So far, we have talked about how people react to stressors in their environment. Now it's time to discuss the next question: how to switch from stressful experiences and anxiety to a sense of inner balance. What is balance? Some will tell you that the sense of balance is well developed in someone who can walk a tightrope or ride a unicycle. According to others, the one who maintains composure, even when the enemy has broken through his defenses and went on the offensive, is balanced. There are many definitions of equilibrium. Opinions are unanimous on only one thing: having lost balance, it is easy to break loose and fall. You can fall literally when the body loses stability, or break loose in a figurative sense, when a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings prevents you from behaving rationally. Speaking of internal balance, or balance, I mean such a property of character that makes it possible to achieve the goal set for myself. Because in human activity If thoughts, emotions and the actual physical body are involved, then the balance may be lost in one of these areas: physical, mental or emotional. When you fall to the ground, it undoubtedly affects both the train of thought and the emotional state. If you get angry, this will again change the direction of your thoughts and somehow affect the state of the physical body. So, as soon as you lose balance in any of the areas of life, and this will affect your overall relationship with the outside world. Speaking about cultivating a sense of balance in myself, I proceed from the fact that even after a fall, you can get back on your feet and regain your stability. Restoring lost balance is our natural ability; We use it every day, often without noticing it ourselves. The development of this natural quality is necessary first of all for those who suffer from excessive emotional excitability, obsessive thoughts and other manifestations of internal disharmony. Cultivating a sense of balance does not mean that you should once and for all find for yourself some kind of balanced, harmonious state and stay in it all your life. A normal person cannot do this. I suggest a different strategy: you have to make sure. that every time you fall off, you can get back on your feet "and restore the lost balance. The means and methods for achieving balance, which I offer to your attention, are only means and methods. In general, there are many ways in which you can achieve balance, and the described in this book are far from the only ones.I will only talk about those methods that I used myself, and which, as I was convinced, helped many people.The results do not appear immediately, but over time and with practice.I will try to give you just a few examples of how to behave in order to stand stronger, on our feet, literally and figuratively.We will learn balance in much the same way as we learned to walk at the very beginning of our life. often fell.We did not learn to walk in one day: it is unlikely that any of you made a decision in childhood: o Starting tomorrow I will walk sump and on the first attempt walked around the house with a brisk pace. It took us a lot of time and practice: we fell, got up again and learned from our mistakes. All these falls and mistakes helped me understand how to hold on so as not to fall. Then there was a strong skill of maintaining balance while walking. The methods that will be discussed operate on the same principle. One of the proposed methods helps to reduce the physical manifestations of stress in the body, and the other contributes to the strength of internal balance in general. If you are experiencing severe stress, then the shortest path to balance lies through relaxation - relaxation. But this is not always the case. Equilibrium is the ability to function in a certain range, the most favorable. Energy consumption is then not too high, but not too small. If you remember again how a child learns to walk, then the strong tension binds the muscles, makes movement difficult, and excessive relaxation interferes with stability. Balance does not consist in tensing or relaxing as much as possible, but involves the ability to maintain such a state that is necessary for this particular activity, whatever it may be. Imagine a modern building with a ventilation system that regulates the air temperature. Such systems are always equipped with a device to maintain the temperature within a certain range. The system can be programmed so that when the temperature drops to +18 degrees, the thermostat will send a signal to supply warm air until the temperature rises above +18o. You can also install the top. limit, if the air warms up above +24°C, the thermostat will register this and give a corresponding signal, after which cold air will be supplied to the room until the temperature drops again. Systems of this type are called homeostatic. A homeostatic system maintains a certain equilibrium state within itself. Man can be categorized as partly homeostatic systems; this means that some of its basic physiological mechanisms are designed to keep bodily functions within a certain range. To find inner balance, you have to find the state in which you will need to return each time in order to effectively cope with your tasks. Simply put, finding inner balance means taking a position so that it is not easy to knock you down, despite everything. life difficulties. Considering the problems of Vietnamese veterans from the standpoint of this idea of balance, I found that one of the most common post-stress manifestations is a high level of muscle tension and related painful phenomena: colic, spasms, headaches, etc. With the help of electromyographic equipment, I have repeatedly convinced myself that many patients who maintain a high level of tension in certain muscle groups do not themselves realize that these muscles are constantly tense. The fact is that the muscle groups were in a state of tension for a long time, so long that the patient forgot how they feel when they are relaxed. In this case, the sensation corresponding to muscle tension is perceived by the person as abnormal. There were cases when patients who were taught to relax muscles with the help of equipment experienced discomfort at the first moment, it was unusual for them to have no tension in these muscles. But time and practice give their results: the state of relaxation becomes habitual and acceptable. A person can learn to return the muscles to a normal, balanced state, like a thermostat that maintains a given range of temperatures in the room. It is best to learn balance not in theory, but in practice. I made sure that one of effective methods creating a general idea of \u200b\u200bbalance is the old game push me away. Two people take part in it. The rules of the game are few and extremely simple. The players stand facing each other at a distance of about a meter. Stretching out his hands in front of him (palms forward, fingers pointing up), the player is in contact with the palms of the partner. During the game, you can lean forward or backward, but you can not move your legs. If one of the players moved his foot, this qualifies as a loss of balance and, therefore, a loss. So, the first rule is not to move your feet. The second is that you can only touch the partner's palms. If you touch any other part of the body, it is considered a loss. You can push your partner's palms away with any force, or move your palms to the side, ending contact. That's all wisdom. Don't try to play push me if you don't want to stick to the rules - touch only with your palms: one of the players is at risk of injury. If you follow the rules, then the game is completely safe even for partners of different heights and weights. Interesting feature games and its difference from most martial arts is that victory is achieved not by defeating the enemy, but by maintaining one's own balance. The goal of the game is not to make one a winner and the other a loser, but to avoid losing balance. One of the partners can win, both, or neither of them. The most favorable outcome of the game is when both partners keep the balance. To play this game, you need to maintain a certain level of physical balance. It is interesting to note that often we lose our physical balance due to an imbalance in thoughts or emotions. Imagine, for example, that at first you vigorously leaned forward, hoping to forcefully push the opponent’s palms away, and he simply removed his hands. You staggered and almost fell, causing him to burst out laughing. This no doubt pissed you off. An unfortunate failure gave rise to a desire in you to win at all costs and to laugh at the enemy just as he laughed at you. This idea will definitely affect the style of your game. The desire to win will manifest itself in muscle tension, in attempts to push the enemy harder than required. If he notices this, he will again remove his hands to give you the opportunity to again lose balance due to an inappropriately large effort. Thus, emotional imbalance leads to a loss of physical balance. You can also lose your balance when resisting the efforts of an opponent: if you have excessive tension in your shoulders, lower back, hips or knees. This game helps to understand that sometimes you need to bend or dodge to keep your balance. Thus, you will learn from experience that it is easy to lose balance due to physical exertion or under the influence of certain thoughts and feelings. You see in practice how unstable your situation becomes when you lose control of thoughts or feelings. Thus, in a simple game, you learn to be aware of your individual style of application of force, which accompanies you throughout your life. Moreover, this game allows you to learn how to apply force in a balanced way. Aggression has already been discussed as one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress, an increased willingness to resort to aggression - physical, mental, emotional or verbal - to achieve one's goal, even if the situation is not vital. In a person accustomed to this style of behavior, aggressive actions have entered into the blood so much, they have become so much a part of nature that he himself does not notice how he affects others. And even when everyone around perceives the actions of such a person as aggressive, it seems to him that he is behaving normally. The game of push me gradually teaches us to be aware of those moments when excessive force is applied, and in general when our actions are unbalanced in the application of force. However, it is important to clarify what excessive-en means, which effort can be considered normal, and which is excessive. I think that excess is such an effort that unbalances. Influencing others with such force that does not give the desired result, because it unbalances you, is inappropriate. By balance, I remind you, we mean the level of activity that is required to achieve this goal. No more and no less. Excessive activity is a hindrance, as it deprives balance. As an example, let's go back to the game push me back. When you strive to gain the upper hand, when you are possessed by the desire to see how this buffoon will flop, it is easy for you to lose sight of your main task - to maintain balance! You instantly forget that the most important thing is to keep your feet firmly on your own. When your goal is to defeat and shame the enemy, you easily sacrifice your own balance for her. And while sometimes this strategy does create some advantages, much more often it backfires - both in the game and in life. In many cases, excessive force does not help, but will prevent you from reaching your goal. This applies equally to any person, and it has always been so. However, while playing, try what happens if you push the opponent with all your might, without caring about your own balance. An experienced player will simply walk away from contact and you will involuntarily have to change the position of your legs. You yourself will be to blame for the loss of balance. If the second player does the same, then the result may be different: you will not lose your balance, since your forward jerk is extinguished by the counter effort of the enemy. One who does not know how to apply force in a balanced way will always depend on the presence or absence of resistance. To feel strong, he needs an opponent. When a person is balanced, such a need is much less. Aggressiveness is a type of behavior where tactics are used that are similar to the tactics of the game push me away: we exert a forceful impact, trying at the same time to maintain balance. When we are driven by the obi or run instinct, we tend to put more force into the punch than is required. To get rid of the phenomena of post-traumatic stress, one must, in particular, learn to reduce the intensity of this reflex. To begin with, let's learn how to use our power in a balanced way, i.e. dose it according to the situation. Just as a heating system can be programmed to automatically change the temperature when it goes out of a given range, so a person can learn to change his internal temperature. If the room temperature reaches 37°C, people feel severe discomfort. You feel just as uncomfortable when your internal temperature - physical and mental tension - reaches a high level. Remember, when you give the command obei or run-gip, you are ordering the body to tense up. If your obei or run reflex has been trained in numerous stressful situations, then you probably often experience internal tension and discomfort associated with it. I had to dwell on the sense of balance in such detail, since learning to balance is one way to open the release valves within yourself and reduce excess tension. To open these valves and get closer to balance, you need to work on yourself. You can achieve balance only if you know what it is, and not only with the mind, but also in practice, as a state that you have experienced and to which you can return. That is why it is so important to cultivate balance in yourself, in thoughts and feelings: in this way you create in yourself a kind of homing-niyap device that, in a moment of stress, will direct you where you need to go. Let's say, for example, that you have headaches caused by over-exertion. At first, one thing is clear: the head hurts, and the only desire is to get rid of the pain. But, having mastered in practice some methods of achieving balance, you will understand that pain occurs only with the accumulation of stressful tension. This means that when you are stressed, you actively tighten certain muscles, which in turn impedes blood circulation and leads to headaches. If you know what happens in the body before you feel pain, then you will see your task not in quickly drowning out the pain sensation, but in coping with stress, to which your headache is a reaction. pain. In some cases, it is possible to move from a stressful state to internal balance only by learning to relax certain muscle groups. Which muscles to relax depends on your individual pattern of muscle tension. The same strategy applies to your thoughts. If you have obsessions driven by unreasonable fear, they probably make you tense up just as much as if you were in real danger. Therefore, speaking about the education of balance, we are talking, in particular, about such a way of thinking, which is free from obsessive unreasonable fear. The ability to relax is especially valuable for those who often experience tension and anxiety. I will describe one special exercise that, as practice has shown, can be successfully used to relax the muscles and calm the psyche. In teaching this method to my patients, I used electromyography equipment. With the help of such equipment, the patient can see for himself how effectively his muscles respond to the command to relax. Since you are unlikely to be able to measure the level of your muscle tension with electronic equipment, you will have to use your internal radar, i.e. your own ability to feel what is happening inside you. Pay attention to how you will feel your muscles before and after exercise. The exercise itself is such that it will take more time to talk about it than to do it. It will involve your body, breathing process and mental representations. First, I will talk about each of these three aspects separately, and then I will explain how to combine them. The first part of the exercise is a series of actions called progressive muscle relaxation. It is very simple to do: you focus on each muscle group in sequence. First you tense your muscles, then you relax them. Start with your toes: tense them, and then relax. Do the same with the ankles, calves, thighs, buttocks, lower back, abdominals, chest, upper back, shoulders, neck, face (eyes, forehead, jaws); finally, with the muscles of the hands. Finally, squeeze your hands into fists, then unclench. The first part of the exercise is over. Do it at least once to get the feeling you want. The second part is related to breathing. You have to master the art of abdominal breathing, which will increase the flow of oxygen into your body. We will inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Inhale deeply enough - but not so much that it looks like you are about to burst, but just take a good full breath. Many people believe that the lungs fit entirely in the chest, and to take a deep breath, you need to draw in the stomach and push out the chest. But if you look at the anatomical drawing of the human body, you will see that the lower lobes of the lungs are located directly above the abdominal cavity. This means that by drawing in your stomach when you inhale, you will block the access of air to the lower part of the lungs, as if inflating a balloon, you pinched its opposite end with your hand. So, for a deep and full breath, it is necessary to fill the lower lobes of the lungs with air. Inhale deeply through the nose, placing the palm of your hand on the solar plexus (below the ribcage above the navel). Raise your palm slightly so that it does not touch the skin. Does the area of the solar plexus rise during inhalation? If not, then your inhalation is not deep enough because you are only filling the upper part of the lungs, located in the chest, with air. Let the air enter the abdominal cavity so that you can feel the belly bulging under your hand. This is a sure sign that the lower part of the lungs is full. Having learned to fill the lungs with air, you can move on to the next stage of abdominal breathing: when exhaling, do not blow out the air from yourself as if you want to extinguish the candles on a birthday cake, but simply relax the abdominal wall and let the air out of the lungs with almost no effort. When you breathe in, your lungs are like an inflated balloon. By tensing your muscles, you keep the air in your lungs, as if you were holding the hole of a balloon to keep it from deflating. As you exhale, simply relieve muscle tension, as if releasing a ball from your fingers, and let the air escape freely. Practice abdominal breathing: Inhale through the nose, filling the abdominal cavity with air, and at the same time make sure that the abdominal wall rises; then exhale effortlessly through your mouth. And while doing this exercise, I would like to draw your attention to the position of the shoulders and lower jaw. During natural breathing, the shoulders rise slightly on inhalation and lower on exhalation. When exhaling through the mouth, the lower jaw also slightly lowers. But if you are tense, your jaw will remain clenched and your shoulders will not drop as you exhale. At first, you will probably have to watch all these movements and give your body the appropriate commands. So, now you know how to do abdominal breathing. Inhale through your nose, let your stomach pop out a little - exhale freely through your mouth, let your shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly. Do the exercise several times to understand its essence. In the next step, we will combine progressive relaxation with abdominal breathing and do them simultaneously. Progressive relaxation, as we remember, contains two types of action: muscle tension and relaxation. Abdominal breathing also consists of two actions: inhalation and exhalation. To combine these two exercises, you will tense and relax the muscles in the rhythm of inhalation and exhalation. For example: slowly tense your toes while taking a deep slow breath, then slowly relax your fingers while slowly exhaling freely. To sum it all up: inhale slowly through your nose, slightly sticking out your belly and at the same time gradually tensing your toes. When you reach the top of the inhale, stop tensing your muscles. Begin to exhale effortlessly through your mouth, while at the same time relaxing your toes. At the same time, make sure that your shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly. Repeat the exercise with the next muscle group, and so on, until all have been completed, and each time combine tension with inhalation and relaxation with exhalation. Again, explaining this exercise takes much more time than doing it. Working out all the main muscle groups will not take you more than 3-5 minutes. Practice until you can easily and naturally combine relaxation with breathing. Finally, we will add an element of mental training to this exercise: it is called visualization. Breathing in and out, tensing and relaxing your muscles, you will call on your imagination to help. To master visualization, first look at your hands and clench them into fists. Close your eyes and mentally imagine your clenched fists. Without opening your eyes, open your hands and again feel how they open. Thus, the mental part of this basic exercise is that you will mentally see different parts of your body as you inhale and tense, exhale and relax. Put your imagination to work with these ideas. Without opening your eyes, practice clenching your fists as you inhale, relaxing your arms as you exhale, and at the same time draw a mental picture of your palms opening and closing. Once you are good at this, you can move on to the next step. Here your imagination will have to work hard. Close your eyes again and inhale, tensing your arms. But this time, as you exhale through your mouth and relax your muscles, at the same time imagine that you are exhaling through your arms. Of course, this is possible only in the imagination, but in this case it is important for us. Closing your eyes, imagine as you exhale that you are pushing air out of yourself through your hands. As you inhale, draw a picture of how your arms tense up. As you exhale, mentally watch your arms relax and as you exhale through them, imagine the tension flowing out of your arms. What does muscle tension look like, what does it look like? Here you can give free rein to your imagination. Tension can look like anything, depending on what image comes to your mind when doing this exercise. Some say that they imagine dark smoke coming from their hands; others see steam, as if from a boiling kettle; to the third, it seems that compressed springs are unfolding. You can use any of these images, or create your own, as long as it helps you visualize something leaving the part of your body through which you exhale. Smoke, steam, fog - everything that can symbolize the tension accumulated in the muscles. Many patients report that when they exhale through well-relaxed muscles, they see clear, clean emissions. When the exhalation is done through a tense muscle, the imagination draws an outburst of a dark, dirty color for them. Choose any image that will be convincing to you. If you learn to visualize the release valve opening inside you, you will send instructions through your psyche and brain to your muscles, and this will help them to relax. Now you are ready to receive the final instruction of the relaxation exercise, which combines the work of the body, mind and breath. Since it is impossible to read and do the exercise at the same time, ask someone, at least at first, to read this instruction to you, or say it yourself on a tape recorder and turn it on at a convenient time for you. Before you begin, find a quiet place where no one will disturb you. If possible, move away from the phone. Sit or lie down comfortably. Go to the toilet early. Loosen tight-fitting clothing, loosen the belt. When you begin the exercise, make sure that the rhythm of breathing is natural for you, even if it does not exactly match the sounding verbal instructions. If commands are given too slowly, do not wait, do not hold your breath, but continue to inhale and tighten your muscles, exhale and relax at a pace that is comfortable for you. From time to time, survey your entire body with your mind's eye, note the state of the muscles. Pause, moving from one muscle group to another, to more accurately capture the sensation. Whether you are given instructions by someone close to you or you are using a tape recording, speech should be clear and slow, and the following text is recommended. Get comfortable. Take a deep breath and exhale. Now tighten your toes while inhaling deeply through your nose. Let your belly bulge slightly as you inhale. Exhaling slowly, imagine that you are exhaling through your toes. Try to see how tension flows out of them. Repeat: inhale, tighten your fingers, exhale; shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly. Focus on the foot and ankle. While inhaling, tighten the foot, while exhaling, exhale through it. Repeat: inhale, stick out your stomach, slowly exhale effortlessly through your feet. Attention to the calves of the legs. Inhale, tighten your muscles. Exhale through the calves. Exhale-eat with your mouth, shoulders and jaw drop slightly. Once again: inhale, slowly tighten the calves, exhale, slowly relax. Muscles of the thighs. Inhale and strain, exhale slowly through the muscles. Inhale again and tighten your muscles; Exhale slowly as you lower your shoulders and jaw. Now the gluteal muscles, inhale and tighten them; exhale and relax. Again: inhale through the nose, tighten the muscles; exhale slowly, lower your shoulders. Small of the back. As you inhale, bend at the waist, as you exhale, relax and exhale through it. Inhale, tension; exhale, imagine how the tension leaves this area.. Stomach. While inhaling, tighten your abdominals; exhale freely, without effort. Inhale through the nose, exhale, shoulders and jaw drop. Upper back. Inhale and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Exhale through your shoulder blades. Inhale slowly, tighten your back, exhale slowly, relax. Shoulders. On the inhale, lift your shoulders, on the exhale, let them drop quietly. Inhale, tension, exhale through your shoulders. Let's move on to the neck. Inhale through the nose, sticking out the stomach, exhale freely through the neck. Face. As you inhale, tighten the muscles around your eyes and mouth, wrinkle your forehead. Exhale through your face, relax. Inhale, tighten your muscles, exhale, watch how the tension flows out. Arms. Inhale and tighten your muscles, then exhale through them. Inhale through the nose, then exhale slowly, freely lowering the shoulders and jaw. Let's finish with the hands. Inhale and gather all the tension that is still in your body into clenched fists, then exhale through your hands, slowly extending your fingers. Inhale again and clench your fists, then exhale effortlessly and imagine the rest of the tension draining from your fingertips. The exercise is over. When you gain some experience, it will take you no more than five minutes to complete the entire cycle. Do not forget to look at your body with your inner eye, noting all the sensations that arise. Is there a noticeable difference in the state before and after the exercise? Try to remember the sensations of one and the last with each exercise. This will develop your ability to internally notice the accumulation of tension in the body. If you do this cycle of relaxation three times a day, after waking up, in the middle of the day and before going to bed, after a few days you will begin to be aware of how muscle tension accumulates in you. I usually recommend that the patient relax in this way for 10 days, three times a day. This is the minimum time it takes a person to find out if this exercise will help him. It, like all methods of relaxation, is by no means a panacea; it simply allows you to better understand and bring to consciousness the commands that your brain sends to the body. Being aware of these commands, we thereby take them under control; the better we know our reactions, the more we are able to manage them, and therefore, to maintain internal balance. The ability to relax will bring maximum benefit in those moments of your life that are marked by the greatest stressful tension. When faced with phenomena and events that easily throw you off balance, it is very important for you to know how to remain calm and able to control your attention in such a situation. By cultivating balance in yourself, you thereby acquire a tool for curbing the reaction of obei or begyp, which is triggered under the influence of a real or imaginary threat. In ordinary, everyday life, the ability to maintain inner balance will help you find peace and more easily endure stressful events. AT extreme conditions this skill can save your life. The described exercise, like oriental martial arts and meditative practice, helps a person develop a sense of balance in himself through a special concentration of attention. It is up to you to choose the soil on which you want to rely.
Social Competencea
Social competence is a set of specific personality traits, abilities, social knowledge and skills, subjective readiness for self-determination, ensuring the integration of a person in society through the productive performance of various social roles.
The study of sociological and psychological and pedagogical literature on the research topic allows us to conclude that social competence is considered by many scientists as an integral component, the basis of the process of socialization of the individual, since it helps the individual to cope with the change of social roles, involves the ability to cooperate, make contacts, easy compatibility , readiness for change, for self-determination, social responsibility for the consequences of one's actions is a qualitative characteristic of this process. Socialization is the process of joining, integrating the individual into society, humanity.
Human social competence includes:
- knowledge about the structure and functioning of social institutions in society; about social structures; about various social processes taking place in society;
- knowledge of the role requirements and role expectations imposed in society on the holders of a particular social status;
- knowledge of universal norms and values, as well as norms (habits, customs, traditions, mores, laws, taboos, etc.) in various spheres and areas of social life - national, political, religious, economic, spiritual, etc.;
- knowledge and ideas of a person about himself, perception of himself as a social subject, etc.;
- skills of role-playing behavior focused on a particular social status;
- skills and abilities of effective social interaction (possession of means of verbal and non-verbal communication, mechanisms of mutual understanding in the process of communication).
Like any other competence, social competence is based and based on the experience and activities of the students themselves. The acquisition of competencies directly depends
from student activity.
The level of development of social competence can be diagnosed by the development
the following components:
1. Personal component: social responsibility, emotional stability, sociability, personal activity, adequate self-esteem, volitional control, self-confidence, tolerance, achievement motivation.
2. Cognitive component:
- knowledge about the essence, structure, functions of social competence, deviant behavior, the essence of a healthy lifestyle;
- knowledge about the qualities of the individual, allowing to successfully socialize in society, their presence and level of development in oneself;
- knowledge about the ways in which people interact in society.
3. Moral and value component:
- the presence of life orientations and goals;
- adoption of a healthy lifestyle, awareness of the dangers of drug use.
4. Activity component:
- analyze situations of interaction between people;
- correctly evaluate verbal and non-verbal expression in interaction with other people;
- to foresee the consequences of the activities and behavior of one's own and others;
- logic of social interaction.
- constructive interaction with others;
- communicative control;
- sociability;
- organization of productive, socially-oriented activities.
A sign of socially competent behavior, and at the same time, a condition for its formation is dialogical interaction. Dialogic interaction is determined by the relationship of equality of subjects and mutual personal recognition. This requires a change in a person's worldview, a change in his professional position from authoritarian and manipulative influences towards dialogic interaction.
In foreign developments on issues of social competence, four groups of approaches can be distinguished. In the first one, social competence is considered as a link that creates a balance between the self-realization of the individual and his adaptation to environment, i.e. between cooperation and confrontation. The second group interprets social competence as a specific behavior that contributes to the achievement of a certain result, and, therefore, is assessed as socially competent. In the third group of sources, social competence is a concept synonymous with the concept of social intelligence, which implies the ability to respond wisely in situations of interpersonal communication. The fourth group represents social competence as a set of certain social competences/competences.
In domestic science, social competence is also interpreted ambiguously, namely: the readiness of the individual for a variable social meaningful expression; integrative personal characteristic, systematically reflecting the level social adaptation, personal self-determination, professionalization of a person as a subject of activity; ability to analyze life situations; the ability to creatively, problematically realize the life of society, interact with it in all its inconsistency; the presence of confident behavior based on the automation of various skills in the field of relations with people; the ability of the individual to effectively solve problem situations that arise in the process of realizing its potential in the public and social environment; the totality of social intelligence (understanding of the social situation), spiritual maturity ( value orientations), social and professional maturity (perceptual, communicative, reflective, self-representative skills) and social and moral maturity (responsibility, purposefulness, self-confidence, organization and exactingness).
Common to all the interpretations presented above is the correlation of social competence with the area of interaction with the outside world and other people, the ability to build effective relationships both with others and the objective world, and with oneself. Social competence allows you to adequately adapt to the conditions of social change, provides a correct assessment of the situation, the adoption and implementation of faultless decisions. In addition, social competence is the basis of the universal ability for the dynamic development of the individual.
A detailed analysis of various approaches to the interpretation of social competence in domestic and foreign psychology, sociology, pedagogy leads us to the definition of social competence as an integrative characteristic that ensures interaction at the level of relationships and is expressed in adequate self-esteem, a high level of subjective control and empathy.
Of fundamental importance is the interaction at the level of relations, indicating the essential characteristic of social competence as a category of relationship. An analysis of the philosophical, psychological and pedagogical interpretations of the concept of "attitude" showed the following:
1) all interpretations of the concept of "relationship" are united by their pronounced humanistic orientation. The most important link in the system of relations in all scientific approaches: philosophical (Aristotle, M. Buber, I. Kant, S.L. Rubinstein, L. Feuerbach, etc.), psychological (K.A. Abulkhanova-Slavskaya, V.K. Vazina, V.A. Labunskaya, A.F. Lazursky, B.F. Lomov, N.N. Obozov, S.L. Rubinshtein and others) and pedagogical (E.S. Asmakovets, G.M. Kodzhaspirova , A.F. Lazursky, L.M. Mitina, I.I. Rydanova) is the relationship of people;
2) the only effective way to relate people is one in which all its participants can behave naturally, pricelessly accept other people and count on acceptance, strive for mutual understanding, agreement, to harmonize their positions through dialogue.
Internal balance
By balance we mean the level of activity required to achieve a given goal. Excessive activity is a hindrance, as it deprives balance.
Since thoughts, emotions and the physical body itself take part in human activity, balance can be lost in one of these areas: physical, mental or emotional. When you fall to the ground, it undoubtedly affects both the train of thought and the emotional state. If you get angry, this will again change the direction of your thoughts and somehow affect the state physical body. So, as soon as you lose balance in any of the areas of life, and this will affect your overall relationship with the outside world.
Balance does not consist in tensing or relaxing as much as possible, but involves the ability to maintain such a state that is necessary for this particular activity, whatever it may be.
When your goal is to defeat and shame the enemy, you easily sacrifice your own balance for her. And although sometimes this strategy does create some advantages, much more often it backfires - both in the game and in life. In many cases, excessive force does not help, but will prevent you from reaching your goal. This applies equally to any person, and it has always been so.
However, while playing, try what happens if you push the opponent with all your might, without caring about your own balance. An experienced player will simply walk away from contact and you will involuntarily have to change the position of your legs. You yourself will be to blame for the loss of balance. If the second player does the same, then the result may be different: you will not lose your balance, since your forward jerk is extinguished by the counter effort of the enemy.
One who does not know how to apply force in a balanced way will always depend on the presence or absence of resistance. To feel strong, he needs a rival. When a person is balanced, such a need is much less.
If you know what happens in the body before you feel pain, then you will see your task not to quickly drown out the pain sensation, but to cope with the stress, to which your headache is a reaction. In some cases, it is possible to move from a stressful state to internal balance only by learning to relax certain muscle groups, using progressive muscle relaxation and the art of abdominal breathing.
The same strategy applies to your thoughts. If you have "obsessions" dictated by unreasonable fear, they probably make you tense up as much as if something really threatened you. Therefore, speaking about the education of balance, we are talking, in particular, about such a way of thinking, which is free from obsessive unreasonable fear. The ability to relax is especially valuable for those who often experience tension and anxiety.
To find inner balance, you have to find the state in which you will need to return each time in order to effectively cope with your tasks. Simply put, finding inner balance means taking a position so that you are not easily knocked down, despite all life's difficulties.
Speaking about cultivating a sense of balance in ourselves, we proceed from the fact that even after a fall, you can get back on your feet and regain stability. Restoring lost balance is our natural ability; We use it every day, often without noticing it ourselves. The development of this natural quality is necessary first of all for those who suffer from excessive emotional excitability, obsessive thoughts and other manifestations of internal disharmony.
Cultivating a sense of balance does not mean that you should once and for all find some kind of balanced, harmonious state for yourself and stay in it all your life. A normal person cannot do this. The strategy here is this: you have to make sure that every time you "fall off", you can "get back on your feet" and restore the lost balance.
How to apply this strategy of educating balance in those aspects of life where the lack of this balance is perceived especially painfully? I refer to such phenomena of post-traumatic stress as nightmares, outbursts of anger, unwelcome memories and feelings of despair. It is these symptoms that represent the most serious problem for most people. The common feature that connects all these mental phenomena is the presence in a person of a painful feeling that he cannot do anything with himself, that he own experiences and actions are completely beyond his control.
In order to gain solid ground under your feet and control yourself, the starting point should again be the cultivation of balance. We will try to look at three different types of such "out of control" experiences, not as some kind of malignant growth on the soul that should be ruthlessly removed, but as examples of loss of balance as a result of internal warfare. You have to find out what kind of war is going on inside you and how you can put an end to it.
Dreams about war. In all eras, former fighters dreamed of war. If a heavy dream about war visits you during a period of stress or illness, this is generally normal and should not cause much concern. But if disturbing dreams are repeated often, if the same frightening plot is traced in a series of dreams, this brings a person to a completely helpless state. The one whose dreams are full of fear, hatred, anxiety, cannot even get enough sleep. Short or shallow sleep leads to physical and mental exhaustion and gives rise to irritability, fatigue, memory disorders, inability to concentrate, and depression.
If you find yourself in this situation, you first need to find a way to sleep, otherwise all other goals and objectives will be completely unattainable for you. Sleeping pills (of course, prescribed by a doctor) are not yet a solution to the problem, but they will give you temporary relief while you are looking for an answer to the main question: why can't you sleep peacefully? For those who do not want to take pills, soothing herbal preparations can be advised. Some people use alcohol or other drugs to sleep; this is risky as addiction can occur. Such drug use is highly likely to cause addiction or reinforce an existing one.
For those who do not want to take anything at all, physical activity, relaxation, auto-training and a calm environment somewhere closer to nature will help.
Consider restoring normal sleep your main task. To maintain the natural balance of the body, sleep is no less important than eating, drinking and breathing.
Now that it's established that you just need to get enough sleep, let's try to figure out why recurring nightmares have become a part of your life right now.
A disturbing dream that visits you again and again; obviously must mean something. If you reproduce this plot in your brain, then it is important to you in some way. The image or images that do not leave you in a dream serve, in fact, as a message sent to yourself. This is a signal that you should pay attention to something related to these images. If your dreams are filled with war, if you wake up feeling like you just got out of a hard battle, then the brain that created these dreams in its own way draws your attention to the war that is still raging inside you and unbalances you.
Such dreams are both a chronicle of events known to you and a reminder that you alone can start “peace negotiations”. Try to unravel hidden meaning your dreams and use the clues found as milestones on the path to healing. This task is not easy, because in the process of your exploration you will have to bring to life the most difficult and painful memories.
It is very difficult to voluntarily focus on the most unpleasant events that you have experienced; many people prefer never to think about them. But in a dream, when the psyche is not subject to our volitional control, we are forced to somehow pay attention to our own internal war. Having woken up from a nightmare, we strive to forget its contents as quickly as possible and completely switch to something else. But in order to apply the principle of balance to the problems of dreams, we have to proceed differently. We will divide our work into three stages. You must do the following in sequence.
1. Bring to the surface, realize in the waking state the plot of your dream.
2. Ask yourself what is required to restore peace, to end that inner war to which the dream is trying to draw your attention.
3. Find a way to apply the answer you received to your life today. In therapeutic practice, these three steps are a gradual process that can take several months or even years. The work ahead of you is difficult: there are no accelerated and painless methods in this area. It’s like deciding to finally go to the dentist: it will be painful, unpleasant, but if you don’t go now, then it will be even more painful later.
The analysis of one's own dreams is difficult, primarily because they reflect events of a special kind. If these events took place in a war zone, you most likely did not have the opportunity to go through all the stages of the emotional reaction that is natural for every person when confronted with something that is beyond his powers: denial (this cannot be, I do not I believe it happened), anger (I'm beside myself with rage, it shouldn't have happened), grief (it hurts me a lot that this happened). You will probably have to go through all these feelings more than once, until you finally come to a more balanced state, which can be called "acceptance": "Well, you have to come to terms with what happened and do other important things."
If dreams recreate events that once traumatized you, you may need to work your way through denial, anger, and grief before you reach a calm acceptance of what happened before. This “pave the way” will leave you vulnerable to guilt, shame, anger, and despair for a period of time. It is for this reason that many people, for whom such self-examination is already behind them, warn beginners that "it will get worse at first and only then better."
In other words, before you regain the best of your life, you will have to put up with the worst for a while. It is easier to carry out such work in a quiet, peaceful place, among caring and understanding people and under the guidance of a knowledgeable person.
How to find out what kind of events are present in your dream? The easiest thing, of course, is to remember the dream as soon as you wake up. But since not everyone tends to remember their dreams, you can use some external signs that indicate difficult "war" dreams. If you wake up covered in sweat and have some kind of vague anxiety in your soul, then, in the absence of other reasons (physical illness, heat and stuffiness in the room), it is safe to say that you experienced stress in a dream. If you are not sleeping alone, ask about your sleep behavior.
If in a dream you twitch, toss and turn restlessly, then this clearly indicates anxiety in your dreams. The words that you say while doing this also serve as an indication.
If all these external reactions are present, but you cannot remember the dream itself, you need to do some work in order to learn how to remember and realize the content of your dreams. People who forget dreams often think they don't dream at all. However, this is not so: the facts show that with a sufficient duration of sleep, everyone has dreams. It's just that some people are better able to link what they saw in a dream with what happens in reality,
When you decide to find out what is happening in your dreams, you can first do the following.
a) Keep a special dream diary. Keep a pencil and paper close to your bed, and a light source that is easy to turn on. Get into the habit of writing down the contents of your dream as soon as you wake up. You can slander what you remember on a tape recorder, if it is more convenient for you. By capturing your memories while they are still fresh, you can learn a lot about the plots of your dreams.
If you still cannot remember the whole dream, or even its fragments, next time try to interrupt the dream in the middle: let the alarm clock or someone close wake you up. For example, knowing that you often wake up between midnight and 2 a.m., experiment by setting your alarm clock for midnight, half past one, and one in the morning in sequence. If you manage to wake up in the middle of a dream, it will be easier to remember the details of what you saw.
Let them wake you up at the moment when you can guess from your movements that you are dreaming. But since your reflexes are sharpened by the disturbing content of the dream and an instinctive defensive reaction is possible, the one who wakes you must be careful. It is best to wake up with words; if physical contact is still necessary, you need to gently touch the sleeping person's leg and gradually press harder and harder. In this case, you should take a safe position and immediately name yourself as soon as the person wakes up. Roughly pull the sleeping person, shake and push him away. When you wake up, you should immediately write down the contents of the dream.
b) Adjust your thinking. To learn how to better remember your dreams, you can turn to a professional psychologist who is familiar with the technique of hypnosis and other methods of thought adjustment. Mastering self-hypnosis in one of its varieties will also help you achieve your goal. There are books containing useful information about dreams and how to analyze them.
c) Join a dream study group. It is easier to learn in a group, either under the guidance of a psychologist, or in a group created independently by people exploring their dreams. Working in a group, you will receive help and support when you have to face "inner battles".
Having a more or less detailed record of the content of dreams, i.e. events seen in a dream, you can come to find out why you are forced to pay so much attention to these events. If dreams are filled with the heaviest and most terrible experience you have experienced, then naturally you will least want to think about such a dream after waking up. However, you will have to go through this to finally know what message your dream carries.
Don't be in a hurry to push yourself. Move on to solving this puzzle only when you feel completely ready for it. If in a dream you hated someone or something, then where does this hatred come from? If one of the dream characters was angry with you, where does this anger come from, what gave rise to it? If in a dream you saw your acquaintances who are no longer alive, what do they ask you, what do they demand and why? If you were afraid, then what exactly were you so afraid of? Why did it scare you?
As you allow these questions to sink into your consciousness, the answers will gradually emerge from there. This process will be greatly facilitated if you consult a specialist. When studying your dreams, it is very useful to discuss them with someone. If these powerful bursts of your inner world greatly disturb you, your relationship with the outside world is greatly hampered.
Although there are cases in history when a dream helped to find an answer to a difficult question, yet in such a field as the analysis of dreams, the answer is easier to find in cooperation with other people than alone. The reason is partly that the impressions reflected in dreams are of a traumatic nature and are difficult to deal with alone; partly in the fact that in a conversation with a person who understands you, the analysis of the dream you have made is honed and tested.
Remembering the dream and the painful impressions associated with it, you will again have to experience feelings of guilt, anger, horror - all the emotions that accompanied the event itself. It is possible that then, during the traumatic event, all feelings seemed to be dulled. In this case, an acute emotional reaction to the memory is possible. This is perhaps the main reason why people avoid dream analysis.
Unwanted memories. When a person is visited by "movie frames from the past" - vivid experiences that are not related to the present moment - this indicates a serious loss of balance. Something that took place a long time ago grabs your attention so much that it seems more real and alive than what is happening in this moment. In such a situation, actions are committed that are quite acceptable from the point of view of the past extreme situation, but completely inappropriate in the present. The “combat” aggressiveness of a former military man in a peaceful everyday situation is just one, the most famous example of this kind.
There are several ways to reduce the number and intensity of such mental phenomena. Although, according to many patients, they occur without any apparent reason, this is not entirely true. Anyone who begins to cultivate inner balance is invariably convinced of the existence of special signals warning of the imminent appearance of "movie frames from the past." These signs are: muscle tension, increased anxiety, special "stressful" changes in the body, emotional tension and, in some cases, the activation of the "fight or flight" command.
In other words, stress builds up over time until it finally reaches a level where an "unsolicited memory", "movie shots from the past" can be triggered. The fact is that prolonged stress weakens the psyche and makes a person more vulnerable, prone to react more sharply to all sorts of troubles.
"Unwanted memories" are often preceded by triggering events. Such an event, most often unexpectedly, occurs in the present, but somehow resembles what happened in the past. For example, under certain circumstances it may be triggered by a smell, noise, sight, thought or feeling that is associated in the mind of the patient with a traumatic past.
But not only association can cause this condition: for someone who suffers from increased chemical sensitivity as a result of the poisoning, the presence of toxic substances in the air, water or food can produce a strong stressful effect and serve as a provoking event.
But such provocative moments unsettle you the more, the more your body is weakened by stress; This is also why it is so important to cultivate inner balance.
If film frames from the past are a frequent occurrence for you, then you tend to misperceive the events of the present. At such a moment, when something from what is happening around you is perceived incorrectly, you are under the influence of a past traumatic event so powerful that it completely captures your attention. Unbidden memories are a serious signal that you need to work on your inner balance in order to stand firmly on your feet - here and now.
To take control of unwanted memories, you should learn some preventive measures.
1. Learn to recognize by internal signs that stress accumulates in the body.
2. Learn to reduce your stress response.
3. Learn to "take a time out" at the first sign of stress.
4. Regularly remind yourself that the past should not be confused with the present. AT critical moment, when something reminded of a traumatic event, distract from the memories and switch to the events of the present time.
5. Learn to make sense of the difficult memories that take over your attention and come to terms with the events of the past. This work is analogous to that which is carried out in the analysis of dreams; the rules are basically the same.
Outbursts of rage. There is a huge distance between rage and balance. In anger, a person does not calculate his strength and is easily unbalanced. However, in a moment of rage, a person does not care about maintaining balance, because he is not inclined to reason rationally. Internal pressure reaches a critical mass and requires immediate release. Is it possible to apply the balance training strategy directly during an outburst of anger?
There are several preventive measures that minimize the damage caused by anger, much like a fire extinguisher minimizes the destructive power of a fire. In addition to these short-term measures, there are methods of long and deep self-study, leading to the origins, the original causes of your anger.
To reduce the destructive power of your anger, directed against the people around you, things and against yourself, you can do the following.
a) If you have a firearm, it is better to keep it with one of your friends or in some hard-to-reach place. At the very least, keep your weapons and ammo in separate places. This will give you a vital time advantage: before you act in a fit of anger, you will have time to think about what you are going to do. In a moment of rage, a person commits impulsive acts without thinking about the consequences. Even a moment's delay can save you from doing something that you would later bitterly regret.
b) Move a safe distance away from the person at whom your anger is directed. When your inner balance is completely lost, you should not deal with the resolution of interpersonal conflicts - there will be a more suitable time for this. Even if your anger is justified, and you really were treated badly, you still will not be able to clearly express your point of view and find a way out until you calm down. In a balanced state, it will be easier to resolve the conflict. This does not mean that you need to be a meek sheep; you just have to keep your power under control in order to use it effectively.
c) Find or arrange for yourself a safe place where you can vent your anger without answering to anyone. It could be a deserted forest or a park, your car, a room, or something else. In the absence of such a shelter, you risk venting your anger on innocent bystanders or on people close to you. Both best friends and complete strangers can become victims of your rage. This can be avoided if you retire to a safe place for a while.
d) Find some harmless, non-destructive activity for yourself that would help to “defuse” your anger a little. Some people benefit from vigorous physical work (such as chopping wood), others from running or strenuous (to the point of sweating) exercise. Others feel relieved if they tell their feelings to a patient and attentive listener; for others, a frank “conversation with oneself” is enough; writing down your impressions (it is not necessary to give them to someone to read later). If you also have a method that helps to "discharge", use it.
If you do not know how to reduce your anger, the only thing left to do is retire to a safe place and wait. Time, as well as the exclusion of everything that could cause tension, will be your allies. During such periods, refrain from alcohol: it's like pouring gasoline on a fire.
To ensure that such attacks of rage occur as rarely as possible in the future, try to trace what is happening inside and around you at the moment when irritation begins to accumulate. The reason for your anger may be the environment, the previous combat reflexes, or a combination of various factors. Examining the parts of your life where anger manifests most often will help you better understand its mechanism.
Perhaps your anger was preceded by a sense of fear. In this case, a timely question to yourself will help you get to the bottom of the true reason: “what threatens me?” By learning to recognize the features of events and situations that you perceive as potential danger, you will thereby take control of your fight or flight response, i.e. readiness to respond to the threat of attack.
Don't think that rage attacks "come out of nowhere." In fact, they are one of the ways you have learned to reduce internal stress. As you study yourself, you will realize that there are other, more effective methods of coping with stress.
Inner balance and well-being depends on four basic feelings of self:
- self-respect
- inner satisfaction
- inner freedom
- self confidence
Self respect. Along with self-respect, there are two associated negative connotations:
- overestimation of oneself and self-compulsion of a person (vanity, stubbornness, claims to power and arrogance);
- underestimation of oneself, a kind of liberation of oneself from the need for self-realization, which is replaced by evasiveness and resourcefulness in order to obtain recognition and confirmation of this recognition, obtained without real efforts of fruitful activity.
Self-respect and self-recognition by others are two different, in many ways opposite feelings of self. The calmer and more confident a person respects himself, the less he needs to be recognized by other people. And vice versa: the more a person craves recognition, the more desperately he boasts of his achievements, his property or connections, the more miserable his self-esteem becomes.
It is necessary to clearly understand the difference between self-respect and recognition (validation of oneself). Confirmation is a statement of what a person is capable of. For example, the ability to read and write, knowledge of a foreign language, the presence of a profession. Interest in a person, his attractiveness in the eyes of other people is also a confirmation of himself. Recognition develops self-confidence, but not self-respect. Men and women who behave like in a poultry yard, sending sexual signals into an indifferent space, people in general who want to be admired by others, as peacocks are admired - they all experience and experience a lack of self-esteem. Such characters lack true respect for a partner, that is, the basis for true love. Self-respect is a very important sense of self, it is inherent only in a person who has absolutely pure convictions and inevitably acts according to his convictions.
Some individuals believe that in order to achieve self-respect, you must certainly do something special. Such "orthodox" focuses on what others do to gain validation for themselves, and through what acts others gain high social status. But following other people's models does not lead to self-respect. Self-respect comes to a person only when the person himself is honest, conscientious and impeccable. But a person can achieve confirmation of himself through deeds that he considers worthy of his aspirations. Self-affirmation is carried out in an academic title, a political career, impressive wealth, an admirable machine, or, in the most “ultimate” version, a glorifying obituary.
Popularity is necessary for us only in the case when we lack confirmation of ourselves and self-respect, first of all, self-respect.
All fanatics suffer from inflated self-esteem, especially important characters: confessional, political and public figures. There are scientists who confuse the value of their achievements with the value of their own person. Like the doctor who said, “There are only two good surgeons in the world. The second lives in America. Many artists without a shadow of a doubt imagine themselves to be bright stars, although most of them, probably, are still passing comets, and not fixed stars.
Normal self-respect is characteristic of people for whom it is quite natural to speak and act decently, honestly and conscientiously, in accordance with their convictions. Arrogant pride is alien to these people, just as servile opportunism is alien to them. You need to have a good instinct to recognize the worthy modesty of such people, based on self-respect.
Normal self-respect is possessed by people for whom speaking and acting decently, honestly, conscientiously, following their convictions is a self-evident behavior. People who behave and act differently and destroy their self-respect by their lifestyle are not difficult to recognize. They dodge all the time, looking for workarounds to carry out their intentions. They find all sorts of excuses not to do something, or say the opposite of what they intend to do. They are insincere, they lie out of habit. "Dodgy snakes" are male and female individuals who do not consider anything for their own benefit, who lie rampantly in order to exercise their influence and gain power.
Inner freedom. Inner freedom has two antitheses:
- overestimation of oneself as a way of escaping from oneself. An individual with high self-esteem is in constant search for the best, new, different. This is living in a world of illusions.
- underestimating oneself as a way of oppressing and limiting oneself. An individual with low self-esteem is constantly worried about something, forever afraid of losing a partner, health, property.
A person who is capable of both demanding and, at the same time, refusing his own requirements has his own inner freedom. You feel inner freedom if you can safely ignore a phone call when you don't want to be interrupted. You experience inner freedom if you decline without explanation an invitation that you are not interested in. You have inner freedom if you find the courage to express a desire, even if you are sure that you will be refused. The one who does not hide his feelings and intentions is free. A free man simply says, "I don't want to," rather than pretending he doesn't have time. It would not occur to him to be hypocritical in front of someone in something. Someone who claims to use excuses to spare another person is actually afraid of becoming unpopular. He spares himself. Fear of losing popularity leads a person to lack of freedom. This is how the fear of disgrace is born, this is how an unpleasant feeling of embarrassment and embarrassment arises, this is how the color of shame flares up.
Only a person who feels free can be sincere and resourceful. Like that attractive woman who, when asked by her admirer whether she could be seen off and in which direction she was going, answered: "In the opposite direction."
In order to feel internally free, one must have self-respect and be in harmony with one's convictions. Whoever strives to be loved and seeks confirmation of love for himself from others will never experience the feeling of an internally free person.
We cannot unmistakably recognize the normality of feeling ourselves - the real conscience in us and knowledge about ourselves have become dulled. This knowledge, the "moral law in me" that Kant admired, cannot be instilled in us from outside, neither through a confessional teaching about morality, nor through a well-thought-out teaching of what is valued as socially desirable and decent, nor through a socio-political ideology. .
Social ideals are rendered untenable if they are imposed on people from the outside, and do not become an internal conviction on the basis of a personally experienced insight.
The physician and philosopher Paul Dahlke (1865-1928) spoke about this with amazing clarity: “The true coercion of a person comes, ultimately, not from things, but from thinking, therefore there is no coercion from the outside, there is self-coercion. Indeed: a person is forced to do something only when he forces himself. And this is possible only when a person has realized the necessity of what he is obliged to force himself to. From which, again, it follows that progress is not made by laws, ordinances, or even violence, but only by instruction. For a long time the world needs not great men, but teachers. And since ancient times, in the perception of a thinking person, not victories and conquests, not discoveries and inventions, not mastery of the world, but comprehension of oneself were considered the greatest achievement. And the only true way to true achievement is to know yourself.”
“Know thyself” means to understand the reason: why I do something. To "know thyself" means to be sensitive and honest with oneself in order to recognize one's true motives and one's own intentions. We must constantly ask ourselves: am I hurting my self-esteem with what I say and do? and do I feel free inside?
Inner satisfaction. There are two negative opposites of inner satisfaction:
- overestimation of oneself (inflated self-esteem) in the form of self-indulgence: food, sweets, alcohol, drugs, purchases (clothes, cars) - all for the sake of satisfying one's own desires.
- underestimation of oneself as dissatisfaction with oneself. A dissatisfied person wants everything to be different, wants to have more. He feels neglect of himself and is alienated from himself.
In relation to others, dissatisfaction with oneself is expressed in internal distancing, in alienation, in the desire to escape, in anxiety, irritability and in the search for an object for inexhaustible criticism. An exaggerated need for satisfaction leads to self-satisfaction and self-pampering. Self-satisfaction is often embodied in a long-past or longed-for future love. In addition to sexual satisfaction, various sources of self-indulgence are found. Excessively plentiful food, excessive satiety often fills the spiritual emptiness of dissatisfied people.
Someone smokes a lot in order to replace the lack of intimate spiritual relationships with the inhalation of tobacco smoke. Someone drinks a lot of alcohol in order to intoxicate themselves and not feel the anguish of unsatisfied desires.
If the vicious circle rotates faster and faster, then self-indulgence grows to self-stupefaction. Indulging yourself with sweets can still be attributed to self-indulgence, but heavy smoking, alcoholism and regular use of sleeping pills and drugs is already absolute self-stupefaction. “Satisfaction comes from within,” one psychotherapist recently wrote in a patient handbook. Well, the installation is correct, but useless. Not only satisfaction, but also vanity, envy, aggressiveness come from within. And we want to know what to do in order to achieve inner satisfaction and balance.
First of all, you should wean yourself from expecting that the other person will do what you want of their own free will. Having gained patience and readiness for understanding, one should try to understand the other person, want to belong to a partner, feel connected with a partner, instead of humiliating with picky criticism and pushing away.
They write a lot about what happiness is, and even more guess. Children who collect coins in a piggy bank believe that the piggy bank brings happiness. Many adults never get rid of this childish faith: they continue to believe that money is needed to achieve happiness. Many are unshakably sure: the more money, the more happiness. Whoever thinks so will walk through life in a crowd of unfortunates. A lost person needs more and more, he runs faster and faster towards happiness, but remains in the same unhappy place. The house could be bigger, the car could be more luxurious, the business could be more profitable, the vacation could be more comfortable, and so on.
If the aspirant to happiness could experience happiness, how pleased he would be. To be happy, you need to be able to be content. He who is satisfied with his work and his experiences experiences happiness.
Self confidence. There are two negative opposites of self-confidence:
- overestimation of oneself as narcissism: boasting, provocative, emphasized sex, aggressiveness.
- self-underestimation as self-pity: weakened self-confidence, feelings of weakness, incapacity, helplessness.
The four senses of self form the foundation of our inner balance: self-respect, inner freedom, inner satisfaction, and self-confidence. Self-confidence is different from self-respect. Self-confidence is the feeling of self that has nothing to do with self-respect. If the head of the mafia claims about himself that he allegedly has high self-esteem, then he does not know what he is talking about. The mafioso certainly feels a strong self-confidence, and he really has it. Any business that the head of the mafia successfully carries out confirms his efficiency. This is how self-esteem comes about. the highest degree, and this develops self-confidence in the “boss”.
Among the geniuses who did not realize their exceptional greatness and had low self-confidence is the self-doubting and shy Franz Schubert. He received few recognitions in his short life - only once, from Beethoven. Therefore, the great composer rarely experienced a state of self-approval that could strengthen his self-confidence. When his "German Dances" were rehearsed, he sat next to the conductor and whispered to him the correct tempo of performance: "Faster - slower - faster." The angry conductor yelled at him: “Why are you interfering all the time? Who are you, exactly?”
Schubert bowed in embarrassment: "Excuse me, Kapellmeister, I'm just a composer."
A person undermines self-confidence if he expects too little or too much of himself. Or if it requires too little or too much of itself. Anyone who makes too high demands on himself undoubtedly wants to admire himself - the strongest, most courageous, greatest. Hero, star. Making too high demands on yourself reflects a worthy goal - to admire yourself. Of course, for those who admire themselves, it is necessary that others admire them. Therefore, they are overly boastful.
The other side of self-admiration is self-compassion. One who has low self-confidence needs the admiration of others. One who is dependent on the admiration of others falls into depressive self-compassion if for a long time there is no support and recognition. Therefore, many politicians and art stars rush to read the morning paper every day, hoping to find their name there.
Many of those who admire themselves give themselves out by exorbitant boasting when, as if by chance, they mention what influential people they are closely acquainted with or what famous personalities they seem to be friends with.
Finding inner freedom
intrapersonal conflict
An intrapersonal conflict is an intrapersonal contradiction perceived and emotionally experienced by a person as a psychological problem that is significant for him, requiring its resolution and causing internal work of consciousness aimed at overcoming it.
Each person is an independent generator of conflict, within which he unfolds, i.e. a person constantly produces and reproduces conflicts within himself - intrapersonal conflicts, of which he is the bearer.
The situation of intrapersonal tension and inconsistency within certain limits and degrees is not only natural, but also necessary for the development and improvement of the personality itself. Without internal contradictions, no development can be carried out, and where there are contradictions, there is also the basis of the conflict. And if an intrapersonal conflict occurs within the limits of the measure, it is really necessary, because dissatisfaction with oneself, a critical attitude towards one's own "I", as a powerful internal engine, makes a person follow the path of self-improvement and self-actualization, thereby filling not only his own life with meaning, but also improving the world. Only in conflict can a person really separate his Self from non-Self, and this is the undoubted pedagogical value of the conflict. Therefore, many researchers of intrapersonal conflict rightly consider productive intrapersonal conflict as an important way of professional development and personal improvement.
Productive (constructive) is a conflict that is characterized by the maximum development of conflicting structures and minimal personal costs for its resolution, which positively affects the structure, dynamics and effectiveness of intrapersonal processes and serves as a source of self-improvement and self-affirmation of the individual. One of the authors of modern personality psychology, who has already become a classic, V. Frankl wrote: “I consider it a dangerous delusion to assume that, first of all, a person needs balance, or, as it is called in biology, “homeostasis”. In fact, a person does not need a state of balance, but rather a struggle for some goal worthy of him ”(Frankl V. Search for the meaning of life and logotherapy // Psychology of Personality. Tests. - M .: MGU, 1982).
Indeed, it is through conflict, resolution and overcoming of intrapersonal contradictions that the formation of character, will and the entire mental life of the individual takes place. Deprive a person of this internal struggle, and you will deprive him of a full-fledged life and development, for life itself is a constant resolution of contradictions.
If we consider the positive consequences of intrapersonal conflict more specifically, we can distinguish the following:
1) the attractiveness of the still inaccessible goal increases, therefore, the presence of an obstacle contributes to the mobilization of forces, resources of the individual and means to overcome it, the strength of motivation reaches its climax;
2) intrapersonal conflict contributes to the adaptation and self-realization of the individual in difficult conditions and increase the body's resistance to stress;
3) intrapersonal conflict tempers the will and strengthens the human psyche, forms decisiveness, stability of behavior, independence from random circumstances, contributes to the development of a moral sense, the formation of a stable orientation of the personality, mental and spiritual maturity;
4) intrapersonal conflict contributes to the formation adequate self-esteem, which in turn helps self-knowledge and is a means and way of self-realization and self-actualization of the individual;
5) overcoming conflicts gives the person a sense of the fullness of life, makes it internally richer, brighter and more complete. In this regard, intrapersonal conflicts give us the opportunity to enjoy the victory over ourselves, when a person brings his real "I" at least a little closer to his ideal "I".
6) the resolution of intrapersonal conflicts also contributes to the birth of new attitudes to the world, new requirements for oneself and others, new daily actions and habits. Structural resolution means a new stage in the development of the personality, which, in the normal, progressive movement of this development, raises a person one more step, bringing him closer to the ideal of the full disclosure of human essence.
7) as a result of the reaction of overcoming the conflict, the personality will switch to a qualitatively new way of life: what served as an occasion and reason for experiencing can be reincarnated into an internal experience that will regulate the subsequent development program of this personality. Whatever the outcome of the contradictory clash of elements of self-consciousness, in any case, the chosen methods of resolution express the quality of personality development.
Thus, a constructive intrapersonal conflict positively affects the structure, dynamics and effectiveness of intrapersonal processes, serves as a source of self-improvement and self-affirmation of the individual, encourages the search for new opportunities for self-fulfillment, to the awareness of those characteristics of one's own personality, activity, communication, the development of which will contribute to the optimization of professional activity.
It can be noted that, of course, speaking of professional development, we must understand that intrapersonal conflict is manageable. Therefore, each person must direct conflict activity in the right direction, at the right time and in adequate proportions. In addition, it is necessary to allocate an appropriate place to the conflict (not to dramatize) and be able to extract certain benefits from the conflict situation. And a strong-willed person, responsible to himself and society, relying on internal forces, moral values, creative positive, will do his right life choice and rise to another level of his professional development.
So far, we have talked about how people respond to stressors in their environment. Now it's time to discuss the next question: how to switch from stressful experiences and anxiety to a sense of inner balance.
What is balance? Some will tell you that the sense of balance is well developed in someone who can walk a tightrope or ride a unicycle. In the opinion of others, the one who maintains composure is balanced, even when the enemy has broken through his defenses and gone on the offensive. Still others will say that balance, balance is characteristic of someone who is able to patiently wait out a traffic jam at rush hour. There are many definitions of equilibrium.
Opinions are unanimous on only one thing: having lost balance, it is easy to break loose and fall. You can literally fall when your body loses balance, or figuratively break loose when a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings prevents you from behaving rationally. Speaking of inner balance, or poise, I mean such a property of character that makes it possible to achieve the goal set for oneself.
Since thoughts, emotions and the physical body itself take part in human activity, balance can be lost in one of these areas: physical, mental or emotional. When you fall to the ground, it undoubtedly affects both the train of thought and the emotional state. If you get angry, this will again change the direction of your thoughts and somehow affect the state of the physical body. So, as soon as you lose balance in any of the areas of life, and this will affect your overall relationship with the outside world.
Speaking about cultivating a sense of balance in myself, I proceed from the fact that even after a fall, you can get back on your feet and regain stability. Restoring lost balance is our natural ability; We use it every day, often without noticing it ourselves. The development of this natural quality is necessary first of all for those who suffer from excessive emotional excitability, obsessive thoughts and other manifestations of internal disharmony.
Cultivating a sense of balance does not mean that you should once and for all find for yourself some kind of balanced, harmonious state and stay in it all your life. A normal person cannot do this.
I suggest a different strategy: you have to make sure.
that every time, having “fallen off”, you can again “stand on your feet”, and restore the lost balance.
The means and methods of achieving balance that I present to your attention are only means and methods. In general, there are many ways in which you can come to balance, and those described in this book are far from the only ones. I will only talk about the methods that I used myself, and which, as I was convinced, helped many people. Results do not appear immediately, but over time and with practice. I will try to give you just a few examples of how to behave in order to stand stronger, on your feet, literally and figuratively.
We will learn balance in much the same way that we learned to walk at the very beginning of our lives. Taking the first steps, we were unsteady on our feet and often fell. We learned to walk more than in one day: it is unlikely that any of you made a decision in your childhood: “From tomorrow I will walk by myself” and on the first try walked around the house with a brisk pace. It took us a lot of time and practice to learn how to walk properly: we fell, got up again and learned from our mistakes. All these falls and mistakes helped me understand how to hold on so as not to fall. Then there was a strong skill of maintaining balance while walking.
The methods that will be discussed operate on the same principle. One of the proposed methods helps to reduce the physical manifestations of stress in the body, and the other contributes to the strength of internal balance in general.
If you are under a lot of stress, then the shortest path to balance is through relaxation - relaxation. But this is not always the case. Equilibrium is the ability to function in a certain range, the most favorable. Energy consumption is then not too high, but not too small. If we recall again how a child learns to walk, then strong tension constrains muscles, makes movement difficult, and excessive relaxation interferes with stability.
Balance does not consist in tensing or relaxing as much as possible, but involves the ability to maintain such a state that is necessary for this particular activity, whatever it may be.
Imagine a modern building with a ventilation system that regulates the air temperature. Such systems are always equipped with a device for maintaining the temperature in a certain range. The system can be programmed so that when the temperature drops to +18 degrees, the thermostat will send a signal to supply warm air until the temperature rises above +18°. You can also set an upper limit, if the air warms up above + 24 °, the thermostat will register this and give an appropriate signal, after which cold air will be supplied to the room until the temperature drops again. Systems of this type are called homeostatic. The homeostatic system maintains a certain equilibrium state within itself. Man can be categorized as partly homeostatic systems; this means that some of its basic physiological mechanisms are designed to keep bodily functions within a certain range.
In order to find inner balance, you have to find the state in which you will need to return each time in order to effectively cope with your tasks. Simply put, finding inner balance means taking a position so that you are not easily knocked down, despite all life's difficulties.
Considering the problems of Vietnamese veterans from the standpoint of this idea of balance, I found that one of the most common post-stress manifestations is a high level of muscle tension and related painful phenomena: colic, spasms, headaches, etc. With the help of electromyographic equipment, I have repeatedly convinced myself that many patients who maintain a high level of tension in certain muscle groups do not themselves realize that these muscles are constantly tense. The fact is that the muscle groups were in a state of tension for a long time, so long that the patient forgot how they feel when they are relaxed.
In this case, the sensation corresponding to muscle tension is perceived by the person as “normal”. There were cases when patients who were taught to relax their muscles with the help of equipment experienced discomfort at the first moment, it was unusual for them to have no tension in these muscles. But time and practice give their results: the state of relaxation becomes habitual and acceptable. A person can learn to return the muscles to a normal, balanced state, like a thermostat that maintains a given range of temperatures in the room. The best way to learn balance is not in theory, but in practice. I have found that one of the effective methods for creating a general idea of balance is the old game of "push me." Two people take part in it. The rules of the game are few and extremely simple. The players stand facing each other at a distance of about a meter. Stretching out his hands in front of him (palms forward, fingers pointing up), the player is in contact with the partner's palms. During the game, you can lean forward or backward, but you can not move your legs. If one of the players moved his foot, this qualifies as a loss of balance and, therefore, a loss. So, the first rule is not to move your feet. The second - you can only touch the partner's palms. If you touch any other part of the body, it is considered a loss. You can push your partner's palms away with any force, or move your palms to the side, ending contact. That's all wisdom.
Do not try to play "push me" if you do not want to stay within the rules - touch only with your palms: one of the players is at risk of injury. If you follow the rules, then the game is completely safe even for partners of different heights and weights.
An interesting feature of the game and its difference from most martial arts is that victory is achieved not by defeating the enemy, but by maintaining one's own balance. The goal of the game is not to make one the winner and the other the loser, but to avoid losing balance. One of the partners can win, both, or neither of them. The most favorable outcome of the game is when both partners keep the balance.
To play this game, you need to maintain a certain level of physical balance. It is interesting to note that often we lose our physical balance due to an imbalance in thoughts or emotions.
Imagine, for example, that at first you vigorously leaned forward, hoping to forcefully push away the opponent’s palms, and he simply removed his hands. You staggered and almost fell, causing him to burst out laughing. It certainly pissed you off.
An unfortunate failure gave rise to a desire in you to win at all costs and to laugh at the enemy just as he laughed at you. This idea will definitely affect the style of your game. The desire to win will manifest itself in muscle tension, in attempts to push the enemy harder than required. If he notices this, he will again remove his hands to give you the opportunity to again lose balance due to an inappropriately large effort. Thus, emotional imbalance leads to a loss of physical balance.
You can also lose your balance when you resist the efforts of an opponent: if you have excessive tension in your shoulders, lower back, hips or knees.
This game helps you understand that sometimes you have to bend or dodge to keep your balance.
Thus, you will learn from experience that it is easy to lose balance due to physical tension or under the influence of certain thoughts and feelings. You see in practice how unstable your position becomes when you lose control of thoughts or feelings. Thus, in a simple game, you learn to be aware of your individual style of application of force, which accompanies you throughout your life. Moreover, this game allows you to learn how to apply force in a balanced way.
Aggression has already been discussed as one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress, an increased readiness to resort to aggression - physical, mental, emotional or verbal - to achieve one's goal, even if the situation is not vital. In a person accustomed to this style of behavior, aggressive actions have become so ingrained in the flesh and blood, they have become so much a part of nature that he himself does not notice how he affects others. And even when everyone around perceives the actions of such a person as aggressive, it seems to him that he is behaving normally.
The game of "push me" gradually teaches us to be aware of those moments when excessive force is applied, and in general when our actions are unbalanced in the application of force. However, it is important to clarify what “excessive” means, which effort can be considered normal, and which is excessive. I think that excess is such an effort that unbalances.
It is inappropriate to influence others with such force that does not give the desired result, because it unbalances you,
By balance, let me remind you, we mean the level of activity that is required to achieve a given goal. No more and no less. Excessive activity is a hindrance, as it deprives balance.
As an example, let's go back to the "push me" game. When you strive to win, when you are possessed by the desire to "see how this buffoon will flop", it is easy for you to lose sight of your main task - to keep your balance! You instantly forget that the most important thing is to keep your feet firmly on your own.
When your goal is to defeat and shame the enemy, you easily sacrifice your own balance for her. And while sometimes such a strategy does create some advantages, much more often it backfires - both in the game and in life. In many cases, excessive force does not help, but will prevent you from reaching your goal. This applies equally to any person, and it has always been so.
However, while playing, try what happens if you push the opponent with all your might, without caring about your own balance. An experienced player will simply walk away from contact and you will involuntarily have to change the position of your legs. You yourself will be to blame for the loss of balance. If the second player does the same, then the result may be different: you will not lose your balance, since your forward jerk is extinguished by the counter effort of the enemy.
One who does not know how to apply force in a balanced way will always depend on the presence or absence of resistance. To feel strong, he needs a rival. When a person is balanced, such a need is much less.
Aggressiveness is a type of behavior where tactics are used similar to the tactics of the game "push me": we exert force while trying to maintain balance at the same time. When we are driven by the fight-or-flight instinct, we tend to put more force into the punch than is required. To get rid of the phenomena of post-traumatic stress, it is necessary, in particular, to learn how to reduce the intensity of this reflex.
To begin with, let's learn how to use our power in a balanced way, i.e. dose it according to the situation. Just as a heating system can be programmed to automatically change its temperature when it goes out of a given range, so a person can learn to change their internal "temperature".
If the air temperature in the room reaches 37 °, people feel severe discomfort. You also feel uncomfortable when your internal "temperature" - physical and mental tension - reaches a high level. Remember, when you give the “fight or flight” command, you are telling your body to tense up. If your fight-or-flight reflex has been trained in numerous stressful situations, then you probably often experience internal tension and the discomfort associated with it.
I had to dwell on the sense of balance in such detail, because learning to balance is one way to open the "exhaust valves" within yourself and reduce excess tension. To open these valves and get closer to balance, you need to work on yourself. You can achieve balance only if you know what it is, and not only with the mind, but also in practice, as a state that you have experienced and to which you can return.
That is why it is so important to cultivate balance in yourself, in thoughts and feelings: in this way you create in yourself a kind of “homing device” that will direct you to the right place in a moment of stress.
Let's say, for example, that you have headaches caused by overexertion. At the beginning, one thing is clear: the head hurts, and the only desire is to get rid of the pain. But, having mastered in practice some methods of achieving balance, you will understand that pain occurs only with the accumulation of stressful tension. This means that when you are stressed, you actively tighten certain muscles, which in turn impede blood circulation and lead to headaches.
If you know what happens in the body before you feel pain, then you will see your task not to quickly drown out the pain sensation, but to cope with the stress, to which your headache is a reaction. In some cases, it is possible to move from a stressful state to internal balance only by learning to relax certain muscle groups. Which muscles you should relax depends on your individual pattern of muscle tension.
The same strategy applies to your thoughts. If you have "obsessions" dictated by unreasonable fear, they probably make you tense up as much as if something really threatened you. Therefore, speaking about the education of balance, we are talking, in particular, about such a way of thinking, which is free from obsessive unreasonable fear.
The ability to relax is especially valuable for those who often experience tension and anxiety. I will describe one special exercise, which, as practice has shown, can be successfully used to relax the muscles and calm the psyche. In teaching this method to my patients, I used electromyography equipment. With the help of such equipment, the patient can see for himself how effectively his muscles respond to the command to relax. Since you are unlikely to be able to measure your muscle tension with electronic equipment, you will have to use your "internal radar", i.e. your own ability to feel what is happening inside you.
Pay attention to how you will feel your muscles before and after the exercise. The exercise itself is such that it will take more time to talk about it than to do it. It will involve your body, breathing process and mental representations. First, I will talk about each of these three aspects separately, and then I will explain how to combine them.
The first part of the exercise is a series of actions called progressive muscle relaxation. It is very simple to do: you focus on each muscle group in sequence. First you tense your muscles, then you relax them. Start with your toes: tense them, then relax them. Do the same with the ankles, calves, thighs, buttocks, lower back, abdominals, chest, upper back, shoulders, neck, face (eyes, forehead, jaws); finally, with the muscles of the hands. Finally, clench your hands into fists, then unclench. The first part of the exercise is over. Do it at least once to get the feeling you want.
The second part is related to breathing. You have to master the art of abdominal breathing, which will increase the flow of oxygen into your body. We will inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Inhale deeply enough - but not so much that it looks like you are about to burst, but just take a good full breath.
Many people believe that the lungs fit entirely in the chest, and to take a deep breath, you need to draw in the stomach and push out the chest. But if you look at the anatomical drawing of the human body, you will see that the lower lobes of the lungs are located directly above the abdominal cavity. And this means that by drawing in your stomach when you inhale, you will block the access of air to the lower part of the lungs, as if inflating a balloon, you pinched its opposite end with your hand. So, for a deep and full breath, it is necessary to fill the lower lobes of the lungs with air. Inhale deeply through your nose, placing your palm on the solar plexus (below the chest above the navel). Raise your palm slightly so that it does not touch the skin. Does the solar plexus area rise with inhalation? If not, then your inhalation is not deep enough because you are only filling the upper part of the lungs, located in the chest, with air. Let the air enter the abdominal cavity so that you feel under your hand how the stomach protrudes. This is a sure sign of filling the lower part of the lungs.
Having learned to fill the lungs with air, you can move on to the next stage of abdominal breathing: when you exhale, do not blow out the air from yourself as if you want to extinguish the candles on a birthday cake, but simply relax the abdominal wall and release the air from the lungs with almost no effort. When you breathe in, your lungs are like an inflated balloon. By tensing your muscles, you keep the air in your lungs - as if by holding the hole of a balloon, you would not let it deflate. As you exhale, simply relieve muscle tension, as if releasing a ball from your fingers, and let the air escape freely.
Practice abdominal breathing: Inhale through the nose, filling the abdominal cavity with air, and at the same time make sure that the abdominal wall rises; then exhale effortlessly through your mouth. And while doing this exercise, I would like to draw your attention to the position of the shoulders and lower jaw. During natural breathing, the shoulders rise slightly on inhalation and lower on exhalation. When exhaling through the mouth, the lower jaw also slightly lowers. But if you are tense, your jaws will remain clenched and your shoulders will not drop as you exhale. At first, you will probably have to watch all these movements and give your body the appropriate commands. So now you know how to do abdominal breathing. Inhale through your nose, let your stomach pop out a little - exhale freely through your mouth, let your shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly. Do the exercise several times to understand its essence.
In the next step, we will combine progressive relaxation with abdominal breathing and do both at the same time. Progressive relaxation, as we remember, contains two types of action: muscle tension and muscle relaxation. Abdominal breathing also consists of two actions: inhalation and exhalation. To combine these two exercises, you will tense and relax the muscles in the rhythm of inhalation and exhalation. For example: slowly tense your toes while taking a deep slow breath, then slowly relax your fingers at the same time as a slow free exhalation.
To sum it all up: inhale slowly through your nose, slightly sticking out your stomach and at the same time gradually tensing your toes. When you reach the top of your inhale, stop tensing your muscles. Begin to exhale effortlessly through your mouth, at the same time relaxing your toes. At the same time, make sure that your shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly. Repeat the exercise with the next muscle group, and so on, until all have been completed, and each time combine tension with inhalation and relaxation with exhalation.
Again, explaining this exercise takes much more time than doing it. Working out all the major muscle groups will not take you more than 3-5 minutes. Practice until you can easily and naturally combine relaxation with breathing.
Finally, we will add an element of mental training to this exercise: it is called visualization. Breathing in and out, tensing and relaxing your muscles, you will call on your imagination to help. To master visualization, first look at your hands and clench them into fists. Close your eyes and mentally imagine your clenched fists. Without opening your eyes, open your hands and again feel how they open. Thus, the mental part of this basic exercise is that you will "see" mentally different parts of your body during inhalation and tension, exhalation and relaxation.
Put your imagination to work with these ideas. Without opening your eyes, practice clenching your fists as you inhale, relaxing your arms as you exhale, and at the same time draw a mental picture of your palms opening and closing. Once you are good at this, you can move on to the next step. Here your imagination will have to work hard. Close your eyes again and inhale, straining your arms. But this time, while exhaling through your mouth and relaxing your muscles, at the same time imagine that you are, as it were, "exhaling through your hands." Of course, this is possible only in the imagination, but in this case it is important for us. With your eyes closed, imagine as you exhale that you are pushing the air out of you through your hands. As you inhale, paint a picture of how your arms tighten. As you exhale, mentally watch your arms relax, and as you exhale through them, imagine the tension flowing out of your arms.
What does muscle tension look like, what does it look like? Here you can give free rein to your imagination. Tension can look like anything, depending on what image comes to your mind when doing this exercise. Some say that they imagine dark smoke coming from their hands; others see steam as if from a boiling kettle; to others, it seems that compressed springs are unfolding. You can use any of these images or come up with your own, as long as it helps you visualize something coming out of the part of your body that you are "breathing out" through. Smoke, steam, fog - everything that can symbolize the tension accumulated in the muscles.
Many patients report that when they “breathe out” through well-relaxed muscles, they experience clear, clear emissions. When the “exhalation” is done through a tense muscle, the imagination draws an outburst of a dark, dirty color for them. Choose any image that will be convincing to you. If you learn to imagine how the “exhaust valve opens” inside you, you will thereby send orders to your muscles through the psyche and brain, and this will help them relax.
Now you are ready to receive the final instructions for the relaxation exercise, which combines the work of the body, mind and breath. Since it is impossible to read and do the exercise at the same time, ask someone, at least at first, to read this instruction to you, or say it yourself on a tape recorder and turn it on at a convenient time for you.
Before you begin, find a quiet place where no one will disturb you. If possible, move away from your phone. Sit or lie down comfortably. Go to the toilet early. Loosen tight-fitting clothing, loosen the belt. When you begin the exercise, make sure that the breathing rhythm is natural to you, even if it does not exactly match the sounding verbal instructions. If commands are given too slowly, do not wait, do not hold your breath, but continue to inhale and tighten your muscles, exhale and relax at a pace that is comfortable for you. From time to time, "view" your entire body with your mind's eye, note the condition of the muscles. Pause as you move from one muscle group to another to get a better feel.
Regardless of whether someone close to you gives instructions, or you use a tape recording, speech should be clear and slow, and the following text is recommended.
Get comfortable. Take a deep breath and exhale. Now tighten your toes while inhaling deeply through your nose. Let your belly pop out a little as you inhale. Exhaling slowly, imagine that you are exhaling through your toes. Try to see how tension flows out of them. Repeat: inhale, tighten your fingers, exhale; shoulders and lower jaw drop slightly.
Focus on the foot and ankle. While inhaling, tighten the foot, while exhaling, "exhale" through it. Repeat: inhale, stick out the stomach, exhale slowly without effort through the feet.
Attention to the calves of the legs. Inhale, tighten your muscles. Exhale through the calves. You exhale through your mouth, your shoulders and jaw drop slightly. Once again: inhale, slowly tighten the calves, exhale, slowly relax.
Muscles of the thighs. Inhale and strain, exhale slowly through the muscles. Inhale again and tighten your muscles; Exhale slowly as you lower your shoulders and jaw.
Now the gluteal muscles, inhale and tighten them; exhale and relax. Again: inhale through the nose, tighten the muscles; exhale slowly, lower your shoulders.
Small of the back. As you inhale, bend at the waist, as you exhale, relax and exhale through it. Inhale, tension; exhale, imagine how the tension leaves this area.
Stomach. While inhaling, tighten your abdominals; exhale freely, without effort. Inhale through the nose, exhale, shoulders and jaw drop.
Upper back. Inhale and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Exhale through your shoulder blades. Inhale slowly, tighten your back, exhale slowly, relax.
Shoulders. Raise your shoulders as you inhale, and as you exhale, let them relax. Inhale, tension, exhale over your shoulders.
Let's move on to the neck. Inhale through the nose, sticking out the stomach, exhale freely through the neck.
Face. As you inhale, tighten the muscles around your eyes and mouth, wrinkle your forehead. Exhale through your face, relax. Inhale, tighten your muscles, exhale, watch how the tension “flows out”.
Arms. Inhale and tighten your muscles, then exhale through them. Inhale through the nose, then exhale slowly, loosely lowering the shoulders and jaw.
Let's finish with the hands. Inhale and gather all the tension that is still left in your body into clenched fists, then exhale through your hands, slowly extending your fingers. Inhale again and clench your fists, then exhale effortlessly and imagine the rest of the tension draining from your fingertips.
The exercise is over. Once you have gained some experience, it will take you no more than five minutes to complete the entire cycle. Do not forget to “look through” your body with your inner eye, noting all the sensations that arise. Is there a noticeable difference in the state before and after the exercise? Try to remember the sensations "before" and "after" with each exercise. This will develop your ability to internally notice the accumulation of tension in the body.
If you do this cycle of relaxation three times a day, after waking up, in the middle of the day and before going to bed, after a few days you will begin to realize how muscle tension accumulates in you.
I usually recommend that the patient relax in this way for 10 days, three times a day. This is the minimum time a person needs to find out if this exercise will help him. It, like all relaxation methods, is by no means a panacea; it simply allows you to better understand and bring to consciousness the commands that your brain sends to the body. Being aware of these commands, we thereby take them under control; the better we know our reactions, the more we are able to manage them, and hence to maintain inner balance.
The ability to relax will bring maximum benefit in those moments of your life that are marked by the greatest stressful tension. When you are faced with phenomena and events that easily unbalance you, it is very important for you to know how to remain calm and able to control your attention in such a situation. By cultivating balance in yourself, you thereby acquire a tool for curbing the “fight or flight” response that works under the influence of a real or imaginary threat.
In ordinary, everyday life, the ability to maintain inner balance will help you find peace and more easily endure stressful events. In extreme conditions, this skill can save your life.
The described exercise, like oriental martial arts and meditation practice, helps a person develop a sense of balance in himself through a special concentration of attention. It is up to you to choose the soil on which you want to rely.
