Every year, humanity complains more and more about the fact that it lacks communication. People have come up with many ways to combat loneliness. But the problem still remains acute. The saddest thing in this story is that the person feels lonely surrounded by a huge number of people. Unfortunately, the situation is not changing for the better. Experienced specialists suggest finding out why this happens.
Loneliness among people
It’s very strange to hear, but most of all, it’s those who live in a huge metropolis who really lack communication. It has been noticed that residents of small villages do not have such problems, since they have known each other since childhood and, in fact, live as one big family. When, after graduating from school, a guy or girl decides to go to university big city, they very quickly find friends and like-minded people.
First of all, this happens because the same visitors as themselves live in the hostel. And only after graduation can these people truly understand that they lack communication (if during this time they fail to acquire a family or real friends).
A radically opposite situation arises with residents of a big city. They live in their own apartments and have little contact with each other (some don't even know their neighbors). When the period of graduation and growing up comes, a lack of communication appears. Everyone is running about their business, solving private problems and not paying attention to anyone. This is how it turns out that a person remains lonely even when he has many acquaintances.
Types of communication deficits
American psychotherapist Eric Berne called it famine in the middle of the last century. And this is fraught. According to his theory, a person who lacks communication can develop severe forms of mental illness. Modern scientists also agreed with Berne and identified the main types of communicative hunger. Let's take a closer look.
Types of lack of communication:
- Hunger for stimulation. This is a lack of verbal communication when a person is forced to be alone for some time. Eric Berne has proven that even a few days of complete isolation can lead to negative changes. And the more time a person spends alone, the worse the manifestation of changes will be. This problem is especially relevant for parents who do not pay enough attention to their children or simply leave them in the maternity hospital. Most often, in adulthood such a person will not be able to fully adapt to society.
- Hunger for recognition. A person experiences this feeling when he finds himself in a foreign place. He is surrounded by many people, but he does not see familiar faces, so he cannot contact them. This is especially felt when moving to another country, where the lack of communication is aggravated by the lack of knowledge of the language. As a result of the hunger for recognition, deep depression can develop.
- Hunger to satisfy the needs for quality communication. It's about about formal relationships at work or in any official field of activity. The question arises why there is not enough communication if you can contact your colleagues. The answer is obvious: a person has no friends or like-minded people, and formal dialogues and cold phrases do not allow one to fully enjoy simple live relationships.
- Hunger for events. This type is characterized by a situation where people work in the same team and gradually begin to get bored with the monotony and lack of variety. They come up with imaginary incredible events, weave intrigues, and spread gossip. This situation is not exemplary, but it is necessary for men and women (equally) for psychological release.
- Hunger for recognition. This situation is familiar to almost all people, since everyone strives to get their own piece of worthy appreciation. Only for each individual the dimensions and criteria of this recognition differ significantly. An example is a famous artist who was popular in his youth, but later became forgotten by everyone. Sometimes people with similar ambitions lose their health or become victims of addictions.
Thirst for change
There is a situation when a person outwardly looks successful, because he has many acquaintances, a normal job, and smooth relationships with close people. In this case, where does the annoying thought come from: “There is not enough communication, what should I do?” Very often the reason for this state lies on the surface: the person is overcome by elementary boredom. Monotonous life, constantly flashing faces, monotonous work lead to the idea of a lack of communication. Everything is so boring that I don’t even want to talk to anyone.
In this case, it is recommended to change the situation. Maybe it’s worth finding a different place to live, new friends, and inventing a new hobby. Any changes will be beneficial, since new information will appear, and the old problem will disappear forever.
Attention deficit
Some individuals lack communication with people due to a lack of basic attention. One person is content with communicating with a narrow circle of close people, another lacks round-the-clock contact with large audience. He constantly craves new acquaintances and dreams of compliments, applause and admiration addressed to him. This is an absolutely normal situation, since all people have different temperaments. Those who lack recognition must change their lives so that they can become the center of attention. A smart decision would be to enroll in a drama school, take personal lessons, excel in your hobbies, attend more parties or organize them at home.
Lack of happiness in personal life
It is because of problems in the family that people most often feel lonely. There are so many people around, many good friends, colleagues, relatives, but your loved one is missing. In this situation, there is only one way out: to look for your soulmate. As soon as it appears, the feeling of loneliness will disappear without a trace.
Bad habits
Usually there is not enough live communication for those who have bad habits. This problem is especially relevant for people who depend on a computer. Constantly spending time in front of the monitor takes you away from reality. A person lives the life of his characters, communicates virtually with others, stops voicing his thoughts, conveying them using letters and numbers. This isolation leads to a lack of communication. An adult becomes like a child who lives in a world of illusions. This situation leads to severe mental disorders because to the human body live contacts and emotions are needed. Experts recommend not to overuse new technologies and use gadgets in moderation.
Heavy character
People with this problem also lack communication. If a person is too closed, has a pessimistic attitude, does not trust anyone and deliberately does not make contact, sooner or later a lack of communication will arise in his life. People are afraid to deal with incomprehensible, secretive personalities. It is enough to misbehave a few times and you will get the impression of an unbearable character. Introverts and phlegmatic people should try to have more contact with people; over time they will learn to do this correctly.
“There is not enough communication while on maternity leave, what should I do?” is a question that concerns almost all young mothers. Women face this problem immediately after childbirth or some time later. There is no need to dramatize the situation, because maternity leave allows you to get your baby back on his feet and return to his previous physical shape. To avoid getting bored, you need to take the advice of experts:
- Don't try to be perfect. If the status has changed, this does not mean that responsibilities and excessive demands have increased. There is no need to try to do everything, you need to give yourself time to recuperate after childbirth.
- Don't focus solely on the child. If a mother devotes her time only to the baby, she will have problems in her personal and social life. And the baby will grow up spoiled, which will have a detrimental effect on his future fate.
- Take time for yourself. If a mother takes care of herself, her husband, her child, and everyone around her will like it.
- Communicate more. You shouldn’t sit within four walls, you need to go out and contact people. This way you can get a lot of positive emotions and make new friends.
- Going out into the world without a child. It will be great if young parents do not forget about spending time together. It is also useful for a young mother to sometimes go to a friend's house or go shopping.
- Involve your husband and relatives in caring for the child. If there is not enough communication while on maternity leave, you need to allow yourself to rest or do what you love. After all, not only the mother is obliged to care for the baby, the father and other relatives will do it with pleasure.
- Raise your intellectual and spiritual level. This is the most important thing that can be advised, because personal growth will depend on further fate families. If mom doesn't lag behind the times, it will raise her self-esteem, which will have a positive effect on her psychological state.
- Learn to dream. Having given birth to a child, the woman has already fulfilled main goal own life. But this is just the beginning, because from this period all the fun begins. A representative of the fair sex needs to indulge in dreams in order to make promising plans for her future life.
Older people often complain about a lack of communication. They strive to communicate and are ready to do this around the clock, but relatives perceive this as an intrusiveness. Experts give important advice that will help solve all problems. You just need to create a circle of like-minded people. This will happen as soon as a person finds something to his liking. It is necessary to join a community of interests, attend social events, and come up with interesting joint activities with your neighbors.
The idea that a person is lonely is more than erroneous. If such a feeling is present, it means that he simply does not want to communicate with others. You need to understand yourself, understand the reasons for your melancholy and actively engage in battle with a pessimistic attitude. You just have to look around and a huge number of people will immediately respond and want to be nearby.
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The intelligence level (IQ) of Albert Einstein is 170, Stephen Hawking is 160, Ashton Kutcher is 160, Natalie Portman is 140. It seems that the smartest people do not have any special problems and are truly happy. But, as it turns out, happiness is a rare life companion for exceptionally smart people, and here’s why.
website loves to understand issues that haunt many people. Especially for you, we found the reasons that prevent smart person don't feel lonely, unhappy and lost.
10. They constantly analyze everything
Smart people clearly know what they want. They often look at the world idealistically, and it is difficult for them to give up their expectations. This prevents them from receiving satisfaction from life and feeling happy, and the reality of the world around them often only causes disappointment.
Every person wants understanding in close relationships. But it is very difficult for smart people to speak openly with their interlocutor: they are often not understood. They want to talk about important and significant events, and it is rare that they meet like-minded people. According to scientists, people with high IQs often experience socialization even more painfully than loneliness.
Try to reconsider your environment: get rid of the company of people who pull you to the bottom or empty you internally. Find ways to make new acquaintances with people whose company you long for. Appreciate loved ones who truly love you - this is The best way get rid of feelings of unhappiness, says psychologist David G. Myers.
7. Many smart people suffer from psychological problems
Many scientific works confirm that intellectuals often suffer from mental disorders. Scientists have not identified a direct relationship, but the fact remains. The habit of constant analysis leads to frequent reflections on life, death and the meaning of existence. All this in most cases ends in depression.
Help others more often, even strangers. Research has shown that people who support others experience a sense of inner harmony much more often than those who ignore other people's problems. In addition, this is an excellent reason to take a break from constant thoughts and gloomy thoughts.
6. They strive to meet the expectations of others
The academic success of such people in the future brings with them ever greater expectations of those around them. Such a burden often turns out to be an unbearable burden, especially for gifted children who are deprived of their childhood early.
Excessive focus on ourselves, worry about how we look in the eyes of others prevent us from living and enjoying ourselves. Try to treat study and work as a game: get fully involved in the process and try not to focus on the result, advises famous psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi .
5. They rarely make rational decisions.
As research has shown, intellectuals make mistakes in life just as often as everyone else. “People with above-average IQs engage in irrational behavior, are more likely to make mistakes, and rely on intuition,” the authors say.
Scientist Igor Grosman of the University of Waterloo suggests talking about your problems in the third person (changing “he” or “she” to “I”) to distance yourself emotionally, reduce bias, and find wiser solutions.
Writer Paul Hudson breaks stereotypes to smithereens and puts everything into perspective about “missing” someone!
Are people even capable of getting bored? Or do we simply lack memories of certain people? Perhaps we miss the feelings we felt when we were close to a specific person? Let's try to figure this issue out together now.
You may think that missing someone and missing the memories of someone are the same thing, but in reality, this is far from the case. To be honest, we are almost incapable of loving someone for who they really are. Yes, and miss this particular person, perhaps, too.
In fact, we love and value people not as they are, but as we can imagine them to be - which, in turn, depends on how well we know them. And although such an explanation cannot reassure us, it still gives food for thought to our mind: “why are our emotions, and especially the feeling of love, sometimes so changeable”?
People are bound to have their own conclusions after communicating with other people. It is in our nature, and we are unlikely to ever be able to change it. And when making conclusions about another person, we thereby create in our mind a set of ideas about this person. And as our relationship with him develops, we gradually adjust these ideas at the right moment for us.
However, sometimes it happens that in specific life circumstances our ideas about this person have little in common with reality - and this often leads to the fact that, having achieved the attention of the object of our love, we soon lose interest in him.
We stop loving a person whom we thought we knew inside and out, precisely because we are faced with reality, and not with our fantasy, and this is far from the same thing. People pass information about other people through the prism of their perception - this is why memories of a particular person can give us a distorted idea of him. And by “reviving” these memories, we introduce additional deformation into them. People are very, very complex individuals.
Sometimes our memories of a person capture him as he really is—or at least as he once was. But at heart we are all incorrigible romantics.
We prefer to remember the feelings we experience in the presence of this or that person, rather than remembering the events themselves.
We focus our attention on strong (and usually pleasant) emotions, allowing them to cloud our memory of that person.
But it also happens that we are not deceiving ourselves at all. Sometimes we really have every reason to miss someone. Unfortunately, the opposite is just as likely. It is very possible that what you are missing is not a specific person, but rather the ideal image of this person in your mind. This person could practically wipe his feet on you, but as soon as a couple of years pass, you will only remember the good things. This is a protective function of our memory.
You miss someone close to you, and this is quite understandable. People don't like being alone. Yes, some of us are better at it than others, but only out of necessity, not out of necessity. at will. There are no people who choose loneliness voluntarily - unless, of course, they are mentally normal.
Yes, we all like to be alone from time to time - but only from time to time. Sooner or later we become too sad and lonely, and we begin to look for at least someone with whom we could share our lives. This is natural, and you should not be ashamed of it. But what we should be ashamed of is longing for people who treated us in a completely inappropriate way. Yes, on special occasions (for example, on a birthday) they could act incredibly nice to us, but there weren’t really that many of these special occasions. Because otherwise they wouldn’t have to be called “special cases,” right?!
So, if you're longing for someone who constantly hurt you because they didn't care about you, take a deep breath, take a step back, and try to look at things realistically, without leaving any resentment or fantasy in your soul. only specific facts. You simply cannot afford to meekly endure all the antics of people who take advantage of you and treat you worse than you deserve. You just can’t – that’s all.
You only miss this person when you are alone. But there is actually a very simple way to see the difference between true love and everything else we mistake for it. And, if people feel like they are missing someone from the past, then most likely they are sad or lonely and nothing more, so let's not complicate our lives and look for new reasons for joy!?!
In those moments when we want to lean on someone, but there is no one nearby, we inevitably look into our past. But this is not love. This is a convulsive grasping at straws in an attempt to stay on the roof. When we reach a bad point in our lives, we don’t want to be alone - because if someone is with us, it will be much easier to endure adversity. We are all human, and therefore we tend to strive to simplify our lives. But this is not true love. This is the loneliness that plays on our nerves. It is this that twists our imagination to the maximum, feeding our memories with false feelings, mostly consisting of a fairly edited reality.
If you only miss someone when your life is going down, don't kid yourself. In fact, you don't need this person at all. But on the other hand, if thoughts about him do not leave you even in the happiest moments - well, congratulations, this person is really worth missing. If at this moment, looking at yourself from the outside, you, first of all, think “Oh, if only I could share this moment with this person”... well, then there can be no doubt - you really love him. After all, it’s not even the person himself that you miss. You miss yourself - the way you were in the company of this person.
When we look back and remember those we once loved, the things we experienced together, and the memories we shared... we are actually remembering ourselves. The way we were when we were together.
People are extremely self-centered. This is our nature. And since we can’t do anything about it, it’s worth accepting it - at least for the purpose of better understanding ourselves. We don’t remember the person we once loved because it’s simply impossible. After all, we never deal directly with the people around us. We interact with our ideas about these people. And these ideas are extremely changeable. We are quite capable, having climbed into the depths of our own memory, to change the way we perceive the people around us, as well as the feelings that we experience towards them.
But be that as it may, the fact remains: those things and people that we consider most important are precisely those things and people who have had the greatest impact on us and our lives. But this is exactly what most people forget: We remember not the people themselves, but how they influenced us. Yes, we remember their actions that caused certain emotions, but in fact, we are almost always interested in the result (those emotions), and not in what caused it.
So it turns out that we miss not even the person himself, but the reality in which we were thanks to his presence. We miss how we felt and who we were when we were with these people. And for good reason - after all, those “us” whom we miss were much better than us now, because now we are lonely, but this was not the case before.
Of course, this could just be a feeling of nostalgia playing out, but, be that as it may, this is exactly the reality in which we live - whether we like it or not. People are truly capable of loving the same person “until death do them part.” We are capable of yearning for him, and are quite capable of understanding what we lost when we parted. Yes, that's just it not all people, the ones we yearn for are indeed like that.
Much more often we waste our time, energy and emotions on people who do not deserve our attention. Learn to distinguish between real longing for the person without whom life is not sweet for you, from nostalgia for the old days - and your life will certainly change for the better.
Humans are by nature emotional and social, and therefore it is quite normal that we want attention and care, praise and approval from others and, especially, close people.
However, for some individuals, the desire to earn approval turns into a kind of cult, the most important goal in life. They study, work, build relationships based solely on what others think of them, how their work will be appreciated by someone and “what people will say.” Needless to say, this approach can cause serious harm, because here the thirst for attention and praise goes beyond the usual, and becoming a goal, interferes with a healthy attitude towards criticism, interaction with others, and building a life.
Lack of attention - a fictitious or real problem?
A person's greatest need for attention is between the ages of 3 and 5. It is during this period that adults not only provide food and warmth, but also fulfill many other whims of the child. Yes, small man can manipulate. This is normal for child psychology: the child does not yet know how he can get what he wants. However, it is strange to see a teenager who continues to beg for sweets or toys from his mother in the supermarket, gradually moving from “buy, please” to a hysterical “give.” This is exactly what happens with neurotics - they try in every possible way to “fish out” a share of attention, but if this fails, then they do not shy away from provocation or manipulation.
It seems to a person that he does not have enough attention, no one appreciates him. He deeply experiences this state of uselessness. However, in fact, he is in a kind of shell created by himself.
Lack of attention or fear of new things?
A person can deny everything, claiming that he is just experiencing a lack of attention. He even firmly believes in his uselessness. In fact, he himself is closed to everything new, and in particular he is greatly offended by any criticism, disapproval or even a hint of condemnation. Both approval and praise become indicators, indicators of the correctness of a person’s very personality. In the opposite case, if someone criticizes a neurotic, he receives a similar response.
Obviously, attention deficit syndrome has something in common with the fear of learning new things. A person can actively and enthusiastically study theory, but never get to practice, because practice is where we often get into trouble and are forced to face difficulties and problems in communicating with other people who are not always loyal to us. In this situation, neurotics are afraid of reality; it is easiest for them to avoid criticism and disagreement. The thirst for attention and praise can result in a serious problem that will require contacting a psychologist, since it will increasingly become a wall in the path of healthy relationships.
Is it possible to live with attention deficit disorder?
Of course, but the quality of life decreases, because people do not know how to be alone with themselves, without the need to feed their significance and importance. They cannot evaluate their work without external evaluation. They will not start a new relationship until they hear approval from friends or parents. They won’t agree to an interesting proposal until they get acquainted with the public’s opinion. Thus, the true attitude to what is happening is overshadowed by the imposed one. And this will certainly result in neuroses, anxiety and dissatisfaction with life that comes from out of nowhere.
What to do if you don't have enough attention?
If you feel that others are indifferent to you and do not appreciate what you do, think about possible reasons this. It is very easy for a neurotic to be around those who do not offend him, do not provoke him and encourage him in every possible way. However, a constant thirst for attention and praise is not a normal need for an adult. A mature man or woman is called upon not only to receive, but also to give attention to those in need: their children, elderly parents, work colleagues, friends. It is impossible to change a neurotic person if he does not want it himself. And until he sees the problem, any attempts to prove that an excessive thirst for attention and praise interferes with the life of not only him, but also those around him will be useless. For any changes in life, a person must be open to new things, and not hide behind the wall of his own beliefs.
Attention deficit disorder or how you are manipulated
Neurotics who lack recognition, gratitude and praise are usually pleasant, polite interlocutors. They are easy to talk to, polite and have good manners. Especially during the first communication.
However, the purpose of their communication is not always to receive joy. They use their interlocutor to stir up interest in their personality, to manipulate and receive another dose of praise and admiration. Of course, this cannot be done without fables, fictitious stories and far-fetched details. It is not uncommon among representatives of these types of people to have the so-called, whose goal is to achieve attention and praise from their interlocutor by any means necessary.
When a person lacks attention, he begins to wage a guerrilla war
If for some period of time a neurotic does not receive respect and recognition of his own importance, then he begins to be upset, angry, offended, and experience a feeling of uselessness, a feeling that he is being neglected.
In such cases, a person can either decide to open up to new things and stop being dependent on the next dose of praise, or.
A person suffering from attention deficit disorder will sooner or later give you a “bill.” This is especially unpleasant to realize if you have lived with such a person for years, have joint property and even children.
What to do if you lack attention: recognizing the problem
Be honest with yourself about things that are difficult for others to talk about
It can be difficult to realize that you are using manipulation to get attention. But if your emotional swings move like pendulums: up and down, then you almost certainly have psychological problems. You may also have noticed that you cannot enjoy simple life, life without shocks, emotional upheavals, scandals and violent activity. In healthy relationships with people, you lack “zest”; in work, you quickly become bored with tasks; you get irritated if...
Another risk factor is attracting inappropriate individuals into your life.
People with a disordered psyche, as if by smell, find those who need increased attention and emotional instability. Destructive personalities can come across your path much more often than adequate people with mature judgments about life. Look at your surroundings, ask yourself whether all the people around you are beneficial or, at least, not harmful to you.
The choice is yours. Sooner or later, those around you will get tired of being manipulated by a neurotic. In such a situation, even your loved ones may turn away, because people feel pressure from you in any case, and over time, even the most persistent people refuse to live in an oppressive atmosphere. So don’t put it off, learn to live an ordinary life, starting from your own attitude to what is happening. Try to set completely new goals that do not depend on what you have in life now. The constant thirst for attention and praise harms you, first of all.
Oleg Menshikov, willingly or unwillingly, revived one of the main media brands of the nineties with the name of his program. But we see a much more serious (and conscious) comeback as the return to the media space of one of the best television programs new Russia- Konstantin Ernst’s “Matador” program. It is clear that Konstantin Lvovich could return to the air of Channel One, but the appearance of “Matador” on YouTube would still be a much more beautiful gesture. And just imagine what his new releases could be like! Ernst, wearing a horned helmet, talks about the filming of “Viking,” talks with Tarantino about Charles Manson, discusses the hunt for drug lord El Chapo with Sean Penn, or travels down the waves of his memory to the time of filming the public service announcement “This is My Country.”
Nikolai Drozdov. "Guys about animals"
Nikolai Nikolaevich’s departure from “In the World of Animals” may well become a way out to a new audience. Drozdov has been giving regular lectures at the Moscow “Ryumochnaya in Zyuzino” for some time now, attracting constant sold-out crowds, which means the ground is already ready. Topics for his show are a dime a dozen - from a memoir series about Soviet television to visits to his eminent friends and fans with an audit of relationships with pets.
Alexander Rosenbaum. "GOP stop"
Rosenbaum’s talent as a stand-up master is generally greatly underestimated, although everyone knows that Alexander Yakovlevich is capable of keeping impressive halls across the country in suspense for a week alone. Launching your own show can not only reveal a new side to an artist, but also become a reason for actualization in the eyes of a new generation of listeners. The topics are very wide - from rock and roll to boxing. Everyone knows that Rosenbaum is still in great shape.
Grigory Leps. "Slumdog Millionaire"
Leps has something to tell - as a person who has come a long way from performing romances in Sochi restaurants to national recognition and participation in primetime shows on Channel One. Actually, Grigory Viktorovich may well begin his broadcasts with a master class on overcoming difficulties on his own path, and continue with conversations with people who have gone through a similar path. The most resonant in the future seems to be an issue that sheds light on one of the most mysterious stories of Russian show business - the rise to fame of Stas Mikhailov - who, by the way, is also from Sochi.
Alexander Gradsky. "That's the voice"
No one will (or rather, will not want) to argue with the authority of Alexander Borisovich. His aplomb is definitely made for a regular solo channel - even the role of a soloist in a quartet (as in “The Voice”) is too small for him. And one can only remotely imagine how it will turn out. In particular, I would like to see a series of programs where Gradsky teaches modern Russian stars to sing. Just imagine how Alexander Borisovich is trying to force Oksimiron to take the top “A”.
Victor Pelevin. "Ifak"
One of the main advantages of the YouTube format is the absence of this format itself. It is this freedom that makes Internet shows so attractive to both creators and viewers. And it is precisely this that can become the reason for de-virtualizing the main hoaxer of modern Russian literature. However, the studio in Pelevin’s program may well be immersed in pitch darkness, and Chapaev, Pavel I and, of course, Pyotr Pustota will probably appear among the interlocutors.
Yuri Shevchuk. "The Lord respects us"
The leader of “DDT” is a good talker (the last interview with Dud is further confirmation of this). It seems to us that he greatly lacks periodic solo appearances in the “Words of the Shepherd” format - it would have turned out to be such a moral and ethical stand-up with elements of buffoonery and Bashkir devilry. It will go off with a bang.
Anatoly Chubais. “Chubais is to blame for everything”
One of the main ideologists of those very reforms and in the past the country's chief energy engineer, perhaps, has long been accustomed to the fact that all of Russia considers him the main culprit of all its troubles, and it is high time for him to monetize the phrase included in the name of a potential YouTube channel. Anatoly Borisovich could talk about how to do things in an atmosphere of universal hatred, and in general, finally tell about how everything really was then.
Pavel Durov. "Resistance"
The founder of VKontakte and creator of the Telegram messenger has not appeared in the public sphere anywhere for a long time except on his own Instagram. Fans of the Russian Zuckerberg receive information about his movements from sources such as Nastya Rybka’s live broadcasts, so his own show on the Internet would be a serious step for him to conquer more more fans. Another thing is that it is unlikely to be released on YouTube. Most likely, Pavel will create his own video service or suddenly go live directly on Telegram using a new algorithm. Well, the topics of his programs will probably be technologies of resistance to restrictions on freedom. I would probably like to see the artist Banksy as the first guest - especially since he and Durov seem to both live in London.
