The most meaningless feeling a person is capable of is resentment. A touchy person, through his behavior, tries to prove his importance to the whole world and to a specific individual, without confirming this with anything other than illogical attacks and accusations. Looking at relationships through the prism of touchiness distorts the worldview so much that they stop taking the person seriously and try to end the relationship with him, giving rise to an even greater feeling of disappointment in the latter.
Resentment and touchiness: what is the difference?
Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. The person is trying to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he expected something different, and with all his appearance he demonstrates how strong his disappointment is. Intertwined with the offense is disappointment (one thing was expected - something else happened), pain and sadness ("I didn't expect this from you"), excitement and anxiety (what if it happens again), powerlessness ("you are stronger - that's why you think you're right"), irritation and anger (“I will take revenge on you”).
Resentment is like the flu: you can have a fever and recover in a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the entire body and cause a chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This condition is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to constantly take offense at all possible irritants, sometimes erecting piles of non-existent problems out of nowhere, showing with all his appearance how unfair the world is to him.
All a person’s feelings are a subjective thing, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all others, since one’s “I” and personal dignity are placed above others.
Why do people get offended?
Psychologists divide all reasons into four categories:
- Misunderstanding of jokes: most often, a person who is devoid of a sense of humor is touchy; even a small tease can offend him - this is his defensive reaction and an indicator that there is no need to do this. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person becomes fixated and carries a grudge for years, developing a plan for revenge.
- Manipulation: wanting to get what is planned, but not seeing the desired result, a touchy person “pouts his lips,” moves away and remains silent - showing with all his appearance that he expects completely different actions.
- Frustrated hopes: people often succumb to fantasies or attribute non-existent character traits to others, expect unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed by reality. With offense they try to show the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change the person.
- Inability or unwillingness to forgive: too high self-esteem and hyperego make people blind to other people's emotions and motives of actions. Moreover, this category of people can combine all three previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid person.
How does resentment develop into resentment?
Due to an excessive sense of self and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: “Why me? Why is it possible for them, but not for me? I deserve better, more.” This plunges a person even more into an illusory reality, invented by him and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the cause of grievances remains unresolved and settles inside, the more people becomes touchy, fixated on his own experiences and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive touchiness becomes a natural state, destroying inner world person.
Four types of offended people
Psychoanalysts divide touchy people into several types, by analyzing which you can understand why they hold a grudge against you and how to correct the situation.
People with an eternal victim complex: they are constantly offended by everyone and everything, with or without reason: any careless word, sideways glance or gesture can drive them into deep depression, a week of silence or, conversely, constant whining. This type of overly touchy person in a state of passion can do anything, even attempt suicide, so you need to behave extremely carefully with them.
Paranoid: people who are touchy due to excessive suspicion, jealousy and fear of being deceived. They hear only what they want, understand the situation only from their extremely subjective point of view and look for a catch in almost everything.
People with an inferiority complex: their total lack of self-confidence gives rise to a feeling of insecurity; it seems to them that others constantly want to offend, laugh at shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are quietly touchy; they do not make trouble, do not try to manipulate, but simply withdraw into themselves, accumulating a lump of resentment.
The Avengers: their distorted view of the world, combined with it, forces them to constantly scroll through plans for revenge, retribution for insults in their heads, and pushes them to further immoral actions. Moreover, the resentment gnawing at them is so great (even over a trifle) that for years they can nurture within themselves a plan for a vendetta worthy of Moriarty himself.
Male resentment
Men actually get offended extremely rarely - they rather get upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of their loved ones. The logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the reason for a long time - after half an hour, the male consciousness will find something more interesting to do than dwell on an action that has already passed.
The only thing that can really hurt him and last for a long time is criticism of his “male” behavior: sexual incompetence, comparison with other men, public condemnation and devaluation of his gifts. Then the man can either withdraw into himself, or, maintaining external habitual behavior, keep the resentment within himself for quite a long time, and during a strong quarrel, express everything.
Women's resentment
Women hold the palm in terms of grievances: they are offended several times a day, while for some these are fleeting states that cannot even be called an insult - so, I was upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is a fixed idea throughout their lives: “You offended me - you didn’t see my tears,” because of which they begin to poison the lives of themselves and those around them. At the same time, she looks like a madman: she has absolutely no control over reason, emotions and can say mountains of unnecessary, rude and unnecessary things. It is excessive sensitivity that destroys such women.
Childish resentment
A child's offense is big psychological trauma, which can entail a lot of complexes, rejection of the realities of the world and a distorted perception of people around. The danger is that an unstable child’s psyche cannot cope with experiences, cannot respond correctly to a stimulus and imprints negative experiences on the subconscious, forming an illusory reality.
Most people who are too touchy brought this feeling with them from childhood, they have grown together with it and can no longer live without it. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are embedded in a person in preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. Therefore, next time, before scolding your child for something, think ten times whether it is necessary.
What are the risks of communicating with such a person?
When there is a touchy person in a company, it’s like a boil: it’s very annoying, but no one dares to touch it so as not to cause pain. An imperceptible ring of alienation is formed, which offends the person even more - the circle is closed. In addition, a very touchy person reacts sharply to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for his sensitivity is the same as
The constant need to select the “right” words, expressions and actions already indicates that you are being manipulated, which means that the person has understood the power of his influence and will use it every time as needed.
Why don't all people get offended?
The psychology of a touchy person is different: some are extremely rarely susceptible to such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. You can joke with some to the point of foul, while others react sharply even to a comment about their hairstyle. Why is this happening?
In fact, everything depends on the internal state of a person: how self-sufficient he is or dependent on public opinion, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and self-worth. Everyone has their own weak points and pain points: for some they are on the surface and painful, while for others they are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.
How to communicate with a touchy person?
For those around you, this is sometimes a whole problem. How to call a touchy person so as not to offend? How to communicate with him at all if there is no way to end the relationship (he is an employee, relative or husband-wife).
The first way is to try to ignore attempts at manipulation, provided that you really are right. You can ask an uninterested person for their opinion (of course, tactfully, so as not to further offend the offended person).
Second: try to take the situation into your own hands and transform it from emotional squabbles into a calm discussion of the problem.
Communication with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loyalty; it is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different perspective. You need to be lenient towards emotional outbursts - after all, if the reasons for such a reaction are known, then it becomes clear that the touchy person has internal problems through the roof. Have pity on him, only mentally.
The “all-in” method: feign resentment in response. Perhaps, having felt in the place of the “pseudo-offender”, a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended person and mentally scroll through the situation, trying to look at it through his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your fault is that the person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unconsciously, without thinking, hurt a person.
How to help get rid of resentment?
Explain to the person why you acted and said this and not otherwise. Explain in detail the reason in the smallest detail, make it clear with all your appearance that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really requires it, you need to apologize. Just remember: to apologize means to regret what you did and promise to do it again. Human reactions come from actions, not just words.
Try to explain that offense is a destructive feeling that shows how much the offended person does not respect himself as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have a close relationship if it develops so one-sidedly.
What will the accumulated grievances lead to?
Does everyone know that offense is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded sense of superiority spurs a person to break relationships, destroy marriages and family ties. Everything happens because everyone puts himself above the other, and this is a manifestation of pride.
Focused on his internal experiences, a person loses the ability to think sensibly, his productivity decreases, which, in turn, can lead to job loss. In an attempt to numb the pain of resentment, some people turn to drinking or taking drugs.
Why does a touchy person often get sick? His nervous system constantly overloaded with stress, depression and neuroses. Under the influence of feelings, he disrupts his usual diet, which has a detrimental effect on digestive system: gastritis, stomach ulcers are side effects of stress.
From constant worries, migraines develop, spasms of the muscles of the neck and shoulder girdle (which can lead to problems with the spine). Spasmed muscles, in turn, block the free functioning of the lungs, hyperventilation is disrupted, and this is the first step to colds and various types of inflammatory processes.
In the process of communicating with an offended person, try to convey this information; perhaps common sense will prevail and the offense will go away.
Resentment is both anger and pity together. Anger towards the offender and self-pity. Both anger and pity are, although negative, but strong emotions. And it’s easy to get addicted to strong emotions, it’s easy to get hooked on strong emotions. Strong emotions, both negative and positive, very often become peculiar narcotic substance. And many people, like a drug, become addicted to strong emotions, including anger and pity. This is why so many offended people find it so difficult to forgive those who caused their offense; after all, if they forgive, then they will cease to be offended people, and therefore will cease to experience anger and pity, and therefore forgive the pleasure that they experienced while experiencing these, albeit negative, but strong emotions.
Offended people are, as a rule, without any exception, angry. Kindness is incompatible with either pity or anger. Pay attention to this, we will return to this later.
It would seem, what’s wrong with always being offended? The bad thing is that resentment gets in the way creative development person. To be able (to have the ability) is more significant than to be able (to be able) to repent.
Why? Probably because it is easier to understand what repentance is than to understand what forgiveness is. To repent means to regret an act committed, considering it to one degree or another destructive and being aware of it Negative consequences. You can also repent about your lifestyle, regretting, for example, missed opportunities or acquired negative character traits when you become greedy, angry, envious, and so on. You can also repent of committing evil towards someone. And so on. There are many examples of human repentance that can be given. Repentance is not something incomprehensible. Everything here is extremely clear and understandable.
The degree of repentance (regret) can be weak if the negative consequences of the committed act or lifestyle are insignificant, and vice versa, regret can be very, very large if their result was a great evil or great misfortune.
Let's return to resentment and compare it with repentance. It has already been said that resentment is both anger and pity combined. And remorse is usually strong regret. Is there anything in common here? What resentment and repentance have in common is anger and pity. Another thing is that in repentance, both of these emotions are experienced by a person in relation to himself personally. When a person commits a destructive act and realizes its destructiveness and regrets it, then he experiences both anger and pity towards himself. Alternately, a person either hates himself or feels sorry for himself.
Notice that I used the word “hate” now. For me, you can only feel anger towards someone if you hate someone; including yourself.
The vast majority of people believe that the opposite of love is hate. And antonym dictionaries confirm this. It's all about the definitions that both dictionaries and people give to the words “love” and “hate”. If love is understood only as “a feeling of deep affection for someone” and “devotion to someone”, and hatred is understood only as “a feeling of intense dislike”, “hostility towards something, someone”, then, of course, love will be perceived as the opposite of hatred.
But is love only deep affection and devotion to someone? Love is, first of all, a relationship between people, and the feelings and emotions that a person experiences at the same time are a second matter. But, alas, most people put their emotions in the first place, and do not think about relationships at all, probably believing that emotions will become the key to the necessary relationships, and not understanding that deep affection and devotion to someone can be experienced not only in love.
Let's go back to the offense. I am NOT saying that there cannot be devotion and affection in love, I am saying that this alone is not enough for love. And those who do not agree with this, who understand love exclusively as devotion and affection, and on this understanding they build relationships with other people and call these relationships love, very soon begin to be disappointed in their relationships and feelings and... repent very much, that is, to very much regret what they have done, turning anger on themselves and on everyone who at least somehow took part in building these relationships, dubious in every sense.
Offended people, as a rule, without any exception, are angry, because it is incompatible with either pity or anger. Resentment is a very destructive feeling because it contains two opposites: hatred and pity.
The antonym of the word “hatred,” that is, the opposite word in meaning, is not love, as many mistakenly believe, but pity. And if we talk about the fact that there is one step between opposites, then hatred and pity are most suitable for this. From hatred to pity there is one step, and not from hatred to love, as some mistakenly believe. And this erroneous understanding often leads to tragic consequences when a person, feeling hatred towards someone, takes a step and begins to feel pity for the same person and thinks that this is love. And there are those who initially feel pity for someone, without any prior hatred, mistakenly think that this is love.
Who can confuse love and pity? Who can easily move from hatred to pity? There is only one answer - offended people. By the way, from pity to hatred, just like from hatred to pity, there is only one step. And if the result of the relationship between people, which they called love, becomes hatred, then before that there was not love between them, but a relationship based on pity. Failures in love are the lot of offended people. But are there those who cannot be offended? Eat.
It is impossible to offend someone who knows how to forgive.
Now about what it means to forgive, what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is a forgiving attitude towards someone who intentionally or unintentionally harms you. To be able to forgive means to be able to remain indifferent towards someone who harms you, who causes you harm. And here it is important not to confuse indifference towards evil and the cause of this evil with inaction towards evil and the cause of evil.
To be indifferent to evil does not mean not to notice evil and not to react to it in the necessary way. To be indifferent to evil means not to feel any emotions towards evil, neither hatred nor pity. Yes, yes, including pity, because pity is a feeling, like hatred, that can only be felt in relation to evil. Goodness does not need pity.
And we come to the main thing. Who can't be offended? It turns out that you cannot offend a kind person. Who is a good person? A kind person is a person who knows how to forgive.
I have already said before that kindness is incompatible with either hatred (anger) or pity. Kindness generally lies outside the segment limited on the one hand by hatred, and on the other by pity. This means that kindness is not characterized by jealousy, vindictiveness, envy, hypocrisy and much more that exists in this segment, including passion.
Kindness is, first of all, tolerance towards people, based on the understanding that all people are different and every person, without exception, is great and brilliant in his ability to generate ideas and translate them into reality, tolerance both towards the people themselves, and to their ideas, to their dreams, to their goals. Be kind person- this means understanding and being patient with the fact that all people are different, and the ideas that all people generate and translate into reality are also different.
I wish you health, love and creative success. Best regards, © 2014
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Options to be rude, humiliate and insult with clever words.
Very often you can encounter arrogance and lack of patience. It would seem that in even the safest places you can encounter a boor. In this case, you should not respond to rudeness with your fists. Enough to put bad person into place using words. You don't have to swear for this.
In general, there are a lot of options for how to humiliate a boor using caustic phrases.
Insult ideas:
- Degrade male potency. There are enough options here, you just need to hint at weak potency and connect it with the brain.
- Point out inconsistency. People who earn little react very painfully when people point out their low income.
- Show lack of education. Well, here you can make fun of the relatively low level of education. Show that a person speaks incorrectly and makes mistakes.
Options to offend a person:
- You are spiritually impotent
- You can't even earn enough for matches
- You can't buy your own dinner
You can offend a woman by pointing out flaws in her appearance. There is no need to say that she is ugly. You can hint at this. Hidden subtext is always more humiliating than direct words.
Examples:
- I would offend you, but I think the mirror offends you every day
- It happens that there is no intelligence, but God has not bestowed beauty
- When God created you, apparently he used a heel instead of a rib
You can also hint to a woman about her not entirely correct lifestyle. This will come in handy for her husband’s mistress or homewrecker.
Examples:
- To get involved with someone like you is to embarrass yourself
- You lost your beauty 20 men ago
- You are a disgrace to your parents
- Yes, not a single standing man will look in your direction
- Who needs you? Only a lazy man wouldn't hang out with you
- You are a man's footstool
Young and beautiful girls often encounter rudeness and very intrusive advances. Some men don't understand the word "no."
Options:
- Do you want to go to me or to yours? Then let's do it this way: you go to yourself, and I go to mine
- Would you like to see me off? Well, you can join me and go to the skin dispensary
- Do you want to date me? Do you know what to do if you have an epileptic attack?
- Are you ready to go with me to the ends of the world? Well, go, it's free there
- Do you want to meet? You can talk to my boyfriend first
There are many options for besieging a person without using fists and swear words.
Options:
- By chance, were you scared of Babai as a child?
- Oh, apparently you don’t know that it’s better to be friends with me?
- You need to lead a special column that goes to...
- If you don't call me today, then I will call, but not you
- I'm interested in the opinions of those I ask. I didn't ask you
- If you want to be rude, go to the trash bin, talk to the dogs
- You need it to go crazy
- Don't touch my strengths with your shortcomings
If someone beats you up or does it all the time, don’t be upset. Pay the offender back with his coin.
Options:
- When God created men, you were last in line. Out of my mind
- If you were a decent man, your wife would be happy
- No, you are not a woman, but a thing for frequent rental
- You haven't come into existence yet in your mother's womb, so you can't be strong.
If you don’t want to send obscenities, you can simply make sure that the person does not want to communicate with you.
Techniques:
- Say “yeah,” “well, of course.” Don't carry on the conversation
- Try to take the topic into an uninteresting direction for your interlocutor
- Another good trick is to talk only about yourself and constantly interrupt your partner
How to respond to rudeness, insults and insults without swearing with clever words?
You can see more about this in the video.
You can answer with quotes famous people. There is no need to humiliate or insult. It is enough to correctly lead a person to what he says is incorrect. Below are quotes from famous people.
Here are a few options to avoid swear words:
Instead of: OH...YET!
We must say: I AM AMAZED!Instead of: THESE P...GIFTS!
We must say: IN THIS CASE THEY ARE WRONG!Instead of: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE!
It must be said: THE DIFFERENCE IS NOT PRINCIPAL...Instead of: W...HERE!
We must say: OOPS, A SMALL COLLAPSE HAS OCCURRED...Instead of: FUCK YOU!
We must say: PLEASE DON'T DISTRACT ME!Instead of: FOR...BALI!
You have to say: SORRY, BUT YOU ARE TOO INNOCENT!Instead of: WHAT THE FUCK?!
You have to say: IT SEEMES TO ME THERE IS AN ERROR SOMEWHERE!Instead of: BL...D!
I must say: I AM FULL OF EMOTIONS!Instead of: DIST....ZDYAI!
It must be said: YOUR DEGREE OF RESPONSIBILITY LEAVES MUCH TO BE WISHED FOR THE BEST!
If you know psychology well and have a decent vocabulary, then there will be no need to use fists. Everything can be resolved by conversation.
VIDEO: Be rude without swearing
Now you can beautifully, and most importantly subtly, poke at your opponent in an argument using one of these expressions.
Only aristocrats and people with a fair sense of humor and imagination can insult so beautifully.
So,
How to insult your interlocutor beautifully.
Any similarity between you and a person is purely coincidental!- Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?
- As an outsider, what do you think about the human race?
- I would like to punch you in the teeth, but why should I improve your appearance?
- At least there is one positive thing about your body. It's not as scary as your face!
- The brain isn't everything. But in your case it’s nothing!
- Be careful not to let your brain get into your head!
- I like you. They say I have disgusting taste, but I love you.
- Have your parents ever asked you to run away from home?
- If only I had a face like yours. I would sue my parents!
- Don't be upset. Many people have no talent either!
- No offense, but is it your job to spread ignorance?
- Keep talking, someday you will manage to say something smart!
- Do you still love nature despite what it has done to you?
- I don't think so, maybe you have a brain sprain!
- Fellows like you do not grow on trees, they fluctuate there.
- He has a mechanical mind. This is bad for him; he often forgets to turn his back to the wind.
- His mind is like a steel trap that always slams shut when trying to find an answer!
- You are a man of the earth, it’s bad that it’s not the best part of it.
- He thought - this is something new.
- When it finally gets dark, you'll definitely look better!
- Yes, you are just a wonderful comedian. If it's funny, it's a miracle!
- In the book "Who's Who" you should be searched as What Is This?
- You are living proof that a person can live without a brain!
- It is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know about it.
- Yes, you are just a template for an idiot to build.
- Why are you here? I thought the zoo closed for the night!
- How did you get here? Did someone leave the cage open?
- Don’t try to find anything in your head, it’s empty.
- I think you wouldn't want to feel the way you look!
- Hello! I am human! What do you?
- I can't talk to you right now, tell me where will you be in 10 years?
- I don't want you to turn the other cheek, it's just ugly.
- I don't know who you are, but it would be better if you didn't exist, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.
- I don't know what makes you stupid, but it really works.
- I can drive the monkey out of you, but it will cost you a lot!
- I can't remember your name and please don't help me with this!
- I don't even like the people you're trying to copy.
- I know you were born stupid, but why are you relapsing?
- I know that you are self-made. It's good that you admit your guilt!
- I know you are not as stupid as you look. This is impossible!
- I saw people like you, but then I had to pay for the ticket!
- Why are you such a fool today? Although I think this is typical for you.
By using these insults you take responsibility for your words.
