A person’s life is a series of “white” and “black” stripes, which are not without awkward moments. Unpleasant situations are created by attackers trying to demonstrate to society the shortcomings of their opponent. Excessive curiosity of friends or the intrusiveness of a boss who is interested in your fate - provocative questions accompany a person throughout the entire “path”. To assess the extent of your interlocutors’ lack of education or desire to do harm, you need to familiarize yourself with the traditional set of phrases that confuse people.
When will you be asked to get married? Why did you divorce? How much do you earn? How are you feeling? Are you planning to have children soon? Where did you study? How much did you spend on your vacation? How did you earn money for a premium car? At such moments, a single thought hovers in a person’s mind: “How to avoid answering an unpleasant question?”
If you do not care about the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor, then it is recommended to directly inform him of your lack of desire to continue the conversation
How not to offend a person with your answer?
Often awkward questions are asked by work partners or older people you respect. What to do in such a situation? Showing aggression, voicing or avoiding an answer is an inappropriate solution, because you will show disrespect for your interlocutor. Psychologists advise following three rules that help change the course of events without revealing your own dissatisfaction with what is happening:
- Change the topic of conversation without attaching importance to the question asked.
— I think I saw you at a restaurant this weekend. You said you'd be busy, didn't you?
— I have such a standard type of appearance that people constantly confuse me with someone else. What kind of restaurant was this? Tell me, please. It's interesting to know which establishments I prefer to visit.
- Answer generally so that the interlocutor does not notice the catch.
—You don’t know anything about the abolition of serfdom in Rus'?
- Why do you think so? The scale of history Russian Federation capture the imagination of foreigners. Is it possible that a native resident might not know about such an event? I just have no desire to remember the difficult times for the state, sorry.
- Imagine the situation they are trying to put you in from a different perspective.
— Do you always spend so much time completing a simple task?
— Work should be assessed not by the number of minutes, but by the quality of the result!
By following simple rules, you can correctly and constructively answer a question of interest to your interlocutor, without offending him. This format of communication will not harm your reputation, because you participate in the dialogue, independently choosing the vector of the conversation.
Visually showing dissatisfaction with a question is not a practical solution. The interlocutor will only increase the pressure put on you by adding 2-3 more caustic phrases to the words spoken.
Methods for avoiding answering incorrect questions
Dialogue is the art of building communication with a person, where one awkward phrase can destroy self-confidence. Without taking into account, it is recommended to treat the spoken words with full responsibility. Careless expression becomes the reason conflict situation, and timely delivery is an effective prerequisite for friendly relations. To avoid unpleasant situations by correctly avoiding impolite questions, be guided in conversations by the following rules:
- “Cut off” the interlocutor’s statement, letting him realize that you do not want to continue the conversation on such topics.
- Ask a counter question to divert the “opponent’s” attention from your personality, taking extra time to understand the answer.
- Pretend to be filled with confidence that you did not hear the phrase spoken to you, leaving it unattended.
- Parry an unpleasant question with wit and humor, enlisting the audience's support for your joke.
- If you have the gift of eloquence, then do not hesitate to answer the question. Just start the story with the phrase: “In my childhood...”, preparing the interlocutor for a detailed story.
- Pour the “water” without avoiding participation in the conversation, which takes on a completely different format.
- To a specific question addressed to you, ask a lot of counter, clarifying phrases, confusing your interlocutor.
- Ask an interested person about the prerequisites for the emergence of such a formulation. Ask about his intentions, distracting him from the unpleasant dialogue.
- Focus on the vocabulary present in the question, ask the “opponent” about the reason for his use of such speech patterns.
- If you are not deprived of acting talent, then play a depressed hero from the dramatic works of William Shakespeare. To be or not to be?
- Ignore the person whose question makes you uncomfortable.
In an unpleasant dialogue, there are faithful “helpers” who confuse the enemy. Don't let your interlocutor be convinced of your competence. Do not show your fears by preventing attacks from a person who is determined to put you in an awkward situation. Social memory is a long-lasting phenomenon, which means it will be extremely difficult to change existing stereotypes about you. It is more rational to prevent such a development of events by following the above recommendations.
If the interlocutor, in response to a counter question, expresses a desire to continue the discussion, then say without any doubt that you are not interested in the development of events. A direct answer of this kind will put a person trying to convict you of something into a stupor.
Universal answer options
Situations in life are different, so people should have universal answers to unpleasant questions prepared. Such phrases will help maintain self-esteem without questioning society’s impeccable reputation. Dealing with stress in exciting moments will become easier, because you will always have 2-3 well-thought-out answers for unfriendly interlocutors:
- You are an amazing person personal qualities whom I admire endlessly! Is the ability to ask rhetorical questions your innate talent?
- For what purposes are you interested?
- You really know how to ask a question that confuses your interlocutor! How to learn this art of dialogue? Would you mind sharing?
- I already have an answer to the question you are interested in, but first I want to be curious: Why do you need this information?
- Do you insist on this format of conversation? I have no desire to discuss such topics.
- I'm sure you know the answer to this question.
When building a dialogue with a person who wants to put you in an awkward situation, prefer to remain calm and decisive. The interlocutor, who has not noticed the opponent’s fear, will slow down, abandoning the strategy of passive aggression. Remember that only the ability to maintain self-esteem, supported by charisma, allows you to achieve social recognition, withstanding attacks from competitors.
To prevent impolite or unpleasant questions from knocking you out of your usual “rut,” strive to peace of mind. Inner harmony is the key to decent behavior in stressful situations. It is not surprising that attackers approach balanced and self-confident people with incorrect questions much less often.
Few people love when others are too interested in their lives. The curiosity of strangers is hardly pleasant, especially in cases where there is nothing to boast about. But even if there is a reason to boast about success, not everyone wants to do it, fearing that their outpourings will only cause envy. However, curious acquaintances sometimes do not need frank conversations because they have the ability to find out all the information of interest themselves - through other people you trust or even from yourself - with hints, or even direct questions, which are impossible not to answer. Naturally, such interference is unpleasant for you, but how can you resist curiosity?Why do they need this?
First of all, you want understand What could be so interesting about your life for others, since they ask so persistently about it? The answer is simple - basic curiosity, searching for topics for gossip, comparison with your life, which gives reason to either envy or gloat.There are also cases when Human He may ask you a question just to keep the conversation going, and without any intention of offending you. And only in such a situation can an inappropriate one be excused.
Don't give a reason
First of all try do not give rise to questions and gossip. If you would like to hide your salary from your colleagues, do not drop hints that it is more than theirs. But, at the same time, you shouldn’t be too secretive - this way you will inflame curiosity even more. It follows from this that your life should be visible, but without details. For example, the boss wants to promote you - until the order comes out - you can keep silent about it, but when you are officially promoted - tell your colleagues about it.Avoid answering
When you are talking about something ask, and you don’t want to answer questions, just avoid answering, for example, say that you need to call, or even just remain silent, as if you didn’t hear the question. A very effective weapon is to turn the arrows on your opponent. For example, a colleague asks you if you and your husband are going to the south, and you absolutely don’t want to tell her about your plans. You say: “How are you going to spend your vacation?” In short, try to simply change the topic of conversation to your colleague. Curious people often like to talk about themselves, sometimes thinking thereby to force their interlocutor to be frank. Therefore, you have the opportunity to avoid answering. Humor also works well in such moments. Let's say you are asked if you want a second child. And you say: “I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to the stork yet.”
Particularly difficult have to when questions are asked in front of other people. And if you couldn’t immediately come up with a worthy answer, just remain silent. Those around you will understand that it is not you who find yourself in an awkward situation, but the one who asked something inappropriate. And all their attention will turn in a different direction, and you will be able to shift the topic of conversation with dignity.
If you see that the questions asked questions have the goal of hurting you, let the offender know that you not only see his intentions, but are also able to stand up for yourself, but pretend that this is happening by chance - you’re just sharp. For example, they ask you how you always manage to look great; you probably don’t get enough sleep because you need to put on makeup. And you can say: “Yes, you can’t do it without difficulty, you know - for the sake of your waist, you’ve been on a diet for several months now.” After several such phrases, your friends will no longer want to ask you about anything.
Resist revelation
Sometimes acquaintances or Colleagues, seeing your tear-stained (or, conversely, joyful) eyes, they may begin to express participation, accompanying it with calls to say what’s the matter. After all, they will certainly be able to listen and give advice. Don't let yourself be caught by this bait. If you really cried, say that it’s an allergy to the new shadows; if you’re upset, explain that you just didn’t get enough sleep or you’re not in the mood; if you’re happy, say that you heard a very funny joke in a taxi. And no matter how bad or good you feel, do not give in to the desire to listen to you - if you even give a hint, you will not only spur curiosity, but will undoubtedly tell you everything. Therefore, if you understand that you might spill the beans, it is better to quickly get away from your nosy acquaintance.Question for psychologists
Hello! I would really like to know how to answer questions about personal life and work so that people don’t pester you with detailed questions?
Due to poor health and chronic illnesses, it is very difficult for me to work outside the home, so I chose the best option for myself to work on the Internet. But I am asked again and again why I “don’t work” and “stay at home.” Also, due to poor health, I know for sure that I will not be able to raise a child, what can I say, sometimes I don’t even have enough strength for myself. But they don’t lag behind with the questions “when will I get married?” and “when are you going to give birth?”, “why aren’t you married yet?”
I haven’t been bothered by these questions before, I always answered and continue to answer honestly, as is. But with each month and with each new question about work and family, I simply don’t know what to do... I tried not to answer anything at all, to change the topic, to say openly that I would not touch on such topics, but still the same thing . People don’t seem to hear me, as if they are under a spell, replaying all the same questions on repeat... What can be done and where to look for your mistake?
4 pieces of advice were received - consultations from psychologists, to the question: What to do with questions about personal matters?
Hello, Nadezhda!
The more you worry about your work and personal life, the more questions others will ask about these topics. This is how the Universe forces you to deal with the problems that really concern you.
Probably, deep down in your heart you think that you are not working and sitting at home. When you come to the feeling that working on the Internet is the same job as any other, accept it and calm down, other people will stop asking you about it. And if they ask, you will either calmly answer them that it is your choice, or refuse to discuss this topic.
The same applies to your personal life. The questions will end when you either change something or accept everything as it is.
If you need help, please contact us. You can work via Skype.
Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, consulting psychologist, St. Petersburg
Good answer 6 Bad answer 3Hello, Nadezhda,
Tactfulness is not the strong point of people in the post-Soviet space :) besides, such questions probably seem to your friends a good way to maintain a conversation with a person about whom little is known. Your decision on what to do in these situations does not have to be the same for everyone. It will probably be different for each person asking. Whoever is closer can talk about the intricacies of work, which looks like “staying at home” and about health problems. So that next time they can ask about health and work. With others, clearly defend your boundaries, an arsenal of defense: from humor to rudeness. But stopping other people’s questions is not in your power, it is a given of existing social norms, you can only partially protect yourself from importunity. It is really surprising that you look for your mistake in the fact that people ask you about something. These are other people with all their history, unpredictability and upbringing. Your area of responsibility is your reaction (minimally traumatic for you personally), and not their questions.
Sincerely,
Olga Dorofeeva, psychoanalyst in St. Petersburg
Good answer 8 Bad answer 0 
Nadezhda, hello! I read your letter and thought about why it is important for you to convey truthful information to those who ask. For what? Your detailed answers about the reasons why you work at home and do not go to “service” every day are very similar to an excuse. Do you really think that you are doing something wrong? It seems to me that there are two parts. First, this is what I’m writing about, it’s about your resilience: “I live the way I can and want! And this is my choice!” And the second part, what happens to you when other people so unceremoniously violate your boundaries? You’re angry, but for some reason you’re afraid to tell people that it’s none of their business, that you don’t like it when they ask you such questions. Why can it be so difficult to express anger? The fact is that people don’t see their aggression, it looks like CARE! It seems to me that it is important for you to regain your right to be angry, and everything will fall into place. And accept your own choice. As for your health, I sympathize. Only you are young, and everything can still change. I wish you health, happiness, interesting work And interesting people near. Sincerely. WITH.
Androsova Sofia Izmailovna, psychologist, Ufa
Good answer 4 Bad answer 2Good afternoon, Nadezhda! It's surprising that they ask you this way. This means that people see in you that you are capable of more and deserve more. Maybe it’s too early to stop yourself, taking a position that seems comfortable to you. Maybe it’s worth making plans a little higher than the bar that you have now set for yourself? What is your name - Nadezhda, as if it was specially given to you so that you would not lose it? Wish you happiness!
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“Why aren’t you married?”, “how much do you earn?”, “who will you vote for?” - these and other similar tactless questions make many of us shudder. What to do if your interlocutor asks a question, but you don’t want to or simply can’t answer it?
website will tell you about 9 ways to gracefully avoid answering. And the bonus at the end of the article will tell you what to do if you come across an annoying interlocutor for whom these tricks do not work.
1. Ask clarifying questions
To pull the rug out from under your interlocutor’s feet, ask him clarifying questions, and the more there are, the better. When answering them, he will get confused and lose the thread of the conversation. The main thing is to ask questions with a serious expression on your face so that your interlocutor does not feel there is a trick. By the way, if you are talking with someone who is not very close to you, you can refuse to answer questions about salary or work in general, citing trade secrets.
2. Give a compliment
Compliments related to the question you were asked will look simpler and more natural. For example, if you were asked about children, praise the interlocutor’s child or grandchild. And add some general answer - “everything has its time,” “as soon as possible,” “it’s not up to me,” and so on. People like compliments and at the same time they are a little embarrassed. Therefore, the interlocutor is unlikely to develop the topic further. The main thing is that the praise corresponds to the true state of affairs, otherwise your compliment will be perceived as sarcasm.
3. Clarify the reason for the question
Ask your interlocutor what prompted him to ask the question, and after answering, continue to develop this topic. For example, suggest one reason or another for the question. Thus, the conversation will change direction, and the uncomfortable question will remain unanswered.
4. Answer with a joke
You can laugh off an inappropriate question in cases where when there is confidence that the joke will be understood and appreciated. This method works best in a large group, because the more people there are, the higher the likelihood that someone will laugh and tell another joke in response, thereby saving you from having to answer the question.
5. Start pouring water
This method is often used by politicians and various public figures. As a result, the interlocutor seems to receive an answer to his question, but he will not be able to say exactly what exactly was answered. The method is ideal for people whose strong point is eloquence.
6. Answer a question with a question
Another favorite technique of politicians and other persons with high social status. This method is used quite often, which is why it often causes irritation. Therefore, it is better to use it only in exceptional cases.
7. Show off your intelligence
The method is useful if knowledge allows you to develop a deep discussion on the topic you set. A large number of really interesting facts can distract even the most annoying interlocutor from the question asked.
8. Reframe the question
The point of this method is to make the interlocutor feel the absurdity and inappropriateness of his question. It is important not to overdo it with sarcasm,otherwise the interlocutor may be offended. Remember, your goal is to maintain this person's goodwill (as long as he doesn't ask inappropriate questions too often, of course).
Confidence in the decision taken- the main thing that is necessary to part with the least losses.
Breaking up a relationship very rarely goes smoothly and calmly. It would seem like a real problem if someone leaves you - there is an aggravation of all imaginable complexes, and a sea of tears of loneliness, and a feeling of abandonment. But the truth is that the “throwing” side is also not easy, and she may experience no less painful feelings, supported by complex doubts and tossing. Moreover, it is these feelings and doubts that can keep a couple in a painful, unnecessary and often long-dead relationship for months and years. Just think about it - months and years of living in torment! What is the most beautiful and least painful way for everyone to get out of a once significant relationship?
"CUT WITHOUT WAITING FOR PERITONITIS!"
The breakup formula sounds simple: If you have finally decided to break up, you need to calmly inform your partner about your decision. At first glance, this advice is from the category of “Captain Obvious”. But in fact, every word in it is mega-important, and problems arise if and only if at least one of the parts of this thesis is underestimated. Let's go through them.
1. “Finally decided” - this is fundamental. If you still have doubts, hesitate, weigh arguments, and are ready to change your mind at any moment, you shouldn’t start such a conversation. First, clearly define your desires, and only then raise the question.
I'm not talking now about situations where the only purpose of the conversation is manipulation. To use the threat of leaving to get what you want from your partner, to sort things out, to escalate the situation, to attract attention, but at the same time not to break up. This is different! It's about only about those circumstances when the relationship is not satisfactory, and you understand that you want to break up. And if you have already decided, then neither pangs of conscience, nor promises to love until the grave, nor a sense of duty, nor the opinion of your mother and friends should outweigh your decision to live the way you think is right for yourself, your desire to be happy and end a painful relationship. Listen carefully to everyone, thank them - and do what you think is right for yourself. In the vast majority of cases this is the most the right decision for you and the entire system of your relationships at this stage of life.
Remember that no matter what your life together is, there will always be arguments in favor of not changing anything. I came across cases where clients’ husbands dunked the child’s head in the toilet as punishment, cheated on them weekly, beat the woman herself, or used hard drugs - and even in these situations, women managed to doubt the need for a breakup and experienced the agony of choice.
I deliberately dwell for so long on the first key words of the thesis. Confidence in the decision made is the main thing for the separation to occur with the least possible losses.
Long painful conversations, tears, hesitations, returns and useless walking back and forth - all this is the result of your internal fluctuations.
DECIDED - EVERYTHING!
2. “Calmly inform” - that’s exactly it. Don’t ask, don’t apologize, don’t make excuses, don’t beg, don’t be offended, don’t blame, don’t make a scandal, don’t throw a tantrum for convincing. Don't mumble guiltily. Do not blame for all mortal sins.
Sometimes it is worth communicating in writing (if your partner poses a threat to you, is unstable, or has avoided meeting many times).
Better - in conversation. Yes, it is always very difficult. And, like any difficult conversation, you need to prepare for this.
First of all - emotionally. Secondly, it’s meaningful.
Here are some markers emotional readiness. Calm confidence deep inside, even if there is superficial jitters. Associated feelings. Admit that yes, you may feel regret. Of course, it’s a pity for plans, dreams, expectations. And breaking attachments is painful. Sadness. Accept this: if the relationship is valuable and there was good in it, it is sad to leave. But even such relationships sometimes end. A feeling of relief and the rightness of what you are about to do.
Now about content readiness.
Knowledge of manipulation hooks. You should have a rough idea of what your partner can put pressure on and what your weak points are. Consider your reaction. Protect yourself. If necessary, consult with a lawyer to understand the consequences of the breakup. Sobriety and common sense will help you. Important: fear of loneliness, self-pity, guilt, etc. should not interfere with moving on. If they block the path to a calm exit from an oppressive relationship, go to a psychologist. Work with fears and complexes.
3. “Partner” – one more thing keyword in the message. It is very important to realize and at the breakup stage to constantly remember that you lived and are now breaking up with an adult, equal, sexually mature partner, who bears full responsibility for his life and partial responsibility for what happened to the relationship.
"He will be lost without me"- this is how a nursing mother can talk about her baby.
"He has nowhere to live"- another phrase from the mother’s vocabulary.
"I swore to him at the altar"- we are all blinded by hormones in the first months of a relationship and are not able to think soberly, and in later life, alas, anything can happen.
"He is so good"- Well, you will be friends.
"I'll break his heart"- As a rule, people cope with breakups. They rarely commit suicide or end up in a psychiatric hospital after this. Don't underestimate your partner's resilience. And if there are serious reasons to doubt it, contact a specialist.
And it is also important to understand: how your partner will cope with the situation, how quickly he will find a girlfriend, how he will live later and what he will do without you is none of your business. This is his life. His part of the situation. Yes, often this is a big mental problem and difficulty. But they meet on the path of an adult, including to overcome and grow. It is much worse to get stuck in infantile codependency and regret your indecisiveness all your life.
I think you have already understood the importance of a calm attitude towards the situation and a sober look on a partner. They will play the main role in the finale of your story, and in the decisive conversation you will broadcast a thousand subtle signals: “goodbye” or “oh, I don’t know!”
A breakup is a very emotional and painful stage in a relationship. No matter how hard you try, emotions will still come and influence you and your behavior. Therefore, it is so important to keep them under control, calm down, tune in, prepare, understand why and what to say. Remember that gratitude, a feeling of family, sadness are also not uncommon... But even they should not get bogged down for a long time, indulging in memories of shared joys, if you really want a break. Thank your partner for everything. Wish you happiness. And move on.
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