A person's character is a book with many encrypted and lost pages. Usually we judge people in the heat of the moment, by the first impression, which is often deceptive. It takes a lot of time before we really understand what kind of person is in front of us, what drives him, why he behaves this way and not otherwise. After some time, our attitude towards a person can change dramatically: bores turn into the most interesting people for us, and people who at first seemed funny and attractive, in fact, turn out to be banal buffoons from a cheap booth.

The ability to understand people is a whole science. We will proceed from the idea that there are no bad and good people: we will not condemn anyone and hang up the stigma of a loser or a coward, condemn a person, judge him. We will simply help you find your approach to people with different characters, with different life principles and moral values. We will make an attempt to understand the diversity of human individuality. And then it’s up to you to choose: whether you want to communicate with this particular person, put up with his shortcomings, try to appreciate his few virtues or not.

In life, we often encounter difficulties in communicating with different types of people. We will talk about how to overcome these difficulties, how to make communication with any person pleasant and useful. When communicating with people around you, you must remember that each person has his own manner of communication, his own way of expressing thoughts. If you take into account the specific personality traits of each particular interlocutor, then you will definitely be able to find a common language with any person, you will master the science of liking and will be able to achieve your goals during communication. We will help you with this.

Emotions and feelings are the mirror of the human soul

To understand what kind of person is in front of you, you must first of all pay attention to how he expresses his emotions, which feelings dominate in him, and which ones are not developed at all. After all, emotions and feelings are the attitude of a person to the world, the expression of his desires and interests. You will be able to draw a conclusion about the character of a person by learning what causes him positive emotions and what is the subject of negative emotions.

Rule #1

Can a person express his emotions: about emotional and hyper-emotional people

According to a person's ability to express their emotions, we divide people into emotional and non-emotional. The former are quite sensitive to what is happening around them, their sensory world is diverse, they express their attitude to the world and others through all sorts of emotions - anger, despondency, melancholy, tenderness, etc.

There is an opinion that emotional people are easier to communicate with, it is easier to find an approach to them. They do not need to be asked if they liked the movie they just watched or the new employee who appeared at your enterprise. The emotions that overwhelmed them burst out on their own. An emotional person is in a hurry to talk about his impressions and experiences. This, of course, makes communication with them attractive: it is always interesting with them.

But sometimes excessive emotionality is an annoying factor for others. If emotions do not allow a person to calm down, he needs to throw them out on someone. Emotional people are constantly looking for an object on which to dump the burden of impressions from a conversation with a boss or a quarrel with a saleswoman in a store. Such obsession, emotional outbursts can not only irritate you, but be the cause of your emotional fatigue (you, as it were, experience the emotions of an outsider yourself). Hyper-emotional people, as a rule, express their emotions regardless of the desire of others to listen to them - this is vital for them. But for others it is not always pleasant, especially if the emotions are negative.

How to communicate with emotional and over-emotional people? First of all, remember that they need to be listened to, they need to express everything that has accumulated. Therefore, you should listen to them, but do not get carried away by their experiences. Be a little selfish: pretend to listen to them and be absorbed in their emotional story, but in no case take everything you hear to heart. Emotional people tend to exaggerate. If their story dragged on, do not be afraid to stop them, interrupt them, citing their employment.

Rule #2

How to communicate with unemotional personalities: about people without emotions

Unemotional people, as a rule, limit the range of expressed emotions to a minimum. They show their emotionality only in extraordinary, stressful situations. In ordinary life, they are not inclined to demonstrate their experiences.

It can be difficult for us to understand the feelings of a person, to understand his attitude to surrounding objects, and to ourselves, if he does not openly express his emotions. Unemotional people seem mysterious and secretive to us, it seems that they have something unkind on their minds. No wonder the best spies and secret agents are well versed in the skill of hiding their emotions. The ability to hide one's feelings makes a person practically invulnerable: we cannot understand what kind of person is in front of us, and therefore we begin to fear him. Sometimes you have to study it for a long time before it becomes clear how it relates to a particular phenomenon, person or event. The emotions of another person give us a good idea of ​​his inner world: we can determine how he lives, what he feels. But if our interlocutor is stingy in expressing his emotional experiences, then we become uncomfortable in his company, we do not know what to expect from him.

In fact, unemotional people do not hide anything, do not hide anything from others, they are just used to expressing their attitude to the world in a different way: not through emotions, but through thoughts.

The difficulty of dealing with unemotional people is largely overstated. Indeed, people of this type will not immediately tell about their experiences, it is not easy to determine how they relate to others: they can skillfully hide their sympathy or dislike. Unemotional personalities are, as a rule, people with a well-developed intellectual sphere - they feel little, but think well, they prefer to express their view of what is happening, having weighed and analyzed everything well. Their attitude to the world is always more thoughtful and reasonable than that of emotional people. It is quite easy to find an approach to such people - they just need to be pushed to talk about their impressions. Try to ask them what they think about this or that matter. In a conversation with people of this type, one should not resort to questions related to assessing their emotional perception, it is easier for them to express their attitude to the subject of the conversation in the form of non-emotional and well-reasoned conclusions.

Rule #3

What emotions prevail in a person: about people with a positive attitude

In life, we are faced with a variety of situations that make us experience a variety of emotions - positive and negative. A person who has received a charge of positive energy is considered a more pleasant and interesting conversationalist. Is it so?

Often, the inability to immediately understand who is in front of us leads to big problems in the future. After all, attempts to determine what kind of person is nearby most often end up with the fact that we ourselves, based on our own ideas, attribute to him what he does not possess. And we make a fatal mistake, because our ideas about what people should be do not always correspond to reality. To avoid problems in the future, to protect yourself from those who you do not need, you need to at least learn a little to understand people.

How to learn to understand people

To understand who is in front of you, pay attention to his emotions, to how he demonstrates them. After all, they determine his character and behavior in difficult situations. Understand who he is: an optimist or a pessimist, how he perceives this world and what he thinks about most often; it is easy if you determine what makes him happy, sad or angry.

When a person takes pleasure in talking about the misfortunes of others, savoring all the details and constantly repeating that he thought so, run away from him as far as possible. Such narcissistic and petty people, for whom someone else's grief, like a balm on the heart, still need to be looked for. The one who discusses others will do the same towards you. Whoever knows how to keep secrets will never talk about the affairs of another in his presence, and even more so in his absence.

It is much easier, of course, to understand someone who is emotional. They have, as they say, the whole soul wide open. Everything that they feel, they definitely share it and tell in every detail what they experienced. During such a dialogue, it is very easy to determine what attracts their attention the most, what can interest them and how they will react to this or that news.

People who are not used to showing their feelings and do it in extremely rare cases are really quite unpredictable. Because it is impossible to understand how they treat a person, what they think, how they will act and what they will answer. There is no chance to get a more or less complete impression of them. After all, they hide from strangers what hurts them, disappoints them, annoys them, brings pleasure and can influence them in a certain way. And it’s not at all because they are so distrustful, they just are.

They, too, can be recognized, only not by watching them, but by asking their opinion about what happened. They express their thoughts not with the help of emotions, but with the help of intellect, putting emotions into words. They need to study and process in detail the information received, no matter what it relates to, and only then can they give an answer. Just don't be afraid to ask their opinion and don't discuss their emotional closeness. If you have such a person in front of you, you must accept this if he is dear to you, or reduce contacts with him to a minimum.

Separately, it is worth mentioning people who are always in a good mood and those who see the world in darker colors. The former are distinguished by the fact that they try to listen to exclusively pleasant news, they try to drive away any unpleasant events from themselves. They are difficult to excite, so their reaction to other people's problems is not too violent. Unlike them, people who always expect a dirty trick are constantly in a cloudy mood. It does not depend on external events. Thus, they are protected from adversity and unnecessary problems. It is difficult to cheer them up, make them smile or get a positive response to an interesting story. And do not blame yourself that some are always unhappy and frowning. This state is the most acceptable for them, and it cannot be changed.

More unpredictable in life are those who are able to instantly flare up or laugh. It is difficult to understand what can cheer them up and what can piss them off. They need to be on the lookout at all times. But they know how to sincerely sympathize and empathize, although it is often very easy to get tired of them.

• Be wary of those who openly express rejection of accepted moral values ​​in society, who show disdain for others, and who believe that the end justifies the means. Such people are truly dangerous and are able not only to cause harm, but also to try to win them over to their side, so that they feel more comfortable where there are no concepts of morality and goodness. Do not argue with them, do not try to convince them of something, and even more so, do not feel sorry for them and believe that with the help of love they can be re-educated. Only the person himself can change. Everything else is a waste and harmful waste of time that will destroy life, and such a representative of the human race will convince him of his own rightness, how much stronger he is than you.

It is difficult to admit that most people are who they are, no matter how we would like them to be. You just have to accept it and learn to figure out who is in front of you, especially when professional or personal relationships are established with them. The price of a mistake is too high. In fact, it is not so difficult to recognize a person if you are more attentive and tolerant towards him, and then he will surely reveal himself to you in all his glory.

WikiHow is a wiki, which means that many of our articles are written by multiple authors. When creating this article, 16 people worked on editing and improving it, including anonymously.

The tech industry is growing incredibly fast, and it's unlikely that growth will slow down anytime soon. Becoming savvy in this area is not that difficult, but it still takes effort and time to master the basics. No matter why you decide to deepen your knowledge of technology (but not exactly to become a geek), assessing your abilities is a good place to start. If you know how a computer works, if you understand the characteristics of processors, RAM, hard drives, flash drives, if you are confident in using operating systems like Windows, OS X, Linux, if you are familiar with programming languages, for example, with C /C++, C#, Java, Python, or web programming HTML5, CSS, JavaScript, PHP, MySql, then most likely you are no longer a beginner. Whether you're a beginner or not, it takes passion and dedication to get good at tech. The following steps will help you get started on this exciting journey.

How to learn to understand people Egides Arkady Petrovich

WHAT IS "GOOD PEOPLE"?

EVERY can remember among his acquaintances those who are well versed in people, and those who are completely unable to do this. Also, when reading fiction, we intuitively feel whether the author understands people - a writer, an expert on human souls.

How do we define it?

Some works can be very interesting to read, but the reader feels that "everything is not like in life" in them. He can be captured by the most interesting adventures of the heroes, but at the same time he does not believe in their reality at all, perceive them not as people living a real life, but as mannequins acting at the behest of the author's pen. At his whim, the hero can perform incompatible, inconceivable actions for one person. For example, a superman detective in some detective story can constantly perform feats, be very sociable and charming, the luckiest among colleagues, and at the same time very executive and disciplined, as well as constant in his touching affection for his wife. The reader may love such a character, but still feel the impossibility of his appearance in real life.

In life, each character has its own "logic", that is, there are compatible actions that can be expected from the same person, and there are those that contradict each other and can only be performed by people of different characters. It is the understanding and observance character logic the writer who we define as "understanding people" differs from the writer who does not understand people.

To understand people means to understand the logic of each character (whether in literary work or in life), to be able to imagine his character as a whole from a small number of already known actions of a person, to know what can be expected from such a person, what can be demanded of him, and what - it is impossible, what it can be taught, and what - it is impossible. Having learned this, a person ceases to be surprised at the “unexpected” actions of others, ceases to demand from some of his students, subordinates, relatives what they cannot do, but others could if they were simply asked to do so.

The inability to take into account the integrity of character in a literary work leads to the fact that the author arbitrarily endows his characters with only positive or only negative properties, tearing away from them their reverse side, which is closely related to them.

Oddly enough, this happens in real life too. A negative attitude towards one of the acquaintances prevents a person from seeing the positive aspects of his character. It also happens vice versa, when a person wants to see in one of his relatives, in a spouse or in a child, only positive aspects and does not accept the shortcomings naturally adjacent to them, which are really the reverse side of virtues.

For example, wives often complain about their husbands for not being “masculine” enough, that is, not being belligerent enough to defend their wife in her various conflicts with relatives or neighbors, while at the same time taking for granted their peacefulness towards herself. , complaisance of character and the desire for peace and tranquility in the house. Such spouses, instead of focusing on the merits of a partner and taking their negative side simply for granted, demand from them sometimes completely impossible. Many similar examples can be cited from the field of relationships between parents and children, colleagues, friends, girlfriends, etc. At the same time, relying on your own intuition and life experience, one should not neglect the research of psychologists who have studied many cases, confessions, and even many complete human biographies and developed various classifications and typologies of personality.

Having become acquainted with the detailed personality types, you can learn, but with a small number of actions and external data, to determine the personality type of any person, that is, to some extent predict the behavior of a partner, his reactions to the actions of other people, his interests and capabilities, his compatibility with others people, etc.

In addition, such psychological knowledge will help each person to determine their own personality type, objectively assess their strengths and weaknesses, as well as their communication style, and correct it with the help of recommendations. They will be useful to those who work with people, manage them, in order to correctly place personnel, make up short-term or permanent working groups, and appoint leaders and performers.

TEMPERAMENT

BEFORE Before proceeding to the classification of characters, let's first get acquainted with the types of temperaments.

Temperament is the foundation of character, its soil, the innate prerequisites of character, which are inherited. This is the general style of response of the nervous system to the environment, the result of the action of genetic factors and the most initial conditions of human development in early childhood, in the first months after birth.

The very first to single out and describe the different types of temperament was the great physician of antiquity Hippocrates. He gave his explanation for the fact that there are people with different types of reactions to the environment. He believed that four main fluids circulating in his body - light bile, blood, mucus and black bile - control human behavior. He considered each of these liquids a product of one of the four natural elements - fire, water, air and earth. Hippocrates believed that a person's temperament is determined by which of these fluids prevails in his body (but at the time of Hippocrates they did not yet know about the role of the nervous system in the body). Based on the Greek names for these fluids, Hippocrates gave the corresponding names to various types of temperament: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic.

Despite the fact that ideas about the causes of differences in people's temperaments have changed over time, their psychological characteristics basically remained and turned out to be correct, they were only supplemented and developed.

Choleric. This is an active person, active, independent, mobile. He quickly adapts to changing environmental conditions, feels confident, loves communication, novelty and craves activity.

At the same time, the choleric person is very excitable, irritable, fickle, he quickly gets upset, but quickly calms down, quickly gets angry, but is easily offended, easily offended, but soon forgives the offense.

Sanguine. Like a choleric person, this is an active, mobile, active person, very hard-working, decisive and independent. Unlike choleric, he is more stable, stable and less excitable.

Phlegmatic person. It differs from a sanguine person by great slowness, less activity, and from a choleric person by less excitability and mobility. This is a calm, confident person who also has a great capacity for work, but does not do everything as quickly as a choleric or sanguine person, but much more carefully, he has great patience and self-control.

Melancholic. A person with such a temperament is insecure, inactive, with low efficiency, and at the same time, like a choleric person, very excitable, sensitive, while, unlike a choleric person, easily succumbed to despondency, offended, upset and worried for a long time.

The types of temperament received a modern scientific explanation in the works of the Russian physiologist I.P. Pavlov.

The type of temperament depends on the innate type of higher nervous activity characteristic of a person. In the nervous system, two main processes are replaced - excitation and inhibition. It is from their interaction that the type of temperament depends. First, for all people, these two processes are different in strength, in intensity. Secondly, these two processes can be both balanced and unbalanced. i.e., one of them may predominate. And, thirdly, the mobility of the nervous system, i.e., the speed of the change of processes of one type by others, can be different.

The ratio of these three components determines the type of temperament.

First component- strength, intensity, degree of activity of nervous processes. For different people, this component can vary - from lethargy, inertia and passive contemplation at one pole to higher degrees of energy, powerful swiftness of action and constant upsurge at the other.

Second component- balance, degree of excitability, dynamic qualities, such as speed, sharpness, rhythm, range of motion and speech. They can vary in different people - from high excitability and harshness to lethargy and slowness.

The third component is mobility, impressionability, impulsiveness.

A different combination of these three properties, innate, inherited by a person, determines the type of his temperament. It is clear that there can be eight such combinations in total.

1. Weak, unbalanced, mobile nervous.

2. Weak, unbalanced, inactive - sensitive.

3. Strong, unbalanced, mobile - choleric.

4. Strong, unbalanced, inactive - ardent.

5. Strong, balanced, mobile - sanguine.

6. Strong, balanced, inactive - phlegmatic.

7. Weak, balanced, mobile - careless.

8. Weak, balanced, inactive - melancholic.

However, in practice, four already known temperaments are found most often, that is, the four most common combinations of strength, poise and mobility of nervous processes that retain their ancient names - choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. Everyone can make their own more accurate psychological characteristics on the basis of the above table of a combination of three factors.

In addition, it was found that the strength and mobility of nervous processes are most often interconnected. If a person's nervous processes can be characterized as strong, then most likely they will turn out to be mobile, so many researchers combine the component of strength and mobility into a single characteristic - extraversion, i.e. activity and mobility, the orientation of the psyche to the outside world, in unlike introversion - weakness and inactivity, turning into the inner world.

For example, Eysenck, when compiling his famous test for the type of temperament, determined it by a combination of two factors of extra- or introversion and balance, which he called stability. He got the following four combinations:

1. Extroverted, unstable - choleric.

2. Extroverted, stable - sanguine.

3. Introverted, unstable - melancholic.

4. 4. Introverted, stable - phlegmatic.

Based on this classification, using the Eysenck test, everyone can determine the degree of their extroversion and stability, and then find out from the table the type of their temperament.

EISENCK TEST

1. Extraversion - introversion

1. Do you often feel cravings for new experiences, for being distracted, for experiencing strong sensations?

"yes" - +1, "no" - -1, "sometimes" - 0

2. Do you consider yourself a carefree person?

3. Are you one of those people who do not go into their pocket for words?

"yes" - +1

4. Do you like to be in the company often!

"yes" - +1

5. Do you usually keep a low profile at parties or in company?

"yes" - +1

6. Do you think things over slowly and prefer to wait before acting?

"Yes 1

7. Do you prefer to work alone?

"Yes 1

8. Do you like April Fools' jokes?

"yes" - +1

9. Do you feel uncomfortable in any clothes other than casual?

"Yes 1

10. Do you really like to eat delicious food?

"yes" - +1

11. Do you prefer to plan more than to act?

12. Do you sometimes say the first thing that comes to mind?

"yes" - +1

2. Stability - instability

1. Do you often feel like you need friends who can understand, encourage, or sympathize with you?

"yes" - +1

2. Is it very difficult for you to give up your intentions?

3. Do you sometimes feel happy and sometimes sad for no good reason?

4. Do you often have ups and downs in your mood?

5. Have you often lost sleep due to anxiety?

6. Is it true that summer hurts you?

7. Are you often lost in your own thoughts?

8. Do you get dizzy?

9. Do you have difficulty falling asleep at night?

10. How long do you worry after embarrassment?

11. Do you often feel uncomfortable in the company of people above you in position?

12. Do you often "suck in the stomach" before an important task?

Calculate the number of points for each of the two scales. If it is greater than zero on the extraversion scale, then you are an extrovert; if it is less, then you are an introvert. If the sum of points on the “stability” scale is above zero, then you are stable; if less, then you are not stable. Now, by combining these two components, determine the type of your temperament.

Remember that "good" and "bad" temperaments do not exist. Each of them has both positive and negative features.

Do not forget also that temperament is an innate property of a person, so you should not strive to change it, but you need to learn how to properly use its positive features and be able to smooth out its shortcomings.

Often people who have been together for a long time, such as spouses or co-workers who have worked side by side for many years, tend to remake each other, to ensure that their types of behavior are similar. For example, we are often talking about the speed of completing a particular work task, or, if we are talking about spouses, about quickness in housework.

The faster and more agile of the partners, irritated by the slowness of the other, tries to teach him his style of work, but if this fails (and this fails when it comes to temperamental features, and not about upbringing), then both consider themselves incompatible and their cooperation or marriage unsuccessful.

Psychologically, this is not true - it is precisely people with opposite temperaments that are compatible, since they do not repeat, but rather complement each other, which is necessary for long-term cooperation or living together. The fact is that such complementarity allows the couple to most successfully solve all the tasks that confront it, no matter how different, and sometimes even opposite qualities they require. If speed in work is necessary, let the choleric or sanguine person take it up, and if thoroughness or patience are important, let the phlegmatic or melancholic. In this case, this couple will be much more successful and stable than a couple with the same temperaments. The only thing that is needed for this is that both partners understand the favorableness of opposite combinations, consider them not as incompatibility, but, on the contrary, as a good choice.

DIFFERENT DEGREES OF EXPRESSION OF PERSONAL FEATURES

IF to compose a complete set of personality traits and, as it were, “try on” them for an individual person, then we will see that each of them can either be completely absent from him or be expressed with varying degrees of brightness - from barely noticeable, extremely rarely manifested to behavior, to pronounced, occupying a central position in the drawing of personality, sometimes even preventing a person from living a normal life. Figuratively, one can imagine a person with a certain set of personality traits as such a “hedgehog”, bristling with all his needles. Most of the needles are the same - it's just personality traits. If some traits stand out somewhat, then several of these traits make up a personality pattern. If one of them stands out more, then this is the so-called personality accentuation. An accentuated personality is a personality with its own brightly drawn out character, in which one of the personality traits clearly predominates. We will talk about such people when analyzing personality types. An even more pronounced “performance” of one personality trait is already an area of ​​painful manifestations: if some property of character is expressed so much that it prevents its carrier from adapting to society, then we are talking about a psychopathic personality, and if it also intensifies and aggravates all the time, progresses, then we are talking about a mental illness.

We will consider the development of various personality traits within the norm, based on the classification of accentuated personalities proposed and developed by Gannushkin and continued by Leonhard, as well as by the Soviet psychiatrist Lichko (especially in relation to adolescents).

There are 10 main types of accentuated personalities, in which one feature is pronounced.

Before proceeding to their description, I would like to emphasize that among them in no case should one look for “good” or “bad”. On the one hand, any trait can have both a positive and a negative meaning for a person's relationship with other people, depending on the degree of its severity, according to the principle "nothing too much". For example, such a feature as purposefulness. If it is completely absent, this, of course, complicates the life of both the person himself and those around him, especially relatives and colleagues. If this trait is expressed so strongly that its owner goes to his goal or to his goals according to the fate of other people according to the principle “the end justifies the means”, then we are talking about a psychopathic personality, whose existence violates human relations often irreparably. Only the average, within the framework of a personality pattern or a slight accentuation, the development of this trait turns out to be useful and favorably affects the fate of a person. And this applies to any feature.

On the other hand, in communication with different partners, the same character trait of a person can turn out to be both “positive” and “negative”. As we have already said, any positive trait has its downside. (In the description of each psychotype, we will conditionally highlight its “positive” and “negative” features in order to emphasize the duality of any manifestation).

Therefore, we repeat, there is no need to divide psychotypes into “good” and “bad”, you need to accept them as they are, with all their advantages and disadvantages, understanding that people need them all, each of them is irreplaceable in their field, on place. And the goal should not be the remaking of each other by people, but proper communication, taking into account their properties, the desire to help everyone find the very place where they can best express themselves both for themselves and for others, bring maximum benefit, develop and realize everything. the features, abilities and talents folded in it.

So, we single out ten main psychotypes, which, however, are not often found in life in a “pure” form. Usually each person has the properties of two or three of them, again in varying degrees. And do not forget that there are non-accentuated personalities - people who do not have clearly visible "protrusions" in their personality drawing.

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Quiz #5 Are you good with people? Do not dissemble in front of yourself, choosing the most appropriate answer.1. If a new acquaintance immediately starts telling jokes and cracking jokes, you decide that he: A. A wit and a merry fellow - 1.B. Hides behind the ostentatious fun

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12.3. About young people Young people are not motivated, are rarely well educated, do not want to study, since they can earn money on the work grid without having an education. They often follow the path of their father, a machine operator or a stove-maker. The percentage of those with incomplete secondary education among

From the book Self-Sabotage. get over yourself author Berg Karen

From the book Secrets of Your Child's Brain [How, what and why children and adolescents from 0 to 18 think] author Amodt Sandra

I am often told that I have a unique sense of people. I would like to hear it in a different version, but so far the conversation only begins like this: “And what was clear that he could not be trusted, right? Why didn't I ask you then ... ".

Of course, in order to understand people, you need to spend a lot of time with them. It’s not enough just to fill the bumps - after a few especially painful deceptions, you can close yourself and not trust anyone at all.

To understand people, you need to learn to see the patterns of human behavior and it's a lot easier than it looks. Here are the main ones, beacons that will make you think whether you need such a person in your environment or not.

Adaptation skills

Neurosis is a violation of adaptation. Young children begin to stutter, roll their eyes, urinate when there have been drastic changes in their lives that they have not been able to adapt to. Adults also have neuroses, they crawl out of their heads in the form of rabid cockroaches and begin to gnaw and trample on relationships with others.

You can be friends with such a person, but you must be prepared that unpleasant surprises will become commonplace. Such relationships will distract you more than help you.

The simplest signal of a violation of adaptation skills in a person may be his (or more often her) inability to quickly change plans: “Well, I already tuned in (-lased) for this, and now something happened ...”.

Do you want a problematic relationship? Let the person with the adjustment disorder come closer to you. As long as he will survive in your life, you will get it in full.

By the way, a question for men: “Do you know the trick when a girl abruptly changes her plans in order to attract you to her?” She enters the role of a capricious bitch, it infuriates you, but at the same time you are attracted to her. Why? Because this is how she demonstrates her significance in relationships - one, and high adaptation skills - two, which your subconscious mind reads as a sign of health.

Ability to be here and now

If a person does not hear you, most often it is not because he is busy or in a hurry, but because he does not know how to hear at all. Do you want to be forever misunderstood, to explain what you meant by this or that, to remain guilty? And believe me, you will be left to blame ... Let someone who does not know how to listen close to you.

An indirect sign may be a communication pattern in which he (or she) asks you only one-level questions. For example:

- How was the training?

- It's hard today.

Everything, the first level of questions is exhausted. Second-level questions like “why was it hard?”, “What didn’t get enough sleep?” will not sound. Instead of them it will be: “And I ...”

Reluctance to go deeper into the discussion of your topic - maybe

1. lack of interest in you (which in itself is significant)
2. or it may be a manifestation of a lack of interest in someone other than yourself in general, which means that you have “the gift is still the same” in front of you.

The beacon is this: if you feel that a person is not 100% in your conversation, this is already a signal that the phrase “why did I let him (her) so close to me” will one day be born in your head.

At what point in your life did you meet him/her?

History tends to repeat itself, and people tend to create the same situation around them.

Man's survival skills are enormous. In a period when he has neither money nor friends, he will unconsciously assume the shape and color of the best person in the world. If such a good person lives alone, without money (an indicator of social utility and just discipline), without friends and massive support from his environment, you can turn away from him too. You don't have time to prove to the whole world that every rejection is an accident. History repeats itself, remember? He will create a situation in the future, because of which you will have to turn away from him.

Is it possible to turn away from a poor, abandoned person and make a mistake? Of course. But the odds will be on the side of “better turn away” than “warm the snake.” If he is so good and an accident happened in his life, let him prove it to the world himself, without your participation. It is better to collect flowers, not garbage.

I think there are hundreds of rules that help you better understand people, and a few from your experience have already come to mind. Pay attention to these three, they are important.