What to answer if you were told. What a beautiful way to insult someone. Clever curse words. In addition, such phrases will cool the interlocutor’s ardor

Book fragment Kovpak D.V. The wrong ones were attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, visiting, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of the victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A famous psychotherapist and courageous man, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his exciting stories and professional advice on combating rudeness and cynicism. Doctor Kovpak is ready to cheat the world without bending under it! And you?

Basic Strategies for Overcoming Rudeness

Effective counteraction

Obviously, there are three approaches in relationships between people. The first is to consider only yourself and suppress others... The second is to always give in to others in everything... The third approach is to keep in mind your own interests without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched alive. Each of us has found ourselves in situations where we were hurt or psychologically traumatized. A natural desire arises to punish or teach the offender a lesson, or to minimize the damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly should I do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a whole host of other questions are constantly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened and not only to you. How did people who had already encountered a similar problem respond to this before?

Confucius was once asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: “You need to respond to good with good, and you need to respond to evil with justice.”

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit among your offenders. A rude person’s desire to make a remark or even lash out at you comes before there is a reason for it.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly providing them with a platform to vent their irritation, this tactic will begin to work automatically for them. They will no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, by confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares and even as he thinks about himself. Therefore, expecting your offenders to see the light on their own, admit mistakes and injustices being committed, may turn out to be too time-consuming and expensive a strategy. Help them realize that they are in for the wrong thing.

But respond not to the content of the enemy’s speech, but to the very fact of his interference in something that is not your business.

Whether there are winners in a fight with rude people is a controversial and even rhetorical question. However, if you have decided to take up martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not hurt you.

Those entering a verbal duel require a number of qualities and skills:

efficiency of searching and reproducing information;
wit, irony;
resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
ability to use logic and consistent argumentation;
mastery of rhetoric;
stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
noise immunity.

Quite often, people, when defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-unconfident and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior is that, acting confidently, a person does not insult or oppress others, respecting the rights of people as much as his own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are significantly less susceptible to stress in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority or self-doubt and try to mask these underlying feelings with their aggressive behavior.

The key to confident behavior is to reinforce new patterns of attitude and behavior through regular practice.

Remember: what you say to a rude person is much less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, you must first of all clearly understand the right to the inviolability of your personality and personal life.

Manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, which means you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, having found no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotional and shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows reached their target and hurt you.

But sometimes this helps relieve tension. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is prohibitively high.

The method of throwing negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists.”

Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were very angry with your boss, who harshly and rudely reprimanded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you hit the table with your fist, break two pencils, a pen, and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they prevent you from becoming angry with your manager in similar situations in the future?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be positive. When an angry person lets off steam through vigorous, non-harmful activities, the following things happen: first, the level of tension or arousal decreases, and second, the tendency to resort to overt aggression against provoking (or other) individuals decreases.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that contemplating a production that forces the audience to empathize with what is happening can indirectly contribute to the “purification” of feelings. Although Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for defusing aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular S. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.

While recognizing the reality of such “purification,” Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing overt aggression. He seems to have believed that his influence was ineffective and short-lived. Indeed, watching films or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh effigies of their bosses and then go to their workplace calm and happy. Giving people the opportunity to whack inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash objects into pieces does not necessarily reduce the strength of their desire to commit aggressive acts towards those who harass them.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the findings indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said: “A gentle answer removes malice.”

This is also a certain technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and endurance. To have enough patience to respond politely to malicious insults and not lose your temper not only externally, but also internally. To do this, you will need to develop considerable self-discipline.

As a last resort, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rude you just spoke. Communication in this form/tone does not suit me.” Sometimes this stops the offender or throws him off for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and will be able to retreat from the place of verbal battle with your head held high.

This way you will eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of “victorious scenarios” in fantasy - the virtual “waving of fists” after a verbal battle.

The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.

Gandhi’s mental phrase to himself would be appropriate: “They are not able to take away our self-respect unless we ourselves give it to them.” And the anecdotal evidence that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or stressed) by responding to people who annoy us is indeed justified, as some serious aggression researchers claim.

If you have time, allow the interlocutor to finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

Listening carefully means perceiving the words that are spoken, without being too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - give signals feedback, showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, by nodding). Analytically - to grasp the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving the information encrypted between the words. Listening is a real art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor speaks sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Calmly interrupt the conversation the moment you notice that a lie has been told: just politely and correctly correct your interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during negotiations for round table or speeches on the podium, you need to react immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shaking of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during a dialogue, but if a third party or audience is present, they will wait for your reaction. And lack of reaction means consent!

Don't be afraid to break rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Questioning technique is the queen of dialectics. “He who asks, controls!” - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure to demand information, deepen the topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or shift the conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, insist on justice, encourage the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, demand facts or specify the statements of the interlocutor.

So remember your questioning tactics. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. This is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

Why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect comments, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways, described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a “psychological barrier.” With our polite and specific comments, we can delimit our personal space, clearly making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or people we barely know express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

Thank you for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
Please don't worry about our affairs, we can sort it out ourselves.
Please don't pay so much attention...
Please don't bother yourself...
Sorry, but is it any of your business? Don't say, “It's none of your business,” which sounds much harsher, and also avoid saying, “It's my business,” because it draws attention to your person (directs the attention of others to you) rather than to your opponent's behavior.
A possible option is to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that every person latently understands that he himself is not ideal and does not have the moral right to dictate to others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
“On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but this helps to maintain one’s own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuses unbridled boors who often operate in vernacular. The aggressiveness of such a response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
“Let God judge that. Or do you want to take over his functions?” It doesn't matter who you're talking to - an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Redirecting “to God” is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he is clearly exceeding his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

All people make mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the matter (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took this fact into account. Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind,” “Thanks, I just didn’t notice that,” “I’ll think about it, thanks for the note/information.”

A whole range of techniques for fighting back against rude people is built on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide so yourself?”

Another option for shifting attention to the personality of the rude person is to describe his actions. Any action of your interlocutor can be represented as a picture, only painted not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that force him to act in this way are clearly visible to others, or simply displaces the understanding of this. Oddly enough, it seems to the aggressor that people perceive only his words, but do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, you should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Can you hear what you are saying?” or “Do you realize what you look like now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to speak from the position of “highest values”, “standards of morality and morality”, can also be put in their place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obligated to talk to him, much less report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to contact the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But under no circumstances get involved in a debate that you don’t need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose responsibilities actually include a legal assessment of your actions.

You should not talk to people who insist that you are harming third parties, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case someone in authority to whom you actually have an obligation to report gets involved.

The very fact that you began to make excuses to a stranger indicates that you have low self-confidence, you are easily made to feel guilty, and you “owe” too much to others.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant a boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk the way he talks to you.

Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to so-and-so (name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can name a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not taken aback and said: “Let Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you.”

The so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person for whom the story was intended, was very effective.

Metaphor is a type of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - “through” and fore - “to carry”. That is, metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It transfers meanings bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here's a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems.

One day a wanderer stopped an old man walking to find out how far it was to the city.

“Go,” he answered monosyllabically. The puzzled wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the local residents. But he had not walked even fifty steps when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You're still an hour away from the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? - exclaimed the wanderer.

“I had to see what steps you were taking,” the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

A knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way, he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly in the distance he saw a lake. The knight gathered all his remaining strength and went to the water. But right next to the lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight pulled out his sword and with his last strength began to fight the monster. He fought for days, then he fought for two days. He cut off two dragon heads. On the third day the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet or hold his sword.

And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

Knight, what did you want?
Drink some water.
Well, I would drink it...

And finally, remember the enchanting film “Formula of Love” and the doctor’s calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes,” Cagliostro agreed. - So many fables have been made up about me that I get tired of refusing them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and common for people holding the title of master... Let's start with childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago... - Cagliostro looked around those gathered, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what they had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?

No, it’s not amazing,” the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the district, in the patchports, where the year of birth was, he only indicated one number. Ink, the scoundrel, you see, saved. Then the matter became clear, he was sent to prison, and the patch port was no longer remade. Still a document.

Here are examples of good responses to insults: If he...

Says behind your back: “If you have something to say, say it to my face, not behind my back.” (If they say: “I have nothing to say”...) “Wow, you can’t do it yourself! Why should I be afraid of you? Or/and “You know, I don’t care what you think or say about me, but I don’t like the fact that others might think badly of me because of you. I’m tired of all this, I’m really tired of it, and I won’t leave it like that.” (You can end the argument at this point.)
Calls you names: “Give me one reason why you say that?” (Ask only when he calls you unreasonably, and if he cannot answer, laugh and...) “You say that I (insulting word) and "What, you can't even give a reason for this? Perhaps you should think a hundred times before calling names?"

Smart responses to insults: if someone says that...

You are a loser: “Even if I am a loser, you have no right to judge me! And why did you drop everything and watch me? Have nothing else to do? Oh, this just proves once again that I am much better than you! Or “Oh well, at least I don’t have to put on buckets of makeup to look good.”
You (insulting word): “You know what, I don’t go up to people and call them (insulting word) because it’s just beneath me. Therefore, the fact that you allow yourself to call me that tells me that you are the most ignorant, tactless and illiterate person I have ever seen.”
You are a waste of time: (sometimes pick out an important quote/word from what he says and use it against him, it will make him look stupid) “If I am such a waste of your time, then why are you wasting it on me now? You seem to spend more time discussing my personal life behind my back than your own. So I think now is the time to get out of my life and get on with yours.” (We can finish here).
He is better than you: “Are you better than me? Why then do you put so much effort into humiliating me if I’m already worse? You have a terrible character, it needs to be changed, and immediately. Otherwise you will never have friends."
How to end a quarrel:
- “I have more important things to do than think about what you say about me. What you do and say in relation to other people does not fit into any framework. You are self-confident and don't care about anyone but yourself. You are not a person, you are a black hole that sucks the life out of people, I am disgusted with you. I don't want to waste a second of my time on you. I don’t treat people the way you do, because I know that by insulting people, you show that you are such an insignificant person.”
- This will help show the person that you are much smarter than them.

When faced with rudeness, you always want to respond to the offender. In a fit of anger, we often do not control our feelings and emotions. This can cause a number of negative consequences. The simplest outcome of them is a quarrel, and the most negative is a fight. But, you must admit, to suffer yourself and humiliate yourself to assault just because your interlocutor is in a bad mood is, at the very least, stupid.

The most correct thing in such a situation is to answer the offender calmly and confidently, but in such a way as to put the boor in his place. To do this tactfully, without spending extra effort and energy, there are special preparations - daring phrases.

Who is this boor?

This is an aggressor who attacks and violates your personal boundaries. He tries to hurt the most painful places and at the same time avoid revenge. Scientific information indicates that such a person is, in fact, a pitiful person with low self-esteem who wants to assert himself at the expense of those who have been offended or ridiculed by him. Here's what you need to know when faced with a boor. Understand and forgive, or even take pity on an insignificant person, or respond with a witty phrase, smiling good-naturedly (not sarcasticly!).

Examples of situations when anger cannot be contained

A decent-looking person who is a boor can be found today at every step. Often the most common places where it is located are the following:

1. Trading platforms. The favorite place of a bored, angry person is, of course, a market or a supermarket. In some cases, a pharmacy is popular. Firstly, you can go there as an excursion and be outraged to your heart's content, studying the prices on the shelves. Secondly, hanging out in the crowd is also a nice thing for them. And all this, of course, is accompanied by unpleasant comments addressed to passers-by. By the way, store sellers also like to be rude.

2. Public transport. The favorite place of all boors is the crowd. And where else can you enjoy disturbances as much as in the crush of traffic during rush hour? There you pushed, here - you. And as a result, for example, we have a heatedly screaming woman who throws out her anger at everyone who tries to argue with her. And God forbid you surpass her in this honed skill.

3. Clinic. Government agency, where you absolutely have to stand in line, also knows daring people. This could be an impudent person who will try to skip the line. But then he will receive a good verbal thrashing from the people waiting in line, among whom boors may also be hiding.

4. Places of study. Adolescence is famous for the “painful” growing up of children. How is it shown? Impudent phrases addressed to teachers, bickering in lessons at school, lyceums. Teenagers cannot give an objective assessment of what is happening. It seems to them that they already know everything, and adults are a little behind them. Unfortunately, rudeness and impudent phrases in the lessons of high school students are quite commonplace. The teacher can put the student in his place, gaining authority in his eyes, or not pay attention to what he “outgrows” by itself.

Daring phrases and expressions: examples

And it’s true that we are all interested in speculating on topics that don’t concern us at all.
You shouldn't expect any good from a person who is difficult to cheer up.
I know that crooks achieve success, but not because of their own intelligence, as they believe, but because of the gullible people around them. And to lie, you don’t need intelligence. Working honestly is a skill.
I’m terribly embarrassed to tell you this, but I’m not at all interested in how I look in your eyes, forgive me. I look great in mine, and that's enough.

What is the level of development, so are the interests.
You are so low in communication that, frankly, you are not even visible on the horizon.
Please continue. When you say things like that, I feel so smart.
Sorry, but you smell a bad odor coming from your mouth.
Maybe I can bring you another drum?
With such tirades you can only stand in the corner.
If you are angry, then you yourself know that you are wrong.
In this case, your emotions are not identified with the conclusions of your thinking.
If you don't like me, I allow you to go underground.

Sassy phrases for girls

If a girl does not want to communicate with a guy, but cannot get rid of his pestering, or vice versa, she is struggling with his rudeness, perhaps she should use some phrases.

For example:

Your time in my life is over. Hand in your pass and head out.
If you fell in love with me, it's your mistake, all you can achieve is my smile.
Dear, you are right - there have never been people like you, there are no more and there is no need.
What I should do, I know, it’s written in the Constitution. The rest is up to me as I want.
I'm doing great, so I have nothing to please you with.
Aren't you the one who starred in the movie "Clowns"?
I'm not picky, just the best is enough for me.

What about the guys?

Not only girls suffer from annoying boors. Let's look at some sassy phrases for guys. They can use these statements in response to the rudeness of their peers:

You're not beautiful enough to be rude to me.
If you say that, then most likely you have a spare jaw in your pocket.
Kiss me on the run, I'm standing behind a tree.
You may be the most beautiful girl in our area, but I’m also interested in communicating with smart people.

So, the first foundation has been laid. Now you know how to respond to rudeness. But under no circumstances should you parry these statements in front of an innocent person. Otherwise you will find yourself in the role of a boor.

And why? Why did you take this insult personally? Do you feel guilty? Haven’t you learned how to respond to such psychological attacks?

Knowing the enemy by sight makes it easier to fight. Is it necessary? Or it’s worth developing a certain tactic of responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to insult you, ask yourself the question - WHY?

Why is he doing this? Does he want to humiliate you in order to elevate himself? Then his action evokes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself.

Or he wants to touch your nerves in order to piss you off. For what? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, wants to drain his irritation somewhere.
Always think - why? And only after you understand the root cause and choose a model of your behavior. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami. This means that such a reaction is the result of his own choice.

Leo Tolstoy also said: “It's all about thoughts. Thought is the beginning of everything. And thoughts can be controlled. And therefore the main task of improvement is to work on thoughts.”

The main groups of fans of insults:

Losers. Their only way to assert themselves is to belittle the other person.
These are people who get pleasure and are “energized” by quarrels, scandals, including insults to other people. They feel good when others feel bad.
Aggressors: people who see everyone as an enemy. To protect themselves, they attack other people first.
Ill-mannered people for whom the norm is to communicate in the language of insults.

If you immediately begin to react mindlessly after being insulted, your offender will celebrate his victory. FOR WHAT?
Why give him such an opportunity! How do we react to insults? A fool is a fool himself. Is this a familiar picture?
When you see this from the outside, you understand that both are these very stupid people. One, due to lack of upbringing and restraint, allowed himself to do this, and the second, tuning into its destructive wave, accepted the terms of this “game”. Both are worthy of compassion.

Sometimes we receive insults so unexpectedly that we don’t even have time to react positively. Offensive words hurt, they penetrate into the very heart like sharp needles. We don’t know what to say in the first minute, but “after the fight” we come up with a plan for revenge.
Now stop and look at the situation from the outside. Stupid and funny. Wit on the stairs. What are we spending our precious life on! The person has long forgotten about his attack, and you carefully and scrupulously cultivate the seeds of revenge in YOUR soul. And they very systematically destroy you from the inside. FOR WHAT?

If, nevertheless, you understand that it is you who are the master of your thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and imagine the whole situation from space. Are you crying now? Are you offended? What would it look like on a cosmic scale? Insignificant and not worth your nerves. It even becomes funny - such a trifle causes so much worry.
Have you calmed down? Now go to the window and carefully, even in the smallest detail, examine some object outside the window. You switched your attention, took a deep breath and... you felt better.

At first it will not be easy to get rid of destructive thoughts, and resentment will remind itself from time to time.
STOP! Stop the flow of sad thoughts. Drink delicious tea with lemon and honey. Listen to good music.. Watch a comedy. Play with your pets. Switch to a positive wave.

If the offender is a stranger, then you should not be provoked, indulge in mutual accusations and showdowns. The wisest step is to ignore.

It's harder to do this when your boss or co-worker insults you. In this case, it is better to avoid the conflict. If this is your boss and you are still forced to communicate with him, then you will have to develop certain tactics of behavior.
Psychologists recommend first of all to understand what exactly in your work caused such a reaction, to isolate constructive criticism, where exactly you did not complete your work or made a mistake.

The next step is to protect your psyche from verbal “attack.”
There is such a trick. It's called "aquarium". When the boss starts shouting and insulting half a turn, imagine him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but no words can be heard. Such a protective shell greatly helps to abstract oneself. Words, like balls, bounce off without reaching their target.

In general, as far as the boss is concerned, one must act carefully. In this case, before responding to an insult, you need to imagine that in front of you is a small, capricious child. And your task is to calm him down, pat him on the head, caress him and feed him semolina porridge. By placing yourself in such a situation, you will easily endure attacks, meeting them calmly and with a smile. This will also affect the emotional state of the boss.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then you remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is like bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing sound on the floor.

If silence doesn't work, you can respond with a little barb.

“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.”
John Ruskin

It’s a good technique, but it requires a certain amount of training and endurance—to respond politely to malicious insults. Or, as a last resort, say calmly: “How ill-mannered and rude you are.”
Sometimes it acts like a tub cold water at the offender. In any case, you get a pause and can retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.

The worst way to react, in my opinion, is to shout back some nonsense. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve tension. Especially if you took it two octaves higher.

Helps much better method of releasing negative emotions into the water. Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How helpful it is! Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter! Give yourself a high five and try to draw sound conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true colors. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him for who he is, or end your relationship there. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to fall into the role of a victim.
https://vk.com/wall-40916132_180608

We have all heard insults directed at us and, out of surprise, we did not know how to react to them correctly. They started to be rude or cry out of resentment. Below, the psychologist gives some tips on how to intelligently respond to an insult to an offender. Gives examples of phrases that will help you get out of an unpleasant situation gracefully.

First, let's talk about several types of correct reactions to insult.

Calm

PS. We remember that an insult is a negative, deliberate statement of an assessment of a person, which humiliates his honor and dignity. It can be applied orally, in writing and even by gesture. In this case, the target of attacks does not necessarily have to be present in person.
IN Russian Federation This is punishable in accordance with Art. 5.61 Code of Administrative Offences.

Gift set of iconic women's phrases and typical answers to them.

Women don't always mean what they say.

#1 Do you love me?

This means: that you were a scoundrel and missed the everyday ritual of stating our love several times.
Correct answer: “My love for you is as big as the volume of the oceans compared to a bag of orange juice!”
Incorrect answer: “I already told you everything on this topic when we met, why are you asking again?”

#2 Hello, where are you?

This means: “I decided to check your schedule with the planned one and at the same time listen to see if there are any unfamiliar female voices in the background.” Mobile communications have changed our lives; it is to it that we owe the entry into everyday life of this new type of female greeting.
Correct answer: “Hi, I stopped by the store to look at gifts for your parents, otherwise there are so many holidays ahead...”
Incorrect answer: "And what?"

#3 Am I not fat?

This means: “Urgently tell me how beautiful I am.” A man's assessment of his own appearance is based on the first opinion he hears and remains quite stable until clinically proven refutation. That is, until the age of forty, a man considers himself slim and curly (as his great aunt certified by pointing to his graduation photo) and begins to position himself as fat and bald only when the attending physician writes down “obesity” and “alopecia” in black and white on the chart. Women's self-esteem changes two to three times a day and depends on regular injections of compliments.
Correct answer: “Ha ha ha! You are a reed, you need to be force-fed, like dystrophy.”
Incorrect answer: “Of course, it’s hard to call you thin, but in general this is not the main thing.”

No. 4 I can’t do this...

This means: “I will not have sex with you now.” What is clear even without words is that she buttons up sadly, looking slightly guilty. You are left in an overexcited bewilderment: so - how is this? How exactly can she not do that? You feel like an underdeveloped lustful animal, unable to understand the subtle mechanisms female psychology. In fact, the meanings of “I can’t do that” vary widely. From “on the first date” and “I’m married (you’re married)” to “under the laughter of your friends from the next room” and “I’m having these days.” You have come across a sensitive nature, which makes such a thing as sex with you very great importance. Don’t hesitate, go to the end, and perhaps, unexpectedly for herself, she will be able to do this. Not this time, then next time.
Correct answer: "I understand you. It’s just that feelings are sometimes stronger than logic.”
Incorrect answer: "Fine! And what should I do now – just walk like this?”

#5 I'm pregnant!

This means that you will have to make a very important decision. Because children are a nightmare, but living a life completely without children is somehow boring. Now the main thing is to arrange everything so that the decision is not made without you. And one more thing: try to react joyfully at first, just like that, to increase the level of world optimism.
Correct answer:“Wow, that’s great! We need to seriously discuss this."
Incorrect answer: “Is it convenient for you to have an abortion on Wednesday? I just have a discount card at our antenatal clinic.”

№6 We don't know each other too well

This means: “I’m a little afraid of you and don’t have sex at all on the first (second) date.” There is such a rule. This will not affect the quality of your future relationship in any way, you will just have to wait a little. You also have your own little rules, for example, don’t show off your collection of whips and handcuffs on the first date.
Correct answer: “It seems to me that we have known each other for a thousand years!”
Incorrect answer: “Now I’ll go to the toilet, I’ll come back, and it’ll be like a second date, okay?”

№7 Buy me some pads

This means: that your relationship has entered a phase of trust and stability. Now you can indulge in garlic toast, a raised toilet seat, and sex in socks. She will forgive.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear. Which ones do you want - where are three droplets drawn or two?”
Incorrect answer: “Maybe I should go to the gynecologist instead of you?”

№8 What are you thinking about?

This means: “I’m not sure that you like me, I’m not sure if I’m good at sex, I’m generally confused and not sure of anything. Besides, I’m afraid that now you will consider me a woman of easy virtue, but I’m not like that. As I have already stated before.”
Correct answer: (kissing the girl in a suitable place): “That we came up with this well. What do you think?”
Incorrect answer: “I’d like some beer now!” Cold..."

№9 You need to get checked

This means: “They found a strange sexually transmitted disease in me. But which of us infected whom - big and interest Ask" Don’t be upset, medicine has reached such heights that, theoretically, you can even catch a pregnancy through everyday use. Incubation periods last for years, so you can both provide an alibi. And don’t be surprised if they don’t find anything on you - everyone, you know, has their own microflora. And take precautions next time.
Correct answer: “Of course, I’ll check, but you’re still a very flighty girl for your age.”
Incorrect answer: “Wait, I’ll explain everything to you!”

No. 10 Well, where have you been?

This means: that you will now need to say something very, very convincing. Because for the last two hours she has been inflaming her jealousy, comparing facts and maybe even calling your friends with whom you allegedly whiled away the time in a bar with walls impenetrable to mobile communications.
Correct answer: (after rinsing your mouth with cognac): “Darling! Juventus beat Parma 3:1! Are you glad? It’s just that I seem to have lost my mobile phone...”
Incorrect answer: “Am I obliged to account for every step I take?”

№11 I have a headache

This means: “Today you will have to do without vaginal, oral, anal and all other types of sex with me, because I am not in the mood. Don't even try." Although it is possible that she really just has a headache.
Correct answer: “This is the brain growing. Do you want me to find you a pill?”
Incorrect answer: "It's nothing. Lie on your stomach, your head won’t feel anything.”

№12 Don't you notice anything?

This means: “I tried so hard, but you, an insensitive brute, didn’t even pay attention.” Urgently examine the questioning woman from head to toe for metamorphosis. Are your breasts still the same and have not changed in size? This doesn't mean anything yet. Try to remember some basic features of her appearance - hair color and texture, eye color. There are changes? Not sure? Don’t be upset, a person is not able to remember those 200-300 parameters that a woman considers the most important in her appearance. A manicure, dress, or eyebrow shape may be new. If your girlfriend suddenly begins to resemble Donald, she may have increased her lip volume. If her eyes seemed larger to you, perhaps she used to wear glasses and now has contacts. Although it is possible that she simply did some general cleaning or hung new curtains. What should have immediately caught your eye.
Correct answer: “Of course I notice, I’m not blind! It’s much better this way!”
Incorrect answer: “What should I notice? New curlers?

№13 Am I really not fat?

This means: that you still haven’t worked enough on this sore point. Yes, you have already compared her to concentration camp prisoners and suggested that she buy things in the children's department. But this is not enough! You yourself should make a thoughtful face from time to time, squint your eyes and mutter thoughtfully: “Have you lost weight? It seems to me that you have lost weight... You need to eat more..."
Correct answer: “I swear on my gaming console, you will soon have to change your wardrobe - all these things are too big for you!”
Incorrect answer: “If you ask me about this again, I will tell you the truth, and it will be scary!”

№14 Let's remain friends

It means: “I met someone more sexually interesting than you. I’m a little uncomfortable about this, and I also feel sorry for you.” Of course, you felt good with her not only in bed, but also in the movies, at the disco, on the beach. Therefore, there is a temptation to “stay friends” in order to continue a pleasant relationship. Don't give in, at the cinema, at the disco and on the beach you will still think about sex.
Correct answer: "No no. I’m afraid you won’t be able to stand it and will rape me.”
Incorrect answer: "Great! We'll go shopping together and drink coffee and cake. But I will still hope that you will return to me...”

№15 I don't know what you see in her!

This means: “I hate this painted creature and, if necessary, I will scratch out its eyes.” Each male company has its own lyrical heroine, the discussion of which is the charm of the notorious male conversations. Usually this is a common colleague or former classmate. She smokes, drinks and skillfully tells obscene jokes. Easily sits on someone's lap if there are no empty seats. And even if there is... It doesn’t mean anything, she’s just so spontaneous, so at home. Wives and girlfriends hate them.
Correct answer: "Nothing! She's fat, ugly and... what's the word... vulgar! By the way, it seems like you’ve lost weight.”
Incorrect answer: “Come on, she’s cool!”

No. 16 You're a man!

This means: “I was just about to do this unpleasant thing myself, when I suddenly remembered who I could blame it on.” Screwing in a light bulb, hammering a nail, bringing potatoes - no one argues, this really requires strength, dexterity, ingenuity and other qualities that the boys absorbed in labor lessons. But there are other missions (absolutely meaningless) - turning off the stove halfway, climbing out onto the winter balcony for a three-liter jar, digging through the beach in search of a hairpin - which, from a female point of view, only titans can do. Attempts to discuss these missions from the point of view of the laws of physics and logic are regarded as ungentlemanly. You are a man! So don’t argue, but rather take an umbrella and bring a powder compact from the car.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear! Oh, this sweet absent-mindedness of yours!”
Incorrect answer: “I can’t, I already painted my nails.”

No. 17 Am I disturbing you?!

This means: “I don’t want you to urgently change the subject. And it is advisable that they never return to her again in front of me, and especially without me.” In the presence of girls, men's conversations become especially exciting - where to go on vacation? where to buy bathroom furniture? Is Japanese cuisine healthy? But sometimes, word by word, the conversation goes somewhere wrong. Vacations, hot countries, Thai women can do this... Built-in technology, Petrovich, by the way, installed a video camera in the bathroom, and when prostitutes come... By the way, about Japanese cuisine - do you remember that waitress from the Hiroshima restaurant?.. This is where the girl starts fidgeting and feel discomfort.
Correct answer: “Sorry, honey! Gennady, stop talking nonsense! So, from the point of view of the price-quality ratio, German mixers..."
Incorrect answer: “Ha ha ha! Honey, close your ears, I want to finish my thought.”

№18 Do you remember what day it is today?

This means: “I waited half a day for congratulations and flowers, there were none. I looked at your unfestive face, and a terrible guess came into my head...” Remember quickly. If today is her birthday, your anniversary, March 8 or February 14, you can still get out. Pretend that you've been preparing a surprise all day and go get the gifts. If today is a holiday of a smaller caliber (for example, 1000 days from the beginning of your sex life), then you could well, as a confused workaholic, forget about it.
Correct answer: "Of course I remember. But do you remember? Come on, tell me."
Incorrect answer: "Tuesday".

№19 I was just wondering what would happen next

It means: “Are you thinking of marrying me or what?” The first year is the most pleasant. Vacation, New Year, the flu epidemic - everything is like the first time. Then the repetitions begin, and the girl thinks about the future. How long can you “just date”? You grow up, she gets old. Not ready to get married? Introduce her to her relatives, write out a power of attorney for the car, make duplicate keys - in short, take steps towards final rapprochement, stall for time.
Correct answer: “I see our future in the brightest colors. Let’s go out of town for the weekend!”
Incorrect answer: “What’s the point of thinking about it, we’ll all die anyway!”

№20 I'm tired and want to go home

This means: “I’m bored here, I have no one here to impress, no one notices my suede skirt with appliqués, and even you don’t pay attention to me!” Finding yourself in the company of your girlfriend’s unfamiliar acquaintances, you can always find solace in a secluded corner with a bottle of whiskey and the “BMW 2004 Model Line” catalogue. Women are not so sublime and self-sufficient creatures. Brought - entertain. If you don't know how, take it away.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear, we’ll go now. By the way, meet Oksana, Misha’s wife. Their baby is only two, but she has already gone to work. It's so interesting!"
Incorrect answer: “Lie down here on the sofa, I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go home. Wait, I’ll get a towel to cover you.”
Incorrect answer: “Wash her inside, you stupid dynamo!”

№22 Better leave your phone

This means: “I won’t call, but politeness does not allow me to tell you to go to hell.” Well, it could have been worse, you could have received the answering machine number of the local bathhouse. Get her out of your head, better luck next time! Especially if you shave your mustache and change your deodorant.
Correct answer: “Write it down. Most likely my butler will answer the phone; he doesn’t speak Russian, but he understands everything.”
Incorrect answer: “Are you sure you’ll call?”

№23 I understand everything

This means: “You are married, but that doesn’t bother me. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you with calls in the evenings.” Well, if you want a non-binding relationship on the side, this is your chance. Especially if the girl is over thirty, she is married and has three children. She doesn’t need flowers - where will she put them then? She always has her passport with her in case of a hotel. She will complain about her family life, you - on yours. She understands everything. And in principle, it is not necessary to have sex. Romance!
Correct answer: “Understanding is your most valuable quality.”
Wrong answer: “Could you wear the same perfume as my wife?”

№24 Do you tell all the girls this?

This means: “I don’t believe in romantics with such an impudent face!” Reading magazines was not in vain for you: you know what words to strike a spark of excitement even from a woman’s stony heart. I love cooking, kung fu, children and dogs. You have an elegant neck, come to me, let’s read Pasternak aloud... He doesn’t believe it. Strange. Try looking into her eyes next time, think about something sad and high (for example, about the president’s rating) and put a stud in your shoe - all these measures will give your lustful image the right amount of contradictory trepidation. Which in the twilight can be mistaken for sincerity. Oh, and take that pack of condoms out of your breast pocket.
Correct answer: “Close your eyes and lie down. Now I’ll try to give you artificial respiration.” Incorrect answer: “Me too... Where is the toilet here?..”