Is selfishness dangerous for love? Each person has their own opinion on this matter. In order to answer this question, it is worth understanding what selfishness is and why can it be dangerous for love? I believe that selfishness can be called a disease that needs to be fought. A selfish person does not take into account the opinions of others and puts his own interests, needs and problems above all else. He thinks only about himself and demands attention. Love and selfishness are completely opposite. After all, love is the most beautiful and bright feeling that a person can experience. When you love, you trust a person, respect his opinion, love him simply for who he is, appreciate every moment spent together. This is why I believe that an egoist cannot or simply does not know how to love.

I can prove the correctness of my point of view by referring to L. N. Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace.” I propose to remember the heroine of the novel, who was a heartless egoist, Helen Kuragina. She was beautiful, attractive, had many admirers, but she chose the clumsy, unsightly Pierre Bezukhov as her husband, whom she did not admire, and what’s more, she didn’t even love him. She only wanted money for him. She was an unfaithful wife; immediately after the wedding she had a lover. I think this is selfish towards Pierre. Having learned about this, Pierre decides to break off relations with her, but before he can dissolve the marriage, Helen falls ill and dies. This behavior of Helen suggests that she does not love Pierre, but only uses him to be surrounded by money. This is where her selfishness manifests itself; she is not able to truly love Pierre, because when you love, you do not cheat on your loved one.

To make sure that an egoist really does not know how to love and appreciate what he has, it is worth turning to A.P. Chekhov’s story “The Jumper”. This story shows shining example selfishness in relationships. Olga Ivanovna, one of the main characters of the story, is selfish and wasteful towards her husband, Osip Stepanovich. She does not appreciate him, does not respect his work, he does everything so that Olga does not need anything. Because of his love for her, Osip stopped respecting himself; he even turned a blind eye to the fact that she had a lover. I think it’s mean to do this to a person who really loves you. But Olga does not value her husband, she doesn’t care about him, she knows that Osip will do anything for her. But only when Osip became mortally ill did Olga realize that she was losing a dear person. It is unlikely that anyone will love her the same way Dymov loved her. Olga's selfishness is dangerous for Osip; he works without sparing himself to please his wife in everything.

Thus, a person blinded by selfishness can lose happiness, and rash actions can lead to tragedy. No wonder A.V. Sukhomlinsky argued: “It’s better not to create a family if you are an egoist. Meaning happy love is to give. A person in love with himself cannot give anything, he only takes and thereby inevitably poisons all the best in love. Selfishness interferes here, like a physical illness.”

He and she.

Loving means looking not at each other, but together, in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Approximate topics, problems in the direction.
Quotes on the topic.

Direction "He and she"- very multifaceted in nature. There are many topics that can be suggested here that cover different shades of relationships between men and women. This is love (mutual and unrequited), family relationships, devotion, betrayal, betrayal, the desire to use the feelings of another for selfish interests.

I offer a list of some problems and topics in this direction, list of 10 works for arguments, quotes on this topic.

This material will help in preparing for an essay and will guide students in choosing works.

Approximate topics and problems in the direction.

Themes.	Problems.
	What role does love play in a person’s life? How does it change him?
Unrequited love.	What is unrequited love? How does it change his attitude towards life, towards people? Does unrequited love elevate or humiliate a person?
Power of love.	What is love capable of? What is the power of love, how does it manifest itself in a person’s actions, in relationships with others and with life itself?
	What is the responsibility to a loved one? What can a person sacrifice for the sake of a loved one?
Treason and love.	Is betrayal possible in love? Is it possible to forgive betrayal?
Selfish love. Selfishness in love.	Why is it so easy to use love for selfish, selfish purposes? Does a person who plays with the feelings of another deserve respect?
Family, family relationships.	Love as the basis of family happiness and prosperity. What relationships should a family be built on? Why is love the basis of family happiness? Why is mutual respect and trust so important in a family?

List of works for arguments.

Quotes on the topic.

Love as the meaning of life, the source of happiness.

It's easier to live without love. ...But without it there is no point. (L.N. Tolstoy, Russian writer).
When you love, you discover such wealth in yourself! I can’t even believe that you know how to love so much.(A.P. Chekhov, Russian writer and playwright).
Love is the only thing that sharpens the mind, awakens creative imagination, the only thing that cleanses us and frees us. (Paulo Coelho, contemporary Brazilian novelist and poet).
The most best love- the one that awakens the soul and makes you strive for more. It sets our hearts on fire and calms our minds. (Noah Calhoun, hero of the novel “The Notebook” modern writer N. Sparks).
To love means to find your own happiness in the happiness of another. Gottfried Leibniz

Unrequited love.

Unrequited love does not humiliate a person, but elevates him. (A.S. Pushkin, Russian poet and writer).
Of all the mockery of fate over a person, none is more deadly than unrequited love.. (A.M. Gorky, Russian writer and playwright).
What a pity that what your existence became for me, my existence did not become for you. (I.A. Brodsky, Russian and American poet and writer of the 20th century).

All love is happiness, even if it is not shared.(I.A. Bunin, Russian writer and poet).
For a person who loves with unrequited love, there is no joy in anything. (John Irving, contemporary American writer and screenwriter).

Power of love.

True love will never die. (Stephen King, modern American writer).
Love is a force that can move mountains. (Dean Koontz, contemporary American science fiction writer).
True love helps you endure all hardships. (F. Schiller, German poet and playwright of the 18th and early 19th centuries).
The forces of love are great, disposing those who love to difficult feats and enduring extreme, unexpected dangers. (D. Boccaccio, 14th century Italian poet and writer).
By giving love to others, you get rid of fears; with the power of love you illuminate the space around you, dispelling the darkness. (Osho, 20th century Indian religious figure).

Responsibility to your loved one.

He who loves must share the fate of the one he loves. (M.A. Bulgakov, Russian writer).
If you truly love someone, then in addition to the serene happiness that this love gives you, you should also feel responsible for your loved one. (Charlotte Brontë, pseudonym of Currer Bell, an English poet and novelist of the 19th century).
Great love is always responsibility and care, protection and fear, thoughts about how to arrange and make life easier for the most precious creature in the world. (I.A. Efremov, Soviet science fiction writer of the 20th century).
Caring and responsibility are the building blocks of love, but without respect and knowledge of the loved one, love degenerates into dominance and possessiveness. (Erich Z. Fromm, 20th century German philosopher and psychologist).
Love is a fruitful form of relating to others and to oneself. It involves caring, responsibility, respect and knowledge, as well as a desire for the other person to grow and develop. (Erich Z. Fromm, 20th century German philosopher and psychologist).

Treason and love.

A noble heart cannot be unfaithful.(O. Balzac, French writer of the 19th century).
To preserve love, you must not change, but change. (K. Melikhan, modern Russian writer and humorist).
If you are betrayed and your love is cleverly turned into profit, then what kind of humanity can we talk about here? (Georgy Alexandrov, scientist-philosopher of the 20th century).
Is a changeable person worthy of love? (Saadi, 13th century Persian poet).
A house is a fortress, and there is no forgiveness for those who are persuaded by flattery, promises or deception to open the gates to a stranger. (Elena Ermolova).

Selfishness in love.

There is only one love, but there are thousands of counterfeits. (François La Rochefoucauld, 17th-century French moralist writer).
Let romantics argue about whether love exists. People practically use it for their own purposes. (Stephen King, modern American writer).
Perhaps we are unable to love precisely because we long to be loved, that is, we want something (love) from another, instead of giving ourselves to him without any self-interest, being content only with his presence. (Milan Kundera)
Sometimes we mistake people around us for lottery tickets that only serve to make our absurd dreams come true. (Carlos Luis Zafon, contemporary Spanish writer).
Self-interest is insatiable. (Pittacus, ancient Greek sage 7-6 centuries BC)

Family. Family relationships.

"All happy families are similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” (L.N. Tolstoy, great Russian writer, philosopher and teacher).
“Family is the most important thing in the world. Family is the strongest bond of your life.” (Johnny Depp, modern American actor, film director, screenwriter).
“To create a family, it is enough to love. And to preserve it, you need to learn to endure and forgive.” (Mother Teresa, a 20th century Catholic nun, was dedicated to helping sick and poor people.)
"IN family life one must take into account the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, aspirations of a loved one. While preserving your dignity, you must be able to give in to each other.” (V. Sukhomlinsky, Soviet innovative teacher, children's writer 20th century).
“In family life, the most important screw is love.” (A.P. Chekhov, Russian writer, playwright).

Note.

How to work with quotes?

Can learn short quotes that will be used in the essay. During the school year, memorize 10 quotes ( By two for each direction) - this, you see, is not so difficult.
Quotes contain very interesting thoughts, in which the authors beautifully express themselves on a particular topic. These are kind of essay prompts. Think about the meaning of quotes, learn to paraphrase them, highlight the main thing in them and use them in your essay.
Pay attention to the highlighted quotes. They can be remembered.

Material prepared by: Melnikova Vera Aleksandrovna.

Yuna Vruz
From the series “SKETCHES FROM LIFE”
Judging by the serious discussion that unfolded after my first post at the School of Life (see the article “What is love?”), further presentation my opinion regarding the repeatedly studied phenomenon of love will leave few indifferent. So much the better, because in a clash of opinions both sides benefit – you can simultaneously sharpen your arguments and change your original point of view. So, the key question is: is love related to selfishness, and if so, how?

Let us consider three concepts in succession: selfishness in general, selfishness in love in particular, and love (bed) selfishness as one of the forms of manifestation of selfishness in love. I propose a simple method: first we ask the all-knowing Internet, and then we use common sense and everyday experience. So we will come to the final judgment. Do you agree?

What is egoism?
Oddly enough, Google is not too rich in definitions. Here is perhaps the most common one, which has roots from Mr. Freud: egoism is a manifestation of a person’s interest in himself, characterized by focusing on his desires, drives, and his own world as a whole. Have you read it? Ask yourself what is negative about this definition? Nothing, right?

However, continuing the search further, one can find numerous materials in which the concept of egoism is attributed with a negative, even antisocial connotation. They say (hereinafter in the text in quotation marks - these are quotes), “Christian morality teaches us to take care of other people, honor our parents, help the weak and resist tyrants... that the highest achievement is a feat accomplished for the benefit of all mankind. We are told tales about heroes who gave their lives to save other people. And we are taught to feel guilty for every manifestation of selfishness.” It is often even expressed that selfishness destroys society and therefore must be eradicated. Wow! At the same time, altruism is designated as the opposite of egoism: the first is good, the second is disgusting.

Women's magazines add to the antisocial connotation of selfishness an anti-muscular one, they say, selfish men are NOT attentive-caring-helpful-friendly. selfless-selfless-selfless... the series can be continued, but the meaning, I think, is already clear: women are NOT selfish, men are selfish, men are NOT altruistic, women are altruistic.

But if you look further, you can still hear something else. That “there is nothing wrong with selfishness - this is human nature itself, and to fight it means to rebel against the instinct of self-preservation. That “the goal of innate natural egoism is survival, therefore we are all selfish through and through. But due to a stupid coincidence, we really want to see ourselves as something different.” That “we find great honor in nobility, in altruism, in helping those in need. We take care of our loved ones and those we love. We worry about the future of children, about baby seals, about the environment and about world peace. But at the same time we refuse to face the truth - in fact, we only care about ourselves.”

That's it, ladies and gentlemen! Someone who sincerely recognizes himself as an egoist and acts accordingly turns out to be more honest than a feigned saint who acts for the good out of the understanding of “this is how it should be” and contrary to his ego. Here’s another quote: “What stronger man believes in the selflessness of his thoughts and actions, the more unhappy he is.” How do you like it? That's a strong word, isn't it?

And here is an example-explanation: two different people, one is a sincere egoist, the other is a feigned saint, they give gifts to their loved ones. The first one clearly understands that, in essence, he is making a present as if for himself, based on his own, read - selfish, self-interest, because he simply likes to give. He is self-serving, but honest. Therefore, in general, he doesn’t care whether the gift causes a storm of joyful emotions, or politely indifferent gratitude: he has already satisfied his ego!

The feigned saint, being just as selfish, pretends that there is no personal benefit in his action, that the gift is for the sake of his neighbor, for him/her and with the goal of bringing him/her a storm of joyful emotions. What happens if instead he receives politely indifferent thanks? Resentment? Misunderstanding? Accusations? That's right, agree! And why? Because the feigned saint wants to believe in the selflessness of this act, being by his human nature - an egoist!

As a conclusion, here is another quote: “There is nothing in a person except his own selfish “I want!”, and the more clearly he sees this, the simpler and more natural his life, the simpler and more natural his relationships with people. Selfishness is a completely healthy feeling if you stop being ashamed of it. The more you hide from it, the more it breaks out in the form of unfounded grievances and attempts to manipulate people for your own benefit. And the more you recognize it, the more clearly you understand that this very egoism forces us to honor the freedom and interests of another person. Conscious, rational egoism is the only path to healthy and constructive relationships between people.”

Having completed the Internet search, let's try to use common sense and everyday experience. Hand on heart, answer with whom it is easier to communicate, with a person who makes no or almost no claims to you, who, as a rule, is happy with everything, has a stable positive mood, or with someone who niggles, advice, teachings, opinions fills the entire ether around your ears, who expects gratitude from you for what he has done - selflessly! – an act whose mood does not change predictably? With whom? That's the same! And what do you care if the first one is showing interest in himself, focusing on his desires, inclinations, on his own world as a whole? What does this change if the ease of relationships only benefits from this? Remember where the road is paved with good intentions?

Finishing touch. A few words should be said about what fuels the selfishness of any person? What is the inner world built on and what motivates self-interest? The answer is simple - needs, that is the “alpha and omega” of the human ego. Needs! It is for their satisfaction, and – primary and unconditional! As you know, there are not so many of them - only five, so there are not so many factors that need to be monitored. Good news is that for an adult, fairly accomplished person, only two or three are key.

What is selfishness in love?
Phew, done with the first section. Having figured out that selfishness is not such a terrible beast as our imagination often portrays it, let’s move on to the second thing - what is selfishness in love? To begin our discussion, let us remember what we mean by love: this is the state of displacing one’s own egoism in favor of the egoism of another person. Let’s add here the definition of selfishness - interest in oneself, attention to one’s desires and desires, to one’s own world. What happens? If egoism - interest, attention and attraction - of a person, say a man, is supplanted in favor of egoism - interest, attention and attraction - of another person, a woman, then this means that the attractiveness of a woman’s “inner self, ego” becomes higher for a man than his own. Conversely, the attractiveness of the male “inner self, ego” becomes greater for a woman. This is the basis of their mutual interest in each other. The inner world of one is replaced inner world another. A woman’s needs feed a man’s selfishness and vice versa.

It is probably this understanding that romantic writers and poets are guided by when they use metaphors like “they dissolved into each other.” People around them talk about them - they love each other, and are perfect for each other! Although, if you ask everyone individually, the man will most likely say something like “we are of the same blood,” and the woman will say, “he’s the same as me, only... with a tail.” In other words, partner evaluation is carried out on the principle of absence! It’s like with air - as long as it’s there, you don’t notice it, but as soon as it’s gone, you’re on guard!

Let's imagine the situations. A man has and values a relationship with a woman. One day she suggests going out of town for the weekend. And the man already has plans for this weekend - to go to football. Or, he invites the woman to go to the theater, and her schedule for Saturday is already “filled” with “pools, massages, make-ups.” What to do? There are two options. The first is that if a man in the first situation and a woman in the second abandon their plans and needs, then they thereby take the path of accumulating the potential for irritation and dissatisfaction: once they “moved out”, the second time they gave in... Where is the end? And what will it be like?
The second option: each partner respects the egoism of the other, and considers it – selfishly! – the proposal received through the prism of your needs: nature or football, theater or swimming pool. And if accepted, then the time and place of the meeting is agreed upon, which, as we know, can no longer be changed . That's all! Tell me, what is better for a relationship - the accumulation of irritations like “you come to me again with your theater”, or selfish respect for needs? That's the same!

What is love or bed selfishness?
Women are sure that loving selfishness is manifested by someone who, during passion, ignores the desires of his partner, being carried away only by his own satisfaction. Men, on the other hand, believe that love egoism is manifested by someone who manipulates a partner, playing on the availability of physiological needs. In fact, neither one nor the other has anything to do with egoism! Because it reflects not sincere, undisguised selfishness, but feigned holiness and sacrifice.

Let us read without unnecessary emotions the following words from one women’s magazine: “Love selfishness in bed has a number of characteristic signs. Your partner won't look at your face. Perhaps he will close his eyes, surrendering completely to his sensual pleasure. It will tell you which way to turn and how to move.” From a selfish point of view, do the same and don’t worry! Get high! But from the point of view of sacrifice, everything is not at all so simple: I gave myself to him, and he... As stated above, this is the path to the accumulation of irritation and dissatisfaction.

Selfishness, and only it, is the basis of stable relationships between people and lovers!

Does a person who loves only himself have a conscience? How does this love manifest itself in his actions? These and other questions are asked by the Russian Soviet writer E.A. Permyak.

This text raises the problem of selfishness and pride. In it, three brothers received happy hours, thereby gaining the opportunity to manage their time, which could only be obtained by helping and paying attention to others. However, they did not do this and continued to live for their own pleasure, subsequently completely losing the time given to them. “What can he say if he also has no conscience left to start a happy watch with?” This problem is urgent. Nowadays, selfishness has become widespread. People stopped seeing the world around us, they often began to think only about themselves, their work is aimed only at transforming and improving their own lives. “It’s not for nothing that one wise man said: “A man is learned through work.”

All his work, all his deeds and thoughts are aimed at creating a better future for himself.

This problem occurs in large quantities fiction. For example, in N.V. Gogol’s work “Dead Souls” one can see a large number of selfish landowners. One of them is the main character, the landowner Chichikov. From early childhood it was instilled in him that he had to live richly. This gave rise to feelings of pride in him. Chichikov, despite the great big problems of society, poverty and hunger of the peasants, continued to increase his own financial condition. Other landowners did the same. They all worked only for the good of their own lives.

If you turn to B. Vasiliev’s work “My Horses Are Flying,” you can see a completely opposite picture. Dr. Jansen was a sincere and sympathetic person. He was always in a hurry to visit his sick patients, but never in a hurry to leave them. Jansen wanted to help everyone with all his heart. This was shown by his last act. When the little boys fell into a sewer well, Jansen, without thinking about the consequences for himself, rushed to their aid; he understood that he himself was about to die, but this did not stop him. Soon the boys were saved, but Dr. Jansen gave his life for this.

There is no present behind egoism, which means there is no future. Such love does not carry anything valuable; rather, on the contrary, it has a great bad influence to the world as a whole.

Updated: 2018-05-17

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The central person of the work “Hero of Our Time” is Pechorin. This is exactly what we will talk about.

The first thing to do is to understand the semantics of the word egoism. Selfishness is a type of behavior in which a person exalts his own interests above the interests of other people, selfishness, an attempt to benefit and benefit for himself, despite the needs of others. The antonym of this word is “altruism”.

And what do we see in Lermontov’s poem? We can see this restless, goal-less, selfish soul of the protagonist. The depiction of the sharply negative qualities of the hero was not the author’s goal in itself; he simply did everything possible to show this character without embellishment. Nothing should be hidden from the reader's eyes.

For Pechorin, everyone and the people around him are just cards in a playing deck. Toys and nothing more. His goal is purely to amuse himself, regardless of the feelings and desires of those he plays with. His restless soul is cruel and straightforward. He seems to be looking for peace, satisfaction, but nothing in this life can have such an effect on him.

He receives only a temporary lull, and then the game bores him, and our hero again finds himself in a painful search for entertainment.

But, despite this, many can fall in love with our hero with all sincerity, which often turns out to be fatal. Only one of the women was able to carry this load with dignity - Vera. This woman sees the good in the hero, and sees all his shortcomings. His ambition, his neglect and dabbling with the most serious aspects of this life, be it love and friendship, life and death - all this, undoubtedly, hurts her. But his charm, his martyrdom from dissatisfaction with life, his fatalism and will inexorably attract and only strengthen her love. Vera knows Pechorin’s attitude towards himself: “You loved me as property, as a source of joys, anxieties and sorrows, replacing each other; without whom life is boring and monotonous...” And this quote once again emphasizes such a flaw of our hero as selfishness.

Pechorin's interest in Bela turns out to be disastrous. He calls this interest love. And to satisfy his feelings, he kidnaps her from home. But in order to win love, it is not enough to tear a person away from home, and the hero sets a new goal - to win Bela’s heart, which he successfully succeeds in. Indicative in this case is the dialogue with Maxim Maksimych, who asked Pechorin why he stole the girl, but the answer was full of bewilderment: “I like her.” But this toy does not bring him pleasure either, because the love of a savage is no better than the love of a society young lady, and she is just as boring to him.

In the poem we see Pechorin’s disdain even for friendship. This is striking in the episode with Maxim Maksimych, with whom we experienced so much, who so wanted to see our hero and talk to him. And in response to this he receives only a cold, albeit friendly, handshake. This cannot but hurt, but Pechorin does not notice what scars remain from his actions in the souls of people.