Low self-esteem is a very serious problem for many girls, because it threatens them not only with disappointments in their personal lives, but also with failures in the professional field. What kind of self-esteem can be considered low and is there a way to increase it?
What is self-esteem
Normal self-esteem
So, if you have adequate self-esteem, then we can say that you are very lucky. People of this type are characterized by a realistic assessment of their capabilities. Such girls are not afraid to set serious goals for themselves, and have a clear idea of how this goal can be achieved for them. There is also an opinion that only a truly mature person can have normal self-esteem - this is possible both at sixteen and at forty.
A high self-evaluation
Perhaps, people of this type are considered more unpleasant personalities for others than others. It is noteworthy that often they do not even realize that their self-esteem is truly inflated. However, some believe that only such people are capable of achieving great goals - with a certain amount of luck this is true. However, the main problem of arrogant people is that they quickly lose true friendships due to their own reluctance and inability to admit their mistakes. Also, such people greatly overestimate their importance in the world around them - at work, among friends, in family, and so on. They are rarely able to sincerely apologize, because they are often unaware that they may actually be doing wrong. As a rule, one makes friends and communicates with such people only because of possible benefits or out of hopelessness.
Low or low self-esteem (reasons and symptoms)
Life is hardest for girls who are prone to low self-esteem. Most often, the reason lies in improper upbringing on the part of parents or other problems in school years. What is characteristic of a person whose self-esteem is clearly low? As a rule, it is almost immediately apparent that a girl is unsure of herself. Most often, she is uncommunicative and rather reserved - she is very afraid to voice her opinion, even if she is asked about it. In addition, such a girl takes initiative only in the most extreme cases, preferring to act on someone else's orders.
She often thinks that she looks stupid or inappropriate, and if representatives of the opposite sex begin to show interest in her, she immediately begins to look for some kind of catch in this. Girls of this type prefer not to attract attention to themselves, and if they have to be in some company, then they will be calmer if they remain practically unnoticed.
Family relationships
Many people know that most complexes follow a person from childhood, and if parents do not notice or even provoke some kind of problem in the child’s self-esteem, then it will probably fully manifest itself in adulthood. If your parents did not give you enough attention and love, but at the same time found the opportunity to criticize and regularly make various demands, then probably now your self-esteem is somewhat low. Also not in the best possible way comparisons of your child with his friends affect the latter. The child gets used to feeling worse than others, and this habit continues into adulthood.
Peer relationships
A very important factor that deserves close attention. If as a child you had any characteristics or talents that were treated with ridicule by your peers, then this is a very serious reason for concern. Due to the disapproving attitude of friends and classmates, it is difficult for a child to accept himself and this feeling of some “wrongness” accompanies him into adulthood. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that if family relationships are good and the child receives an adequate upbringing, then the influence of peers will most likely not affect his future life. If you notice that your children are uncomfortable in the company of their peers, then this is a serious reason to change the environment of your kids, as well as carry out psychological work with them.
First love
First loves - in childhood or adolescence– can also have a big impact on self-esteem. In general, here we can mention relationships with the opposite sex, in general. If a girl was liked by boys, then this would probably have a positive effect on her own self-image. However, if the boys not only did not notice her, but also mocked her, this could negatively affect the formation of female self-esteem. In addition, it also matters what the girl’s first love was - mutual or not. If a crush develops into a romantic relationship, this is a good sign, but if the girl is rejected, this will probably affect her self-esteem.
Ways to increase self-esteem in a woman or girl
Accept and love yourself
If you suffer from low self-esteem, then the conclusion suggests itself - you urgently need to increase it. First of all, realize that ideal people no, even if it seems to you that it is not so. Don't dwell on your shortcomings, many of which you probably came up with yourself - these are just your characteristics. Instead, pay attention to your strengths. If you think that you don’t have any, then you are mistaken. Look for the virtues in yourself until you find them! It is also possible that you are one step away from some kind of advantage. Perhaps playing sports will give you an ideal figure, makeup lessons will teach you how to use cosmetics as effectively and successfully as possible, cutting and sewing courses will allow you to create winning outfits for yourself. Be that as it may, in your case it is very important to love yourself under any circumstances, even when it seems to you that you are not worthy of this love. Become your main support, and your life will begin to improve.
Stop comparing yourself to others
People with low self-esteem, when comparing themselves to others, usually do so not to their advantage. Realize that any comparison is an absolutely useless exercise that will not lead to anything good. Of course, it’s another matter if, by comparing yourself with someone, you gain an incentive to become better yourself. In the case when everything ends only in self-flagellation and bad mood, this habit must be abandoned. Everyone is different - everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, even if it seems to you that there are exceptions. Don't compare yourself to anyone - just take care of yourself and improve yourself, without looking at anyone.
Down with self-criticism
Self-criticism can only be useful if it stimulates you to some new achievements. Unfortunately, girls who suffer from low self-esteem only make things worse by criticizing themselves. Mentally returning to your imperfections again and again, you only drive yourself into depression. Instead, find a reason to praise yourself. Also encourage any of your small victories - buy yourself some goodies, take care of yourself.
Be a little selfish
Many women with low self-esteem are very prone to sacrifice. Believing that they do not deserve love in themselves, such individuals try to “deserve” or “earn” love and attention. This may manifest itself in relationships with your husband or friends. You may be susceptible to this too. Examples of such behavior: you give expensive gifts to people, infringing on yourself; you spend time on their affairs, pushing your own concerns into the background; you regularly adapt to other people's plans, even if it is inconvenient for you, and so on. If you notice something like this in yourself, then it needs to be changed urgently. Learn to put your needs and desires first - at first it will be unusual for you, but then you will feel all the benefits of such tactics.
Believe in yourself and your success
Don't doubt yourself and don't belittle your worth. If you want to achieve something, then do not deprive yourself of this opportunity! If you don’t make an attempt, then everything will remain the same, but if your efforts are crowned with success, your life will sparkle with new colors - believe that this is exactly what will happen! To put yourself in the right frame of mind, periodically read biographies of successful people.
If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, then only you have the power to fix it! Self-development and self-improvement will never be superfluous. Take time to learn new things and take care of your health and appearance. Be attentive to your health, periodically sign up for useful cosmetic procedures, expand your horizons. You can really start living interesting life, if you so wish! Very few people have it easy, and if you think that someone is very lucky, but you are not, then most likely it is not a matter of luck at all, but of hard work on yourself. Think about what qualities you don't like about yourself, leave a plan by which you can fix it, and stick to it.
Forgive yourself for defeats, praise for victories
Many girls are very sensitive about their defeats. Such a development of events most often drives them into a depressed state and significantly undermines self-confidence. If this is your case, then it is useful for you to learn to ignore such mistakes, only to learn the necessary lessons from them. At the same time, you should develop a completely different attitude towards your victories. Remember your achievements, reward yourself for them by giving yourself small or large gifts.
More positivity and optimism
It is very important for a girl suffering from low self-esteem to learn to think positively. On the Internet you can find many techniques in this regard, but the essence is the same - no matter what happens, look for the positive aspects in it, even if it is quite difficult. Try not only not to talk about negative topics, but also not to think about them. Control yourself - after thinking about something bad, immediately switch to more pleasant thoughts. In any situation, initially set yourself up for success, and it will accompany you!
- Fight your fears. If you feel uncomfortable in large companies and get lost in conversations with people you don’t know well, then this can be fixed. Public speaking courses and periodic visits to crowded places can help you. Try to meet your fear halfway, and then it will begin to recede.
- Gain new knowledge. If you are not yet comfortable attending any courses or master classes, look for the necessary lessons on the Internet. So you can learn foreign language, learn to sew, dance and much more. The more new skills you acquire, the higher your self-esteem will be.
- Don't communicate with people who lower your self-esteem. If there is even the slightest possibility of this, completely cut off contact with them. Such communication will only harm you, and under such circumstances it is very difficult to achieve a positive result. At the same time, try to be more often in the company of people around whom you feel confident and comfortable.
- Pay special attention to taking care of yourself and your appearance. People who are afraid of drawing attention to themselves are usually afraid that some shortcoming will become obvious to others. You don’t have to live with this feeling - find any way to correct in yourself what confuses you and limits you in communicating with other people.
- If you have enough time to engage in self-criticism and indulge in despondency, then it is better to direct it in a completely different direction - set big and small goals for yourself, make plans on how you can achieve them, and then start implementing your plans. And under no circumstances think that you won’t succeed. If you really want something, then it is achievable, even if not on the first try. The main thing is to start taking action, because usually the first step is the most difficult.
Such a personality quality as self-esteem is inextricably linked with self-confidence, achieving certain successes in professional activity or personal life. After all, people who this characteristic is underestimated, often have many complexes and problems associated with this. Accepting yourself for who you are, believing in your own strengths are some of the main components of future success. Therefore, this is a common reason for turning to psychologists. However, you can work on yourself on your own, taking into account some nuances and following fairly simple rules.
First you need to define what self-esteem is and how it is formed. In psychology, this quality is considered as a subjective attitude towards one’s own personal qualities. Most often, self-esteem is formed in childhood, and it is largely influenced by the attitude of others, in particular, significant adults (parents). However, in later life it can change. So, if a person is surrounded by negative colleagues or acquaintances who constantly criticize him, then, as a result, his self-esteem may decrease.
You can try to take a simple test and rate yourself overall on a 10-point scale. Most people give themselves 5-6 points, and this is an average result. But you need to take into account that such an answer indicates that you view yourself half positively and equally negatively. Increasing self-esteem is an indispensable condition for achieving success. After all, only in this way does a person have the opportunity not to be afraid of difficulties and to believe in a positive outcome of the matter.
Psychologists recommend working on yourself and doing exercises to increase self-esteem, of which there are quite a few offered. So, you should never focus only on the opinions of others. Of course, it is important, but not as much as you think. The behavior of acquaintances who constantly criticize your successes or achievements can be analyzed. You need to ask the question: “Why are they doing this (saying)?” It has been noted that many assert themselves and raise their self-esteem by humiliating others. If this is the main reason, such people should be ignored or completely excluded from communication.
Also, increasing self-esteem depends on your own results. You can sketch out a plan for yourself of what you plan to achieve and begin to implement it. At the same time, you should not immediately set yourself the goal of becoming Olympic champion or Nobel laureates. What is planned must be realistically feasible. If for some reason you have not achieved success in something, do not be upset. Analyze the situation. Is this only your fault? Maybe external circumstances also played a role?
Ways to increase self-esteem can be such as using short belief phrases (affirmations). So, it is recommended to start your morning by saying the phrases: “I am successful,” “I will succeed,” etc. You should never make excuses to those around you. This helps you feel even more. Another key to success is harmonious relationships with loved ones. You need to remember that there will always be someone who will help you in difficult times, which means you are strong enough to survive failures and try again.
In order for increasing self-esteem to be effective, you need to constantly work on yourself. You can do what you love, let it be your main activity or hobby. Almost every person's confidence increases when he knows that he does something better than others. And one of the main rules is to act, because only in movement, with the help of trial and error, can you achieve any results.
Greetings, friends!
If you are now thinking about how to increase your self-esteem, then you are the creator of your own life. Having realized the problem, you did not come to terms with it and did not put it off “for later”, but now look for ways to solve it and are ready to work hard. I am proud of you.
Your mood, as well as our most carefully collected in this article effective tips to increase self-esteem will help solve this problem once and for all. Only I ask you not just to read the article, but put into practice at least some of the recommendations available here, and you will very quickly be able to feel positive changes in terms of self-esteem. Well, are you ready? Then we start in order.
What is self-esteem?
This term is usually called general human perception own abilities, capabilities and personal qualities. It does not always exactly coincide with real possibilities, but often becomes the main factor in life success. Therefore, any person experiencing problems with self-esteem must work to improve it properly.
Self-esteem performs several important functions, the main ones being:
- protection – internal autonomy, ability to form own opinion and not to be influenced by others;
- regulation – the ability to make informed personal choices;
- development – the desire for self-improvement.
It is important to understand that low self-esteem is formed in humans not only because of real shortcomings. She is influenced by the opinions of others (from immediate relatives to colleagues and comrades). If it is underestimated, the person spends an excessive amount of energy for doubts does not take on ambitious projects, does not believe in himself. If it is too high, there is a risk of making mistakes, since excessive self-confidence causes a person to lose caution. To understand how to increase self-esteem, you need to understand how it is formed and what factors influence it.
How self-esteem is formed
The ability to adequately assess one’s own strengths and weak sides is formed in a person from childhood. Excessive demands and strictness of parents or neglectful attitude of friends can have long-lasting consequences. As a result, a person grows up, gets an education, gets a job and starts a family, and the need to constantly prove something to those around him persists and negatively affects the quality of life.
Friends and loved ones also continuously influence self-esteem - a dear person can instantly raise it or lower it. Criticism directed at oneself is especially painful, inevitably decreasing self-confidence(both in the short term and in the long term). In addition, we ourselves often become the source of uncertainty. By focusing on failure, we come to disappointing conclusions and engage in self-criticism, reducing our own initiative.
An equally common source of low self-esteem is negative experiences from childhood or consequence psychological problems Initially, it is formed due to certain characteristics of upbringing and norms of behavior imposed on the child by parents. Further, perceptions of one’s own attractiveness, athletic success and various abilities are added. All events that occur that force a person to rethink his own value affect his self-esteem. And from a certain moment it begins to play a decisive role in life, forcing a person to give up ambitions. To overcome this vicious cycle, you need to actively work on improving your self-esteem. Let's continue.
How to determine that self-esteem is low?
Typically, the following character traits indicate the need to work on improving self-esteem:
- excessive self-criticism when making harmless mistakes;
- fear of mistakes and constant worry over little things;
- increased sensitivity to other people's opinions about oneself;
- unreasonable jealousy due to lack of self-confidence;
- envy of successful people;
- constant search for excuses;
- pessimism and negative perception of events.
Even one of the listed character traits indicates a noticeable lack of self-confidence. If you find several items from this list, you urgently need to increase your self-esteem in all available ways.
Why does self-esteem decrease?
Before we start working on increasing self-esteem, let's understand the main reasons that provoke its decline. As they say, forewarned is forearmed. What are these factors?
One of the main reasons for decreased self-esteem in modern life is a tendency to “self-examination.” A person constantly analyzes his failures, compares himself to other people. He chooses smart, successful and attractive people as role models. And comparing himself with them, he begins to consider himself a failure. Of course, the habit of comparing yourself with more successful peers can help some people and increase their productivity. But for most it turns around a huge blow to one's self-esteem.
For girls and women, the most important factor that can lower or increase self-esteem is appearance. The situation has become especially worse in our time. If yesterday beautiful, almost perfect faces looked at us only from glossy pages, today they are in every profile social network. This has a negative effect on many girls. And even the opportunity to publish your own photo, “photoshopped” to perfection, does not correct this situation.
There is another factor that almost everyone has been exposed to. This experience of defeat. When faced with a strong failure, a person becomes fixated on the situation. He replays the unpleasant event over and over again in his thoughts, figuring out what he should have done to avoid failure. Do you know this feeling? Literally stuck in the past, a person loses control over the present and future.
There are other factors as well. For example, communicating with people seeking increase your own self-esteem at someone else's expense. Perfectionism, which inevitably increases the fear of failure, is also a bad help. We have listed the most noticeable reasons, in fact there are many more, but let’s not waste time. Let's move on to the main part of our article.
Simple ways to increase self-esteem
As mentioned earlier, self-esteem can and should be influenced. Of course, you will have to work hard, but believe me, the result is worth it. Harmonious self-esteem makes a person more confident, positive and, most importantly, happy. Well, are you ready to work on your self-esteem? Then let's get started. Here's our plan:
Find the root of the problem
Low self-esteem is not genetically embedded in us - it develops under the influence of external factors. To understand how to increase it, you need to figure out what caused the problem. For example, if problems with self-perception are associated with excess weight, you need to remember when the disturbing thoughts associated with this first arose. Perhaps one of your friends joked about this topic, and it was unpleasant for you? In any case, all further work will be much more effective when you clearly understand the reason for low self-esteem and the moment when you lost self-confidence.
Get rid of self-criticism
All people make mistakes, and it is not at all necessary to reproach yourself for every failure. Getting rid of self-criticism will give you several benefits in life:
- Energy that was previously spent on self-flagellation will be released;
- You will learn to accept yourself and be able to focus on achieving your goals;
- The strengths of your personality will emerge and come to the fore.
By learning to deal with failures creatively and without self-blame, you can benefit from them. This will be a valuable experience, and in some cases you can even turn the mistake to your advantage.
What is needed for this? First, no matter how bad the situation gets, remember - it could have been much worse. And everything turned out not in the worst way only thanks to your efforts and experience. Also, think about how many people in your position would not be able to learn a valuable lesson from the current situation because they lack the strength of character but you can. Do this and gain a sense of self-respect for yourself, because failures will no longer break you, but will only make you stronger.
In addition to self-criticism, it is important to be able to firmly respond to criticism from others. We have already covered this important topic in detail, so we move on.
Learn to see failure as an important learning experience.
As we have already said, failures can take a big toll on self-esteem. But let's agree once and for all: every painful mistake is valuable. life lesson. Analyze it. Be sure to think about what to do to avoid similar mistakes in the future, how you can use the experience gained and what benefits can be derived.
Try to look at yourself from the outside, as you would look at a dear person who finds himself in a similar situation. You wouldn't blame him, would you? This means you shouldn’t blame yourself.
Keep a success diary
A success journal is a must-have tool for anyone looking to improve their self-esteem. Having lost confidence in himself, a person automatically begins to attach maximum importance to his own mistakes, ignoring successes and praise. It's time to reverse this trend. Start writing down your own achievements, praise from others, and things you yourself are satisfied with. Learn more about how to keep a success diary.
Praise yourself more often
Self-criticism and self-examination are bad habits. So why not push them out good habit– the ability to praise yourself for small victories? Just notice each of your successes and analyze which character trait helped you achieve it. This method will help not only increase self-esteem, but also develop useful abilities that make you more successful.
But we're talking about not about banal praise, in the spirit of “you did great.” For this to have an effect, you need to try to regularly analyze the actions you perform. For example, let's say you set a goal to start getting up a little earlier every day. And so, the next day You did it. Think about the fact that thousands of people on this planet cannot train themselves to get up earlier for years, but you were able to do it in one day. Yes, you are a hero, you can safely be proud of yourself! Make it a habit to analyze your achievements regularly in this way - think about how strong in spirit you really are and how much you can do.
Learn to say “NO!”
Low self-esteem and submissive reliability are linked by a mutual cause-and-effect relationship. who put their interests above yours. Becoming firm and answering “No!” to unwanted offers, you will automatically increase your own self-esteem. You will begin to respect yourself more, realize that you know how to defend your boundaries, and this is the foundation of a harmonious personality.
Create a positive environment for yourself
Avoiding negative people is recommended for a reason. They notice every unpleasant little thing and remind you of it. Try to surround yourself with positive people who prefer to notice the good. Of course, it is not always possible to follow this advice, since a close relative may turn out to be “negative.” In this case, regularly remind him that you do not want negativity to be present in communication. Let him learn to control himself. Don’t be afraid to tell people what they may not like to hear, be afraid to hush up such things.
Play some sports
You don't have to exhaust yourself with workouts in the gym. A daily 20-minute jog or an hour-long walk will significantly improve your tone and improve your mood. Don't be afraid to spend time on sports. Any person who gets carried away by regular jogging or other exercise quickly notices that they have even more free time. The secret is that sport gives a powerful boost of energy, helping you do everything faster.
Get out of your comfort zone
Under the weight of problems, a person becomes dependent on his own weaknesses, which give him a feeling of comfort. Sweets, baked goods, TV series, games, alcohol and other methods of self-comfort help to briefly escape from problems into a cozy inner world. That's just the problem at this time are not resolved, but only accumulate. Subconsciously, a person realizes that he is hiding from reality, so his self-esteem inevitably decreases. And there is only one way to quickly and effectively increase it - and begin to actively solve the accumulated problems.
Start Using Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a technique from psychology that can increase self-esteem even for a person who considers himself the ultimate loser. These are small statements containing positive attitudes in the style of “I am strong enough to achieve everything I want!” You can find them in text form or in audio recording. Read them out loud, memorize them, listen to them while jogging. These settings are remembered, and gradually you will begin to remember them at any time. life situation when required.
What will work on self-esteem give?
Well, my friends, I hope you have already begun to put into practice the knowledge you have acquired, or you will definitely try to do this in the near future. In order for you to definitely succeed in increasing your self-esteem, let’s consolidate your motivation and consider what qualities a person with positive self-esteem has:
- confident in one's own abilities;
- knows his strengths and uses them;
- knows his weaknesses and accepts them;
- does not look for excuses for his actions;
- does not need the approval of others;
- immune to criticism;
- does not judge people by appearance;
- does not experience unnecessary anxiety or stress because he is confident in himself.
This is only a partial list of what qualities a person has who has worked on improving self-esteem. In my opinion, it’s worth it to grow and develop in this direction, don’t you agree?
Conclusion
My friends, of course, there is no single recipe for increasing self-esteem that would suit absolutely everyone. But after carefully studying the recommendations in this article, you will surely find a technique that will be effective for you. Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.
Life hacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help improve your loved one’s opinion of yourself.
1. Stop thinking of yourself as “just a woman”
Society instills in us the idea that women are inconsistent and cannot find themselves, and therefore at work many feel like impostors, vying for someone else’s place as a breadwinner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to their busy lives, they cannot devote enough time to “truly feminine” matters: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.
This confusion in social roles, the inability to be torn between the diametrically opposed statuses of “a purposeful Amazon” for colleagues and business partners and “affectionate house cat” for her husband and children leads to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence and begins to doubt her own abilities.
At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, a woman has many reasons to doubt. But an important nuance is that men have no less such reasons.
There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more often than men.
3. Use popular methods to increase self-esteem
Representatives of both sexes can effectively use universal recommendations for developing self-love:
In addition to them, you can also concentrate on methods that take into account physical and psychological characteristics specifically women.
Find a comfortable way to appear taller
"Looking down" is not just a common phrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which they work social relations: We subconsciously perceive tall height as one of the signs of a leader. For example, you can read a detailed article from the authoritative American publication Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives due to growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to others, your self-esteem also increases.
A woman can relatively easily feel “more majestic” if she wears high-heeled or platform shoes, or at least raises the seat of her office chair higher in order to tower above her counterpart during negotiations. Yes, they can also have a positive effect on increasing growth.
Watch your posture
A straight back has a powerful influence on behavior and self-perception. The reason is many: a raised chin and straightened shoulders cause the release of testosterone - a “masculine” hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. In addition, proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.
Gesture
Confidence is often tied to how much space we take up in a space. Remember wildlife: large dominant animals move sweepingly and impressively. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesticulating while talking helps expand the space you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.
If you are not used to gesturing, it is worth practicing in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.
Don't cross your arms over your chest
This closed pose is also a way to appear small and inconspicuous, so a person who has closed his hands from the world is perceived by others as weak. And he himself begins to feel like one.
If during a conversation you don’t know where to put your hands, rest them on your sides: place your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open pose that exudes confidence.
Don't be afraid to laugh at your mistakes
People who are insecure tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people know how to take responsibility for their decisions - both good and bad. Saying “Yes, I made a mistake here, next time I’ll have to do it differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is how others define a psychologically strong person.
Ask yourself the question “So what?”
Often we are afraid of some things that actually have no significant consequences. To sober yourself up in such moments, it is useful to ask the question “So what?” For example:
- “I want to voice this, but what if other people won’t support me?” - So what?
- “I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there...” - so what?
- “I may forget what to say next during the presentation” - so what?
This simple express self-analysis allows you to understand: even in the most negative scenario, nothing bad will happen to you. This means you can act confidently.
Find a role model
Among the people around you, there are likely to be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a closer look at them. Try to act like them. This is one of the options to adopt successful life principles and “copy” the desired level of confidence.
4. Do what you like
Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways raise self-esteem. The hardest thing here is to find one that you really like.
5. Be active
There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a kind of passive aggression Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Someone says: “I don’t want to!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal out loud, and then it sounds: “I can’t, I’m just small and weak.” Not believing in yourself is often just a way to justify one’s own inaction and to place responsibility on others. But this method is destructive.
Low self-esteem can only be cured by action. Action (even through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased confidence in yourself and your abilities. This is the most effective cure for self-dislike.
Unfortunately, there are no pills for happiness. You have to work to get it. Only a wise and self-confident person receives happiness as a reward. If you have low self-esteem, it will be difficult for you to earn recognition from other people, achieve success at work, and find your soulmate. When a person values himself, he is able to move mountains! This article is about human self-esteem and happiness.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is, first of all, your real perception of your place in the world and what is happening to you. Many people wonder how to increase it. You will not find a clear answer to this question anywhere. It is important to understand yourself, to give an adequate assessment of your own actions, successes and abilities. If you don't believe in yourself, you will never achieve anything. Low self-esteem is always the opposite of happiness.
It should be said that every person sooner or later has to evaluate other people. For example, their behavior, manners or appearance. The criteria for the ideal were laid down in our creation in very early childhood. The result allows us to understand how we feel about to a certain person or the subject in reality. After the creature has formed an impression, it complements the finished image with new details. This is why they say that the first meeting is the most important. Our personal self-esteem is shaped by many factors. People's opinion is the main one. In the same way that we are evaluated, we are also evaluated.
How to increase self-esteem and why do it?
Have you ever wondered why some people are luckier than others? Everything that happens to you is in your head. Success comes only to those who really, truly want it. Our beliefs and thoughts are the foundation on which our whole life is built. If you don't understand this, you won't be able to become more successful and happier.
There are people who, on a subconscious level, do not allow themselves success to come into their lives. Beliefs and thoughts create a certain block. They also often think that they are entitled to much more than they already have. They list why they deserve it, and then begin to blame themselves for imperfection. Various thoughts begin to come into their heads, like they need to work more, be in the right place at the right moment, etc. It is precisely such judgments that form low self-esteem. You need to live here and now, enjoying every moment you live. Drive away negative thoughts, otherwise they will eat you up.
Let's take small children as an example. They never think badly of themselves. This understanding is inherent in nature. Over the years, a person acquires complexes, self-doubt and low self-esteem. This prevents you from getting what you want. You just have to set a clear goal and believe in yourself, and life will improve on its own. You will have successful coincidences, pleasant events and happy meetings. Self-love is the key to happiness.
Thoughts and actions
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? The answer is simple. You just need to enjoy life for no reason. When you wake up in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. When we gain confidence, we become brighter, more beautiful, more attractive and more interesting to the people around us. Do not communicate with those who envy you or wish harm. It won't bring you the happiness you seek. Push aside your fears and worries. Just take action! Don't think that people or circumstances are to blame for failures. None of this is true - we create life with my own hands and choose our own friends.
Self-esteem in children
Many people ask about how to increase a child’s self-esteem. You must always praise him. Although the baby does not have complexes at birth, they may appear over time. IN adolescence begin to appear worst qualities. Let's figure out why this is happening?
The fact is that a person forms an opinion about himself in accordance with what he hears and sees in his environment and in his family. We live in a world of standards. Many parents call their children “holey head”, “bungler”, “clumsy”, considering these nicknames to be quite harmless. Over time, they form low self-esteem in the child. He is less likely to show initiative, becomes unsure of his abilities and tries to avoid serious tasks. Children who are constantly scolded by their parents rarely succeed. Don't forget that recognition from people around you and personal success depend on self-confidence. It is very important to find out in time how to increase your child’s self-esteem. It is necessary to trust him with difficult tasks, and after completing them, praise and reward him. There are different children. For some people, public approval is very important.
Since self-esteem is formed in childhood, it is parents who lay its foundations. If you constantly scold your child, he will grow up unhappy due to lack of parental love. At school, teachers constantly say that thinking about yourself is bad and selfish. What a child hears from others is taken literally by him. Peers are also often cruel. Personal qualities are ridiculed and blamed for shortcomings. As a result, the child’s standards drop so much that in adolescence he cannot fully realize himself. Moreover, he feels unhappy and lost. In this case, parents need to think hard about how to increase their teenager’s self-esteem. His achievements should be constantly celebrated and encouraged. It is also important to praise your child simply for being there.
But you should not rely on the fact that low self-esteem arises solely due to the fault of parents or other people. Failures, depression, and stress can suppress the confidence of even a completely successful adult. Not everyone is able to adequately evaluate their actions, achievements, character traits and skills. Agree that separation from a loved one, dismissal, financial crisis, death of a loved one can become reasons for low self-esteem. The result is that an insecure person considers himself unworthy of all blessings. It doesn’t matter to him whether others think so. In his own eyes, he will look like a loser, even if others consider him successful.
There are three types of human self-esteem:
- Adequate. Everyone should strive for it. A person with such self-esteem sees only positive qualities in himself and other people, without noticing shortcomings and weaknesses.
- Overpriced. People see in themselves exclusively the strengths of their character, completely cutting off their shortcomings. Such conceit leads to the fact that others seem inferior to them. Arrogance is a natural problem in relationships with others.
- Understated. A person considers himself worse than others. He thinks that he is unworthy of privileges and bonuses at work, and does not deserve the good attitude of his colleagues, relatives, friends, and family. This condition is often accompanied by a feeling of guilt. That is why the most common advice from a psychologist on how to increase self-esteem is to love and accept yourself with all your shortcomings. Believe me, it works.
This is very difficult to do. That is why we will outline certain methods that will help a person understand himself and adequately evaluate his actions.
- Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Write on it your achievements, starting from childhood. Here you can write that you did exercises, met a nice person, fell in love or found a good job. Write everything that you consider to be your personal victories. It is important not only to make a list, but also to add to it regularly. This will give you an additional incentive to perform small feats every day. This way you can notice your strengths. Thanks to this method, you will no longer wonder how to increase your self-esteem. Personality psychology says that this system really works. If you don't believe it, try it and see for yourself.
- It is very important to motivate yourself. As we said earlier, the main reasons for low self-esteem are failures, stressful situations, depression and inattention from others. In general, a negative perception of yourself or events happening to you. Allow yourself to relax and let go of the situation. Light meditation will allow you to forget for at least five minutes about all the problems that greatly bother you. Do yoga. It will help you look inside yourself and remove blocks.
- Find a passion or hobby for yourself where you can achieve success. Do some strength training at the gym or painting. The main thing is that this activity brings you inner satisfaction.
- The last piece of advice on how to improve a person's self-esteem is to make a list of all positive qualities(at least 20) and hang it on the refrigerator. Every time you feel sad, you will look at the list of your successes. This will help you love yourself, at least a third.
Still, the main answer to the question of how to increase self-esteem is that you should never compare yourself with other people. Don’t look at your neighbor who married an oligarch, or your classmate who received a high position in the largest clinic in the city. All this has nothing to do with you. Understand that these people have their own lives, with their own problems. It is possible that they are unhappy. And yet, you should constantly remind yourself that there are a huge number of people in this world who have achieved more than you, but no less than those who have nothing compared to you. All people are very different. Look around: perhaps someone is looking at you with enthusiastic eyes, wanting to live your life, which you do not value.
How can a woman gain self-confidence?
Many women cannot arrange their personal life. Psychologists believe that this is due to lack of self-confidence. They also have tips on how to increase self-esteem and love themselves. To begin with, it should be said that women are more emotional than men. That is why they tend to have complexes because of their shortcomings. In addition, women are more suggestible and trusting. Prone to resentment and depression. It should be noted that there are many ways to increase your self-esteem that apply exclusively to the female sex. Nothing cheers you up more than a trip to your favorite store, a beautiful hairstyle or a new dress. For a representative of the fair sex, it is enough to understand that she is beautiful, and then the whole world will fall at her feet. Life will take on colors and love will bloom.
Dear ladies, remember: in order to please men, you must love yourself. It doesn't take much. Go to a beauty salon and a party. Have a blast, throw out all your emotions. Join a dance group, fitness class or yoga class. There you will be able to take a fresh look at yourself and your body, and notice something in yourself that you had not noticed before. Sport helps relieve stress, and physical activity improves your mood. Don't forget that you will also get a beautiful figure if you attend classes regularly, and this is important.
Sometimes men wonder how to increase a woman’s self-esteem. They can only be advised to do one thing: compliment their lovers more often. It is very important. A woman should feel desired and loved. Only then can she feel truly happy. If a man wants his beloved to feel comfortable, he should give nice gifts from time to time, for example, a subscription to a fitness club, spa treatments or massage. Now men know how to increase a girl’s self-esteem. Once you start paying attention to your loved one, she will change. And as a sign of gratitude, he will do whatever you wish.
How to gain self-confidence after a separation or divorce?
For a woman, a divorce from a man or separation from a loved one never passes without a trace. Family life is very important for both sides, it cannot simply be taken and crossed out. Scars remain in the soul that take a long time to heal. Women are more susceptible to divorce. From an early age, girls were taught the idea that they were the keepers of the hearth. That is why a broken marriage is perceived by a woman as her own fault. If the reason for the divorce was the husband’s infidelity, self-esteem falls through the roof. The thought that the opponent turned out to be better settles into my head. This is actually not true. It's just that men are always looking for variety. There are also those who need to constantly feel the taste of risk. They do not take relationships seriously and are only looking for passion. Why do you need a man who doesn't respect you?
Self-love is the key to happiness and success
In order to get the treasured key, you need to follow a very simple technique on how to increase self-esteem after a breakup. Her main goal is introspection. Sit down and think about what worries you most. Ask yourself specific questions that you have long dreamed of getting answers to. Then turn off your thoughts and try to listen to your inner voice. Psychologists say that the answers to questions lie within ourselves. If you don't succeed the first time, don't despair, try again. Your main task is to turn off thoughts.
In order to forget a person, it is enough to forgive. It's easier than you think. Lie on the floor, stretch your legs and close your eyes. Scroll through your head a situation that is unpleasant to you. Try to change it and mentally express what is boiling in you. Then imagine telling the person that you forgive him. Always repeat to yourself that marriage is not just a fragment of life, it is a source of experience. Thank the Universe for giving you the chance to experience what you have experienced in life and overcome all difficulties. Once you put things in order in your head, you will no longer have to watch movies and read books about how to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will simply know that every question has its own answer, which is in your soul.
Success Diary
In order to become happy, you need to constantly record your achievements on paper. Write down compliments you've received, pleasant encounters with friends, and how great you look today. You can write whatever you want there. Celebrate the little things. Time will pass, and you will re-read what you wrote with a smile and pride.
Wish card
A wish map will help answer the question of how to increase a woman’s self-esteem. Take whatman paper and stick your photo in the middle. Cut out beautiful pictures from different magazines and paste them next to your portrait. They are supposed to symbolize success, happiness, health, wealth and beauty. Hang the poster directly on the wall. When you wake up in the morning, you will look at him and smile. A wish map is a model of your ideal life. After some time, dreams will begin to come true.
How can a man become more confident?
Men also suffer from low self-esteem, however, unlike women, they do not always show it. They are not characterized by weakness and expression of emotions. In order to answer the question of how to increase a man’s self-esteem, you must first delve into the essence of the problem. Think about when a turning point occurred in your life and what contributed to it. Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Try to look at yourself from the outside. Once you understand what exactly you did wrong, you can move on. Don't beat yourself up too much. Just try to soberly assess the situation. Now let's move on to specific tips and recommendations on how to increase a guy's self-esteem.
What does a man need to become confident?
- Intelligence. Develop yourself. Read more books, be interested in what is happening in the world. Chat with smart people. A smart man always stands out from the crowd.
- Sport. Join the gym, take up swimming, basketball or football. The main thing is to exercise regularly. As a result, you will not only get rid of depression, but also gain a beautiful body. Just imagine how you will catch the admiring glances of women!
- Hobbies. Find a hobby where you can express yourself to the fullest. Start doing something with your own hands, for example, assembling ship models or making furniture. If you are a creative person, painting is just what you need. Don't be afraid to experiment on yourself and try something new. You ask: “How to increase a man’s self-esteem with a hobby?” Very simple. Self-esteem depends on the results of your work. The main thing is to do what you really like.
By observing all these points, you can easily not only raise your self-esteem, but also grow in the eyes of the people around you. The main thing is not to put everything off until tomorrow. We live here and now - remember this.
Many men feel inadequate because they did not feel their father's shoulder in childhood. Women often ask psychologists the same question: “How to increase my husband’s self-esteem?” It is necessary to find him a mentor who will serve as an example. For some it is a faithful friend, for others it is a father. If your lover does not have anyone who could give advice in difficult times, try to find such a person. Even a gym trainer can act as a mentor.
We form our own self-esteem. The main thing is to love yourself and set a goal. You will succeed!
