Love addiction is a painful attachment to another person. It manifests itself in excessive concentration on the partner’s personality, on his behavior, feelings and emotions.

Love addiction is on a par with other types of addictions (alcohol, drug, etc.), only the object of this addiction is a relationship with another person. Keyword“relationships”, since in case of love addiction it is not the person himself as a person that is important, but the relationship with him, the quality and character of it.

Eat good phrase“We are all left at the age at which we were not loved.” It's about love addiction. Mom and dad didn’t love or didn’t show their feelings properly, so the person now spends his whole life looking for a replacement and demands the love of a partner. And he doesn’t get it, which is typical. For it is impossible to satisfy the need and fill the inner emptiness with someone else and the life of another. Only by yourself.

Love addiction is treated exclusively by filling oneself, satisfying needs at the expense of oneself and not others, and seeking self-reliance.

If you are faced with love addiction, when there is no life without a partner, then the following tips will help you.

Why does it occur

Often in the literature you can find the term “love addict”, which very clearly characterizes a person’s need for a “love high”, regardless of the type of drug itself.
Love addiction does not arise out of nowhere and does not happen to everyone. For its occurrence, certain prerequisites are necessary in the form of the addict’s previous love experience, his attitudes and relationships with parents, his self-esteem and internal fulfillment as a person. A love addict is a certain type of personality whose psychological attitudes contribute to the emergence of love addiction with any partner they meet. Secondly, dating partners also have their own type (they simply don’t like others!). What are these attitudes that attract love addiction?

First of all, love addiction is inner emptiness a personality that she tries to fill with another personality.

At the same time, a person can lead a very active social life, have many friends, a good job, etc.

Each of us has our own needs :

• Physiological: food, warmth, safety;
• Safety ;
• Social : contacts, affection, communication;
• Prestigious : self-esteem, recognition, achievement of success;
• Spiritual : self-identification, self-actualization, self-expression.

If at some period of life (most often in childhood with significant adults) some need was not satisfied, frustration followed. Frustration is a state in which there is a need, but there is no opportunity to satisfy it.

It should be noted that despite the impossibility of satisfying a need or several needs, they do not disappear anywhere! They stay with a person for life and a person will always subconsciously look for an opportunity to realize them.

For example, during early childhood, a child could not fulfill his need for love. There could be a lot of reasons: the parents died and the baby was sent to an orphanage, or one of the parents rejected the child, etc. As a result, the child lives and develops with the need “love me” and the inability to receive this from significant adults, which leads to the formation of an adult personality with the same attitude. Moreover, the strength and significance of frustrated needs is so great that a person is ready to do almost anything to satisfy it. And this is a direct road to love addiction. When meeting a partner, a person wants to be loved so much that he is ready to endure humiliation from the other, conflicts, physical violence, as long as he does not go anywhere or abandon him. Therefore, a love addict reacts very sensitively to the manifestations of his partner’s emotions and feelings, to his behavior, since the addict needs to be convinced every time that he is still loved. Control of behavior over the other appears, the desire to be together around the clock, to hear words that confirm feelings, etc., so as not to miss the moment when the other no longer loves. A love addict cannot allow this to happen.

Recognize addiction

Informed means armed. It is possible to cure a disease only when the fact of its presence is recognized and realized by the patient.

You cannot get out of love addiction and change your life if you do not consider yourself addicted.

It is difficult to admit this, but nevertheless it is necessary.

Signs of love addiction:

• When you are in love, you are so absorbed in thoughts about the object of your love that you can think of nothing else;
• You don’t care about obvious signs that the relationship with your partner is destructive for you: disrespect, violence, rudeness, conflict, etc.;
• Your life has changed qualitatively the worst side: difficulties at work, friends disappearing, financial losses, poor health and health problems;
• You can’t imagine life without a partner or temporary loneliness scares you;
• The most important goal in life is love;
• You feel your partner’s superiority over you, your inadequacy in front of him, that he is better than you in all respects;
• You need control over your partner, this gives you confidence that you are loved;
• You are very jealous of your partner, his personal space, interests;
• You live your partner's life and hobbies, devoting little or no time to your own interests and needs

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then you are addicted.

Love has nothing to do with emotional dependence. This is a painful condition that calls into question the construction of normal love relationships and internal personal integrity.

Contact a psychologist

Psychological practice suggests that the percentage of love addicts seeking help is extremely low. This is logical, since admitting the fact that you don’t love, but are dependent, and that it’s not about someone else, but about you, is extremely difficult and painful. However, be honest with yourself. Analyze your relationships in the past and present and answer yourself this question: “Do I really love my partner or myself in his relationship to me?”

Love addiction does not imply love for a specific person, for his acceptance. Addiction is focused on one's own feelings of happiness during the period of expression of love by a partner.

Only when my partner “behaves” can I be happy. If my partner didn’t tell me: “I love you,” when I needed it, then I feel bad. The fact that your partner is a master of public speaking and spent a week-long intensive in a group of 40 people and is physically tired for words of love, this worries you little.

Psychotherapy for love addiction is lengthy and requires a lot of strength and energy. With the right attitude and attitude towards what is happening and your “diagnosis”, the forecasts are positive.

Don't get into a temporary relationship

Dealing with love addiction is difficult and takes time. After it, a person becomes different. He opens up new facets not only in life, but, most importantly, in himself. His inner horizon is gradually expanding, his range of interests and hobbies is increasing significantly. During this period, psychologists recommend not entering into a serious relationship with a partner for some time.

A person BEFORE starting to work on addiction and AFTER – these are two different people. As practice shows, during treatment, even when in a relationship, people often separate afterwards.

This is a trend. And it’s not at all a fact that your current partner will suit you for a new one in the future.

Take care of yourself

Working on love addiction always begins with filling your life with yourself. What does it mean? If you are a love addict, then your life was focused on the interests of your partner, and you were not particularly involved in your own. It's time to take care of yourself. To do this, you need to identify those areas that are significant and significant to you. At the same time, leave the love sphere temporarily. Think about what is important to you? Job? Children? Relationships with friends? Beauty? Hobby?

1. Write a list of significant areas of your life on a piece of paper.
2. Under each area, set goals that you would like to achieve. For example, I would like to lose weight and lose 4 kg in 2 months. The goal has been set!
3. Now identify the resources you need to achieve this goal. For example, a gym membership or sportswear for running around the house. Resources have been identified!
4. Now your task is to act. Provide yourself with resources and move towards your goal.

Thus, by gradually setting goals and achieving them, you will be filled with yourself as a person. You will have new hobbies, associates, desires that you previously did not even suspect, pride in what you have achieved, etc.

The main goal in working with love addiction is to broaden your horizons and learn to live without a partner.

By playing sports, having parties with long-forgotten friends, visiting the circus with children, you can feel joy and happiness without a partner. And then a person will come into your life with whom you will build a relationship as an equal, because you will no longer be afraid of being alone and without love. This position, in turn, sets the couple up for respect for each other, understanding, and intimacy.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Often, what people usually call love can actually turn out to be only its double - love addiction, which is an insidious deception of feelings that makes a person suffer and suffer. True love does not bother you with care, does not require reciprocal feelings and does not give rise to resentment; partners feel good in love - both together and apart. In false love, it’s good together, but bad apart, and then it becomes unbearable together - and terrible apart.

So what kind of deception of feelings is this - love addiction, how to bring it to “clean water” and neutralize it?

This feeling women are more subject to control , because they are more emotional and are able to surrender to feelings completely.

Statistics show that women most often suffer from addiction. having an inflexible psyche who do not accept compromises are like hard marble persons. They often do not have love relationships because they do not know how to establish them.

• Low self-esteem
  Such people become dependent in the role of victim or subordinate. By pleasing their idol, they think that there is nothing better in the world.
• Inexperience
  Young tender creatures encounter this strong but false feeling for the first time. They don't know what to do next except go with the flow. They don’t yet realize that there are other types of relationships.
• Psychological inferiority
  Often two personalities become dependent on each other when they use the piece they need in their partner. For example, the courage of one and the cunning of another. And together they are one an ideal person. Then these two become like Siamese twins. They cannot even imagine themselves independent of each other.
• Lack of attention in childhood, lack of communication, indifference on the part of parents
  People who have suffered mental trauma at a tender age will be at risk for the rest of their lives.
• Fear of loneliness, fear of rejection
• Personal immaturity, inability to make decisions
  The person is simply not ready for a mature relationship.

Symptoms of love addiction - how is love different from addiction?

Unlike drug and alcohol addiction, this disease does not have clear symptoms. But despite this, It’s still possible to diagnose false love .

• The main sign is loss of self-esteem, including jealousy.
• Loss of your interests or complete dissolution in your partner. The head is occupied only with thoughts about the object of one’s adoration, whom one wants to constantly please, please, and take care of. Such impulses differ from love in that no one asks the beloved’s opinion. They decide for him what will be better for him.
• Nervous tension. Those who succumb to addiction are characterized by depression, nervousness, even hysteria if quarrels occur.
• The person does not see the real relationship to him. He idealizes his partner, attributes bright feelings to him and advantageously transforms unworthy actions. There is no adequate perception. This is blind love.

How to get rid of love addiction and find happiness - advice from psychologists

There is no universal remedy in the fight against false love, because each person is individual. This condition makes help from an experienced psychologist especially valuable in getting rid of the spell of the false double of love.

To overcome addiction, you need:

• Learn to love and accept yourself, i.e. raise your self-esteem. Look for joy in the world around you.
• Realize your problem, because through awareness, treatment begins. Understand that addiction is a disease, not love.
• Find yourself, develop as a person, expand your circle of acquaintances and interesting people, fill in everything free time. Because people without specific interests and strong views become dependent.
• Don't drown your grief with alcohol, drugs, extreme sensations - they only mask the problem.
• Get rid of everything that reminds you of your former relationship.
• Don't discuss grief with friends. They are unlikely to be able to help, but they can aggravate mental anguish with incorrect advice and conveying your conversation in a distorted form.
• Change as much as possible. Change your style, hairstyle, maybe change your job, go on vacation.
• Don't look for meetings with your ex-love.
• Find flaws in your partner, even though it will be difficult. Let advantages turn out to be disadvantages, as in the famous film: generous - a spender, well-mannered - boring; proud, stately - feisty, difficult to communicate, cheerful - frivolous.

It is impossible to live without love, every person understands this and everyone strives to find a real feeling. But it often happens that it only brings suffering and tears. How to get rid of love addiction, we will consider in this material.

What is love?

Until now, humanity has not found an exact definition of this phenomenon. Moreover, with age it is more difficult for a person to understand what it is. But the child always has an answer:

• This is the mother who will hug and kiss him. The child also wants to hug and kiss her;
• These are friends with whom you want to play and share toys;
• It's a sunny day when you can play outside all day.

Children perceive it more easily, finding great happiness in this feeling. Many adults would also agree to be nonchalant about this phenomenon. But no, it causes so much suffering to many that it breaks their hearts!

What is this feeling?

If you don’t see the chosen one of your heart for a long time, you begin to suffer, think only about him, wait until despair for news or a meeting. If there is no one or the other for a long time, then it seems that the world has collapsed, the sun has stopped shining, life has lost all meaning. Is this condition familiar? This is love addiction.

Even if the desired object is nearby, many do not feel relief, but only suffering. They have an irresistible desire to be with a person day and night, to absorb all his time, to dissolve in him completely. And this does not always lead to the creation of strong relationships; on the contrary, it can lead to a break, because not every person likes having their freedom limited.

Signs of love addiction

Experts have identified symptoms of addiction.

Inability to get ready.

The day passes while waiting for a call, all important matters are relegated to the tenth plan. Previous interests and hobbies do not arouse any interest.

Persistent thoughts.

The image of a loved one does not leave day or night. You constantly think about meeting him and begin to suffer terribly if the meeting does not take place. Even more frightening are the thoughts of the appearance of a rival or rival. This is where the real hysteria happens. You frantically think about how to ask this and what to do.

Nervousness.

If a person does not meet the object of his desire for a long time, he begins to get nervous about every occasion, things fall out of hand. Those close to him do not understand, and he moves away from them.

Depression.

Depression, even severe depression, are frequent accompaniments of love addiction. A dependent person, if he does not experience reciprocity, falls into despair, begins to look for flaws in himself, and even tries to correct them. He is accompanied by a disgusting mood. To bring him back to life, just a conversation or a call from the object of passion is enough.

These signs can be observed in both women and men. But most often women suffer, as they have more gentle and romantic natures.

When a woman is in love, she is ready to dissolve in her chosen one. But if there is no reciprocal feeling, disappointment and pain sets in. The stronger the feeling, the more painful the heartache.

Love addiction has not been fully studied. Who can be subject to such suffering?

• Romantic, dreamy natures , idealizing their object, adding to its image such features that it does not have and never had.
• Insecure individuals with low self-esteem . Even from a routine compliment, they are ready to be inflamed with love for the one who sent them this compliment. Even a polite smile becomes a reason for them to fall madly in love and begin to suffer.
• A woman whose age is… She no longer hopes that anyone will pay attention to her. And if she reaches out to a man, realizing that this is the last chance, she grabs him like a straw. But such a woman will not be interesting to her chosen one, no matter how hard she tries.

How to overcome love addiction

How to overcome this painful feeling? It is important to understand that this is not love, but quite the opposite. An elevated feeling should bring lightness, joy, peace, and spiritual harmony.

A psychotherapist will help you get out of a depressing state. Will it help? Try to get rid of it yourself first.

Do this:

• first come to the realization that the image that haunts you does not exist. This is not a God who must be worshiped, given all your time, your thoughts, and sacrifice your life. Neither your object of passion needs this, nor you yourself.
• It is important to understand that it also has disadvantages. Find them to understand that your ideal is not so perfect.
• occupy your free time to think less about your subject. Find a new hobby. Start traveling, meeting new people. Immerse yourself in work, drive away the obsessive image.
• change, at least temporarily, your place of residence.
• sign up for courses foreign language, go to fitness, swimming to find peace of mind.
• respect yourself. Don't wallow in self-pity. Be a confident person. If you suffer from loneliness, then individuals who are ready to profit from your suffering will stick to you.

To free yourself from painful addiction, take yourself seriously. Accept and love yourself, change your image, throw away all the things that remind you of a painful relationship, then you will soon see how your life will change for the better.

Become a full-fledged, self-confident person, then you will meet true love without pain and suffering. If all else fails, then you need serious treatment.

Who suffers more: a man or a woman?

It turns out that it is even more difficult for the stronger sex to get rid of sick love for a woman. His behavior can become obsessive, even aggressive. The lover begins to go crazy without noticing it.

The young man will need a psychologist to get out of this state. After all, love addiction, like any other, destroys a person’s normal emotional state. A woman can suffer silently, not as aggressively as a man, but it is no less painful.

Help in treating love addiction

Psychology is one of the important elements of treatment for mental addiction. It is necessary to find a psychotherapist who has cured himself.

Is this difficult to find? Then try studying in a group of addicts. In a group you will be able to see your experiences more broadly and get a more significant effect from therapy.

There is a more convenient technique for getting rid of the problem - this is immersion in a trance:

• imagine before yourself the image of unhappy love. Remember that he does something unpleasant to you. Consider these points in detail.
• imagine how your subject begins to age, his teeth fall out, wrinkles appear on his face, his body becomes decrepit.
• imagine that he is lying in a bath with frogs or snakes, and you are disgusted to touch him. Now imagine this person as he is. Are you still dying for love? Then repeat it all again.
• To break out of your trance, count out loud to 10.

Methods for treating sick feelings

• Logical understanding . Imagine what this love will give you? After the flame of feelings, everyday life will begin with petty quarrels, hassle, fatigue from the presence of the object of your sigh. Do you want that?
• Reception of Lope de Vega . Turn advantages into disadvantages.
• Pasteur's technique . Try paying attention to another object, just don't fall in love again.

• Deromanticization . Get rid of the romantic perception of the world by communicating with people who do not approve of love.
• Get rid of idleness do something useful. Severe physical fatigue will help you take off your rose-colored glasses.
• Freud's method . Get creative. Draw, compose, write books. Don't you know how? So why are you delaying? Go and learn to express your feelings in creativity!
• If this doesn't help, then you need hypnosis.

What if he has a family?

Your crush is a married man, what should you do? Get rid of obsession by overcoming sick attachment. It’s easy to say, but how to do it?

• Don't let the relationship go too far.
• do not forget that he will always be drawn to his children, wife, and established family comfort, and you will be tormented by remorse.
• recognize the problem and burn all bridges.
• go on a trip by deleting his phone number. Delete photos, correspondence.
• engage in extreme sports: the adrenaline is the same as from the euphoria of a love relationship, but does not cause pain.
• refuse the meeting with a firm voice and start a new, free life!
• after breaking up, find a new hobby, fulfill all your dreams that you didn’t find time for.

/Love is not born immediately, only desire arises immediately. Those who cannot distinguish love from desire are doomed to suffer. Those who donate do not love. He who has not found himself cannot yet love./

Angel de Coitiers

Love is the gentle, calm warmth of the sun, giving joy, growth, harmony, prosperity and development to both lovers.

Desire, or, to put it professionally, love addiction (dependence) is a blinding flame of fire, greedily absorbing everything, wounding, taking away, insatiable and bringing pain.

This withering feeling may or may not be mutual, but in any case, addiction resembles a drug, and a person who has fallen into such addiction resembles a drug addict: he floats on a wave of euphoria, shrouded in an illusory reality, which he himself skillfully creates, based on own ideas about the person in contact with him.

Then he suddenly falls into the abyss of despair and pain as soon as his ideal stops playing along with him and meeting his expectations.

He cannot live without his “beloved,” like a drug addict without his next dose, like a hungry person without bread.

And such a dependent state can last for years.

Love addiction (dependence) is a disease that needs to be treated, bringing nothing but heartache and chronic stress.

Unfortunately, love addiction is a very common phenomenon, and thanks to prevailing social stereotypes, people very often mistake it for “true love.” After all, when they tell you that what happened to you is an ordinary illness, you go to a specialized specialist, but when there is such a dangerous, beautiful and alluring misconception about the fact that you have “true love,” then everything immediately becomes different. Because one can give one’s life for “true love,” not to mention self-esteem, the ability to rejoice and enjoy life.

This is facilitated by the beliefs learned from childhood “love is evil, you will love a goat”, “love is suffering”, and the statements of parents and relatives, and the literature on which we all grew up, which for the most part glorifies love addiction. Tsvetaeva, Akhmatova, Shakespeare, Lermontov... Were they happy?

Causes of love addiction (dependence).

As a rule, people with low self-esteem fall into love addiction, those who lacked parental attention and love in childhood (the parents took care of themselves or raised the child very harshly), or, on the contrary, obsessively controlled his every step (the child was too dependent on the parents) .

The main feature of love addicts is a lack of self-love.

Often they cannot always feel the boundaries of their “I”. Sometimes these people have control problems, in which they allow others to control them or try to control others.

There may be self-doubt and impulsiveness. They are prone to fantasies and some detachment from reality, create ideals for themselves, or try to play the role of an ideal lover in relation to another person. They often have difficulty expressing their true intimate feelings.

The difference between love and addiction (dependence).

Often, people are ready to blame the object of love and the entire opposite sex for the reasons for their love suffering. And rarely does anyone realize that they themselves are the source of their suffering. People independently fill their lives with suffering or joy, depending on their inner state.

Dependence, even at the very beginning of a relationship, is expressed in the insatiable desire for another person and those feelings and sensations that, as it seems to the addict, only the “beloved” can provide, in the desire to control his every step and “acquire him as property.” A person immersed in love addiction is not interested in anything in life except the “beloved”; he cannot think about anything else, cannot talk about anything else (every conversation comes down to what to do with him, how to behave, what to say, where he goes, what he does).

For addicted people, their “love” is suffering and pain.

But love is a positive feeling. Love is an interest in the free development of the object of love. “I love you, but each of us is free (in our opinions, in making decisions). If you feel better without me, I will understand and let you go with wishes of happiness.

Love is joy! This is giving and receiving joy.

The main criterion of Love: we feel good together, and we feel good separately.

The main criterion of dependence: in the first stages, we feel good together, but feel bad without each other; in the later stages, we feel bad together and feel bad apart.

Love brings positive emotions and makes everyone stronger, luckier, more confident, calmer. Most of the time, a lover feels harmony within himself, stability, security, confidence, warm and tender feelings for his loved one. Love addiction, on the contrary, carries a lot of negative emotions. And most of the time the addict is filled with anxiety, worry, fears, uncertainty, doubts, jealousy, envy, anger, irritation towards the “loved one”.

Positive emotions during addiction are vivid, but short-lived. Even in the happiest moments there is some kind of internal tension and doubt (“happiness is only a moment”).

In love, relationships are built on equal terms: I give you love, you give me love; today there is a lot of me, tomorrow there is a lot of you, we are equal.

In love addiction, the addict is a subordinate, and his “beloved” dominates him. As a result, the addict strives with all his might to earn love, to please the “beloved,” while humiliating himself, he only gives, receiving nothing in return. He is the initiator of joint events, builds relationships himself, and forgives all insults.

Stages of development of love addiction (dependence).

1. Immediately after several meetings, euphoria sets in, similar to drug intoxication. Literally, “the roof goes crazy,” and from that time a person begins to live only for his “beloved.” The signs of the first stage of this “love” are the following: it’s so good with him that wings grow, but without him it’s infinitely bad and painful. And in my head there is only one desire: “Give him (her) to me!”

2. What is desired does not coincide with reality. “Beloved” does not live up to the ideal. He (or she) is never enough. As with drug addiction, there is a need to increase the dose all the time, but the dose of “love”. What made us so happy yesterday is no longer enough today. As a result, it is bad without him (without her), and bad with him (with her), since he (she) does not correspond to the ideal, expectations are destroyed.

The happiest period at this stage is the anticipation of the meeting (euphoria returns for a short time), however, even for a drug addict, euphoria occurs in anticipation of the next dose. And the greater the necessary, desired dose of “love” for you, the more larger object love does not coincide with the ideal, the stronger the disappointment during and after the meeting, leading to suffering and pain. After all, when a drug addict is not given a dose (what I deserve), he/she suffers. This frightens the “beloved”; it seems to him that he is being pulled into a “pool” by an unknown force, and he “saves himself”, avoids the “addict” and this intensifies his suffering.

The “addicted” person has a need to improve, change the “dearly loved one,” and make him fit the “ideal.” At this stage, all negative emotions appear: guilt, fear of loss, jealousy, anger, desire for revenge, despair, disappointment.

3. Often addictive relationships acquire a “smoldering” character, with final “departures” and “happy returns”, and can last for years. It is a pity that these years are decorated only with short-term outbreaks of euphoria in the vast expanse of pain, resentment, misunderstanding and loneliness against the background of the depletion of vitality that is observed in these relationships.

Consequences of love addiction.

Someone suffers from love addictions all their life, spending years on each of them, becoming dependent on one person or another. More often than not, these are women; they continue to ride on these “carousels,” flattering themselves with illusions about “halves” and groundless hopes for the appearance of “true love.” It is women who are susceptible to love addiction (dependence) who most often ask the question “How to let go of a man?”, “How to get over a breakup?”, “How to forget your ex?”.

And someone, having experienced such pain once, becomes disappointed in “love.” As a rule, these are men. If they were once “burnt”, they try not to repeat a similar experience, but, on the contrary, to “control” the situation. They may unconsciously take revenge on other women: seek love, “tame” them, and then unexpectedly abandon them or play with their victim, using her. They intuitively feel that if suddenly, in the midst of a romantic relationship, they suddenly disappear without explanation, then the woman will become dependent, since she will not be able to explain his disappearance, but hope for his return will remain. Then you can appear again, have fun and disappear again. This behavior gradually becomes habitual and they begin to consciously manipulate women. Men who have many partners or for a long time are in search of people who at one time experienced a similar tragedy. And thus, by running away, they “escape” from possible love addiction.

In this case, the looping of such manipulative relationships deprives a man of the opportunity to experience true intimacy with a woman, get to know himself through relationships, and save energy for creativity and self-realization. After all, love addiction depletes his potential, deprives him of vital energy, which is wasted on unconscious revenge and fear. In addition, the manipulator deprives himself of both trust in the world and faith in himself. Add to this a guilt complex, and constant feeling that all your life you play other people’s roles, because “you need to behave in a certain way,” and not the way you want.

But the most unpleasant thing is that, having once experienced such “love,” people no longer recognize another love that gives harmony, peace, energy and self-realization. In a joyful and calm feeling, they lack thrills and tension; and they, like drug addicts, no longer notice other opportunities to realize their life energy as in such repeated connections.

What to do?

Unfortunately, love addiction (dependence) is exactly what it is quite difficult to recover from on your own.

To begin with, an addicted person is inside a system of relationships, in a state of pain/euphoria, and sometimes it is difficult for him to look at the situation soberly, and an impartial view from the outside is very valuable here.

By “heal” I don’t just mean leaving such a relationship with minimal losses and living peacefully until the next similar experience. Most mature people are capable of this if they have enough mental strength and experience.

Here I mean to explore and change precisely the underlying causes leading to such a state. Heal once and for all, without relapse. To become truly free and whole, and not someone’s coveted “half.” If you have such a desire, it is still better to go to a specialist. This does not mean that interaction with a psychologist is the only option and that he is guaranteed to “cure” you.

Simply because it is impossible for a person to walk his path, so all the responsibility for following this path will still remain with you.

However, there is an opportunity to take advantage of the knowledge of a person who knows this road and simply voice your request to him, as a reliable guide (formulate your desired state, where you want to go). Like on a big journey into the jungle, the guide knows how to get food and knows how to navigate here. He will be there and teach you what he knows and can do.

Of course, you can learn a lot from books and articles, you can promise yourself that you will find time to painstakingly examine the reasons for your behavior, emotions, thoughts, and actions. It's all a matter of your readiness, persistence, access to inner resources and motivation, as well as how quickly and what you want to achieve.

There are special approaches and practices that help you live through this entire complex of feelings, thoughts, and habitual ways of reacting to the end, study it and say goodbye to it forever. Moreover, by consciously going through love addiction, a person has a chance to learn to love himself unconditionally and build not only harmonious relationships, but also take the path of maximum personal effectiveness and unleashing creative potential.

During a dependent relationship, under the influence of low-grade stress, a person loses vital energy. He becomes devastated. And if there is no vitality, then there is no self-realization.

In the case of love addiction (dependence), it is especially important to learn to clearly feel and protect your boundaries, love yourself, trust yourself and the world. Have the courage to be your true self, and not wear masks of the ideal. Fill your life with joy, awareness and positive energy.

And then, the newly acquired strength will allow you to attract truly harmonious people and circumstances into your life.

A person who has successfully and consciously gone through love addiction will no longer find himself in a similar situation, not understanding what is happening, he will see it from afar, observe, realize and... do completely different things. After all, life is too good to waste it on pain and suffering.

List of used literature:

1. Stanton Peale, Archie Brodsky “Love and Dependency” - M.: Institute of General Humanitarian Studies, 2005 - 384 p.

2. Dean K. Delis, K. Phillips. "The paradox of passion: she loves him, but he doesn't love her"

3. Shostrom Everett "Manipulator"

4. Materials from the sites http://azps.ru, http://www.5da.ru