IN Lately On social networks and on the Internet in general, you can increasingly hear calls for help in various situations. The case may concern both finding a shelter for homeless animals and financial assistance in difficult situations to one person or another. Many volunteer centers have emerged that search for funds or opportunities to improve individual crisis situations. There are many people who try to help on their own, for altruistic purposes, sometimes even to their detriment. So what is self-sacrifice, and what can it lead to?
What is self-sacrifice
The definition of “self-sacrifice” has been known for a very long time. The Christian religion describes the incident of Jesus sacrificing his life for the salvation of all mankind. Nowadays, this concept is interpreted as a sacrifice of oneself or any aspects of one’s life in the interests of another person or living organism. Some may sacrifice themselves for scientific purposes, others - in order to stabilize situations in the world. The most important thing is that these sacrifices are made on a voluntary basis.
Why does a person strive for self-sacrifice?
There are many answers to the question of why a person engages in self-sacrifice. Each individual has his own reasons for this. Some people do this absolutely disinterestedly, showing generosity, others - for the sake of receiving certain regalia, others - because their upbringing does not allow them to do otherwise.
Individual religions and traditions view the issue of sacrifice differently. For example, in the Christian religion, self-sacrifice is the desire to devote oneself to the faith, the people, to change one’s own principles, life principles, etc.
From the point of view of human nature, the best example of self-sacrifice is maternal love, when for a woman the health, life, and happiness of her own child become above all else. This is also called absolute love.
Note! Love for the opposite sex or a friend also involves some kind of sacrifice, but it can hardly be called self-sacrifice; rather, it is a sacrifice of one’s interests for the sake of feelings.
The problem of self-sacrifice
The problem with self-sacrifice lies in the reasons that cause it. As a rule, those people who have such a feeling and desire develop fear and a lot of doubts. This can give rise to uncertainty in one's own actions, too high demands on oneself and a complete awareness of one's own insignificance. Against the background of the appearance of all the above thoughts, a desire is born to sacrifice oneself, to commit some act, to receive brief approval or support. Most often, this desire is based on fear. Even after committing some sacrificial acts, a person continues to reproach and castigate his inner consciousness. As a result, society regards this self-sacrifice as a way of manipulation to satisfy its own interests.
Why self-sacrifice is dangerous
Leo Tolstoy said: “The highest manifestation of egoism lies in self-sacrifice.” Why is such an aspiration dangerous? Society regards sacrificing oneself for love as the highest measure of proof of this feeling. But the questions arise: “should love bring suffering?”, “does anyone need these sacrifices?”
Self-sacrifice is often based on fear and uncertainty. That is, a person who sacrifices his life in the name of love is often simply confident that he is of no importance to anyone, and the object of his love will simply abandon him as a person if he does not commit any actions. The further a person goes in his aspirations to sacrifice his interests for the sake of another, the more often he asks himself the question of how others evaluate his actions. Those around, in turn, do not see any point in making sacrifices of a separately selected individual. Seeing all this, a person tries to prove to society the value of his sacrifice; this is already regarded as a manifestation of selfishness.
Important! Self-sacrifice is a definition, the interpretation of which has the right to exist only in the case where there are no expectations of encouragement and recognition.
What explains self-sacrifice
Scientists believe that self-sacrifice is laid down at the genetic level. Further, this feeling is brought up in a person by parents, religions, rulers, etc. Not every person is capable of sacrificing himself for something.
Self-sacrifice for love
Self-sacrifice for the sake of love is different in that at the moment of sacrifice a person does not see, hear or realize anything. His heart beats only at the moment when he feels his love object. If at some point something happens to the object, the world around it ceases to exist.
The story describes a case when a woman sacrificed not only herself for the sake of a man dying from receiving a high dose of radiation, but also her own child, whom she carried under her heart. At the moment of being next to her soul mate, the woman did not feel her pain, did not demand recognition from others, did not think about the health of the fruit of love, she repeated the phrase to herself: “I love you!” No amount of reasoning or advice would prove anything to her. This is how she determined for herself the degree of her love.
Self-sacrifice for others
Self-sacrifice for the sake of others can be conscious or unconscious. In the case of conscious self-sacrifice, people choose professions in which heroism is manifested: firefighters, military personnel, medical workers. These people understand all the risks associated with their work.
Unconscious self-sacrifice is usually an impulsive decision. In emergency situations, the issue of the number of victims is acute, and a person evaluates the outcome of the situation, deciding that it is possible to reduce the number of deaths by taking the brunt of the blow.
Examples of self-sacrifice
There are many examples of self-sacrifice in history. The great Russian classics describe them especially well. For example, Maxim Gorky, in his story “The Old Woman Izergil,” described the character Danko, who, in order to lead people out of the darkness, tore his heart out of his chest, which became a torch that illuminated the way for a crowd of people. Ultimately, Danko died, and people left the dark forest.
In the immortal novel “Crime and Punishment,” which Dostoevsky wrote, Marmeladova’s Sonechka, ready to infringe on herself in everything for the sake of a dignified existence for her loved ones, very clearly shows what self-sacrifice means. Even after becoming Raskolnikov’s wife, she chose exile with him in exchange for a stable and familiar life.
Articles appear in the press every now and then about firefighters whose dedication amazes society, who at the cost of their lives save people, carrying them out of burning houses.
At different periods of life, the readiness for self-sacrifice appears or disappears. The basis of these feelings and actions is only the benefit of others. People who sacrifice themselves do not demand anything in return, they do not need awards or universal recognition, they would like only one thing, that there is less evil and pain in the world.
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Self-sacrifice is an individual’s disregard for personal interests in order to preserve the well-being of another. Simply put, this is the desire to refuse to satisfy personal goals, pleasures, and often even life in order to protect the benefits and interests of other individuals. Self-sacrifice is considered an extreme form of altruism. In the modern high-speed rhythm of life, in a universe where technology and an all-consuming desire for personal gain reign, where the level of stress is off the charts, where morality has receded not even into the background, but into the background, the described phenomenon is becoming less and less common. Self-sacrifice for people is a human instinct to protect family and offspring.
The problem of self-sacrifice
It is common to think that readiness for self-sacrifice has love as its foundation. It is believed that a deep feeling moves individuals to exploits: some want to devote themselves to their spouse for free, others dream of devoting themselves to their absolutely beloved profession. However, psychologists are convinced that this theory is a myth.
The problem of self-sacrifice lies in the unattractiveness of the reasons that provoked it. Self-sacrifice in life is often generated by two feelings: uncertainty (doubt) and fear.
Doubts lead a person to lose his inner sense of his own strength and confidence. Such people believe that their personality in itself does not represent anything, that they are not capable of actions that command respect, as a result of which they begin to exist by the problems and achievements of other subjects. Also, they are convinced of their failure, so they think that they are not even worth public leniency. The result of such internal reflections is self-sacrifice for the sake of people. By sacrificing themselves, such individuals strive to gain the favor of loved ones or achieve social recognition. Therefore, often the meaning of self-sacrifice lies not in a sincere desire to neglect one’s own interests, but in the usual manipulation of others in order to achieve intended goals.
Fear, as the leading motive for self-sacrifice, often arises from the fear of loneliness and the loss of a loved one. Such people are driven to sacrifice themselves not by heroism, but by ordinary selfishness. At the same time, individuals prone to self-sacrifice do not realize that each time the habit of sacrificing themselves for the sake of another drags them deeper and deeper and can lead to irreversible tragic consequences. Examples of this in real life there are many:
- adult children, having escaped from the suffocating care of their mothers, simply forget about their parent and may not communicate with her for months;
- wives who abandoned and turned into a disheveled housewife for the sake of caring for the family and husband, either remain abandoned spouses, or until the end of their days endure their husbands’ betrayal and disrespect of their own children;
- men who put themselves on the altar of government work while away their old age in a nursing home or eke out a miserable existence on a meager pension.
How often can you hear tears and lamentations from these categories of people? They complain that for the sake of their loved one, their children, the state, they sacrificed themselves, their youth, their career, their family (each extreme altruist has an individual sacrifice), and in gratitude they were abandoned to their fate. In fact, no one asked people who were inclined to sacrifice themselves to make such a sacrifice. All their behavior was dictated solely by their own choice.
It is the lack of gratitude from relatives that lies the fundamental problem of self-sacrifice. Arguments heard from close circle, undeniable and monotonous, often fit into one question: “Who asked you for this?” For example, women often blame their children for depriving them of the opportunity to arrange their own personal lives. At the same time, they do not realize that they are simply shifting responsibility for their own mistakes, which they made with fair frequency in interaction with the sons of Adam, onto small children's shoulders.
However, it would be wrong to say that the words selfishness and self-sacrifice are synonymous. Rather, selfishness is reverse side self-sacrifice in some cases, since many situations are known when one subject selflessly sacrifices his own health or life to save another, for example, in a fire. Such sincere self-sacrifice can be conscious (deeds of soldiers during war) and unconscious (rescue under extreme circumstances).
In other words, the conscious feat of self-sacrifice lies in the individual’s understanding of his own sacrifice, its meaning, price and ultimate goal. So, for example, a soldier, covering an enemy pillbox, understands that these are his last seconds of life, that his actions will save his comrades from death. It is this kind of self-sacrifice that is called heroic.
In addition, self-sacrifice can often act as a basic instinct, for example, a mother saves her child.
In the general understanding, self-denial and self-sacrifice are synonymous rather than selfishness. Although most linguists are sure that the word self-sacrifice has no analogues in meaning in the Russian language. It is believed that the source of the described concept is self-denial. Self-sacrifice is discovered in self-denial, strengthened in it and becomes ready for a sustainable renewal of absolute bestowal.
Today, the problem of self-sacrifice, expressed in terrorism, poses a threat. The personal motivation of suicide bombers is their perception of self-sacrifice. They believe that they are sacrificing their own lives in the name of religion.
Self-sacrifice is not so dangerous when observed within the same family or individual group, since its destructive impact is not so global. When does it affect the interests of the state or the big social group, then the consequences will be quite dire. Often the foundation of suicidal terrorism is the problem of self-sacrifice. His arguments are based on love for his homeland, on religious “ecstasy.”
Self-sacrifice in terrorism does not consist in a voluntary desire for death, but in the obligation that society imposes on its own members. The feat of self-sacrifice as a conscious departure from life for the good of society has existed in various civilizations and cultures. An individual, at the cost of his own life, strives to prevent a threat to existence or loss of freedom for close fellow tribesmen, as well as to ensure the well-being of the social system with which he has identified himself.
Although in modern life public consciousness The belief in the self-worth of any individual, regardless of his ethnic or sociocultural identity, is increasingly taking root; the readiness to self-sacrifice during terrorist acts is becoming a global phenomenon.
Almost all researchers of the phenomenon of terrorism are convinced that the key motivating force that predetermines the choice of self-sacrifice to commit extremism is the tactical and strategic principles of the ideologists of terrorist organizations and the ideological attitudes of suicide bombers who sacrifice themselves.
A suicide bomber, sacrificing himself, resolves his own personal problems, while providing favorable living conditions for himself in another world, and for his close relatives in this world.
How to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice?
Some psychologists argue that not every subject is capable of such an action. A number of scientists believe that self-sacrifice is “passed on by inheritance.” In other words, the individual's desire to neglect his own interests and devote his life to others is embedded at the genetic level. In addition, upbringing also makes its contribution to the development of self-sacrifice, if the family honors charity and is ready to give everything to the needs of people. A child, observing such parental behavior, considers this particular behavioral model to be correct, since he has not encountered the opposite one. It also develops a worldview and mass “zombification,” which is often observed in the ideology of most religious sects or other communities.
Often, a lack of love in childhood leads to self-sacrifice in adulthood. Disliked individuals tend to sacrifice themselves in order to gain social recognition to make their parents proud of them.
Thus, giving an answer to the question: “how to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice,” we should conclude that the desire for praise, increasing one’s own importance, the desire to prove something to oneself or someone else, to be recognized, to become famous - these are all the reasons that cause the desire sacrifice oneself. In addition, the spiritual impulse to save a drowning person, the natural instinct to protect the weak, the selfless impulse to help individuals in trouble are also considered quite common reasons for self-sacrifice.
Examples of self-sacrifice in literature
You can often find examples of self-sacrifice in literature, both classical and fiction. The theme of self-sacrifice is very clearly visible in J. Tolkien’s fantasy epic “The Lord of the Rings,” which describes the exploits of representatives of various races for the sake of peace and the life of the peoples of Middle-earth.
Many Russian writers often touch on the topic described in their works. So, for example, in the works of Dostoevsky, patterns of behavior based on self-denial and sacrifice can be traced. The heroines of his work “Crime and Punishment”, Sonechka Marmeladova and Dunya Raskolnikova, sacrifice themselves for the good of the people dear to them. The first sells her own body, thereby earning food for her family. She suffers, not even having the right to, since her loved ones will be left without a source of existence. The second intends to start a family with an unloved but rich man in order to help her poor brother.
In the works of M. Gorky one can also often find the phenomenon of self-sacrifice. In his work “The Old Woman Izergil,” Danko is the embodiment of self-sacrifice.
Self-sacrifice in works of world literature and myths is glorified as a feat in the name of humanity, as the ability to transform the world and society, to make them better and cleaner. For example, the myth of Prometheus, who gave people not just fire, but the only opportunity for survival, realizing that he was dooming himself to death.
Self-sacrifice for love
Many novels have been written, poems have been composed, and paintings have been written about this beautiful and lofty feeling that unites two opposites: a man and a woman. It is generally accepted that true love is the ability to sacrifice oneself, to neglect one’s own interests, it is dedication, the willingness of one partner to do the possible and the impossible for the benefit of the other partner. Probably, this understanding of love takes its origins from Russians. literary works.
Love and self-sacrifice in works are often described as a single whole. Many authors have described love based precisely on self-sacrifice. A striking example Such a feeling is the romance between Margarita and the Master in Bulgakov’s immortal creation. For the sake of saving her loved one, Margarita, overcoming fear, gaining the upper hand over circumstances, accomplishes a feat. It was by the power of her love that the heroine saved the Master.
Self-sacrifice in the name of love - myth or reality? Are people really ready to sacrifice their interests, preferences, friends, hobbies for the sake of their loved ones? How to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice in the name of love? What is more important: healthy selfishness or self-sacrifice in a love relationship? Many will say that selfishness will not last long in a relationship. For a long and happy family relationship, the ability to sacrifice oneself is important. This statement could be true if such self-sacrifice were unselfish. Unfortunately, in love relationships it is very rare to find sincere dedication and self-denial. Each partner, sacrificing something in the name of a loved one, expects in return either a similar sacrifice or endless gratitude. If in a relationship one partner mainly sacrifices, then his self-sacrifice will most likely be a manifestation of dependence on his loved one, which often leads to disastrous results.
What is healthy egoism? This is the love of an individual for his own person. “Adequate” egoists put their own interests above all else, but also give this right to others. Psychologists say that if an individual does not love his own personality with all its shortcomings and positive qualities, then he will not be able to truly love another.
Unfortunately, most are convinced that love is the displacement of one’s own egoism towards another. If we add to this the meaning of the word egoism, it turns out that love is when the attractiveness of the partner’s “I” becomes higher than one’s own, that is, one’s own interests are replaced by the preferences of the other. This is what their mutual feeling is based on. The inner world of one partner is filled inner world beloved. Thus, what is being built is not a healthy relationship based on mutual respect, but a dependent relationship in which one will necessarily be more dependent on the other. That is, one will sacrifice his interests, and the other will take it for granted. Often such relationships fall apart, bringing many grievances and heartache an individual inclined to sacrifice himself.
Of course, in love you need to learn to give in. Love without compromises will also not last long, but the ability to remain silent in time and find compromise solutions has nothing to do with self-sacrifice.
Therefore, the meaning of self-sacrifice in the name of love does not exist. Where there is room for self-sacrifice, there is no room for love. True love does not need to be confirmed by neglecting one's own personality and interests.
Thus, self-sacrifice is acceptable in love for the Motherland, maternal love, but not in the feeling that arises between subjects who are strangers to each other: a man and a woman, connecting them for life.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
Self-sacrifice- this is an individual’s neglect of personal interests in order to preserve the well-being of another. Simply put, this is the desire to refuse to satisfy personal goals, pleasures, and often even life in order to protect the benefits and interests of other individuals. Self-sacrifice is considered an extreme form of altruism. In the modern high-speed rhythm of life, in a universe where technology and an all-consuming desire for personal gain reign, where the level of stress is off the charts, where morality has receded not even into the background, but into the background, the described phenomenon is becoming less and less common. Self-sacrifice for people is a human instinct to protect family and offspring.
The problem of self-sacrifice
It is common to think that readiness for self-sacrifice has love as its foundation. It is believed that a deep feeling moves individuals to exploits: some want to devote themselves to their spouse for free, others dream of devoting themselves to their absolutely beloved profession. However, psychologists are convinced that this theory is a myth.
The problem of self-sacrifice lies in the unattractiveness of the reasons that provoked it. Self-sacrifice in life is often generated by two feelings: uncertainty (doubt) and fear.
Doubts lead a person to lose his inner sense of his own strength and confidence. Such people believe that their personality in itself does not represent anything, that they are not capable of actions that command respect, as a result of which they begin to exist by the problems and achievements of other subjects. Also, they are convinced of their failure, so they think that they are not even worth public leniency. The result of such internal reflections is self-sacrifice for the sake of people. By sacrificing themselves, such individuals strive to gain the favor of loved ones or achieve social recognition. Therefore, often the meaning of self-sacrifice lies not in a sincere desire to neglect one’s own interests, but in the usual manipulation of others in order to achieve intended goals.
Fear, as the leading motive for self-sacrifice, often arises from the fear of loneliness and the loss of a loved one. Such people are driven to sacrifice themselves not by heroism, but by ordinary selfishness. At the same time, individuals prone to self-sacrifice do not realize that each time the habit of sacrificing themselves for the sake of another drags them deeper and deeper and can lead to irreversible tragic consequences. There are many examples of this in real life:
- adult children, having escaped from the suffocating care of their mothers, simply forget about their parent and may not communicate with her for months;
- wives who have given up self-realization and turned into a disheveled housewife for the sake of caring for the family and husband, either remain abandoned by their spouses, or until the end of their days endure their husbands’ betrayal and disrespect of their own children;
- men who put themselves on the altar of government work while away their old age in a nursing home or eke out a miserable existence on a meager pension.
How often can you hear tears and lamentations from these categories of people? They complain that for the sake of their loved one, their children, the state, they sacrificed themselves, their youth, their career, their family (each extreme altruist has an individual sacrifice), and in gratitude they were abandoned to their fate. In fact, no one asked people who were inclined to sacrifice themselves to make such a sacrifice. All their behavior was dictated solely by their own choice.
It is the lack of gratitude from relatives that lies the fundamental problem of self-sacrifice. The arguments heard from those close to you are undeniable and monotonous, often fitting into one question: “Who asked you for this?” For example, women often blame their children for depriving them of the opportunity to arrange their own personal lives. At the same time, they do not realize that they are simply shifting responsibility for their own mistakes, which they made with fair frequency in interaction with the sons of Adam, onto small children's shoulders.
Therefore, most are inclined to consider self-sacrifice in life as a manifestation of selfishness. Since the individual does only what he wants or needs, without thinking at all about whether his loved ones need such actions.
However, it would be wrong to say that the words selfishness and self-sacrifice are synonymous. Rather, selfishness is the reverse side of self-sacrifice in some cases, since there are many known situations where one subject unselfishly sacrifices his own health or life to save another, for example, in a fire. Such sincere self-sacrifice can be conscious (deeds of soldiers during war) and unconscious (rescue under extreme circumstances).
In other words, the conscious feat of self-sacrifice lies in the individual’s understanding of his own sacrifice, its meaning, price and ultimate goal. So, for example, a soldier, covering an enemy pillbox, understands that these are his last seconds of life, that his actions will save his comrades from death. It is this kind of self-sacrifice that is called heroic.
In addition, self-sacrifice can often act as a basic instinct, for example, a mother saves her child.
In the general understanding, self-denial and self-sacrifice are synonymous rather than selfishness. Although most linguists are sure that the word self-sacrifice has no analogues in meaning in the Russian language. It is believed that the source of the described concept is self-denial. Self-sacrifice is discovered in self-denial, strengthened in it and becomes ready for a sustainable renewal of absolute bestowal.
Today, the problem of self-sacrifice, expressed in terrorism, poses a threat. The personal motivation of suicide bombers is their perception of self-sacrifice. They believe that they are sacrificing their own lives in the name of religion.
Self-sacrifice is not so dangerous when observed within the same family or individual group, since its destructive impact is not so global. When it affects the interests of the state or a large social group, the consequences will be quite dire. Often the foundation of suicidal terrorism is the problem of self-sacrifice. His arguments are based on love for his homeland, on religious “ecstasy”.
Self-sacrifice in terrorism does not consist in a voluntary desire for death, but in the obligation that society imposes on its own members. The feat of self-sacrifice as a conscious departure from life for the good of society has existed in various civilizations and cultures. An individual, at the cost of his own life, strives to prevent a threat to existence or loss of freedom for close fellow tribesmen, as well as to ensure the well-being of the social system with which he has identified himself.
Although in modern life the public consciousness is increasingly taking root in itself the conviction of the self-worth of any individual, regardless of his ethnic or sociocultural identity, the readiness for self-sacrifice during terrorist acts is becoming a global phenomenon.
Almost all researchers of the phenomenon of terrorism are convinced that the key motivating force that predetermines the choice of self-sacrifice to commit extremism is the tactical and strategic principles of the ideologists of terrorist organizations and the ideological attitudes of suicide bombers who sacrifice themselves.
A suicide bomber, sacrificing himself, resolves his own personal problems, while ensuring favorable living conditions for himself in another world, and for his close relatives in this world.
How to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice?
Some psychologists argue that not every subject is capable of such an action. A number of scientists believe that self-sacrifice is “hereditary.” In other words, the individual's desire to neglect his own interests and devote his life to others is embedded at the genetic level. In addition, upbringing also makes its contribution to the development of self-sacrifice, if the family honors charity and is ready to give everything to the needs of people. A child, observing such parental behavior, considers this particular behavioral model to be correct, since he has not encountered the opposite one. It also develops a worldview and mass “zombification,” which is often observed in the ideology of most religious sects or other communities.
Often, a lack of love in childhood leads to self-sacrifice in adulthood. Disliked individuals tend to sacrifice themselves in order to gain social recognition to make their parents proud of them.
Thus, giving an answer to the question: “how to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice,” we should conclude that the desire for praise, increasing one’s own importance, the desire to prove something to oneself or someone else, to be recognized, to become famous - these are all the reasons that cause the desire sacrifice oneself. In addition, the spiritual impulse to save a drowning person, the natural instinct to protect the weak, the selfless impulse to help individuals in trouble are also considered quite common reasons for self-sacrifice.
Examples of self-sacrifice in literature
You can often find examples of self-sacrifice in literature, both classical and fiction. The theme of self-sacrifice is very clearly visible in J. Tolkien’s fantasy epic “The Lord of the Rings,” which describes the exploits of representatives of various races for the sake of peace and the life of the peoples of Middle-earth.
Many Russian writers often touch on the topic described in their works. So, for example, in the works of Dostoevsky, patterns of behavior based on self-denial and sacrifice can be traced. The heroines of his work “Crime and Punishment”, Sonechka Marmeladova and Dunya Raskolnikova, sacrifice themselves for the good of the people dear to them. The first sells her own body, thereby earning food for her family. She suffers, not even having the right to commit suicide, since her loved ones will be left without a source of existence. The second intends to start a family with an unloved but rich man in order to help her poor brother.
In the works of M. Gorky one can also often find the phenomenon of self-sacrifice. In his work “Old Woman Izergil,” Danko is the embodiment of self-sacrifice.
Self-sacrifice in works of world literature and myths is glorified as a feat in the name of humanity, as the ability to transform the world and society, to make them better and cleaner. For example, the myth of Prometheus, who gave people not just fire, but the only opportunity for survival, realizing that he was dooming himself to death.
Self-sacrifice for love
Many novels have been written, poems have been composed, and paintings have been written about this beautiful and lofty feeling that unites two opposites: a man and a woman. It is generally accepted that true love is the ability to sacrifice oneself, to neglect one’s own interests, it is dedication, the willingness of one partner to do the possible and the impossible for the benefit of the other partner. Probably, this understanding of love takes its origins from Russian literary works.
Love and self-sacrifice in works are often described as a single whole. Many authors have described love based precisely on self-sacrifice. A striking example of such a feeling is the romance between Margarita and the Master in Bulgakov’s immortal creation. For the sake of saving her loved one, Margarita, overcoming fear, gaining the upper hand over circumstances, accomplishes a feat. It was by the power of her love that the heroine saved the Master.
Self-sacrifice in the name of love - myth or reality? Are people really ready to sacrifice their interests, preferences, friends, hobbies for the sake of their loved ones? How to explain the manifestation of self-sacrifice in the name of love? What is more important: healthy selfishness or self-sacrifice in a love relationship? Many will say that selfishness will not last long in a relationship. For a long and happy family relationship, the ability to sacrifice oneself is important. This statement could be true if such self-sacrifice were unselfish. Unfortunately, in love relationships it is very rare to find sincere dedication and self-denial. Each partner, sacrificing something in the name of a loved one, expects in return either a similar sacrifice or endless gratitude. If in a relationship one partner mainly sacrifices, then his self-sacrifice will most likely be a manifestation of dependence on his loved one, which often leads to disastrous results.
What is healthy egoism? This is the love of an individual for his own person. “Adequate” egoists put their own interests above all else, but also give this right to others. Psychologists say that if an individual does not love his own personality with all its shortcomings and positive qualities, then he will not be able to truly love another.
Unfortunately, most are convinced that love is the displacement of one’s own egoism towards another. If we add to this the meaning of the word egoism, it turns out that love is when the attractiveness of the partner’s “I” becomes higher than one’s own, that is, one’s own interests are replaced by the preferences of the other. This is what their mutual feeling is based on. The inner world of one partner is filled with the inner world of the loved one. Thus, what is being built is not a healthy relationship based on mutual respect, but a dependent relationship in which one will necessarily be more dependent on the other. That is, one will sacrifice his interests, and the other will take it for granted. Often such relationships fall apart, bringing a lot of resentment and mental pain to the individual who is inclined to sacrifice himself.
Of course, in love you need to learn to give in. Love without compromises will also not last long, but the ability to remain silent in time and find compromise solutions has nothing to do with self-sacrifice.
Therefore, the meaning of self-sacrifice in the name of love does not exist. Where there is room for self-sacrifice, there is no room for love. True love does not need to be confirmed by neglecting one's own personality and interests.
Thus, self-sacrifice is acceptable in love for the Motherland, maternal love, but not in the feeling that arises between subjects who are strangers to each other: a man and a woman, connecting them for life.
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Helpful and good people with sacrificial behavior they will share the best piece of the cake, rush to the rescue from the other end of the country, and lend any amount. In a word, they will do everything just to please. At first glance, one can only dream of such parents/relatives/friends. However, people who are ready to sacrifice their comfort for your sake are not saints at all: they are dangerous manipulators.
website I finally decided to put everything into perspective and understand why you need to stay away from overly helpful people, and think carefully yourself before doing good without asking.
What is a manipulative victim?
Under the guise of “I spent on you best years/ invested a lot of money in you / I don’t sleep at night because of you,” manipulative victims give out their love and friendship on credit. This loan will take many years to pay off. In the case of children for whom mothers sacrifice personal life, it is completely impossible to repay the “debt”. According to the manipulator, others should be grateful to them for the money, time and love they gave.
If you hear such phrases from your parents, partners, spouses or friends, know that they are trying to manipulate you with the help of guilt:
- “I’m spending the best years of my life on you.”
- “For your sake, I stopped communicating with my girlfriends/friends.”
- “I didn’t get married a second time so that you wouldn’t have to communicate with your stepfather.”
- “I spend money on you and don’t see any gratitude.”
- “I cooked this borscht for 3 hours, and you turn your nose up.”
All accusations are based on the scheme “I sacrificed something incredibly important for you, and now it’s your turn to pay.” Moreover, a demonstrative sacrifice is very important to the manipulator, which no one asked him to make (children did not ask them to give birth, husbands did not ask their wives to quit work, and so on).
Sacrificial behavior does not inspire gratitude. On the contrary, the recipient has a desire to escape to the other side of the world, away from unsolicited charity.
Why are they doing that
Psychologists call such sacrifice neurotic. Unlike selfless sacrifice, which is characterized by the desire to help a person without expecting anything in return, neuroticism comes from selfish motives. And that's why:
- The victim is always passive-aggressive. This means that she really wants to hit someone hard, but her upbringing doesn’t allow it. Then manipulation comes to the rescue. Instead of directly expressing dissatisfaction, the mother tells her son: “I didn’t sleep at night because of you, and you got married and now you don’t call.” This is how the victim provokes his opponent into negative emotions, manipulates his loneliness and ultimately achieves what he wants.
- The victim needs praise. And all because of low self-esteem. It seems to such people that no one will love them just like that. First, the victim infringes on his interests, and then expects to be noticed and loved. Need I say that this is not happening? In the end, it all ends with disappointment in people (“nobody appreciates me”).
- The victim follows a cultural tradition. This is aggressive sacrifice, or, to put it bluntly, in simple words, “the duty to bear one’s cross.” A manipulative victim will live with an alcoholic or abuser simply because “everyone else lives that way.” However, even from such an unhealthy union, the victim receives benefits: the sympathy of others, for example.
- The victim gives away what he does not have. The manipulator does not donate what he has in abundance (time, money, emotional energy). He donates what he himself lacks. Sooner or later, depression begins from such negative sacrifice and a feeling arises that no one around you understands you.
Why do people who are too helpful annoy us?
Victims terribly irritate ordinary people because they expect to receive a piece of their life in return. In psychology there is a concept of emotional blackmail. However, it only works with close people, because ordinary acquaintances do not care what happens to the blackmailer.
Psychologists and sociologists have carefully studied the behavior of manipulative victims and talked about the ways in which such people achieve what they want. The manipulation technique is called FOG. Here are 3 feelings that the victim plays on to get what he wants:
- F ear (English) - fear. Fear of offending, losing or upsetting the manipulator.
- O bligation (English) - responsibility. With his behavior, the manipulator appeals to your sense of duty and wants to blame you for his failures or bad mood.
- G uilt (English) - wine. Shame for not living up to expectations.
The UK has recently introduced legislation on emotional abuse and coercive control. This means that no person in the world has the right to control another. According to this law, a citizen of the country will not be able to force his wife to cook dinner, and should not put pressure on his children, demanding that they do their homework - you can only ask. It is still unclear what this practice will lead to: it has both obvious advantages (protection from domestic violence in all its forms) and significant disadvantages (the inability to accurately determine the degree of guilt of the “rapist”).
How to get a victim away from you
The most obvious answer to this question is to stop communicating. But what to do if your parents or spouse act as a manipulator? Psychologists say that you can try to improve your relationship. And here's how:
- Don't give manipulators what they want. As soon as the conversation turns into the direction of “I gave you everything, but you are ungrateful,” ignore such remarks and continue communication as if nothing had happened.
- Understand that you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness or unhappiness.
- “If you can’t win, lead.” If you are accused of being ungrateful, start complaining back. This tactic helps confuse the manipulator and seize the initiative in the conversation.
- Finally, talk openly with your manipulator about your feelings. Find out what he really wants: maybe calling his elderly parents once a week will solve the problem of complaints.
What to do if you are the same person who is ready to sacrifice yourself for the sake of family and friends
Psychologists call for finding a middle ground in relationships. You shouldn’t be selfish and not make concessions at all, but sacrificing yourself for the sake of your partner/children/friends is also not the best option.
If it seems to you that you are bending over backwards for someone, but you are not appreciated, then the problem is with you, and not with those who do not appreciate you. Leave this disastrous activity and do something for yourself.
Do you think there are people in the world who help just like that and don’t expect anything in return? Or is any good deed done with a certain self-interest (to stroke one’s pride, to receive a favor in return)?
What is sacrifice? What sacrifices please God? Do you always need to sacrifice your interests? Self-sacrifice in our time.
The Bible is about sacrifice
The Bible tells how God gradually reveals to man the meaning of sacrifice pleasing to Him. To the extent that a person is ready to accept new meanings.
First stage. Man sacrifices animals, birds, and fruits of the earth. This is a simplified pagan understanding of a gift to God in exchange for favor.
Second phase. The Lord makes it clear that He is waiting not just for a fattened calf, but, above all, for a sincere feeling of love and devotion from a person.
Third stage. God, in the person of Jesus Christ, sacrifices himself for humanity. Bloody sacrifices are no longer needed, prayers, incense, and candle fire are enough. And love for God must be expressed through love for one’s neighbor, through selfless actions, humility of passions, repentance and charity.
“A sacrifice to God is a broken spirit, a contrite and humble heart, God will not despise”
(Ps.50:17-19)
Sacrifice- one of the main Christian values. According to the definition of most dictionaries, “sacrifice” means giving up something important and necessary in the name of someone or something else. The victim can be material wealth, personal comfort, time, health, peace. There are people and values that cost us dearly.
A person can sacrifice his life for the sake of his religious principles or for the sake of his neighbors - at the front or in an extreme situation, but this is his voluntary choice.
“Every virtue gives rise to sacrifice. Perfect virtue gives birth to complete self-denial. The highest virtue - love - gives birth to perfect self-denial."
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
Heroic and ordinary sacrifice
Nowadays, sacrifice is less common, the press claims. This quality has depreciated. Selfishness has been placed on a pedestal. But you may not agree with this. People continue to sacrifice their interests for the sake of others. There are still many heroes among our contemporaries. Their names and actions remain in history. This good example and the justification of living generations before God.
Maxim Bogdan
Most young hero 2018 – nine years old Maxim Bogdan from the Ryazan region. The boy saved his brother and three sisters from a burning house. Eighth graders from Altai Territory Nikita Chebaevsky And Danil Kosikhin pulled an injured friend out of the river.
A sixteen-year-old guy from Severodvinsk lay in a coma for a year and a half and died in December. Ivan Krapivin who defended his mother from a rapist. He received injuries that turned out to be incurable.
Nowadays it is considered good manners to criticize the police. But for these people, feat is part of life. Senior Police Lieutenant Mikhail Polkhlebov on his day off, in civilian clothes, without a weapon, he witnessed an attack on gas station employees. He confronted the armed criminal and detained him. Or he could ignore what was happening. Let's talk more about such people, see the best in our compatriots.
Kate Winslet and Richard Branson, who was saved by the actress
It is common to complain that nowadays less is written about heroes than about show business stars. But it turns out that even among Hollywood stars there are those who saved people, risking their lives. Who would have thought. For example, Kate Winslet carried the old woman out of the burning house. Brad Pitt saved a woman from under the wheels of a car. Tom Cruise pulled two people out of an overturned car a minute before the car caught fire. There are other actors who have shown heroism not only on screen, but also in real situations. Humanity is not hopeless.
And among ordinary people, in everyday life there is an ordinary, but worthy of respect sacrifice. When relatives care for the sick, when people simply help each other with repairs or harvesting.
Let us remember how Christ, visiting Lazarus and his sisters - Martha and Mary, of whom the first was doing household chores, and the second was sitting at his feet and listening, said:
“Martha! Marfa! You care and fuss about many things, but only one thing is needed; Mary chose the good part, which will not be taken away from her.” But which of this family did he love more? “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” First of all, Marfa, who fussed to set the table and create comfort. Labor was her sacrifice to the Divine guest.
“Christ with Martha and Mary”, Henryk Semiradsky Volunteering- godly sacrifice. Young people spend time and money not on their own entertainment, but on searching for missing compatriots, feeding the homeless; They transport food to remote villages for elderly people forgotten by society. And saving stray animals and collecting funds for them is also a sacrifice, because a person is responsible for the world given to him by God.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev: “Sacrifice is called “holy generosity” - it is not characteristic of small souls. An egoist has a petty soul. He tries with all his might to keep what he has to himself, not to give in, not to give away, not to lose. But at the same time, he looks at other people as his debtors, obliged to give in, give and sacrifice themselves for his sake. And when this doesn’t happen, he gets very upset.”
Today, we need to put narcissism, low passions and dark desires on the altar of faith, so that the fire of faith will incinerate them, cleansing our souls.
Photo: monk Onufry (Porechny), Solovetsky Monastery website
When virtue is false
Sacrifice is beautiful, but sometimes the Spirit of evil makes it its weapon - to ridicule a person. The kindest and purest people fall into this trap. I remember one situation.
Grandma Varya, a friend of my relatives, lived in a neighboring village. She shared a small wooden house with her grandchildren, on whom she spent her pension earned on the collective farm. The grandchildren's parents died in an accident, the grandmother devoted her life to them and spent all her money so that the boys did not need anything. In a black scarf and a blue work robe, she constantly bustled around the house. By the time I found out about this family, the grandchildren were already under thirty years old.
Passing by, I saw grandma Varya’s grandchildren on the threshold. They were broad-shouldered, overgrown, like Neanderthals, big men, drinking beer together. The fence near the house was lopsided, and thick weeds grew around it. The grandchildren did not work anywhere. Sometimes they tried to get a job at a local joint-stock company - that’s what the collective farm was now called; they were hired out of pity for Grandma Varya, but the guys couldn’t stand the probationary period and went on a spree. They were not worried about their well-being - the old woman spent her pension on them.
Probably, in their overgrown faces, she was able to discern the “image of God” and was in a state of pious self-denial. But the more Grandmother Varya grew taller in spirit and thinner in body, the more wild her charges became.
Apparently, one day the cruel truth was revealed to her. In the spring, after Easter, grandmother Varya appeared in front of her grandchildren in a white scarf and a new dress, holding a suitcase in her hands. She announced that she was going on a trip to holy places. The grandchildren were tipsy, so they did not immediately realize the importance of this announcement. They walked the grandmother to the bus stop, which, by the way, was ten meters from the house, and kissed her goodbye. Grandmother Varya said that she left them supplies in the pantry. The supplies turned out to be a jar of jam and a bag of millet. The brothers sobered up. They hoped that without the old woman they would completely relax, but here they had to think about food. And most importantly, how will they buy alcohol? For several days the brothers braced themselves and waited for grandmother Varya. They searched the whole house, hoping that they would find hidden money, but they found nothing, and there were no valuables for sale either. Grandmother Varya prudently took the ancient icons to her friend, leaving only the paper image of the “Inexhaustible Chalice” looking mournfully from the wall. When the grandchildren ate all the millet porridge and jam, they quickly realized that there was no self-assembled tablecloth on the table, and that there was no one else to feed them.
The neighbors didn't lend money. Stealing was scary.
Finally, the elder brother came to his senses and went to the board joint stock company- to get a job. It was just when he was sowing and the guy was accepted as an assistant combine operator. He asked for an advance, but fearing hunger, he did not drink it away and went to the store to buy groceries. Soon the older brother brought the younger brother to the board, and he also found something to do. The grandchildren began to work, but grandmother Varya still did not appear.
Of course, the good old lady shed a lot of tears on her journey, remembering her grandchildren, but she understood that she was acting for their benefit. She returned only a month later, did not immediately recognize her sober, shaved and trimmed grandchildren and offered a prayer of gratitude to the “Inexhaustible Chalice.” Of course, the brothers could not completely give up alcohol, but now they held on to their work. Because Grandma Varya, when she saw a bottle on the table, began to pack her suitcase and started talking about holy places.
Thus, the rejection of reckless altruism brought benefit to everyone.
Caricature from the magazine “Crocodile”, USSR Priests call such sacrifice a false virtue. While parents take care of their adult son (daughter), their child becomes more and more corrupted, indulges in his vices, violates the commandments, including the one that speaks of respect for his mother and father. The child spends their money on his lusts - the parents pay for his fall. In such a situation, everyone sins and no one will be saved!
Another common case of senseless sacrifice is when one of the spouses tolerates drunkenness, drug addiction or infidelity of the other. Usually a woman sacrifices her interests. She believes that the children need a father, that her husband will be lost without her. Sometimes she reinforces herself with Christian theses about forgiveness and believes that this is her cross. But children grow up nervous and unhappy, observing the degradation of their father, and later they themselves create similar families, where one of the spouses is a tyrant, the other is a victim.
A psychologist will say that this is not sacrifice, but interdependence, when the victim wants to believe in his nobility, when he is proud of his service to a dependent. Pride, and not piety, forces some to endure the arbitrariness of others in order to tell others: “I did so much for him!”, “I gave everything to her!”, “You know what it cost me to save my family!”
And it is a completely criminal situation when a dissolute stepfather commits violence against his stepson or a father kills a child, and the mother acquits her husband/cohabitant. This is a betrayal of an innocent child for the sake of an unhealthy passion, which a woman considers love. Such cases are few, but they occur in every country in the world.
I also consider sacrifice dubious in the case when a person goes to fight abroad, inspired by propaganda. Ideologists can justify any war anywhere in the world if it benefits politicians. But the Bible views murder differently. And Jesus Christ was by no means a Roman legionnaire who captured half the world for ambitious emperors.
But if a person goes to the front to protect his family and his own country, his sacrifice, like militancy, is justified by biblical laws and the duty to care for his neighbors.
