Responsibility for yourself - for your life choices, actions, thoughts, feelings, in general - life and destiny.
Such an amazing creature as a person is capable of living irresponsibly, including to himself: destroying his health, his opportunities, his development and his future. Therefore, responsible people think through their interests and their future, determine their goals and objectives, and then ask themselves about their own obligations.
To the extent that by taking responsibility for myself, I tell others: “You don’t have to worry about me, I solve my problems myself,” this is a manifestation of social responsibility (or irresponsibility). If a person takes responsibility for himself - to himself, this is his personal responsibility.
Anyone who does not take responsibility for his life on himself, shifting it to others - needs the approval and attention of others, is not a self-sufficient person. Look
Responsibility for oneself develops in those who are accustomed to always seeing their choices. Should I work here or at another job, should I quarrel or be friends with my boss or colleagues, should I stay here or quit - all choices are considered. Should I meet with this person or stop, have a difficult conversation with him or later, be offended by him or this is inappropriate - the one who is used to seeing his choices can be responsible for his life and is not in the position of the Victim.
Responsibility and self-care
If a person is unable to take care of himself, then he is unlikely to be able to help other people. A responsible person always takes reasonable care of himself - at least as an instrument that still has a lot to do in life. Look
Good afternoon dear friends!
Very often we avoid responsibility for fear of losing freedom and independence from circumstances. The habit of shifting the blame for failures onto anyone but yourself is dangerous and contagious.
Because of the fear of failure and not being able to cope with the volume of expectations, a person is likened to the position of an ostrich and is panicky afraid of any manifestation of an action, be it getting married, deciding to have a child, or quitting a hated job. How to take responsibility for your life and receive the well-deserved benefits of the Universe?
In today’s material, I have selected 10 reasons that can change your perception of responsibility and help you look differently at your own capabilities and prospects. Shall we begin?
Reason 1. The role of the victim or the winner?
In order to understand the beauty of the responsibility assigned to oneself, it is worth taking a closer look at way of perceiving what is happening around. People who are afraid to use their own brain, logic, will, as well as confidence in action, suffer from strange complex - avoidance.
This amazing ability, originates from victim position. The essence of this behavior doomed to fail, because no matter what he does, the result will depend on the actions of other people.
For example, to the question: “ Why is everything like this?", the individual will offer many amazing facts-justifications, key figure which will perform collective mind, which was completely out of hand. Bad state, era, epoch, neighbors, company director, illnesses and other treasure trove of lists.
In order to change approach to such a formation of beliefs, it is worth accepting true purpose- only you are responsible for how life is built!
No one except you is able to change or generate the necessary resources for meet your needs and needs.
Having built thinking in winner's position, you will open up many perspectives that bring choice and responsibility for actions.
Reason 2. Personal experience.
Sometimes a person can allow strangers to live their lives. You could see a sad picture - mother, although being one of the most important people on Earth, makes decisions when the child is 40, a friend always knows how best to run a business, although he himself cannot boast of such an achievement, the other half is absolutely sure that her vision of the world is true and must certainly be translated into reality.
And where in all this abundance of lives and other people’s decisions are you? Are you comfortable trusting in all matters the opinions of other people who are not necessarily doing the right thing? And if something doesn’t go according to plan, who do you blame? Yourself or the collective mind?
By purchasing someone else's experience, and not yours, you risk being left with nothing in the end. After all, ideas are not among your achievements, all work is also not the result. your panting, sweat and blood.
By refusing to blindly follow the route of other two-legged creatures, you will develop your own unique and inimitable strategy, bringing his own contribution to the treasury of achievements.
Reason 3. The usual “tomorrow”
This point is common to many individuals who fanatically believe that if sit and wait, when someone solves all the problems, this will definitely happen.
Postponing life for later, for a ghostly tomorrow, you can end up getting the present Nothing and Never.
Paradoxical but true! We convince ourselves in every possible way that we will begin to act when we enlist the support of funds, motivation and the necessary concentration of desire.
For example: " When will we have a baby?“- a loving wife can ask her husband. And he receives a banal answer: “ Well, when we get back on our feet, we’ll buy an apartment, get a dog and ensure financial stability" Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
What if this illusory tomorrow does not happen at all? Random circumstances bring not only good, but sometimes bad news. There is no need to delay the implementation of the plan in a dark, phantom box. After all, tomorrow may not exist, or suddenly it will be much worse today?
Reason 4. Role model
In cases where adults don't take responsibility for their own lives, and are already parents, then what they set an example to the younger generation?
Programming yourself and your children with the principle: “ Eh, somehow it will decide on its own or it’s better without me“, you strengthen the belief that you need to do nothing, but wait until the river carries you down the stream to the shore. Is this the right shore? Did you want to swim to him?
You need to build your life balanced and taking into account the future successful continuation of its kind. Only in this case, you will not degrade. After all, there is no static situation in life: you either work on improving it, or roll back to the baseboard at the speed of sound.
Eradicating the opportunity to refuse, fuss and make excuses- you progress and develop. Children picking up parental activity, their proper participation in life and control of all important areas will definitely become more successful than peers. I think you want your child to become better than you?
Reason 5. Conflict management and freedom!
It is possible that a person who refuses to accept responsibility for what is happening does not know how to behave in conflict situations. And they cut our hair on almost every corner. A team at work, a nervous boss, waking up on the wrong foot of loved ones - all this is a reason to practice the necessary behavior under conditions of such an obsession.
How does it usually happen? A man who is afraid be present in your life- sincerely strive to be unidentified, do not intrude into any difficult situations that require immediate solutions. And solving a problem for him is enormous stress and panic attack.
But without working through and practicing conflict situations, for getting the necessary experience, you might just end up overboard reality. And do the same evasive, stupid things.
By taking responsibility into your own hands, you will have the opportunity to be a free person and manage resources, yourself and the right to make a decision personally, without unnecessary explanation.
Reason 6. Adult child
What does it mean for modern man phrase: " You need to grow up!"? No, it does not mean that you need to walk with a serious face, give up fooling around or games.
She says it's time take responsibility for your life and start it build with your own hands.
As children, we are accustomed to the fact that adults will decide everything. They provide shelter over their heads, a supply of food, and they have the final, decisive word.
This is logical when you are 18, but if you are 50, and the model you are used to from the cradle has not transformed, you should think hard: “ What will I do when I'm alone? »
Reason 7. Achieve the maximum
The desire to become outstanding personality and provide yourself and your loved ones with comfort, happy stay, is not possible without you taking responsibility for what you do.
Every action carries with it the pursuit of some goal: getting a prestigious job, making the right contacts, etc.
Feeling innate intuition, can tell you the right ways to invest your energy, savings and bets. Self-awareness as master of your life, can completely change your day, outlook and goals.
Once, the level of confidence that your actions focused on achieving dreams, and not avoidance - will outweigh, then the desire to move faster will spur you to unknown possibilities and will definitely please you effectiveness.
Reason 8. Try again! And again!
Sometimes, loss of control awaits us with bated breath. Life is full of mysteries and adventures and sometimes, not pleasant news that pulls the rug out from under your feet.
Illnesses of loved ones, experienced stress, dismissal, deception or frame-up of friends, hit the head with an iron anvil and beat off any desire to live .
But! Don’t get hung up on failures and be afraid to try to get your life back on track.
As they say, everything that is not done - for the better !
So take the most useful thing from this situation - experience and move on, without making the same mistakes.
A person is shaped by the amount of effort exerted and Believe in yourself. Remember this when the urge to give up becomes almost overwhelming. victory over reason.
Reason 9. Under a lying stone, water does not flow!
This is not surprising, because how can something magical will happen, if all day long you are busy with an important task - spitting at the ceiling?
Activity is due your desire to get the most out of life. If you ignore all the gifts and opportunities of fate, then what is the point of complaining about it?
When in last time did you do anything for myself? Invested in education additional experience, master class, knowledge? How often do you spend time thinking strategy and plans for the future ?
It is thanks to your strength, passion and perseverance that you can move mountains! So what are you waiting for, go ahead!
Reason 10. Stop whining and crying!
This is perhaps the most common behavioral misconception I have encountered. I wonder where the desire to see the negative in everything and revel in self-pity comes from, while without doing or changing anything ?
If you are not happy with something, remember that you are not a tree! You have the right to tear the loin off the sofa and take action in order to change the negative impact factor.
Dear friends! That's all.
Subscribe to my blog updates and recommend it to your friends to read. In the comments, tell us how you think responsibility improves a person’s life?
See you on the blog, bye-bye!
An important link in the formation of each personality is such a concept as responsibility. Those who can be called responsible people consciously exercise willpower to fulfill the demands placed on them, focus on the result of the activity and are responsible for any consequences.
But what is the difference between true responsibility and false responsibility? How to distinguish real responsibility from following someone else's will?
Responsibility involves accepting certain obligations while always keeping an eye on your own interests. A responsible person always acts in accordance with his internal attitudes and beliefs, and knows how to make decisions that help him develop and improve. True responsibility always presupposes common sense and the ability to quickly find a way out of the most difficult situations.
False responsibility pushes us into the trap of lack of freedom and dependence on other people's desires and demands. Of course, responsibility helps to develop discipline and willpower, but unlike true responsibility (when we limit ourselves in some way in order to achieve a result), false responsibility is a restriction of our freedom by third parties in order to use us in their own interests.
Any responsibility presupposes the presence of a conscious desire for any activity, the formation of motivation and an attitude towards its implementation, and not coercion of a person through feelings of guilt, shame or a sense of duty.
That is why it is so important to understand in time whether our choice is a strong-willed, responsible decision, or whether our activities are initiated by someone from the outside and we take on unnecessary obligations.
What we are definitely not responsible for in this life:
- emotions and feelings of other people
no one calls us to be callous to other people, but at the moment when we experience a feeling of awkwardness and shame for the actions of another person or we are called to answer for someone’s grievances, we need to clearly understand where our personal zone of responsibility ends;
— assistance in decision making
We can share our experience as much as we want, give advice left and right, but everyone is still responsible for choosing the final decision, and this is the personal responsibility of the other person. So, being responsible for a choice made by someone else is like giving yourself a bad grade for a dictation that was illiterately written by your desk neighbor;
- the expectations and failures of our parents
maybe in your parents’ dreams you floated above the stage in a ballet tutu, and in the end you teach rhythm to primary schoolchildren, or perhaps you even forced your mother to stay on maternity leave, and your father to work two jobs. All these facts do not make you a person who is now obliged to answer for the decisions that responsible adults once made, nor for the unrealistic hopes that they harbored;
- life of friends and acquaintances
friendship is built on mutual assistance and mutually beneficial exchange, so we have the right to expect help and support from each other. But demanding that someone take responsibility for our lives and solve our problems is already in the realm of inflated expectations. And if you understand that you are beginning to be responsible for what happens not to you, but to one of your friends and even scold yourself for their failures - you are taking on too much;
- the fate of humanity
no one has canceled such a hobby as wrestling global warming or protection of architectural monuments. The main thing is not to get hung up on the “butterfly effect”, when in literally every action you see a fateful act that can change the World, and you begin to take responsibility for literally everything that happens around you. Don’t exaggerate your importance; not every time you leave the house is so significant that it can change the Universe.
How to unlearn responsibility for everything in the world.
If you understand that daily anxiety and constant feeling your fault faithful companions, and for all failures you blame only yourself - the time has come to get rid of the burden of unnecessary responsibility.
Surely, since childhood, you were assigned the role of the eldest in the family, and your actions were assessed without taking into account age characteristics. Every habit has its own beginning, and the habit of being responsible for everyone and everything is most often formed in those children who, due to life circumstances, did not have time to be real children and too early began to live adult life with its need to plan, make decisions and be responsible for the consequences .
There are different ways to eradicate this habit. Perhaps playing like a small child will suit you, when for a while you allow yourself to be capricious, play around and act irrationally, without caring at all about the consequences. Don't worry about being sucked into this lifestyle. For those people who early years they were strict with themselves and did not allow anything unnecessary; the internal locus of control was too developed, and it would keep them from breaking down.
It is best to conduct such an experiment on vacation, when your new lifestyle will not interfere with work, study, or organizing your family life. And when, if you’re not on vacation, allow yourself not to follow a routine, refuse unpleasant telephone conversations and pamper yourself with goodies and not the most necessary, but pleasant purchases. You can consolidate the result at home, allowing yourself to irresponsibly “waste your life” once or twice a month.
Another method is suitable if your area of responsibility is relatives, friends and acquaintances. Gather your will in advance and turn off your phone for a few days. Your task is not just to come up with an excuse about a lost SIM card and count the days until the end of unusual therapy. During the entire period of silence, you should focus as much as possible on yourself, listen carefully to what you yourself want and how you would like to occupy the free time that appears.
The result of such an experiment should be a new weekly schedule or action plan that includes exactly your activities, goals and plans. And also the absence of guilt for reducing the percentage of cases necessary to satisfy your many acquaintances.
In addition to long-term experiments, you will benefit from self-regulation and auto-training skills, which you will use in those moments when you are again overwhelmed by anxiety about everything in the world. Repeat, like a mantra, the phrases “I am not responsible for the actions of other people” or “don’t demand too much from yourself.” Sooner or later, you will reduce your level of anxiety and be able to think rationally, which will allow you to distinguish those moments that truly require your responsibility.
Being a responsible person is wonderful! There are not many people around who are capable of truly growing up and being responsible for the results of their activities. But if you consider yourself to be one of this rare endangered species, you better be responsible for the safety of your psyche, because you are a rare specimen and can personal example teach people something useful.
Do you know what prevents us from living more than all the problems combined? What never allows us to become masters of our own lives?
Reluctance to accept responsibility for what is happening.
I'm not talking about any formal responsibility. It's about about purely personal responsibility. Internal, if you like.
Do we need to end some abstract debate about the structure of the world? Or do we still just want to live well?
To those who chose the first, I must apologize for what an insidious external circumstance, like me, forced you to read all the way to this point in order to ultimately inform you that you will not get any benefit from the article.
Now you can definitely stop reading with a clear conscience. And go about their business, waving the locus of control that is falling out of all the cracks, and complaining about the harsh, irresistible “reality”.
For those who decided to stay with us and try to make their lives better, I’ll explain.
The fact is that our ideas about anything are nothing more than products of our reactive mind.
And ideas about the structure of the world in this sense are no exception. They are no fundamentally different from belief in omens, magical rituals or astrology.
This information is either already in our consciousness, or gets there through the senses, again being recorded exclusively by consciousness. This even applies to the existence of sense organs as such.
Whatever one may say, the only point of reference for ourselves is ourselves. And we can only test ourselves by ourselves. That is, in essence - nothing. But this determines our entire worldview and the existence based on it.
Serious scientists, by the way, usually understand perfectly well that their work is, first of all, a game. They know how many axioms and assumptions there are. And they don’t suffer from unnecessary pathos about “knowledge of reality.” They play and have fun. The average person who deals only with the results of their labor does not understand this.
Agree, in such uncertain conditions it is simply stupid to rush around with your own beliefs, trying to separate the true from the false.
Beliefs should be approached from an applied point of view. Based on some more or less absolute standards for a person.
All that remains is to accept those beliefs that will expand our ability to manage this life. Within the framework, of course, in which we, on this moment, are really able to believe in them.
It's important here. Self-deception will inevitably be revealed in the end.
There is no need to rush and feed your ego with beautiful myths. You are far from omnipotent yet, and when you are, you will hardly be able to appreciate it. There is an excellent proverb about this. “Nothing cures solipsism like a hot iron applied to the stomach.” :)
Gradually, the limits of your own capabilities make sense. Incorporating into your belief system more and more power over your own life.
So taking responsibility is not “solipsism.” And not a philosophical theory at all.
All this is a purely practical, applied belief. Significantly more resourceful than the generally accepted belief that our capabilities are limited. Because it does not imply the presence of mental barriers in the spirit: “I can do this, but this is no longer in my power (capabilities, power, competence).”
“Objective reality” is precisely the part that does not depend on us. Therefore, taking it as the basis of our picture of the world, we outline the scope of our own capabilities. That is, we decide for ourselves - this is what I CAN’T do. Never. All.
When you accept responsibility, you will immediately discover a lot of amazing inconsistencies and “software bugs” in the algorithms of human behavior.
For example, those who strive so hard “not to bend to the changing world” are fighting with nothing other than themselves. With that part of themselves that they themselves decided to recognize as inaccessible to their influence. But what a battle it is sometimes.
Those who, on the contrary, try to skillfully adapt to “reality”, relying on their own attitudes, strive to become “successful”, looking for loopholes in the labyrinth of their own illusory ideas about the world. And they consider themselves dexterous and skillful when they manage to outwit themselves. And they are very proud of themselves.
It's funny, isn't it?
From the incorrect interpretation of the idea of responsibility, a mass of illusions and myths that are completely empty in essence, but greatly interfere with life, has grown. Starting with the most basic myth - that there are certain universal “correct” opinions, behavior, actions and solutions to any issues.
Friends, there is no way to live correctly. At all. Don't waste your life trying to understand and formulate them, as most people do. By doing this you are only creating limitations for yourself. In my head. Nothing more.
There is a postulate that says that a person never makes any mistakes. He always acts optimally based on the information and capabilities that he currently has.
In the context of the above, it becomes not only understandable, but even completely obvious.
If you manage to accept the fact that, in essence, you have no one but yourself, never had and never will, that everything that happens happens exclusively for you and for your sake, since matters purely based on your perception and assessment This means that many usually painful considerations will no longer cause dissonance in you.
For example, that you should focus and rely only on yourself. That judging yourself by external assessment, comparing with someone, or asserting yourself in any way is the height of a senseless waste of energy. Etc.
And start looking for and taking from the world around you what you want and like. Calmly refusing everything unwanted.
And it's not about what philosophy you profess. And it’s not about considering all reality to be subjective. To do this would only mean replacing one unshakable linear line with another.
There is no point in arguing about whether other people and events exist besides us, or are a figment of our imagination.
Does that cup of coffee “really” still exist when you turn your head the other way? Or was it created only by your consciousness, and immediately disappears along with the table?
What's the difference! You'll never know! Forget about this “really”. In fact it doesn't matter at all, believe me. :) For our life - so true.
The only important thing is that only you can influence everything that happens to you in the direction you need. And if you don’t yet know how to achieve this or that “unattainable” goal or cope with something that supposedly “doesn’t depend on you”, then you simply haven’t found the right lever yet and haven’t learned how to control it.
Search. Learn.
After all, only believing that we are able to influence the situation will we try to influence it. Otherwise, we won’t even try. Nothing depends on us anyway.
Let's not carry around unnecessary rubbish in our heads. With it, the brain becomes too clumsy. Let’s not seriously confess anything at all. No materialism, no idealism, no solipsism, no specific philosophy or -isms. Maybe just for fun, at home, under the covers. :)
We'll just be act as if everything depends on us. As if we can do anything. Perhaps there is something we haven’t figured out yet, we don’t know how, we don’t know how. But if necessary, we can learn. And we will study if necessary. Then everything will truly depend on us. And we really can do anything.
This is what is called taking responsibility.
If now I couldn’t convince you, that’s your business. Stay in a world in which almost nothing depends on you, and the existential fear of freedom makes you wake up at night in a cold sweat or takes much wilder forms of compensation than the one I proposed in this article.
A world where you have to constantly search for the missing “truth” and try in vain to figure out how life “really” works. And in matters of achieving what you want, the decisive vote is always not with you, but with His Majesty Chance, be it Fortune or Fate.
A person can achieve success only when he takes his life into his own hands, when he himself sits behind the wheel of a car called “my destiny.”
Why often people cannot solve their problems?
In all my life
Taking responsibility for your life The key to solving life's problems
The whole catch is that you need to start solving any problem with acceptance. responsibility for her on yourself. After all, if a person says: “This problem is not mine,” he will not solve it. He believes that someone else should do it: society, the state, the team, parents, spouse.
Only by recognizing the problem as one’s own, taking responsibility for its solution, will a person be able to achieve its solution. And solve it exactly the way she needs.
Katya is 32 years old. She has problems: excess weight, weak muscles, decreased tone, poor health.
She is unhappy with her appearance.
Is it possible to arrange your personal life with such a figure and weight? - she complains to her friend.
Katya, I suggest we run together in the morning - you’ll lose excess weight and it’ll be more fun for me!
Well, Marisha, I always take a long time to get ready in the morning, and if I start running, I’ll be late for work.
Sign up for a fitness club and go 3 times a week. You have it next to your house.
No, no, it's expensive for me. The current salary is not enough for anything.
Yes, you're right, it's not cheap. Maybe it's better to study at home? The Internet is full of different courses, choose according to your taste.
It’s good for you, Marina, to offer this, you live alone. And I have a mother and brother. No, it won’t work, they won’t let me study.
Common situation. This is often what happens. The person has no goal or responsibility to solve the problem. Rather, it’s worthwhile to find a reason why I can’t do something, to find excuses for my inaction.
A good thought comes from Eldridge Cleaver:
“If you are not part of solving a problem, you are part of creating it.”
Taking responsibility means realistically assessing your strengths, understanding that you are capable of solving it, you have the strength, the desire, you know what the end result is, what you are trying to achieve.
The same thing happens with our time. We complain that we don't have enough time, we do not have time to do all the necessary things, and they are added every day.
But mine is an area of my personal responsibility. Only I can decide what to spend and how to organize my , How .
And if I work without raising my head, and during the whole day I can only tear myself away from work for a 30-minute break, then this is the result of my choice. I agreed to such working conditions, plus along the way I took on a bunch of additional responsibilities.
Why is it difficult to accept responsibility?
A person wants to avoid troubles and discomfort, which are always associated with responsible behavior and the need to choose. And shifts responsibility to another person, organization, state. In fact, he gives away his rights and freedom: “Take it. Make arrangements. This is not my task."
Human freedom lies in the fact that he himself has the opportunity to consciously make his own choice. In any situation there is this freedom, freedom of choice. And a person can use it or refuse it. This is his responsibility.
I advise you to catch yourself “by the gills” in any situation when you feel like a victim of circumstances, start crying and complaining about fate.
Immediately ask yourself: “Why and what responsibility am I avoiding at the moment?” This will help to gradually eradicate the desire not to be responsible for your life, for your own.
Read about the thinking of a responsible person.
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