, and there are many such cases, they end up in the hospital in very poor condition and take a long time to get out. People do not trust Russian medicine and cannot even imagine that there is free, high-quality treatment. Meanwhile, HIV infection is provided better than any nosology in the country.

We listen to other people's stories and tell our own. For example, I have been living with HIV infection since I was 18 years old and for a long time I did not want to accept my diagnosis. I ran from the AIDS center for more than seven months after learning about my status - I’m busy, I have university, I have work to do! And only when I realized that I could no longer climb from the first to the second floor without getting out of breath, I went to the doctor again. Now I am 26. I have been taking antiretroviral therapy for six years without interruption. I have more than a thousand immune cells, this is an excellent indicator, especially for the city.

Any people call us - everyone you can imagine. Doctors, academicians, professors. I once counseled five priests in four months. Most calls are sexually transmitted. And most often people are in relationships: someone brought it from the outside, someone was infected before the relationship but did not know about the status, someone was abused. Very often people become completely helpless because they do not expect such a turn of events: “After all, I lead a healthy lifestyle, I have a stable relationship with my wife!” If necessary, we accompany people - we take them by the hand to the AIDS center and help them register.

If the other partner remains negative, there is a very high risk that the relationship will fall apart. Because people are scared, because in most cases it is not known where the virus came from. My personal example- I received HIV status while in a stable relationship, and we still don’t know which of us brought the infection.

Speedophobia is still very pronounced in our society. It happens that people call and ask: “I took communion, did I become infected with HIV?” One day, the mother of an HIV-positive man called and asked if she had done the right thing by cleaning the apartment with bleach and setting aside separate dishes for her son. XXI Century!

It happens that we get calls from people who deny the existence of HIV infection. If it is a call from parents, we try to motivate them as much as possible to contact a specialist who works with parents. If a person just wants to prove something to himself with this call, then we don’t exist for them and it’s pointless to enter into a dialogue. Most often these are people who have been diagnosed but do not want to accept it. Whether a person will contact services after the conversation or not is his decision. Our task is not to force or persuade, but to support and help the person to understand as much as possible. Unfortunately, there are times when at the end of the call the person still says: no, I won’t go. And here we can’t do anything, that’s his right.

I often hear from specialists: who can cry now from HIV infection, this is such nonsense. This is wrong. This is a chronic incurable disease, without treatment it is fatal. In addition, HIV in public consciousness is still associated with the marginalized - drug users, sex workers. Stigma has not gone away. Fortunately, it rarely turns into action. But discrimination still exists - even in Moscow. Recent case: my colleague was severely bitten by a dog. We went to the emergency room, they calmly provided assistance to him, understanding his status. And then he had to go to the clinic to get a tetanus injection. The nurse called 20 hospitals in our presence, everyone said: “No, let him go to Sokolinaya Gora.” Why? What's the problem with getting an injection?

Unfortunately, free counseling is not available in all regions of Russia, because the state system still does not really understand where and how to support local NGOs, activist consultants and self-help groups, and there are practically no international donors left. Everything is relatively fine in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Yekaterinburg. But even then we survive on moral and volitional strength: 90% of our foundation’s work is volunteering.

Alina Gromova - head of the children's helpline of the Center for Emergency Psychological Assistance of the Moscow State University of Psychology and Education

Usually children call to talk about relationships - with peers or in the family. Frequent topics are conflicts with parents, emotional coldness. Less often - violence, cruelty. But since all calls are anonymous, even in this case we cannot directly influence the development of events. Everything is done through a conversation with the child: if he is ready to open up, he leaves contacts, and we contact the guardianship authorities or other services that can help.

However, convincing him of this is not easy, because the prospect of ending up in an orphanage is even more frightening. We explain that there are intermediate stages, there are crisis centers that work with parents. But usually children are not inclined to change the situation radically; they call because today is especially difficult, but it’s still tolerable. We, of course, say that being subjected to violence, both physical and psychological, is not normal. But most often children from dysfunctional families They're just waiting to go to college and finally run away from home.

On the other side of the scale are children from whom their parents expect a lot - and they cannot withstand this pressure. Sometimes the story of “he’s an excellent student with us, everything is great” can hide too high parental ambitions, efforts for someone else and torment for oneself. Against this background, the so-called tunnel consciousness can even develop, when the whole world narrows down to the need to get an A on the exam. If it doesn’t work out, that’s it, life is over. And then we work to expand consciousness, we say - well, imagine yourself in ten years, what will this five give you, how will it affect your life?

Suicide is not a rare topic in general: children can call and tell you that they have thoughts, intentions, plans. Or it could even be an ongoing suicide - when the subscriber has already taken the pills or is standing at the window, near the road. Motivation is difficult to explain: sometimes it is fear, sometimes the desire to live, sometimes the inability to call a loved one and say goodbye. Sometimes it's indescribable - you just want to dial a number and talk to this stranger. In any emergency situation, we try to find out the address and call an ambulance.

“Blue whales”, of course, also did not pass by our phone. Teenagers called with the words “I tried to join the group, now I’m scared, what if they kill my parents.” Anxious parents called, who leafed through all the children’s feeds and revealed all their passwords in order, if anything, to prevent suicide, which nothing even hinted at. There were a lot of border violations and unnecessary panic, but some parents paid attention to the lives of their children for the first time, and “blue whales” became a marker that there were problems.

It happens that parents do not notice, do not see difficulties, thinking that they are doing everything possible for the child. There was a call from a parent whose child is doing well at school and attends nine other clubs. There is no social communication because the family lives in a closed cottage community. And everything seemed great, but then he joined the group and started talking about death... At first his parents tried to deny the problem: it’s still great, there are a thousand and one clubs, he’s getting straight A’s, why does he need these whales? Admitting your mistakes is not easy at all. But the feeling of guilt is still present, albeit deeply: maybe I’m doing something wrong, maybe I need to change my way of parenting, moderate my ambitions? In this case, the conversation came to the conclusion that the group for the child was the only place where he could communicate on any topics that were interesting to him and he was encouraged there.

Younger children call with fears. I watched a horror movie with my brother, and now it seems like there are monsters everywhere. “It” is popular right now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a million calls about a clown sitting somewhere waiting with that balloon. And one day one of the parents called and said that the child had a fear that someone was watching him, it seemed like a man. When we started to find out the details, it turned out that the child’s grandfather had recently died, he was not taken to the funeral and they explained that the grandfather is now in heaven and is looking down on you. Children have very concrete thinking. The child began to imagine a man in the dark corners.

Teenagers call with concerns that may seem frivolous to us. “My friend took it from me, and when the teacher caught us, she said that it was she who let it be copied. And she’s dating my boyfriend, she stole me, and behind my back she calls me a fool. But here she is my best friend. I don’t know what to do.” But it's important. At this age, teenagers determine for themselves what friendship, loyalty, honor, love, and justice are. And there is no point in saying: “Find yourself another girlfriend.” The psychologist, through leading questions, clarifies what the subscriber wants. Here is the best friend doing such actions. How are you feeling at this moment? What is friendship for you? Is what's happening now friendship? How do you want to change the situation?

One of the relatively new topics is blackmail on social networks. Girls call who met someone and sent naked photos. And the person is now blackmailing them: asking for a photo from a new angle or a video. If you refuse, all your friends will receive these photos (a screenshot of the list of friends is attached). Public shame is very scary for girls. And they don’t know what to do, how to tell their parents.

There are also pranks, but usually consultants sense them well: you start asking clarifying questions, and the child “falls out.” Sometimes in this way children act out a traumatic situation that needs to be overcome. One day, children called us several times to tell us that they had killed a cat. We talked about this topic for half a day. At some point, the consultant asked what happened to them and where such cruel details came from. And it turned out that in the morning they saw a run-down cat. It’s a big company, you can’t openly show weakness or fear, but you need to comprehend the situation. Laughter is normal reaction, it happens that in a stressful situation you laugh instead of cry. The consultant sympathized and said that accepting death is quite difficult and scary to think about. He voiced their experiences and possible emotions, and explained that a strong reaction to such an event is normal. The children's emotional stress subsided, the topic ceased to be exciting, and the calls stopped.