How to increase your self-esteem. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t. We set ourselves positive attitudes

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Oksana Sergeeva
Part 1. How to awaken self-confidence
50 simple rules

Introduction

Awkwardness in an unfamiliar company, a feeling of shame, self-doubt, constant self-flagellation for a mistake, the inability to change the situation in one’s favor – are these familiar sensations? Many people experience similar emotions and feelings from time to time. However, most people know how to cope with bouts of uncertainty and overcome their own shyness. But some people just can’t overcome their fears. Such people are considered insecure. This uncertainty can manifest itself in different ways and in varying degrees. For example, one person is embarrassed to meet girls for fear of being rejected, another is afraid to leave his father’s house and start living on his own, a third avoids social connections, preferring loneliness to being in a group. Each of them has their own insecurities, their own fears. In this book we will touch on different sides of uncertainty, we will try to find it even where at first glance there is no trace of it.

If you doubt yourself and your abilities from time to time, and these doubts prevent you from developing, moving forward and solving the problems you face, then it’s time to try to figure out why this is happening, why you are not able to cope with your emotions. This book is designed to help you overcome yourself and find inner self-confidence.

Have you ever wondered: what is self-confidence and how is it expressed? Indeed, how to distinguish a confident person from an insecure person? Some people believe that self-confidence is synonymous with success. The stronger and more confident a person is, the more successful he is. Accordingly, the most important signs of self-confidence are signs of high social status - for example, a high position, which comes with an expensive suit, a fashionable car brand, or a presentable appearance. Others say that the true meaning of confidence is to be able to speak in public, because only a confident person is able to convey his thoughts, his position to a large number of people. Many people, even those with high social status, are not given this. Accordingly, the main signs of self-confidence, according to this point of view, are a public profession, oratory abilities, and the ability to amaze the public.

Still others are convinced that true, deep confidence is expressed in the ability to establish contact with different people, the ability to convince and change their minds. A confident person easily enters a new company, without intentionally trying to please others, without putting on a mask of politeness in order to be accepted into a new society - he simply remains himself. Signs of his self-confidence are naturalness, openness, charisma.

So what should we do? What confidence should you first develop in yourself? What is the most important thing in creating a confident image? By and large, these points of view do not contradict each other. They are parts of a single whole. A self-confident person is successful to a greater or lesser extent, has a talent for public speaking and an inner core that makes him an attractive and bright personality. These are a kind of three levels, three layers of a confident personality. To become confident, you need to develop all the elements of a confident image.

However, we often encounter underdevelopment of a confident image when, for example, something is easy, but something needs to be worked on. In this book we will give practical advice on demonstrating confidence in various situations, on creating an external image of a confident person, on developing skills public speaking, as well as on building a confident life position.

Chapter 1
About the confident and the not so confident

Who is a “confident person”? This is a relaxed, calm, energetic person who behaves in accordance with his character and in accordance with the situation in which he finds himself. He is adequate in his assessments, calm in his reactions, even in his emotions. Most often he is pleasant to talk to. He easily gets along with people, confidently expresses his point of view, can enter into an argument and prove that he is right if his interlocutor is wrong. Confidence includes three basic components: a confident image, confident communication, and a confident life position.

If you want to become such a person, you first need to understand what the true meaning of self-confidence is. To do this, we will need to look around and understand what is what. It is important to distinguish real confidence from its semblance, to see the difference between true self-confidence and snobbery, arrogance, inflated self-esteem, and arrogance. In this chapter we will also try to figure out what the difference is between timidity and shyness, how a modest and a fearful person differ from each other.

Rule #1
To be confident in yourself, you need to adequately assess your abilities

Confidence, according to the majority, is an internal conviction in one’s own rightness, in one’s own position, in one’s own talent. We call a confident person who is not afraid to declare his own talent, his unique skills and abilities. However, as practice shows, confidence in one’s own talent is not enough.

Most of us carefully talk about our abilities and skills; few can confidently say that they are better than others in something. As a rule, such a statement causes a mixed reaction. Someone begins to admire a confident and gifted person, while others speak disapprovingly of him as a person with clearly inflated self-esteem. In this case, we can talk about confidence only when the words and the real state of affairs coincide. But if we understand that in front of us is a person who clearly overestimates his abilities, we begin to dislike him. Here we are dealing with self-confidence, which only vaguely resembles true self-confidence.

What is the essence of this phenomenon? A person, under the influence of certain conditions (as a rule, this is a hothouse environment of upbringing, parental adoration and overprotection) begins to feel the presence of superpowers that distinguish him from many other people, and in fact he does not have these abilities, but he sincerely believes in them existence. This confidence can be supported by the testimony of loved ones and friends, or it can arise as a protest to constant criticism. Such inadequate self-esteem for the time being can bear fruit: sometimes those around, deceived by the false confidence of the individual, begin to believe in her uniqueness, but after some time everything falls into place. The true state of things is revealed. The self-confident position begins to irritate because it has nothing to do with reality.

There are similarities between true confidence and an overconfident attitude. This is why we often confuse these two phenomena. In both cases, a person is not afraid to talk about himself, his virtues, and natural gifts. A person does not hesitate to give himself high praise and strives to demonstrate his own achievements. The difference between a self-confident person and a self-confident person is that the latter has adequate self-esteem - he knows his own worth and knows about his strengths and weaknesses, he speaks about himself confidently, but behind his words there are always real deeds. Inflated self-esteem often hinders personal development. Thus, a person who is confident in his own uniqueness may stop working on himself, may refuse painstaking daily work on self-improvement. He should give up unreasonable ambitions and start working on himself, in which case he will have a chance for a great future.

In essence, excessive self-confidence is a dangerous feeling that can lead to disappointment in oneself and in one’s abilities. Just imagine: a person who for a long time lived with a sense of his own uniqueness, comes out in real life and is faced with the fact that no one notices his uniqueness. In such a situation, a person can become depressed for a long time. Before developing self-confidence, you need to correctly assess yourself, your strengths, your abilities. If you feel that you are unable to evaluate yourself objectively, then you should seek help from an expert in the field of your talent, gift or skill so that you can develop an adequate picture of your personality. It is important to know your worth so that no one can lower it later.

Rule #2
Confidence and arrogance are two incompatible things

There is an opinion that self-confidence is akin to the ability to get what you want. This is a kind of talent to achieve a goal, regardless of the circumstances in which you find yourself, and regardless of the difficulties you face. This is, of course, an important indicator, an important component of confidence, but sometimes the desire to get what you want turns out to be so powerful that it overrides the ability to control yourself. Then confidence transforms into arrogance.

Arrogance is sometimes perceived as a semblance of confidence. These phenomena have both similarities and differences. The similarity lies primarily in the ability to achieve one’s own. And the difference is in what methods, means and personal qualities a person achieves this. A confident person acts directly. He uses his knowledge, skills and abilities to achieve his goal. A person with inner confidence can deviate from the intended plan if he feels that the main prize is too tough for him. Of course, the retreat will shake his self-confidence, but this will only be a temporary phenomenon, and gradually his level of confidence will return to normal levels.

There is a popular expression: “Arrogance is the second happiness.” She helps a person achieve what he wants at any cost. And this is its main difference from confidence. An arrogant, boorish, daring person can dare to receive what does not belong to him, which he, perhaps, does not deserve. Arrogance can set unrealistic, inadequate goals for itself and, despite all the obstacles, achieve them. Impudence often uses incorrect, unethical, even immoral methods. Arrogance can take a target by storm. If the target turns out to be impregnable, the impudence does not retreat, it continues to storm the gates of the impregnable fortress, and the fortress, as a rule, surrenders.

We often mistake an arrogant person for a confident one. However, these are phenomena of different kinds. If confidence is a quality that helps to cope with difficulties and achieve what you want thanks to a clear position in life, then arrogance, in contrast, strives to bypass the long and painstaking path and reach the goal in the shortest, but not the most ethical way. For example, a self-confident person achieves a promotion through activity, initiative and good work results, while an arrogant person will go to his new position, discrediting his employees in the eyes of his superiors. There is an opinion that arrogance can achieve its goal in any case. This is wrong. Even the most arrogant of scoundrels can face insurmountable obstacles in the form of resistance to their onslaught. So it’s up to you to choose – the easy but dubious path followed by insolent people, or the firm and conscientious path of confidently working on yourself.

Rule #3
Don't confuse self-confidence with snobbery

Snobbery and self-confidence are opposite phenomena. However, we often compare one with the other and find some similarities. What these two positions have in common is that both a snob and a confident person have strong charisma that can attract the attention of others. But this is perhaps the only similarity.

Snobbery is a phenomenon born of social and legal inequality of past centuries, and it would seem that it should have disappeared from our reality long ago. But no. In our time, snobbery has been transformed, modified, but remains one of the unattractive forms of expressing attitudes towards people. In essence, snobbery is a manifestation of hostility towards those who do not meet certain parameters, criteria that have been elevated to a cult. Such criteria may be material well-being, intellectual development, creative potential, and the like. The main signs of snobbery are a reluctance to communicate with people who do not meet the given parameters, a dismissive, sometimes condescending and derogatory attitude towards people outside one’s circle.

Of course, a person prone to snobbery may himself have qualities that make him stand out from the crowd. These qualities and achievements are the result of long, hard work on oneself. A person who was able to change, to make his personality unusual, of course, has extraordinary willpower. But the question is: where does his desire to be better than others come from? Isn't the main reason internal self-doubt?

Yes, maybe that's what it's all about. A person is comfortable communicating with people from his circle, about whom he knows everything and who are understandable to him. Others are a mystery to him: their motives are incomprehensible to him, life values and attitudes, he believes that their worldview can shake his confidence (more precisely, the appearance of self-confidence that he created). Snobbery and self-confidence are fruits from different fields, although the external form of behavior of people of both types - calmness, restraint, external pride - makes these two phenomena extremely similar.

You should not perceive a snob as a person who is confident in himself. In essence, this is a weak personality type that comfortably hides behind a mask of disdain and hostility towards others. Don't take it too seriously. I don't think you can manage a snob. Having learned that you know his secret, he will try to reduce your communication to a minimum or stop it altogether. A much more effective way of communicating with this type of person is to appear to recognize his uniqueness, as well as maintain the illusion of the correctness of his behavior.

Rule #4
To gain confidence, you need to stop being selfish

There is hardly any need to explain the meaning of the phenomenon of egoism. I think each of us at least once in our lives has received a reproach for our own selfishness or felt a smack of guilt from the fact that we care about ourselves much more than about others. In fact, in small doses, selfishness is even beneficial for a person. It is quite normal if you strive to acquire mental and material benefits that will make your life better. But the situation worsens when selfishness turns from reasonable to limitless.

It is worth talking about egoism that exceeds the critical norm when a person begins to measure the world around him solely by his own interests. For him, there is only that part of the universe that is turned in his direction. He communicates only with those people in whom he sees practical benefit; he acts in a way that is beneficial to him, without thinking about what the consequences of his actions will be for others. In essence, he doesn’t care what they think about him, because he feels limitless, limitless power.

This selfish position works at first. A person reaps the fruits of his belief that the world should revolve around him. His friends, loved ones, relatives take part in his life and strive to help him. But gradually their altruism fades away, because in return for their selfless help they receive nothing. The egoist continues to use the people around him to his advantage, but turns out to be stingy with gratitude. Gradually, the circle of his friends and acquaintances narrows, egoism loses its former strength, ceases to bear fruit - and the person turns from successful and beloved by everyone into abandoned and forgotten.

Egoism is similar to confidence at first, when the egoist manages to take the most valuable thing from life without giving anything in return. During such a period, the egoist confidently moves through life. Outwardly, he may appear to be a person with inner confidence. However, the similarities end when the selfish man finds himself alone and his former friends, who have realized the meaning of his behavior, break off relations with him. True self-confidence and selfishness are not identical to each other. Confidence is characterized by the presence of a strong core: a person who is confident in himself does not use this quality for selfish purposes. He achieves his goals on his own, without needing to use his environment for personal gain. In addition, an important difference between real self-confidence and the selfish position of narcissism is the fact that confidence is unshakable, it is able to withstand serious tests of fate. And a selfish position over time either turns a person into a lonely and embittered person, or gives experience and helps him change for the better.

Rule #5
True self-confidence and a nihilistic attitude have nothing in common with each other

Nihilism is a conventional name for a whole complex of psychological and characterological characteristics that some people possess. This complex includes the presence of a denial syndrome, a predominantly pessimistic approach to life, and confidence in future failures.

Nihilists prefer to deny, scold, and be in a bad mood rather than give the world positive emotions. For them, this method of self-expression is the most acceptable. For some of them, this is a way to stand out from the crowd in a positive way. thinking people. For others, it is a way of protecting themselves from the negativity of others, from the troubles that happen in life. Such people can ruin your mood pretty quickly. Outwardly, they look quite confident in themselves. They seem to know in advance what is going to happen and foresee the outcome in advance. The main difference from true self-confidence is that the outcome these people predict usually has negative consequences. What's the matter? Where is the key to the unshakable position of nihilism?

Obviously, it is much easier to get a negative result than a positive one, and it is easier to do something poorly than to achieve outstanding results. Here is the solution to this psychological mystery. You don't need to be Nostradamus to predict the unsuccessful outcome of your own interview. If you yourself don’t believe in your success, then why should your employer believe in your success? You don't need to have any extraordinary ability to predict failure in personal life, if you don’t make any efforts to improve this life. It's simple. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. In such a situation, it is at least stupid to hope for success. Skeptics and nihilists have no hope and unanimously continue to doubt and deny. It’s easier this way, you’ll agree. It is much easier to deny than to affirm, much easier to doubt than to hope.

But at the same time, nihilists have an undoubted advantage over other people: they know about their failure in advance, thereby justifying their own inaction. This technique of failure is often used by lazy and clumsy individuals. As a result, they still find their niche in society, in which they exist quite comfortably. But this has nothing to do with confidence.

Rule #6
Modesty is an excellent basis for developing self-confidence

IN modern world a negative attitude towards modesty has developed. It is perceived as the antithesis of confidence. Experienced people say: if you want to achieve your goal, don’t be modest, don’t wait for your chance, declare yourself and become what you want.

In former times, it was believed that the more modest and docile a girl was, the more desirable she was. Nowadays, the tastes of men have changed, and they look with pleasure at obstinate and wayward young ladies, while shy women sit alone, waiting in the wings. So is there really no place for modesty now and, if you are modest and delicate, are you destined to remain out of work?

Let's figure out what modesty is in the true meaning of the word. Modesty is, first of all, the absence of boastfulness, having a sense of proportion in everything, including desires. A modest person will never boast of his merits and stick out his own self. It is worth noting that a confident person does not do this either - he knows about his advantages, and therefore there is absolutely no need for him to focus the attention of others on them every time. Modesty implies moderation of desires - that is, the desires of a modest person always coincide with his capabilities and needs. He doesn't ask for too much and also doesn't hesitate to take as much as he deserves.

Every day we see a lot of information with advice from psychologists on how to increase our own self-esteem, practical advice and NLP practices for stable training of our judgment. But what is self-esteem, where to get it from and who, first of all, to influence to improve it. It turns out that the word itself contains a simple answer to this exciting question– precisely an independent criterion for assessing one’s personality. Practical self-analysis of your attitude to surrounding emotions.

Neither the reaction of people around you, nor the right actions, nor even daily praise addressed to you can change the established attitude towards yourself until you want to do it yourself.

The formation of a worthless attitude towards oneself comes from childhood.

A high assessment criterion, regardless of manifestation, led to the further development of anxiety. Such a character trait as touchiness was developed from constant humiliation - this is not only physical, but also emotional pressure. Moral and verbal ridicule and lack of faith in any endeavor also leave their mark.

Have you ever thought about what people think when they are around you? After a survey in one of the country's megacities, psychologists said that people are haunted by thoughts about themselves and their problems. The percentage of the population that cares about your dirty shoes today or being overweight is so small that it gives a clear picture of the thinking of those around you.

No one wastes their time thinking about other people's problems or criticizing their appearance, because every person on Earth has his own worries and plans. If your thinking is constantly swarming with many thoughts about who thinks about you and how, you are a dependent person on the opinions of strangers.

How to change self-esteem for good

By the concept of “self-esteem” we understand our attitude towards ourselves. That is, by changing your own reaction, you change yourself and your vision of the world. There are various techniques to increase self-esteem.

There are two types of assessing a person as an individual: dependent- when any external events leave an imprint on your mood, and independent- despite the opinions of those around you, you are confidently moving towards your goal.

Criteria that characterize dependent self-esteem:

It is important to you what others think about you;
If no one laughs at your jokes, there is no emotional reaction to the story told the day before, your personal attitude towards yourself undoubtedly drops;
Any criticism heard nearby is accepted.

Sometimes, dependence on the opinions of others reaches the peak of self-destruction. After all, a person begins to live for the positive marks of others, and not for the pleasure of himself. The complex of such low self-esteem leads to a negative mood, apathy, loss of strength, and lack of desire to work or do anything in life.

Each person has his own personal list of positive qualities. By adhering to this established list, you can live happily, or you can constantly look for shortcomings in yourself and worry about how they influence the opinions of others.

When you stumble, the reaction of someone dependent on the opinions of other people will be negative.

- “An ideal mother’s children don’t cry” - this is the motto that mothers with babies follow while shopping or walking on the playground. But as soon as the child makes a remark, goes against his decision or prohibits something, the whole neighborhood hears the child’s terrible cry.

In the subconscious of the parents of such a child, a negative reaction to themselves arises. “I’m a bad mother”, “I’m a bad father” - after such emotional outbursts - you begin to fear a repetition of a similar situation.

Reacting independently to the opinions of others will make you happy

It is your reaction to the situation that should determine your individual assessment of what is happening, any actions, mistakes and possible ways to achieve success. When doing a specific task, look only at your steps, and any negativity from the outside should pass by your consciousness. Only this method will work to achieve the cherished goal.

The main rules of independent self-assessment:

I don’t look at the opinions of others about my plans, life or relationships.
Any emotions of strangers are only their reaction, you should not apply it to yourself.
By not allowing yourself to be manipulated, you put your values first, showing others that you are committed.

For many people, an adequate response to what is happening around you is just a dream, the achievement of which seems so far away that a large percentage give up halfway through working on themselves.
A woman who looks at herself self-critically and constantly looks for negative aspects in her appearance and figure is very often lonely and unhappy.

And a man, having a low level of self-esteem, does not achieve the desired victories on his own. This leads to depression and alcoholism.

Each of us has a number of points, following which we feel great. These may be concerns about appearance, or they may be practical, psychological qualities.

Depending on how strong the framework of your self-assessment criteria is, your condition will directly depend.

Your self-esteem as an individual should not depend on the points of the fulfilled “conditional” plan of an ideal person. A clear awareness of yourself as a full-fledged person with a set of qualities that will set you apart and make you unique is personal pride.

Self-esteem doesn't need to be boosted. We need to make her independent!

Methods to help you become confident

It is worth recalling that a low level of self-esteem is your impressionability from the reactions of strangers.

Even a successful lady, with well-bred children and good career growth, finds many negative flaws in her appearance. Such a woman cannot feel completely happy, because every moment she remembers her shortcomings and begins to compare the behavior of others with her appearance.

The first method that will help show the best characteristics of a person is the familiar collage.

stock up on a bunch of unnecessary magazines with expressions of emotions, the rich lives of successful people;
Place your most beautiful photo in the center;
choose the ten best qualities that characterize you positively;
place pictures depicting your best assets around the photo - these are your personal traits that make you different from everyone else;
now remember the negative aspects, what you want to get rid of, you feel complexes, it causes you fear;
place the negative characteristics of your “I” according to the influence on your life;
and most importantly, look at your created painting masterpiece every day and begin to say goodbye to what is darkening your life. Don't be afraid to say goodbye to old things, spend money on yourself - it is at these moments that your self-love rises to the top, where your judgment of yourself is hidden.

Creating such an illustrated poster will be able to show how much good you contain within yourself, what you can do and what you can be proud of, and how little there are of those shortcomings to which you attribute such importance! They are simply lost among your advantages; all this will become visible when you design the collage. Simple awareness this fact will help you stop focusing on them. And if you want to move on, then every day you should work to improve one of the qualities present and get rid of what you are dissatisfied with.

The second set of simple steps will tune your consciousness to a feeling of harmony with yourself without the influence of outsiders:

When talking to people, try to use phrases that indicate a leader, this is an expression of your own opinion from yourself. “I want to do it, I propose” - this style of communication will give an internal impetus to a new level of self-respect and will show in the team that you are determined.
You shouldn’t walk around sad and gloomy, creating a formidable wall of inaccessibility with this appearance. The simpler you express your feelings, reacting emotionally to what is happening, the more easier for people find with you mutual language. Agree, it is more difficult to start a conversation with a secretive person; the unknown of his reaction to any proposal will force one to bypass such a candidate.
If you are against something, you should not stand silently and wait for someone else, bolder, to object to the proposed news. It’s worth showing your disagreement when you don’t like what’s happening. This way you can always express your true desires and needs without imposing others’.
Accept good behavior towards you with gratitude, without shame. If you receive a compliment, know that you are worthy of these words. And let your cold coffee due to long preparations and torn stockings remain a secret that no one should know.

Where does self-image begin to develop?

Low self-esteem is the result of the painstaking care of parents and teachers who surround the child from childhood. As the baby grows up, his curiosity begins to grow, and often he becomes not as convenient for relatives as he would like.

Comparing the fidget with the quiet boy next to him, as an adult the guy feels shame at the sight of a stronger opponent. And if the reason lies precisely in the lack of confidence in his own strength, he will silently step aside, giving the best to another.

Remember how the separation occurred between you and your child in kindergarten, school. The frightened eyes of a little man who is most afraid that no one will come for him. Stress, which not everyone can cope with at a young age, comes from your own “frightening” phrases at home: if you don’t obey, I’ll give it to your uncle, if you don’t put away your toys, I’ll leave forever. Manipulation of children's emotions based on affection and love for the closest person is the main mistakes of parents, which lead to self-esteem falling below the baseboard.

If you begin to notice a fear of communicating with people around you, start immediately working with your beloved baby.

Ways you can use to change the way you look at yourself

How to increase self-esteem in five minutes a day - does this really happen? Yes, read the first method.

Autotraining.
If you tell yourself a simple set of phrases every day, within a couple of months, your attitude towards yourself will change.
I confidently go to work (interview, date).

I have attractive features in appearance, I have a good character (you can make a list of your positive characteristics and not only repeat them, but also improve them).

I don't care what others think, because my actions will lead to a happy outcome.

I can. I can handle. I am brave (brave). It’s easy for me to complete a complex, important assignment.

The female body reacts more emotionally to current events, while the male body conceals everything within itself. But self-support will allow everyone, regardless of gender and age, to believe in themselves. By pronouncing such short affirmations - short phrases that carry a semantic load, a girl becomes more confident, and for men, this method of self-hypnosis helps raise a low level of personal self-esteem.
Learn to be yourself - because you are unique.
It can be difficult, who except you knows all the negative moments of life. Starting to compare yourself with a successful movie star, an always smiling neighbor - fleetingly you begin to imitate, using antics and expressions in your speech.
Living your life with other people's emotions, your dependence on the assessment of others grows a million times. After all, when playing a role, you always expect applause at the end.
You shouldn’t create someone else’s image of an idyll; it’s better to turn yourself into someone who will be imitated and on whose assessment someone else’s opinion will depend.
Love yourself - make others love you.
Often we look for flaws in ourselves, comparing with the standard of beauty. But what prevents you from becoming an object of admiration and imitation?
Secrets to strengthening self-love:

Go to a beauty salon - you don’t have to spend hundreds of thousands on creating a beautiful wrapper. This month - hairdresser, next month plan makeup and manicure.
Follow successful and confident stars - you can envy them. But they spend a lot in order to feel attractive.
Accept any compliments addressed to you with gratitude, do not rush to talk about how much this dress cost you - you are worthy of these words of admiration.
Learn to improve yourself positive traits. By emphasizing the pros, much less attention will remain on the negative sides. The ability to highlight your best features character will help you minimize what you were so ashamed of. Consistently compare yourself to how you used to be.
Forget that an inferior and shy person can be happy. Become successful through a positive attitude towards yourself.

Love reading!

Movies that can motivate you and believe in yourself

Watch films in which shy, overly modest people achieve success:

Eat Pray Love (2010)
Life in Pink
Revolutionary Road (2008)
Mona Lisa Smile
The Devil Wears Prada
Frida

Each film not only teaches you to overcome difficulties, finding the road to happiness. They teach you to be happy internally, having what you have for a given period of time.

The psychotherapist, whom people are often so afraid to go to for help, always advises starting small. When following recommendations in order to improve your attitude towards yourself, it is worth remembering the rule about golden mean. An unstable narcissistic approach to selfishness will result in a new problem - selfishness towards others.

Life hacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help improve your loved one’s opinion of yourself.

1. Stop thinking of yourself as “just a woman”

Society instills in us the idea that women are inconsistent and cannot find themselves, and therefore at work many feel like impostors, vying for someone else’s place as a breadwinner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to their busy lives, they cannot devote enough time to “truly feminine” matters: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.

This confusion in social roles, the inability to be torn between the diametrically opposed statuses of “a purposeful Amazon” for colleagues and business partners and “affectionate house cat” for her husband and children lead to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence and begins to doubt her own abilities.

At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, a woman has many reasons to doubt. But an important nuance is that men have no less such reasons.

There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more often than men.

3. Use popular methods to increase self-esteem

Representatives of both sexes can effectively use universal recommendations for developing self-love:

In addition to them, you can also concentrate on methods that take into account physical and psychological characteristics specifically women.

Find a comfortable way to appear taller

"Looking down" is not just a common phrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which they work social relations: We subconsciously perceive tall height as one of the signs of a leader. For example, you can read a detailed article from the authoritative American publication Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives due to growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to others, your self-esteem also increases.

A woman can relatively easily feel “more majestic” if she wears high-heeled or platform shoes, or at least raises the seat of her office chair higher in order to tower above her counterpart during negotiations. Yes, they can also have a positive effect on increasing growth.

Watch your posture

A straight back has a powerful influence on behavior and self-perception. The reason is many: a raised chin and straightened shoulders cause the release of testosterone - a “masculine” hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. In addition, proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.

Gesture

Confidence is often tied to how much space we take up in a space. Remember wildlife: large dominant animals move sweepingly and impressively. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesticulating while talking helps expand the space you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.

If you are not used to gesturing, it is worth practicing in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.

Don't cross your arms over your chest

This closed pose is also a way to appear small and inconspicuous, so a person who has closed his hands from the world is perceived by others as weak. And he himself begins to feel like one.

If during a conversation you don’t know where to put your hands, rest them on your sides: place your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open pose that exudes confidence.

Don't be afraid to laugh at your mistakes

People who are insecure tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people know how to take responsibility for their decisions - both good and bad. Saying “Yes, I made a mistake here, next time I’ll have to do it differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is how others define a psychologically strong person.

Ask yourself the question “So what?”

Often we are afraid of some things that actually have no significant consequences. To sober yourself up in such moments, it is useful to ask the question “So what?” For example:

“I want to voice this, but what if other people won’t support me?” - So what?
“I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there...” - so what?
“I may forget what to say next during the presentation” - so what?

This simple express self-analysis allows you to understand: even in the most negative scenario, nothing bad will happen to you. This means you can act confidently.

Find a role model

Among the people around you, there will probably be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a closer look at them. Try to act like them. This is one of the options to adopt successful life principles and “copy” the desired level of confidence.

4. Do what you like

Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways raise self-esteem. The hardest thing here is to find one that you really like.

5. Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem This is a form of passive aggression Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Someone says: “I don’t want to!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal out loud, and then it sounds: “I can’t, I’m just small and weak.” Not believing in yourself is often just a way to justify one’s own inaction and to place responsibility on others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem can only be cured by action. Action (even through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased confidence in yourself and your abilities. This is the most effective cure for self-dislike.

Without self-confidence, it is difficult to succeed, because business consists entirely of situations in which you have to leave your comfort zone. And all of them, from meetings and negotiations to sales and managing people, go better for you the more confident you are.

Here are 7 tricks to boost your self-confidence.

1. Never forget your strengths and don't be too hard on yourself.

For personal use only, make a list of your strong qualities and what you do really well. Be honest with yourself and avoid false modesty. It is not necessary to look for and write down outstanding qualities in yourself; these are enough: I keep my desk tidy, I finish what I start, I have a good memory, and so on. Re-read this list every week and add new items if possible. Ideal people can not be. We all make mistakes. And they do not always happen solely through our fault.

2. Watch your health.

If you are in good shape, you can achieve a lot. Regular physical exercise that you enjoy doing builds strength, perseverance, and increases resistance to stress. Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. Rest breaks, time for relaxation and time for yourself should be as integral a part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth. Enjoy the fact that you look good and try to get the most out of life. People around you will treat you with interest and respect.

3. Stay calm and try to alleviate stress.

Avoid fuss and haste. Develop stress resistance. Simple relaxation and stress management techniques will calm your body and mind and become your lifeline. Find time for relaxation every day - at least five minutes. Practice mindfulness for at least a minute every day. Those few minutes will make a big difference.

4. Remember that you, like any person, have rights.,

which must be observed at work. Here are some of them: you have the right to own opinion, to be treated with respect and as an equal, not to be insulted, to be listened to. You have the right to make mistakes, to fail and to try again.

5. Plan, prioritize and be organized

You need to know where you are now, where you want to go and how you plan to get there. Know exactly what you want. Weigh everything carefully and plan. Decide what your first step will be and take it. Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed. Whatever task you face, prepare for it. If possible, rehearse your actions, such as giving a presentation, in advance. Pay attention to this and you will not only prepare for the upcoming event, but also increase your confidence and self-esteem.

6. Body language.

Move and speak with confidence and you will not only look like it, but you will actually feel like it. Raise your head, relax your shoulders and body, establish visual contact with the interlocutor. Show calm and confidence when you open the door and enter the room. Open posture, firm handshake, calm voice will show your interlocutor that you are glad to see him and communicate with him. Your speech should be clear, rhythmic, and infect with enthusiasm. Show your genuine interest and you can prove yourself to be a charismatic speaker!

7. Visualize.

Imagine chewing a slice of lemon... Your mouth is probably filled with saliva. So? The whole point is that human brain does not distinguish very well between what happens in the imagination and in the real world. That is why one of the simplest and most effective ways to strengthen willpower is visualization.

All you need to do is imagine a situation in which you want to feel more confident. Try to get a detailed image, then for a few minutes, step by step, work through the situation presented in your mind, coping with any difficulties that you think may arise. The task probably sounds strange, but it is easy to complete and the technique works.

You will succeed!

Even more about how to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem in the book

Many articles, magazines, and books on psychology have been written about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. But still, many novice entrepreneurs (and not only) are concerned about this issue. Therefore, at the request of our site readers, we decided to write this detailed article about self-esteem without water and in fact. So, let's go!

Long gone are the old misconceptions that in order to be happy you need:

believe and obey parents;
dance around the fire and worship the gods;
build communism;
and so on in the same spirit (underline as necessary).

With the development of psychological science, only one thing becomes obvious - only a person himself can make himself happy , excluding, of course, force majeure circumstances.

So, from this article you will learn:

What is self-esteem and what functions does it have, etc.;
How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem - advice from psychologists and experts;
How to become confident and satisfied with your life;
Reasons for low self-esteem, tests, videos, etc.

The article tells how to increase self-esteem, what ways to increase it exist, why people have low self-esteem, etc.

Correctly assessing one's own personality is a rather difficult thing. This is the one ship waterline on the high seas, which should not nor rise higher, nor go lower. Before you set off on a long voyage, you need to understand that without adequate self-esteem nothing will come of it. How does this happen?

The human subconscious builds itself based on many factors from the first minutes of life.

In order to understand the mechanism of self-esteem formation, it is necessary to understand that:

a person is never alone– he is a herd animal and must be in society (sociopaths are a deviation, a disease);
every word and deed of others towards the individual automatically influences her, forcing her to evaluate herself in one way or another;
mostly human and builds an opinion about oneself by perceiving oneself through “other people’s eyes”, not having the opportunity and desire to analyze their actions independently and give them a final assessment.

In the end it turns out that self-esteem – This combined information about all assessments of your personality, made independently or based on another opinion, which forms your idea of your qualities and shortcomings.

This can be formulated another way: self-esteem – this is the determination of one’s place in the ranking of all people in the world, which is based on one’s own and imposed priorities. It looks different for each person.

For example, a blonde who has never even finished reading a primer in her life may have high self-esteem, since her society tells her only positive information about her personality, her virtues coincide with those that are in use among those around her, and she looks like her society demands it. That is, it is surrounded on all sides positive and a small share negative she just doesn't notice/ignores.

On the other side maybe yesterday's student engineer, who graduated from the university with a secondary education, got a job and, out of fear, has already made a couple of minor mistakes, which were treated quite loyally.

It will seem to him that compared to more experienced colleagues he is insignificant, he will never succeed. Here mom also says that he is a mediocre son because he forgot to take out the trash in the morning, dad assures that instead of higher education you just had to go to the mine, since there “they pay normal money, and you don’t need to think with a stupid head.” Added to all this is the standard appearance and the dream of girls from TV.

All this a typical example of low self-esteem , which is formed by others. The young man himself has nothing to do with her - rather, he simply moves with the flow that shapes his environment.

Without changing anything in his life, he is unlikely to achieve anything in it.

If you don’t pull yourself together, the following problems await you:

failures at work due to constant nervous tension and self-flagellation from the series “I can’t do it, others will do it better”;
lack of career growth due to fear of responsibility, thoughts similar to “I can’t cope, this is not for me, I’m not capable of this”;
constant fear of losing your job, feeling tired, depressed, possibly alcoholism, the desire to escape reality into an illusory comfortable world;
the impossibility of adequate relationships with girls, since tightness and complexes will manifest themselves here too, there will be thoughts from the series “she is too beautiful, I don’t earn that much, I’m ugly, I don’t deserve her.”

This is far from full list those troubles And life problems , which are born from poor self-esteem and the inability to work with it.

At an older age, these may be problems with raising children and communicating with them. There may also be significant problems with self-realization, the desire to open your own business, and everything in the same spirit.

The young man mentioned is just an example, everyone has a reason to think badly about themselves - no one is perfect. It is important to adequately assess your personality as a whole and from this build connections with the outside world.

It is also necessary to understand that it is not only a matter of money And career.

A person with low self-esteem initially cannot be happy for the following reasons:

constant fear;
persistent nervous tension;
periodic depression;
aggravated stress when exposed to unfavorable factors;
impossibility of self-realization;
constant stiffness, including physical movements;
lack of confidence in one’s rightness;
pliability to the outside world, weak character;
inability to start something new;
closed, constrained speech;
constant soul-searching.

These are all signs that you don't have happy future, because no one will come and change your life with the wave of a magic wand.

In order to look confidently into the future, you need to work on yourself and not be afraid to change. Without this, everything will remain in its place, and dreams will turn into failure.

Basic functions of self-esteem

Exists three main functions, which make adequate self-esteem so necessary:

Protective - strong self-esteem will allow you to be confident in what you think and do, it ensures stability of opinion about yourself, and therefore an even emotional background, less susceptibility to stress;
Regulatory – helps you make choices regarding your personality as correctly and in a timely manner as possible;
Developmental - a correct assessment of one’s personality gives a strong impetus to its development.

The ideal situation is considered to be one in which a person absolutely independently evaluates his qualities and capabilities and adequately understands what he is good at and what he is bad at. From this he plans his life - what he will do, what he will study, and so on. Of course it is impossible .

From early childhood to late old age, everything around us tries to influence us, our assessment of ourselves. At the very beginning we are characterized parents, after peers And Friends, then added to this teachers And professors, Colleagues, bosses and so on.

As a result, we do not even evaluate ourselves, but compare the opinions of others about ourselves with the ideals imposed by society. Far from adequate self-esteem, some of the information received does not relate to reality at all!

But only by correctly assessing your abilities can you understand in which direction you need to develop and what you are like in general.

It's bad in this situation any deviation. An inflated opinion of oneself will lead to many painful mistakes in life, although it is more rare. Much more common low self-esteem , which destroys people’s lives, does not allow them to open up and show the maximum of their capabilities. An advanced form of this problem leads to an inferiority complex, and therefore to the destruction of personality.

Essentially this is one of the main reasons that a person cannot earn money. Not confident in himself, he rushes from corner to corner, is afraid to take a step that is risky in his opinion or the thoughts of those around him, as a result he despairs and continues to live from one meager salary to another.

Moreover, in such cases it is impossible to open your own business, because the qualities required for this are: activity, readiness to risk And accept decisions are taken precisely from true, adequate self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence takes away the energy of the individual, fetters his actions, which leads to a terrible state when a person is only able to think or dream about action, and not decisively take on the fulfillment of his desires.

2. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t 💋

Love yourself does not mean become narcissistic. In fact, it has to do with self-esteem. Only a person who is able to evaluate himself and highlight all his strengths and weaknesses can truly treat his personality honestly and fairly.

How to learn to love yourself and increase self-esteem for women and men

So, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?

Having low self-esteem, you will only see everything negative in yourself, which of course will not lead to anything good.

Justified self-love based on your merits and constant work Above shortcomings there is a guarantee that others will treat you well.

It's really hard to love someone who do not appreciate And doesn't respect myself. It's more of a pity than anything more. You can be competitive in business or choosing a spouse, or many other things, only by having high self-esteem And the right attitude towards yourself . Depressed And clogged personality will not be able to realize itself in the modern world.

It's a big mistake to constantly look for flaws in yourself. The more you do this, the more difficult it will be for you to make any decision, even the smallest one.

Self-criticism– this is great, but it must be harmoniously balanced with praise, forgiveness and respect for one’s own personality.

Our psyche has quite specific defense mechanisms against pain, discomfort And various threats. Our consciousness is only the visible part of a huge iceberg that hides the subconscious. It is also not homogeneous and consists of different personalities “living in one body.” Each of them influences the consciousness, constantly expressing its desires and needs on the body.

Suppressing the natural desire to be happy, by developing an inferiority complex, you give the opportunity to crawl out the dark corners of your psyche.

This can lead to various psychological disorders of varying severity. A calm person will be doomed to eternal depression(read the article - “”), and in a sensitive nature, signs of schizophrenia, various manias and other extremely serious diseases. Of course, these are very rare cases, but the risk exists.

3. How can you tell if you have low self-esteem?

Here is a list of signs that can be used to determine whether a person has low self-esteem:

a large number of criticism addressed to you, both to the point and out of the blue;
dissatisfaction with any of your actions and results;
reacting too strongly to outside criticism;
a painful reaction to an opinion expressed about oneself, even a positive one;
fear of doing something wrong;
indecisiveness, taking a long time to think before doing anything;
unhealthy jealousy;
strong envy, especially when others have achieved something;
an obsessive desire to please, to literally crawl in front of others;
hatred of one’s surroundings, unreasonable anger at others;
constant excuses;
the desire to protect yourself from everything in the world;
enduring pessimism;
a lot of negativity in everything.

Low self-esteem makes a person suffer much more from failure. Any problem is temporary, especially if you start solving it in time.

If a person is insecure, then he will aggravate the trouble until it becomes unsolvable, will eventually give up and leave everything to gravity, which will bring problems in all areas of life.

This approach on an ongoing basis will aggravate self-esteem, make you feel insignificant, and ultimately hate yourself.

Society is very sensitive to this and as soon as your negative attitude towards yourself becomes noticeable, others will begin to treat you worse. The further, the more, which will ultimately end in alienation and recluse, a deeply unhappy existence, lack of money and personal life, psycho-emotional disorders.

There is an absolute pattern: you will begin to respect yourself, and others will respect you .

Success factors - self-confidence and high self-esteem

4. High self-esteem and self-confidence 👍 are the most important factors for achieving success.

Self love– this is not a lack, not arrogance, and so on. It is worth distinguishing between narcissism and healthy respect for one’s personality.

The most important – relate your opinion to reality. If you are really good at carving wood, love yourself for it, be proud of it, even brag about it.

If you have just started doing this - appreciate yourself for striving for new things, desire to do something with your hands. In every action you can find positive parties and negative . Love yourself for the first and adequately treat the second.

Only in this case will the people who surround you see your positive sides and begin to value And respect. If everything is the other way around, and you look for more and more flaws in your work, those around you will do the same. And believe me, they will find them.

The more you will confident, those more people will be drawn to you. Moreover, both those whose level of self-esteem is higher than yours, and those who have it lower. They will want to get closer to each other, start collaborating, just talk to interesting, a confident person, who is not afraid and does not hesitate to say what he considers necessary or do what seems right to him.

Strength of spirit attracts everyone- from small to large, which will make you not only popular, but also more satisfied with your life.

Signs of good, high self-esteem:

the physical body is not a painful, ugly shell, but a given by nature;
confidence in yourself, your actions and words;
mistakes are not obstacles on the way, but a way to learn more;
criticism is useful information that does not affect self-esteem;
compliments are pleasant and do not evoke strong emotions;
speak calmly with all people, do not feel awkward when communicating with strangers;
every opinion expressed is valuable, but does not fundamentally affect the opinion of the person himself;
take care of the condition of the body;
worry about their emotional balance and adjust it if necessary;
constantly harmonious development, without leaps and unrealistic tasks;
They finish what they start, achieve success in this and are not afraid of it.

Believe in yourself, respect your own self- this is the basis for achieving any goal, including the fundamental one - be happy. This will help you grow above your current self, forget about those troubles and disgusting feelings that you experienced at the bottom of your own self-esteem.

On the territory of the former Soviet Union Many members of the older generation have big problems with self-esteem. At that time, it was extremely unpopular, since the leading one was the common good, and not the happiness of everyone. Next generation 90s also did not receive enough adequate positive information about themselves from the world due to the difficult situation in the country, lack of money, dangerous criminal situation.

At this time it is time to forget about it and think about own well-being. In order to change your self-esteem you need to work on your personality.

This will be the very qualitative change in life that you have dreamed of so much.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

5. Low self-esteem - 5 main reasons for lack of self-confidence 📑

The mouse race in which a person participates from birth forces him to form a certain opinion about himself. As a result, by the beginning of conscious life we often get unlucky And sad a young man who understands perfectly well that a lot of troubles and the need to work await him and his complexes. Why does this happen?

Reason #1. Family

If you ask yourself where a person gets their opinion about themselves, the first correct answer is family. We receive most of our psychological attitudes at a very young age. This is due to the fact that emotional formation also occurs during physiological development.

In another way, while we are growing up, our parents and environment lay the foundation of our future personality, brick by brick.

It is logical to assume that the opinion about ourselves created during childhood will remain with us for many years, and maybe for the rest of our lives. It’s good if parents understand this and are responsible for what they tell their child and how they do it. However, this does not always happen.

For example, according to parents, a child in kindergarten constantly makes mistakes. The progress of parental humiliation looks like this:

Built a beautiful house from a construction set? And who will clean it up?
Defeated the guys from the neighboring yard in a snowball fight? You're all wet, you'll get sick, and we don't have any money anyway!
Got 5 physical culture? Where's the math, you idiot?
What do you mean you liked this girl? Her dad is a gardener, and that’s not prestigious!

So, day after day, parents impose on the child that he cannot do anything right. The baby stops believing that he is able to do something with his hands, have fun, choose a partner, company, etc.

Against this background, self-love cannot arise in any way; who can respect and appreciate such an absurd creature? Then, about twenty years later, parents are surprised to discover that their child is a loser, has achieved nothing in life, is lonely and sad, and they blame him for this... himself, because they put so much effort into him, and he, ungrateful... and everything in the same spirit.

What should a person do in this situation? Of course, work on yourself, increase your self-esteem and strive for happiness. Everything is possible, the main thing is to want it.

Parents should remember that criticism is a dangerous educational tool that can lead to painful consequences. It is worth knowing that you are raising a separate personality, who must be confident in his decisions and actions, have his own opinion, be able to make decisions, and not limply follow you as an extension of your body and mind.

The best situation for the baby is good And affectionate mother who always calm And happy. The father must be demanding, have serious authority and, most importantly, treat the child fairly at any age.

It is also worth paying attention to each child in the family, even if there are a lot of them. So-called " little brother syndrome"When the younger one is reproached for the successes of the older one - worse, what you can think of to build healthy self-esteem.

Because family for a child- the center of the universe, it is worth paying attention to his ego. If you feel that your self-esteem is falling, raise it.

It doesn't take much - just give him fair praise a few times a day and he'll go to bed happier. Encourage him to do what he does best and gently point out his shortcomings rather than criticize him. This way, the child’s self-esteem will inevitably rise and ensure his resilience to life and a happy future.

Reason #2. Failures at an early age

From early childhood, failures come our way. This is inevitable for every person, because we live in a far from ideal world. An adult with a stable psyche usually takes failures quite calmly, can overcome them and learn from them useful information, however, this is not always the case with children.

At a very early age, even if you don’t remember the failure, it is possible that it is in the depths of your subconscious and whispers all the time: “ don’t do anything, it won’t work anyway, I’m always behind you" We definitely need to fight this.

Over time, if you work on your personality, these memories will emerge, they will be very painful and unpleasant, but by analyzing them in detail and realizing that your mistake is completely insignificant and should not subsequently affect you in any way, you will get rid of a significant burden on your heart.

From the time you remember very well all your troubles, working with this is much easier. If you rummage around in your mind, you will definitely find a pair dozens moments that have weighed on you since school. Desk neighbor's refusal, teacher's unflattering expression, father's rude comment, failure in competition, bad mark in physics- all these are examples of a heavy load that lowers your self-esteem and takes away positive energy for eternal torment over long-lived problems.

All this from adolescence forms the consciousness of a loser who simply cannot achieve something in life, and this is a lie - after all, everyone is capable of this.

Reason #3. Life passivity

The formation of personality begins in childhood and in the early stages does not require any effort from us. However, the older we get, the more this situation changes.

TO 15 years old our personality will not move forward even an inch if we don’t try for it. That is, over time, more and more willpower will be required from each person in order to at least remain at the original level; for development, more and more will need to be done.

If a child has been depressed since childhood and is not used to working on himself and developing, in adulthood he will belong to the so-called gray mass.

This substance in society is characterized by the fact that its unit:

does not want to develop;
constantly puts off important things until later (procrastinates). Read about that in one of our articles;
does not dream of more;
does not take personal responsibility for himself or his family;
accustomed to poverty/low income;
does not take care of himself or his appearance;
believes that everything new is scary and unnecessary in his life;
does not know how to be satisfied or dissatisfied - emotions are absolutely inert.

There is a saying by a famous physicist that a person without willpower is just a vertical puddle. The gray mass consists of such individuals. This is not an example of poor self-esteem, but a complete lack of it.

No aspirations, no desires, eternal lack of money And lack of any vivid impressions, which are able to dispel the gray reality.

This is a rather sad sight that destroys thousands of lives, including those children who grow up in such families. Raise self-esteem in this case it is vital for women and men.

If this is not done, a happy, bright, emotional life will pass by, leaving behind fragments of poverty and an eternally depressed mood.

Reason #4. Environment

We are all surrounded by a large number of people. Some of them are successful, others not so much, and others don’t even want to be so. If you decide to take everything from life, to make yourself a happy, confident person, you should acquire the appropriate environment.

Signs of an unhealthy society:

constant baseless philosophizing, verbiage;
criticism of everything in the world, from the government to neighbors, especially groundless or meaningless;
inertia and lack of initiative, for example, if you cannot persuade your friends to go to a concert or to the cinema;
constant gossip, judging others behind their backs;
planning to “get rich quick” without any action or effort;
large amounts of alcohol, cigarettes and other bad habits.

The lack of desire to develop, work and generally try in life is quite contagious. In such company you feel no worse than everyone else, but it is relaxing, requires a lot of time and emotions, and pulls you to the bottom. This energy vampirism, which is difficult, even impossible, to fight. If you can, leave such a company or environment completely; if not, just minimize communication.

The best society for those seeking to develop is people who have already achieved something. Don't know how to meet them? Try going to places you have never been to before. Usually this libraries, book the shops, theaters, thematic establishments, seminars, trainings and so on.

Reason #5. Appearance problems

A strong factor, especially in adolescence, is appearance. If she has any defects, then even with the right approach to education from relatives, low self-esteem can be formed based on the opinions of peers, teachers, and so on.

The most common example in this case is excess weight. Offensive nicknames, lack of attention from girls/boys, contemptuous attitude of some adults - all this naturally affects the child’s personality.

If this manifests itself in adulthood, then the person will demonstrate his resentment less clearly, but this will not lessen the pain.

In order to change this, you can try to fix the defect. For example, if this is a diet, then the whole family should be on it so that the child does not feel disadvantaged. If change is impossible, the child needs to be helped to come to terms with this situation and develop in a different direction.

There are many charismatic and attractive fat people in the world and absolutely no one is interested in thin people.

7 ways to increase your self-esteem and become confident

6. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways 📚

Having understood what self-esteem is, why it is needed and what influences its formation, you can begin to figure out how to work with it, namely how to raise it.

It’s not enough to just realize that you don’t evaluate yourself correctly, you also need to be able to change the situation. Listed below are several interesting and effective ways to increase self-esteem and confidence.

Method number 1. Environment

The society you move in determines who you are. It is important for everyone not to be last. In a company where no one has achieved anything, you feel comfortable because everyone is just like you.

Now imagine that you find yourself in a social circle where one bought a new car yesterday, the second opened a new branch of his store, the third recently graduated from university. At the same time, you barely graduated from college, and you can't get a job anywhere.

How will you feel? Of course they are unpleasant. In addition, you will receive a powerful, significant impetus for development, a desire to do something significant for your life and career. You will feel awkward at first, but over time you will realize that you are changing for the better with this company.

In addition, you will get rid of the ever-depressive social circle that pulls you to the bottom and ridicules all your timid endeavors.

A strong and successful person will never become; he laughs at those who are just trying their hand. On the contrary, he will help and advise, even support if necessary.

Look for a suitable social circle that will force you to work on yourself.

Method No. 2. Literature, trainings, films

Having dealt with your surroundings, start taking decisive steps, namely, start reading books on working on yourself and increasing your self-esteem. This list will be useful to you:

Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
Sharon Wegshida-Cruz "How Much Are You Worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself";
"The Charm of Femininity" by Helen Andelin;
Louise Hay Heal Your Life.

Next stage - attending seminars and practices . People who want to change and trainers who can give it to them gather here. This way you change your environment and get the information you want. This is an effective method that allows you to kill two birds with one stone.

Method No. 3. The comfort zone is actually the enemy

No matter how strange it may sound, but for now you comfortable And calmly in the world in which you exist, it is very bad for your personality. The established rules of life will force you ossify And freeze at one place. Only by doing something new can you develop.

In fact, it only seems to you that you already have all the best. There, beyond the confines of your invisible cage, he lives and rages wonderful And amusing a world that is filled not with difficulties and troubles, but with incredible adventures, new stories and acquaintances.

As soon as you throw your fears into the firebox, it will open up to you, instill a sense of self-confidence and show you many bright events that you could not even think about.

What do you need to do to leave your “comfort zone”? Analyze where your time goes. How many hours a week do you watch TV, how much do you drink, play games, and so on. Reduce that time by three hours every seven days and devote them to something new. What you've always wanted: sculpt from clay, sew a new dress, plant a flower, go to the circus/cinema/theater. The more active the better. Over time, the bright life will draw you in, and you will forget about the mediocre chatty box and other garbage items.

Method number 4. Down with self-criticism!

If you stop eating yourself alive unnecessary self-criticism , you can immediately complete three extremely important tasks that would otherwise take you a lot of time and effort.

Firstly, you will get a lot of free energy. All the energy that you spent on self-criticism and searching for reasons for it can be directed to actions that are more pleasant and useful. For example, reading fascinating books with a relaxing plot or writing poetry, knitting, planting flowers, and so on.

Secondly, you will begin to perceive yourself as a holistic person who has his own individuality. Yes, you don’t look like that Vasya, Einstein or Alain Delon. And it is not necessary! Be yourself, and don’t participate in someone else’s eternal competition, in which someone else has already taken first place.

Third, you will begin to notice not only the negative, but also the positive aspects in yourself. Everyone has something good, something they can do. Discover it, highlight it and nurture it, improve it, grow it without wasting time and effort. This is exactly what will be the best investment in yourself!

Whatever painful mistakes you encounter, don’t allow yourself to brood over them for more than an hour. After suffering a little, force yourself to be happy again, and take failure as an experience.

Method No. 5. Physical exercise

Thus, physical activity, which is unloved by many, greatly affects our emotional state. Buying a gym membership can do more to improve self-esteem than many training sessions.

This happens because:

during sports, a person releases a wonderful hormone, dopamine, which excites our brain and gives pleasant reward; in common parlance it is also called the hormone of joy;
you bring your body, and therefore your appearance, into complete order, so that over time you can be proud of it and respect yourself for the work done;
Even the exercises themselves without results are important, because in the process of performing each exercise you overcome laziness, complexes and other troubles;
improved well-being gives and develops confidence in yourself and your actions, in every step - it’s easier for you to move and feel, it’s easier to persuade yourself to start doing something.

This is a great way to improve the quality of life for people with a sedentary lifestyle and the same job. After spending the whole day in a stuffy office, it’s worth unwinding, but without going to a bar to drink beer. This will most likely have a detrimental effect on you, but sport on the contrary, it will renew and make you more cheerful.

A heavy-moving person with an overweight and unattractive body cannot feel good in the company of slim and healthy people. This is fertile ground for the development of complexes, lowering self-esteem and other troubles.

Among other things, sport will help to start New acquaintances with purposeful people who can help you teach And show by your example that any change is possible, which also has a beneficial effect on your psyche.

Method number 6. Subconscious Programming

You can influence your consciousness with the help of another, no less interesting and effective tool - programming. In psychology this is called affirmation. Think about your computer. You give it a command, it processes it and performs the requested action. It’s the same with our subconscious, only a little more complicated. You can’t just say: “make me happy and confident.”

The code or command is memorized or recorded on a voice recorder. It should sound like a solid, realized fact. For example, “I am confident in myself”, “ girls like me», « I can have what I want without much effort"and everything in the same spirit. There shouldn’t be a lot of such phrases; they should be repeated in a playlist or just to yourself for about two minutes.

These affirmations and will be the same setting in the subconscious, a command for the computer that will convince your subconscious of what you need. Do you want to become confident– please convince the hidden sides of your brain of this and it will independently remake the entire conscious part so that you become completely independent and can easily make decisions.

There is one rule here - you need to do this regularly, even after you feel the changes. Continue until you are surprised to discover that the affirmations you are listening to have already come true.

Remember that these words should have an exclusively positive impact on your personality, not create ambiguity and not raise doubts. What you convince yourself of should only have benefits, without negative effects, because “convincing” the subconscious back will not be easy.

Method No. 7. Remember your victories

You should never neglect what has already been done. This is important for your consciousness, for the subconscious and for a good mood. There is always something to praise yourself for, and if this is not enough, you will begin to subconsciously strive to do something good for the sake of it. Even if you praise yourself.

To operate this mechanism, keep a notebook of victories. You need to write down everything you think in it. good deed, useful in action and so on. Any little things or minor victories - all this is very important for your self-esteem, the feeling of being needed in the world.

It might look like this, for example:

had breakfast on time;
picked up laundry from the laundry;
bought my beloved wife several roses;
pleased his daughter with a game of tag;
earned an award thanks to a well-written report;
went to the gym three times in a week;
lost 300 grams.

As you can see, achievements can be anything as long as they bring joy to someone or moral satisfaction to you. In just a few months you can amass an impressive collection that will warm your soul on cold evenings.

Write this down in your personal notebook and in difficult moments when you cannot find the strength within yourself complete some difficult task or go up to an after-hours meeting At work, re-read a few pages of your diary.

Your mood is guaranteed to rise, you will remember how many positive emotions your efforts brought to you and your loved ones, and this is a powerful push to overcome all the troubles in the world.

Using these methods to increase self-esteem requires regularity And attentiveness. Carefully monitor your state and thoughts, try to highlight the most successful ones, and observe how you change.

This will help you get to know yourself better, learn to communicate with your inner self, and control your life.

Training to develop and increase self-confidence - by overcoming public opinion

7. Self-confidence training - overcoming the opinions of society 📝

The society that surrounds us, as we have already understood, seriously affects our self-esteem. If you give it too much great importance, then this is quite capable of destroying a person.

Of course, criticism is important. Our loved ones point out to us our mistakes, show us the moments in which, in their opinion, we did wrong and this is good. It is called healthy relationships .

However, letting it completely define your personality Badly. Each person must independently decide what is good in his life and what is not, and how he will ultimately act in a given situation.

Don't worry about what others will say about you first. First, decide what you think about it, and try to perceive the rest of the information as background, secondary.

Try to make society’s opinion depend on yours, and not vice versa. There are several interesting exercises for this.

A little circus. This simple physical exercise will require serious psychological strength from you. Look in your closet for something ridiculous - an old long tie, funny pants, anything that seems funny to you. Now put this on and feel free to hit the streets. Go shopping, go to the cinema and so on. You shouldn't do that at work- may be misunderstood, otherwise - complete freedom. However, do not overdo it, first take less provocative things and over time put on something more fun, so as not to immediately injure your psyche.

This exercise works like this:. Your subconscious retains a lot of complexes that are associated with its appearance. The more you leave your comfort zone, that is, dress differently, the more your subconscious will independently destroy established complexes and make your consciousness, and therefore your life, freer.

More public. This exercise is simple. The more you speak in public, the more honed this skill will become. Speeches before big amount people require composure, quality preparation, and willpower.

This will help you learn to concentrate and complete a task quickly, while being responsible for the result. In addition, this will raise you in the eyes of your superiors and will give you a great reputation among a large audience.

Do these two exercises and be firm in your opinions.

8. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem 📋

Much has already been said about self-esteem. It may be difficult for you to immediately perceive and implement the entire situation received.

For this there is 5 golden rules, which are worth printing out and hanging on the refrigerator. Constantly reminding and reading them will do the work for you. On a subconscious level, your brain will perceive them as instructions for action and will facilitate the period of transformation into a successful personality.

No need to compare yourself and others!
There is no need to scold yourself for mistakes!
Surround yourself with positivity!
Learn to love what you do!
Prefer action over passivity!

Everyone unique And worthy happiness. It is imperative to unlock your unlimited potential to get everything out of life.

This requires constant work on yourself and a mandatory increase in self-esteem. But the results will not be long in coming, which will benefit both you and your surroundings.

9. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today 📄

The first practical task on the path to increasing self-esteem is determining its level. To do this, there is a very simple self-esteem test of ten questions.

It's very easy to complete - read each point and answer " Yes" or " No". Every time you answer" Yes"- remember.

Do you criticize yourself sharply when you make mistakes?
Is gossip one of your favorite pastimes?
Don't have clear guidelines?
Don't you exercise physically?
Do you often worry about little things?
In unfamiliar company, do you prefer not to be noticed?
Does criticism make you feel stressed?
Does envy and criticism of others happen often?
Does the opposite sex remain a mystery and scare you?
Can an accidentally thrown word offend you?

Now you need to remember how many “Yes” you said. If less three– your self-esteem is at a normal level. If more three- you need work on it.

10. Conclusion + video on the topic

Having a sincere desire to change and change your life can achieve a lot. Raising and normalizing self-esteem is one of the first, fairly simple steps that ultimately allows you to achieve success, happiness And money.

Spare no effort, do not take care of yourself until better times. Develop now, gain invaluable experience and build your future at a new level!